In the Present

Tao’s POV

I’m now not so busy like I’ve been for the last week so now I’m facing a mirror seeing the ghost of the past ZiTao… me.

We’re having a staring contest.

It’s a tie.

I sigh as I look to the side too see the journal of Mei Lien’s ancestor  and Mei Lien’s letters that she had written to me.

I look at them as I slowly pick up the first letter in the pile.

I stare at it as I open it.

“Dear Tao,

I’m sorry that it’s been a while. Dad tells me that you had debuted in a band called EXO. That’s so cool maybe I’ll see you in concert sometime. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with my life. My dad says that I have a another year to decide when really I don’t since he’s transferring me too a school in Seoul I’m going to be staying back a year. I want to hit whoever decided that in the face. I guess it means that I’m younger than you by 2 years now,” I know she’s probably laughing, “it’s kind of stupid if you ask me.”

I chuckle as I scan through the rest of the letter and she’s complaining and asking me questions.

I’m laughing until the end, “I guess this will be my last letter to you. I kept writing them acting like you were going to answer me back soon but that has never happened. Maybe your dad tossed them in some box telling himself he’d give them too you and forgot or you simply don’t want to talk to me. I’m sorry Tao if I was such a terrible friend. I had promised too see you as soon as possible and here it’s been how long.  I’m sorry that I’m stopping these letters but i can’t sit here and let your memories rule my life.

I’m sorry Tao.

I’m sorry that I love you this way.

Please don’t hate me.

Love,

Mei Lien

Your Butterfly”

Set the letter down and start crying.

I feel someone hug me.

I look up too see Kris-gege and the other’s around me.

“Tao, what is wrong?”

I hand what seems to be her last letter to Kris for him too read.

“Wow,” he says when he finishes.

This was her last letter.

The entire thing is a confession of her love for me that she has been holding onto since she was a little kid.

Since we were little kids.

We hear a knock and I look up too see Mr. Kim.

“Oh Mr. Kim what are you doing here?” I ask him.

he frowns, “I told you too call me Ba Kim.”

I chuckle as I look up, “Is there something you need from me today… Ba Kim?”

“Yes, I was going through my daughter’s things since she had left her room a mess. I found this addressed to you.”

I look in his hand too see a small wrapped present as I stare at it.

I take it from him as I stand up a small bengal tiger stuff animal falls from my lap.

I try to pick it up before he noticed but I hear Kim Ba say, “that’s the stuff animal that Mei Lien got for you when the two of you went too the zoo.”

I nod my head, “Yeah, it is. She named her butterfly after herself.”

Ba Kim chuckles, “That sounds like my daughter. She named her panda, Panda Zi.”

I start laughing, “Only she would come up with calling him that.”

“Yea, she always keeps him on her bed. She used to carry him around with her but once she got older she decided the only stuff animal she needed was that panda one. I was actually going to bring it to her.”

I nod my head and he looks at me as he says, “I was wondering if you’ll come with me today?”

I stop and calmly say, “Yeah, of course.”

I hope I don’t start crying.

I slowly walk with Mr. Kim out of the practice room forgetting all about the letters and old diary.

“Why did you go through her room today?”

“It’s been 2 weeks and I feel like I should bring in more things to personalize her room. I feel like if I act like she’ll wake up any moment and make her feel like  she’s at home. Also I feel like when you're not there she’ll want her stuff panda.”

“What do you mean?’

“The doctors told me the other day when you don’t visit for a period of time er vitals aren’t the greatest compared to when you visit at least twice a week.”

I nod my head, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

You will not cry Huang ZiTao.

Mr. Kim already feels bad enough.

“You know I read most of her letters before sending them,” I hear Ba Kim say.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I was worried for her. She stopped talking to me when we moved. For a while she was mute. Until my wife came up with the idea to write to you at least once a week. At first we didn't send them, but as she got older she asked if you ever wrote back. We felt guilty so we sent all of them in one go. The letters sounded like she was talking to you as you sat at her side when you were kids.”

We stop the car as he looks at a flower shop looking like he’s trying to figure something out.

“Ahh… come on let’s see if we can find a nice bouquet of flowers for her.”

I nod my head as we walk inside.

I walk inside with Mr. Kim and notice a small plant in a vase.

I walk up to it too see it’s a bamboo tree and wrapped around it is a fake vine with fake lotus blossoms on it.

I chuckle remembering Mei Lien talking about something like this.

So i pick it up check it over before going to the counter ignoring looks I’m getting and buy it for her.

She always joked that she wanted something like that since I was a bamboo shoot and she was a lovely lotus flower.  

I smile as I walk out of the store and too Mr. Kim’s car.

When she wakes up she better like this.

Mr. Kim seems to notice what’s in my hands and gives me a gentle smile as we drive to the hospital.

When we reach it we go through the small step son reaching Mei Lien’s hospital room without being noticed.

Since we came here about everyday no one pays attention to us.

I look up too see that Mr. Kim is waiting by his daughter’s door.

“Come on, Tao.”

I wait for him too walk in as I follow him.

I watch as he sets down the small planter with a single tulip plant inside of it.

I slowly follow his actions setting the bamboo right in front of her bed.

Then i walk over to her side and kiss her forehead.

Slowly a smile appears on her lips, but she stays asleep.