“Look, Youngjae, you’ve got to lose yourself some pounds! If you’re not gonna have some abs like Yongguk, can you at least be skinny like Junhong and the others? Listen, I’m tired of having to find larger...”

Junhong stood by the hinges of the door, ears hearing all the complaints and comparisons the stylist threw at his hyung. The younger boy sighed, clenching his fist while restraining himself from barging in like the last time.

“I’m sorry, noona. I-”

“'Sorry' can’t always fix things, Youngjae. I need you to work harder. It’s clear that you’re slacking and it’s not making your group look any better. You’re a rookie group for heaven’s sake! You’re not going to make it out alive in the world if you keep slacking! You’re bringing them down, don’t you understand?! The group is only as strong as its weakest link. You can't rap, your dancing needs some work and your singing...”

He remembered Youngjae ask him not to barge in again and interfere with the stylist. Junhong hated not being able to do anything, in all honesty. In his point of view, Youngjae was fine the way he was and he didn’t like anyone telling him otherwise. But that was what the problem was, according to elder. Youngjae told him that since they were friends, his views would always be a little biased. Of course, Junhong argued, but in the end, he knew that Youngjae was right. In some cases, pointing out the flaws of a stranger was easier than pointing out the flaws of a friend. Strangers were people you didn’t know. They had faces but they didn’t have have names and you didn’t have to worry about hurting their feelings because you didn’t know them well enough to care.

“I know, noona. I’ll try my best to-”

“I don't need you to try, Youngjae. I need you to get your act together and start doing something about your mistakes.”

There was silence and Junhong decided that now was the best time to go back to the dressing room and pretend like he didn’t hear anything.

He jogged back to the room, careful not to make too much noise that would attract attention from the other staff and give off his location. In no time, he was flopping into the leather chair and looking in the mirror practicing his smile. Even though he wasn’t very happy about the whole situation, Junhong knew that it wouldn’t do either of them much good if the atmosphere was depressing.

“Junhong, I’m back! You ready?” Youngjae sat in the seat located next to the younger and turned to the maknae with a gigantic smile on his face. Junhong could only sit there, stunned, for a couple of seconds before regaining his composure.

“O-Oh, yeah!” nodding enthusiastically at the elder who gave him a pat on the shoulder.

It was times like these when Junhong wondered if it was Youngjae who was the real robot in the group. He didn’t know how a person could fix a smile on their face so quickly after being cut down by someone who knew nothing of what they went through. If it were him who received that criticism, he would be angry and upset and downright pissed off. Junhong had his fair share of hardships, trying to reach his goals, and no one had any right to tell him otherwise. Numerous agencies rejected him time and time again because of his age and talents, but nothing stopped him. He almost contemplated quitting his dreams, once, but after remembering all the sacrifices his family made just for him, he couldn’t.

He couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing the people who believed in him during the times he barely believed in himself.

The curly-haired blonde snapped out of his reverie after being nudged in the shoulder by the elder next to him.

“You okay? Did you fall asleep with your eyes open?” Youngjae mused, smirking at Junhong who had his eyes wide open now.

“How is that even...”

“It’s possible, you know. Why history teacher’s daughter used to do it all the time, and I sat next to her,” Youngjae scrunched his nose, brushing his bangs away from his eyes with the tips of his fingers. “Anyway, we’re up in five.”

“Rock paper scissors to see who goes first?” Junhong asked, hand out and ready for the battle. Youngjae nodded in approval, taking his own weapon off of his jean-covered lap.

“Best out of three?”

“Yup. Ready?”

“Ready...”

“Rock, paper, scissors!”

At the result, Junhong’s look of concentration was replaced by a gigantic frown.

“Hah! Loser has to go first!” Youngjae shouted out happily. Junhong punched him playfully in the shoulder and strutted fabulously through the door. For a touch of dive, he swayed his hips in a mock-seductive to go along with their little banter.

“You’re buying ice cream, then!”

The room was filled with Youngjae’s laugh before it died down and he looked in the mirror again.

He stared at himself through the mirror for a good period of time, poking his cheeks every now and then. He in his cheeks, trying to see if he could at least make them less noticeable. The slightly rough tips of his fingers ran down the line of his jaw, his head tilting to the side to see if he could find an inkling of a defined jawline. The boy looked at his lap and pressed his hand on his thighs, feeling the soft fat beneath the thin fabric of his jeans. Then, he slipped a hand under his shirt and put it on his stomach, grabbing the extra skin with his hand as he felt how squishy and soft it was. He frowned.

Youngjae hated the silence.

---

“We’re not allowed to let your leave the house unsupervised. In fact, you can’t leave the house at all unless it has something to do with our schedules. CEO and Manager Kang found out about your little stroll last night and-”

Himchan squeezed Yongguk’s shoulder in an effort to calm him down.

“Daehyun, what happened last night? What on earth drove you to do something like that?”

Even though Yongguk’s voice was the only one raising, Daehyun couldn’t help but feel cornered and a little frightened. Not that he showed it, though. The atmosphere was heavy and Daehyun knew that it was a good thing he made Jongup go out to buy more bread and cereal earlier.

He opened his mouth to speak, but all of a sudden, it felt so dry. He tried to swallow again, but he still couldn’t speak a word.  

“That’s not the question, Himchan. The question is, how long has he been doing drugs?”

The eyes on him bore through his body like lasers, making Daehyun’s face heat up. He chewed on the soft flesh of his bottom lip, trying to find answers to the questions the two eldest threw at him. He had an answer for the second one, but not for the first. The first question was inevitable, Daehyun knew that, but even til now, he still hadn’t come up with a decent sounding answer. He didn’t have one at all, actually. If there was a reason for him to do what he did, then Daehyun had no clue about it. He just wanted to.

“I don’t know.”

