Youngjae sat back down on the bed, head now buried in his hands. He simply couldn't bear to look at Daehyun anymore.

The young male never felt so lost in his life. Reality finally came crashing down on him and the memory of every single mistake he made in his life became more vivid in his mind. Feelings of insecurity, disappointment, depression, despair came back to him, the familiarity of the experiences was something he feared. All the negative things he thought he left back in the past crept forward when he least expected, catching up with him slowly but surely when he was at his lowest. Youngjae thought he learned his lesson from long ago, but judging from the current situation he’s in, it's clear he didn't. Once again, he took a risk he shouldn't have taken.

Memories flashed through his mind one after the other like a movie, reminding him over and over of the things he could have and should have done better. Things he could have done to prove the rest of the world wrong. Things he could have, at least, thought about to become more than what he existed as at the moment.

The younger blonde ignored Daehyun's calls, drowning himself instead in the small comfort of the bed, lying to the side, turned away from the man he slept with last night. He closed his eyes and counted to ten, hoping and wishing with all his might that this nightmare was simply a nightmare and that he would wake up at any moment to Daehyun shoving him off the bed again. Then, everything will fall accordingly in place and things will put themselves back together and he could continue hating Daehyun for his own petty reasons and vice versa.

He opened his eyes and sighed at the sight before him.

It wasn't the ugly truth, nor was it a blissful dream.

It was the dreaded reality.

His fingers played with the soft linen he buried himself in, tracing circles in them mindlessly in an attempt to clear his crowded mind from the unpleasant memories no one apart from himself knew about. As the clock ticked away, Daehyun's voice gradually grew louder, almost snapping Youngjae out of his reverie, but the younger, being the person he was, was too stubborn to let go of the harsh judgment he feared was right.

Almost as if he was stuck in a trance, Youngjae began talking.

"It happened a couple years ago in school before I began my training to become an idol. You know, as a kid I wasn't exactly the most lean person in the world, so of course that resulted in some forms of bullying. It wasn't that bad. Compared to those stories you hear, I actually had it pretty good for a person being bullied. But even so, those words hurt more than I imagined it would. 'Piggy', 'Fatso', 'Chubs'. The amount of names accumulated over time and some of them even carried on to my high school years. Only good thing was that at least in high school, nobody stole my lunch and ate it," Youngjae looked up to see Daehyun sitting on his bed, eyes furrowed together and full lips pursed. "By the way, if you're thinking that my story has some kind of meaning or moral, forget it. People don't understand that sometimes stories don't have morals. That some stories are merely told because of selfishness and overwhelming feelings of solitude. You got it?"

Daehyun rolled his eyes slightly but nodded nevertheless. He leaned on the bed, side resting on the smooth linen as he mirrored the position Youngjae was in. He might as well kill time by listening to the other. It's not like he had much of a choice, anyway. A while ago, when he went to go out, he found that the door was locked and that there was no way out.

"But yeah. The names carried on to high school and they worsened too. And of course, me being the antisocial person I am, I only had one friend. Well, I guess he wasn't much of a friend since he criticized me just as much, if not more, than those other bastards who had nothing better to do in their spare time. Because my God, his words were sharper than a knife. Weird thing is, I didn't find them as hurtful as the words from the others. Sure, they still hurt but not as much. Maybe because I knew, deep down, he meant well. It was kind of like his way of saying that life isn't some Disney fairytale and there are people out there who will hurt you time and time again without giving a if you commit suicide or cut as a result of their words and actions. But even though he was more on the mean side, he was always there when I needed him to be. Didn't talk much. He basically just sat in front of me and waited until I was done crying or whining about the going on in my life, then when I was done, he would punch my arm with so much strength that the hit would bruise the next day, then would ruffle my hair and toss me this strawberry candy and leave. He was a weird guy, no doubt about that, but he was ok. So I guess, he was actually a pretty good friend."

Silence hovered above them. Daehyun was curious as to why Youngjae stopped talking. And why one tear fell down his cheek so quickly that it might as well have not been there in the first place, had Daehyun not put on his contacts earlier.

"What happened after that?"

"Hmm? Ah, well he died on my birthday. Got into a car accident with some dude running 100 down one of the major roads. Guy beat the red light and ended up getting hit by a truck straight on. The flew through the air and tumbled. Windows were broken from the total impact and the entire car was crushed. Ambulance came, police rushed towards them, blood was everywhere in the car. No survivors. Paramedics proclaimed them dead at the scene and that it was impossible to revive them. Still, I begged. Couldn't really help it much. The guy was my friend, after all. Even though he was an half the time, he still cared in his own way. Strange thing was, minutes before the crash, he called me."

Daehyun watched the bitter smile on Youngjae's face, filled with sadness and pain. He saw the slight shake of the younger's head, almost as if he were scolding the one in the story.

