"What?? You don't know who's that?? He's the first person you should know when you come to this school! He's the popular, perfect student body president, Yongguk!" Jongup said to me, the new guy in school, Himchan.

 

It's an all boy school. The school is filled with boyxboy couple. Nothing is weird about it. It's normal to have a boyfriend there but it's totally NOT normal if you have a girlfriend. I feel weird here. Not because I have a girlfriend but someone is here.

 

It was the first day at school. Many people approached me on the first day, maybe because they want to be friends with me because I know that I am good looking. I am flawless. To me, I'm the most good looking guy in this school! Still, I feel weird because I'm not homoual, anymore. I changed, I don't want to hurt myself anymore now. He's happy with another person so why I should bother his personal perfect life?

 

"Hey Himchan! Wanna hang out on the school roof today?" My friend who was sitting beside me, Daehyun, asked. It's rare for him to talk. I wonder what made him talks today.

"Yeah sure. I'm hungry. Let's grab something at the cafeteria first." me agreed.

 

-------------------------------

 

At the school roof, I saw him, Yongguk, the popular, perfect student body president hanging out with someone I don't know. I kept staring at him until

*SNAP* I shooked my head.

"Where is your mind at? Yongguk's heart? Hahaha" Daehyun joked. "Seriously? It's your first day and already seduced by him? Come on. Give him a rest. Pity him. His locker is flooded with love letters from all the insane guys in this school everyday. I don't want him to think that you're one of them." he continued.

"Aishh I'm not like that. I'm straight! Like the way the plane made up there!" I said while pointing at the plane travelling in the sky.

"Fineee. We'll see how long you can stay like this. For your information, no one can avoid Yongguk's seduction you know." while taking a sip of coffee from his cup.

 

I left him unanswered immediately after I can't take it anymore. I stood up and walked direct to the toilet. It was an unbearable pain to me. I cried in the toilet alone. After a while,

"Hey you in there, are you okay?" the familiar voice asked. I stopped crying and open the door. Still sobbing, 

"I'm no-" I couldn't complete my sentence. It was him. Bang Yongguk, the one who was in the same class as mine. The one who broke my heart three years ago. The one who broke my heart to quadrillion pieces.

 

Suddenly something awful appeared in my mind.

 

----FLASHBACK----

 

*DING DONG DENG*

 

"The last day of school is over!" Almost everybody screamed happily until they could die.

"Sorry Himchan-ahh, I have to go back home early today. You can walk alone right? Or you want me to ask your Yongguk to accompany you back home?" Youngjae, my best friend since the first day of my school life joked. He knew that I was homoual that time.

"Aishh don't joke like that with me. Today is the last day of school. It's impossible for me to confess my love to him. By the way, he invited me to his house tonight to celebrate the last day of school. You wanna come along with me? I don't want to go alone. You know that I'm shy with him" I pleased him.

"Sorry but I can't. My family and I have to send my grandfather to the airport. Why you can't go alone? Not like it's only you and him there. Until when you want to be shy with him? You are his classmate for God sake! For two years already." Youngjae, probably mad with me because I'm still shy with Yongguk even though I was his classmate for two years.

"Awwww too bad. I will go alone then. Should I?" 

"Yes of course you should! Don't forget to send my regards to him! Hey! I gotta go! Bye! See you anytime you are free!" Youngjae's last words before parting with me at the school gate.

 

I really went to Yongguk's house alone, without Youngjae. His house is very big and crowded! I don't know that he invited lots of people to this simple party. I really partied really hard that day. They served beers and I drank one. ONE ONLY. I just danced like crazy since no one there will see me everyday after this night. It made me feel dizzy when I danced like no one is looking after drinking a can of beer. A CAN OF BEER.

 

I took my place near the pool. I sat on a brown chair beside the swimming pool and looked at the sky. I fell asleep.

 

*Shook* What happened? Oh yeah I was 'drunk' after drinking a can of beer. Wait. Where is everyone? What time is it now? What?? 3 am?? Oh my God! Am I the only one here? Looks like it. Aigooo I wonder if anyone realised I am here?

 

"Hey Himchan, why are you here? I thought everyone went home?" Yongguk appreared from nowhere.

"Yongguk! I'm sorry but I accidentally slept here when I was.... drunk. I'm so sorry!" I said, ashamed of myself in front of the land owner.

"Not a problem. It's late already. You should not go home alone since it's dangerous. What about a sleepover here? You can sleep in my room, on my bed. I feel alone everyday sleeping on a super duper elephant size bed alone. So you can just sleep on my bed. Sounds nice right?"

"Err no I can't sleep in your house. I am here now and I don't want to trouble you anymore. I will just go home with a cab." I resisted.

 

Yongguk pulled my hand and dragged me to somewhere. I suspected his room. But, I don't know. It's so hard to differentiate rooms in this house. The dining hall can be the living room. The living room can be the garden. This is the first time I see a house like this near my place. Yongguk opened a door and he asked me to come in.

I was really not sure what room is that. Can be the living room but I passed the living room just now. Maybe the second living room? But there's a bed here. OMO! Don't tell me- this is his room?!

 

"You looked shocked. Yes, this is my room." he said while my mouth is still open, ready for a mosquito to fly in. "This is your room today. I will sleep in the guest room." he continued.