“How do you not know? Daehyun, do you realize what you’ve do-”

“That’s enough, Yongguk. Calm down a little, will you? Yelling at him won’t do us any good.” Himchan scolded the leader, staring him down to make him listen. Yongguk rolled his eyes but agreed anyway, shutting up the moment Himchan faced Daehyun.

Guilt was eating him, gnawing and clawing at his insides to the point where Daehyun wanted to throw up. It was slow and unhurried, not bothering to quicken its pace because, if nothing stopped it, it would be able to consume its victim painfully, piece by piece. That was how guilt worked. And Daehyun knew that all too well.

“Honestly, Daehyun. I don’t know what the hell your problem is! Why don’t you want us to help you?!” Yongguk answered, earning him another glare and elbow to the ribs.

“What is there to help? I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yongguk’s right, Daehyun. Doing drugs is illegal and you know that. Not to mention that you drank too.”

He didn’t know how they found out about that, but Daehyun decided not to say anything unnecessary.

“If you’re going to lecture me, there’s no need. I won’t do it again, okay? Does that answer make you feel better?” he didn’t mean for it to come out so spiteful, but he couldn’t help it. The youngest of the three felt trapped and he didn’t know what to do with himself. It wasn’t like they were screaming at him or kicking him out of the band or anything. Honestly, though, Daehyun would have much preferred if they just yelled at him. Maybe it would make him feel better.

“No. We need to talk about your problems and fix them.”

There it was again. That little ‘fix the problem’ thing. He was tired of them saying that they needed to fix his problems. There was nothing to fix. He was fine, wasn’t he? He only drank and did drugs a couple times, it’s not like he did it every ing day of his life. Sure, his hands trembled and he would curl up in a ball because the want for the drug would become too much on some days, but he was fine. Everything was fine. As long as he was away from it, he would live. See? He didn’t want it. He didn’t. His hands weren’t shaking right now, he wasn’t clenching his fist to make it stop. He was doing none of that.

Daehyun saw the way they looked at his hands resting on the kitchen table.

“How long have you been doing drugs, Daehyun?”

Himchan was met with silence and an odd sense of deja vu.

“Daehyun.”

“A month.”

By this time, the boy wanted to cut things short. To answer questions as fast as possible so that he could keep his feelings at bay and his actions under control.

“How many times?”

He paused.

“Four.”

“Once a week?”

“Yeah.”

“When?”

“When no one was home.”

“Why’d you do it?”

The look Yongguk and Himchan gave him was all too familiar and Daehyun wanted nothing more than to run away. It was a cowardly act, but the ones who fled were the ones who survived, after all. Whether it be a war or a relationship, the ones who left first were the ones who suffered less. He was always the last one to leave before, it was his turn to go first this time.

Daehyun pushed himself off the chair and made his way to the stairs. His face was blank, his eyes holding no emotion whatsoever, puffy lips slightly parted to let air in. Blurs of colors passed by him as he walked on, barely registering his surroundings apart from the stairs in front of him.

“You can only run for so long, Daehyun. It’s only a matter of time before everything catches up to you.” Yongguk called out after him as he climbed up the first step of the wooden staircase.

“Then I’m going to need a better pair of running shoes.”


---


“Are you sure you don’t want one, hyung?” Junhong shoved his ice cream in front of Youngjae’s face, waving it around as enticingly as he could possibly could.

“I’m sure. I’m not hungry, Junhong.”

“How can you not be hungry? You haven’t eaten all day!”

“Have to. I ate breakfast. Now, don’t worry about me! Your Youngjae-hyung is strong like Superman! I’m invincible! Dun dun dun!”

The older blonde wiggled his eyebrows, raising his arms to flex his biceps.

“Bam. Hero muscles. I bet you’re jealous.”

“Definitely,” the two sat by the secluded corner of the bakery, watching the lights flash and the cars rush by. The photo shoot had taken longer than expected and they were stuck in traffic for quite a while. Now, it was a couple minutes after seven and the two were hungry for some real food. Not that ice cream wasn’t good, but Junhong needed more than some iced dairy to get him through the night. “Hey, hyung? Can we stop by for some take out? I’m starving.”

“Couldn’t you have told me this before you started eating dessert?”

“The uh... ice cream was calling to me?” the younger shrugged his shoulders which caused Youngjae to laugh and kick him from under the table. “Ow!”

“You deserved it, you big baby. Alright, let’s go for some thai food. My treat.”

“Yes!”

“I’m broke now because of you.” Youngjae joked, shoving the other away as they paid for the food at the register.

When the girl didn’t know who they were, both Junhong and Youngjae didn’t know how to feel. Disappointed because she didn’t know them or thankful because of it. As they walked out, they decided that it was a little bit of both since life isn't always about receiving the good things. Sometimes, something bad had to happen to remind them that losing was part of living.

The street lights illuminated the way, the shops glowing in the dark of the night. The two stayed away from large crowds of people, trying to find the familiar orangey light of the thai restaurant they went to whenever they grew tired of junk food. They passed by a familiar row of fast food joints and convenience stores which brought them closer to their destination.

“Hey, hyung?”

Youngjae looked to his left, tilting his head up a millimeter to meet Junhong’s brown eyes.

“Hm?”

“Run away with me.”

Ello my lovelies~ How are you all doing today? Yeah, honestly...I don't pre-plan my chapters. Well, I do, but I end up changing them and putting one thing in another chapter and Yeah....xD Thank you all for reading, commenting, and subscribing (i'm warning you, new subbies, look out for my )! LET ME LUVS U ALL AND SHOWER YOU WILL MY LUV. I'm trying to update as much as possible before school starts again, guys. Stupid school. UGH. Anyway...Until the next chapter, my babies! Now, let's go get ice cream :D

Me Outtie~