"The idiot. It was as if he knew that today was his last day walking on  this 'forsaken hell hole'. So he called and told me to not be a sissy. To tell everyone and anyone who decided to mess with me to off. Told me to go follow my damn dreams as some singer and , and that I better not forget him when I become famous or else he'll have my head. Then, he told me to take care of my sorry and that his stash of strawberry candy was underneath his bed. Before I could even say anything, he said 'be strong, kid', and hung up."

Youngjae's eyes fluttered close, the corners of his lips quivering ever so slightly. Daehyun watched the younger. He didn't say a word. Not yet. Choosing to let the other finish his story while he pieced together the new pieces of information that came to light. The death of his friend explained Youngjae's fondness of a certain brand of strawberry gummi candy. Daehyun remembered that on the younger blonde’s birthday, Youngjae gave each of the members a small bag of the candy, telling them to eat it whenever they felt a bit down. The rest were happy with their cute gifts.

At first, Daehyun refused to eat it, let alone take it. However, since he couldn't exactly defy the leader who was glaring daggers at him from across the room, he took it begrudgingly and stuffed them away in his drawers, thinking he would never need them. Now, not that he would ever admit it, but his little bag was almost finished. For some odd reason, he found comfort in the simple taste of the candy. He didn't know why, but for once, he chose not to question the small sense of happiness.

"His mom happily gave me his large stash of candy hidden beneath his bed. She was happy he found a friend like me. She even thanked me when I should have been thanking her. So, in honor of my friend, I auditioned for JYP then transferred to TS when I realized I wasn't exactly going to go anywhere from there. I learned how to live, finally. Took a while, but I was pretty sure this is what he would have wanted. Yeah. And that's how I'm here. I went through it all, despite all of the trials and mistakes, I made it. Surprisingly. Despite the odds and words of others. I made it. Sure, I'm not the most talented person out there, and I know there will always be people better than me, but I think that effort really does help," Youngjae pressed his head more against the pillow, burying half his face into the softness. "Like I said, don't expect a moral because there isn't one."

Daehyun paused before opening his slightly chapped lips, them quickly out of habit. He turned away, leaning instead on his other side, greeted by the sight of sunlight outside the window rather than Youngjae.

"You're wrong. Your story does have a moral."

"What could possibly be the moral of a story as pathetic as mine? I was bullied, had a friend, friend died. Worked to get where I am today, somehow up along the way. Don't know what the moral is."

"That's something you have to figure out for yourself."

"And what if I don't?"

"Well, you can't know for sure, can you?"

Youngjae sighed, copying Daehyun's movements to face, instead, the door. Both male's backs were turned, though not fully cutting off the thread-like connection they somewhat established. Each focusing their eyes on something other than themselves, trying to find a subject more light and happy.

"There is no moral. This is just me being selfish. Nothing more, nothing less. This is reality. There isn't much we can do."

"Your reality is different from mine."

The younger scoffed.

"I think I like the truth more. At least it isn't as ed up as the reality we live in. The one where we lose the ones we cared for and gain things that will hurt us and forget things that once made us happy. At least the truth stays the same. No matter how ugly it is."

"The truth doesn't always stay the same, you know. Eventually, the truth alters over time, changing itself to the words created by the others who think they know the truth. More likely than not, we're all probably living a well made lie."

"Perhaps it's because sometimes lies are easier to deal with."

"Nah. It only shows you how much of a coward you are to let a lie take over your life."

Youngjae's eyebrows knitted together in a mixture of confusion and understanding. Pushing his hair aside, he pulled the covers over his shoulder, leaving his head out to breathe and talk. He revelled in the silkiness of the fabric tucked into the mattress. The fluffiness of the pillow his head rested on slowly lulled him to sleep. His eyes closed once more.

"Then I guess I'm a coward."

Daehyun chuckled before resorting to closing his eyes as well. It wouldn't hurt to get a little more shut eye. He couldn't remember the last time he slept properly, especially after their non-stop promotions and performances for 'Warrior' and 'Secret Love'. They deserve this tiny break from the expectations of the world. Fatigue washed over his body, leaving him immobile and tired of various things.

"Aren't we all?"

Herrroooo out there~ So I was actually debating whether or not to put in some BangHim/JongLo moments in this chapter...However, I decided not to. I hope this somewhat explained Youngjae's past (lol I fail at drama)....xD Thank you all for reading, subscribing, commenting, and upvoting! You don't know how much I appreciate all of your support! LET ME LUVS U ALL.

Forgive my spelling/grammar mistakes. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please tell me about my mistakes if you notice them. Thank you. I hope you enjoyed this chapter (if not, I'm terribly sorry....)! Sorry if it's rather short...

Now that I think about it....I'm hungry. But, it's 6am and I haven't slept yet sooooo...I should probably sleep now xD

Me Outtie~