"Wait what? This is YOUR room! So why you have to sleep in the guest room? No no no no you can't do that. What about we sleep together?" I offered since I troubled him so much. I can't trouble him more by asking him to ready the guest room right? It's freaking 3 in the morning!! 

"Errmm sounds nice but you don't mind sleeping with someone like me?" Yongguk replied with a low tone.

"LoL are you kidding? Why I would mind? I am okay sleeping with anyone. *yawn*" why I'm still sleepy after I slept for some time near the swimming pool there?

"It's late already. You sleep first. I have to do something." Yongguk said and got out from the room. I wonder what he do at 3 in the morning. People usually sleep during this time but nevermind, he has his own life so why should I bother?

 

This is the first time I'm in my crush's room. Can I dig something about him in this room? It's wrong to do that but it's not if today is the last day I see him. 

So I walked around and around the room. Checking his study table, the table beside his bed, his closet. Nothing seems interesting though. Then I took a peek under his bed. There was a big, pink box. After being curious for some time, I took the box out.

The box is big, but the content, almost empty. There were only some picture with this one friend, not sure who, but they seem close. And there are some letters in the box too. I took one of the letters, and actually read it.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To Joon Hong,

  

       It's been a while I didn't send a letter to you. You know what? I miss
you sooo much. Why you have to go? Can't we live happily ever after
here in Seoul? After you go, I can't eat well, I can't sleep well. Everything
I did are disaster. We are just okay living together in this big house but
seriously, why you have to go? Actually I write this letter is not to talk about
how much I miss you, how much I love you. I want to talk about you. How
are you? Is it nice? Are you doing well? You meet with good people? I
really hope you are fine. Is it hard to live there? Be strong Joon Hoon ahh.
I will be there to meet you one day. When I'm ready to leave

 

 

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The letter was not completed. Is he still writing it? And why there's kinda like a teardrop marks at the bottom of the page? And the words, why it is so warm? And it hurts. Who is Joon Hong? What if this Joon Hong guy is Yongguk's lover? OH God this hurts. God, please help me overcome this tears. Just this time, please. 

As I refused my tears to drop, I kept all the letters and pictures into the box and put it under Yongguk's bed. Then I forcefully moved myself to Yongguk's bed to put my body and heart at rest.

 

 

The next morning, I felt my body was hugged by someone. I bet it's the heartbreaker Yongguk? God, I was about to leave yesterday. But now I'm here, hugged by the heartbreaker of the year, Yongguk.

I tried to remove his handfrom my waist but when I'm about to put it properly on the bed, 

"Joon Hong ah, don't go, I don't want to live without you by my side. I can't live like this. Don't go" and he grabbed me back and hugged me.

Is it not enough to hurt me with the letter? Is it necessary for you to hurt me like this too, Yongguk? My thought at that time. You want me experience how it feels when you are crying by someone you love that bad? Fine! I will cry! And I bursted into tears.

 

He woke up a few minutes after that, with me in his arms. He looked shocked seeing me with tears rolling down my cheeks. He let go of me and I immediately get rid of him from my sight. 

 

----END OF FLASHBACK----

 

I think that's enough to make me hate him right? I left the toilet with my wet cheek and watery eyes and went to the school roof again.

 

I want to say sorry to Daehyun for leaving him alone just now so I reached my pocket to grab my phone but it was not there. Where I left my phone? My phone is so important to me! What I should do? 

After thinking for a few seconds, I trailed my steps back. To the toilet. From the roof, to the toilet, I searched my phone on the floor, every place the phone can be.

I arrived at the toilet, he was not there. I mean, Yongguk was not there. There was something one the floor, rectangular in shape but it's not my phone. I took two steps closer. It's a journal!

 

I took a glimpse at the journal. After I saw something uneasy in my eyes, I looked at the journal thoroughly. It was written bang Yongguk's name! How should I return this to him? Or I should leave it here? 

 

I took it.

 

5^th January 2009

I'm in the same class with him! HIMCHAN! Oh God I'm so 
excited! I wonder will we suit well?

 

6^th January 2009

Many girls were approaching him. Love rivals! I will take
them down, one by one!

 

7^th January 2009, 8^th January, 9^th January, 10^th, 11^th,

 

He wrote all about me all the way until the day I left him, 10 November 2009.

 

10^th November 2009

He left me. I wonder the reason why. I don't know what I did 
wrong. I was about to confess my feelings but he left me.

 

And the journal stopped there. My tears were about to flow but a hankie wiped it. A pair of arm hugged me.

"Read it all huh?" Yongguk appeared in my eyesight.

*Sobbing* " Why? Why I thought Joon Hong is your lover? Bang Yongguk, I love you." I said, from the deepest part of my heart. My tears can't just stop flowing.

"Joon Hong? He was my lover. He died." Yongguk replied. My eyes turned at his face, his eyes was watery, I know, it hurts to remember someone who is not here, in this world anymore.

"I'm sorry to say this now, I, actually want to confess my feeling to you too that night but I saw the letters under your bed." I said being honest about why I left him.

"It's okay. What is past is past. The thing is, Kim Him Chan, will you be my boyfriend?"

"Who will say no!" I said and kissed him.

 

I don't know that on the first day, my secret about me pretending not knowing him is revealed.

---

 

Readers! Huhu I know it's long~ Why? Because this is a fic for a competition! I hope you're happy with my fic! :D