I'm already so use to the blame already, so use to being everybody's escapegoats..Tired of everybody saying that it is not their fault, but mines. I'm so tired of hearing the word sorry around me as well...

I said it to his mom's face without any expression overflowing from my heart to my face..With a face as cold as a snow queen. His mom looked at me with sympathetic eyes..I could see what she's seeing or thinking of...I just grabbed my "mom" and told them i was sorry for the misunderstanding..

I went Home with my "Mom." i was being lecture for another long time and i just sat quietly like a snowman there..waiting to be melt away from this world after the thought of bring happiness to everyone for a while. My "Mom" told my "Dad" about what happened and since his mom seems important they were supposedly happy i didn't tarnish their reputation, but never the less they still need to "discipline" me.

My "dad" unbuckled his belt and told me to turn behind and show him my back..I turned around as ordered..and the whipping starts...I just sat there without crying or whimpering anymore..I was so use to this pain on my back from the day since i could walk and talk. So use to this pain without anybody caring...The boy name Changmin kept coming to visit me..

I told him that he was interrupting my studies because i'll be "discipline" again for not studying, but the tutors don't even come to my house anymore to tutor..they just drop off books i should read and stuff to improve more than i already know..For several month He's been bugging me by my window...

"You never told me your name. What is your name?"

"I am (____)."

"You're name is nice."

he smiled warmly back at me. I just looked at him and nodded and said thanks..then i went back doing my thing..He caressed my face..I moved back from him.

"Sorry..You just looked so sad..I bet you'll be sadder without me around."

he joked with me..I just looked at him..

"maybe."

i commented back at him..He pouted at me with his purple cold lips..I got up and grabbed a scarf i knited myself from scratch from a book i studyed. My parents also wants me to be well around with everything..So i excelled in anything..All the butlers and maids don't help me with anything..they can only sympathize with me. I don't want people's pity or sympathy...because in this world..

i haven't' even got the thing i wanted and longed for..and that was love from parents or people caring about me...Love doesn't exist to me anymore since no one wasn't showing any sign to me except the maids and butler..My parents' even told them to cut ties from me..never to associate to me under any circumstances. I am the unwanted child who must be perfect for not letting their reputation tarnish.

Anyways, it was a red and black scarf i knited. I covered him and gave him a matching beanie as well...He smiled at me and i gave him my handkerchief for him to wipe his snot...

"thank you."

he replied back..I nodded..He has been with me for months and always outside of my window..because i can't let him come in the house and he keeps me company..

I think i will really miss it when he leaves this place...He pouted and then i looked at him..It has already became spring in that short timel.He looked at me and then he looked back at the floor again..

"Listen..I'm moving..."

I looked at him without any expression coming over to my face. I waited for him to give me an explaination of to where he was moving and why he was moving.

"I'm going moving somewhere on the other side..i'm hoping that i'll come back and we can be friends.."

friends?..that word clicked to my head and the definintion and everything overspills in my head...It's nice to have a friend who is always there when you needed..

"I'll come back..At first..i wanted to be friends with you because you looked lonely and my mom said the same thing.."

lonely? i am lonely, but i don't want anybody just to be friends with me because i'm lonely. i looked at him with my cold eyes that were isolated..

"i know..You're a good listener and you listen to many things i said and you even tolerate them when i mocked you and all that, but during my times here with you..you actually are a big help..and i really will miss you because you are you and i can't change that fact,but that is what i like about you."

everything linked together..He likes me for me?...He decided to become friends with me because I was somebody who helped him in his call of need?..i'm happy, but i don't know how to show it..

"well, anyways..I'm leaving tomorrow around five pm. I'll wait for you..If you don't show up..I always remember you as a friend, but if you do..i know that you care for me as a friend also..and it's just not me only.."

then he ran home to go pack his things...i reading and before i went to bed tonight..I don't know if i can go, because of my parents..but in the end i don't know..we'll see...tomorrow is also my birthday..it's just another day that i will have more money again..I'll be nine...I think i might go..

it was the next day..My parents setted that the Shims' were leaving and then again she won't be able to keep an eye on my mom..Mrs.Shim was a famous journalist that is famous for all her pieces and she is a well known nice lady that everybody respect..

It was getting close to the time Changmin said he was going to go..I was locked in my room..My parents said if i dare leave to watch him leave..my "discipline" will be ten times worst then what it was..Even with that risk..I don't care anymore..Whatever i do..My parents will discipline me anyways..i will be a fool if i don't tell anybody about this..So around 4:50 i sneaked through my window and ran towards the direction i remember changmin ran to..

When i got there the car was leaving already..I was running after the car and it just wouldn't stop..i finally let out a voice i never thought i would have..

"CHANGMIN!!"

I cried while running after the car....I still chase them..and i tripped but i used my hand to support me and i flipped right enought to land on my feet without getting injuried..by the time i looked the car was already far enough..and i squat down in defeat..i heard the car stopped... somebody got out behind me..

"You called my name!"

he sounded excited and happy..I finally looked up because i heard his voice...tears excaped my eyes..I smiled at him with tears fallings from my eyes..

"Wow..i must be lucky to see you smile and cry for the first time.."

i cut him and hugged him...

"If you're gone..Who's going to care and accompany towards the light?"

he hugged me back and patted my back..

"Don't worry..I'll still accompany through our letters."

"letters?"

"Here's the address of our new place..feel free to write letters to me and i'll write them back to you as well."

I pulled away from the hug and i looked at him with still tears escaping my eyes...

"I'll write to you everyday Changmin."

i said as i looked down at the paper he gave with his address...He gently picked up my chin to look at him..

"You looked beautitul when you smiled."

I blushed and then he kissed me on the cheeks.

"Happy birthday..I am waiting on your letters to arrive."

For the first time in my life..I felt so happy..Somebody remembered my birthday and congratulated me and also gave me a present of something i have wanted from people the most "love'...My first time stepping outside of my house able to take all the punishment coming towards me. For today i won't care..I made a friend for the first time in my life..Today's is going to be the Happiest moment in my life.

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It is not edited yet...but i hope you guys who read will still support...