12

Racing through the corridor with Junhong's voice guiding him, his steps got faster and in no time he was running in the hospital, and he didn’t give a damn of people’s stares and the nurses’ warning. And when he turned to a corner he saw Junhong, with his phone still on his ears, stood with his back facing him and he could hear Junhong’s voice from his phone’s speaker. And when Junhong turned around a micro-second later the younger ran to him and threw his arms around Daehyun.

“Hyung was… when the song ended hyung just co-collapsed like that and I know it will b-be like this soon but still…”

Junhong half sobbed and half talking and Daehyun let him to cry as much as he want. He was just a kid and he deserved to break down more than he did. Looking past Junhong’s shoulder he could see Jongup was there with Himchan and Yongguk, Junhong probably called them over too. Catching Jongup’s eyes he gestured his brother to come over which Jongup complied right away. He took off Junhong’s arms around his hyung and let Junhong sat on the benches by the corridor while he crouched in front of Junhong and tried to calm down the younger. But Junhong kept on sobbing and choking, hiding his face on his lap.

Daehyun’s mind was blank right now. He was supposed to feel something or think of something but none came to him. Nothing. Maybe that’s why Himchan cupped Daehyun’s face and gave him a concerned look.

“Daehyunnie…”

He could only let out a simple grumbling sound from his throat in response. Yongguk then patted the spot next to him and Daehyun sat down on it with Himchan on his other side. He could hear Mr. & Mrs. Choi calling for Junhong to enter the room Youngjae was in. Mrs. Choi could barely hide her red swollen eyes, but she was a lot calmer than a few days ago.

She’s letting go, a voice inside him speak,  she’s letting her son go.

“Junhong told me that Youngjae’s consciousness keeps on slipping on and off for the past week. He slept for almost sixteen hours three days ago… But he didn’t have any symptoms today and we all thought he’s finally getting stable but after the song… Maybe he stayed for you.”

Himchan sounded like he didn’t want to hurt Daehyun, which is the first time he heard it since Himchan never spoke like that to anyone else. At all. Not even to his teddy-bear-Guk. And it somehow made him feel better for reasons he didn’t know.

“And now you’ll have to let him go, son. Mr. & Mrs. Choi are inside now, and after that it’s Junhong’s turn. And after Junhong… you have to say goodbye to him. For good.”

Daehyun looked up to see his pseudo father’s eyes. Yongguk gave him a tight smile and gave him an encouraging pat on the back. He returned it with a weak smile and a faint “I know.”

“Oh Daehyunnie…”

“Don’t cry mom.”

Himchan let out a forced laugh and tried to wipe the b tears on his eyes. Yongguk, as always, took Himchan’s hands on his own and said that everything will be fine. That Youngjae’s okay. That Youngjae will finally be free from all burdens that he had been through.

And that made him think.

Am I a burden to Youngjae?

And apparently he voiced his thoughts since Mr. Choi answered him with an “of course not.”

“Well just… maybe… maybe he can be free faster than this. If I never know him… maybe he didn’t have to suffer from this even longer than he should.”

“Nonsense,” Mr. Choice dry laugh made him advert his gaze from the cold floor to the elder with tired eyes, “we’re thankful to you even.”

Thankful? What…

“Youngjae’s been smiling a lot since you’re around. You gave him another reason to keep on fighting. You mean a lot to him, young man, and I know Youngjae means a lot to you too.”

Daehyun flashbacked to the time when Junhong lectured him… how long has it been?

“I don’t know, sir… I don’t know.”

“He’s not ours, not by blood. But he’s ours by heart. We know him. You mean more to him, even more than us.”

It should be said in a angry tone, or even something worse, but it’s calm instead.

“I… I don’t know sir,” he said instead. Not sure of whether it’s thankful or despaired tone he had to use.

Mr. Choi chuckled lightly, staring at his clasped hand in his lap. His eyes were glistened with unshed tears. Daehyun thought that he looked even older than he usually looked.

“He's a bright kid. Always happy, always smiling, always the sunshine. He lost his voice, he strived. He took medications that no one in his age willingly take. He knows too much, he took it all in. Never asking for more. For something better. He’s…” he shook his head slowly, “but a few days ago he asked us, you know. For a promise.”

Daehyun looked up to meet Mr. Choi’s gaze, the small tired smile was there on the elder man’s face.

“He asked us… if he has to... to go," the voice faltered for a bit, "the person he wants to hear before he goes is you. He said your voice is like his anchor. So it’s the right thing for us, too, for you to be the one who let him go.”

Knowing that he can’t take it anymore, he bowed his head to his hands and choked back a sob. Words of “I’m sorry” and “Youngjae” were playing like a broken record from his lips over and over again. He felt a hand patting his back, and he’s thankful of the man with graying hair beside him, who watched Youngjae grew up to be the amazing person he was. He let his son, the one he cherished with his life, to the man who barely know Youngjae. To him. He doesn't deserve this. He's not a saint. He's sinned. Yet... Youngjae...

“Hyung.”

A voice brought him back to reality and he hastily wiped his tears and sniffed. He looked up to see Junhong in Jongup’s arms, biting his lips with his red nose and weak smile.

“It’s time. Your… Your turn now.”

Daehyun nodded, stood up and bowed to Youngjae’s father who nodded back at him. Then he looked across the corridor to Himchan and Yongguk. They offered him a reassuring smile, and Himchan mouthed him a “nail him good you hear me?” and Daehyun felt the tension on his shoulder relaxed for a bit. He nodded at him, then trailed his gaze to the room.

This is it.

Last one.

Step by step.

A hand on the doorknob.

Inhaling a deep breath, he twisted.

And his mind can only think of one thing.

This is goodbye.

Youngjae.

***

i'm sorry for the lack of the promised update *sobs*

i'm so busy with holiday, and the prep and i made it in omygodomygodomygod thanks for the wishes and the spirit you guys lent me ;A;

the epilogue is in a couple of days... i dont wanna part with you guys and this story no no no no ;A;

but... i'll try to end this story up with the appropriate ending. for daehyun and youngjae :')

comments and critics are super welcomed. tell me what you guys want or imagine, so i can make a better epilogue to end this story in the right way ^^

so.. till the day we have to say goodbye

GD