Dear Journal,

This will be my first and last entry because I hardly need my innermost thoughts floating around in printed form. Really now, why would I ever want someone potentially reading up on my private feelings?

Well, I guess I better start.

I spent a lot of my childhood waiting for someone to come and save me.

I hated everything that had to do with my family, work and education…all of it was a waste of time in my eyes. Who was I doing all of it for? What did I want to accomplish? They were all charting out a future for me and yet all I wanted was to sing.

They humored me for so long, but it wasn’t enough. I’m already going to be entering college. There’s no time left for me to change my career path.

I’m going to become just like my father.

I’m going to take the family business.

I’m going to be rich.

I’m going to live with a woman I loathe.

I’m going to die with no heart.

I’m going to have no memories.

I have no happiness.

I have no friends.

I have no one to watch me fall.

I have no one to save me.

That’s the bottom line, isn’t it?

If there was someone out there who was actually close enough to me to save me…I could be happy.

Only one person ever showed me that kind of concern and he was a stranger and to be honest, I don’t really remember him. The paramedics told me his name, but even now, I’m not sure if it started with an “R” or an “L”. Isn’t it sort of sad how the most significant person I’ve ever met…I can’t even recall?

Does that say something about my character? I think it does.

From that day, I can only clearly see two things in my mind.

First, the rain was pouring. I felt like I could drown in the storm and I probably would have had it not been for that stranger. Then again, maybe if I knew he wouldn’t be around when I woke up, it would’ve been better to just die out there.

That’s what I wanted. The whole ing world could just cry and panic over the death of a corrupt man’s son. They wouldn’t really be sad. The would just go online where no one knows their face and say all of the cruel things that are too impossible to voice in person. I’m not judging them, though.

They’re cowards. They’re human.

What else can I say?

The second thing I can accurately remember is one phrase. I’m pretty sure the stranger told me it and I can further assure you that those are the only words that I have ever hung onto.

“Go out there and find someone who you would follow to death.”

It sounds sort of morbid at first, but then you realize just how beautiful that is. What sort of person was he to be able to believe in such a scary, loyal idea? I know I’ve never come across anyone like that.

Sad thing is, if I don’t find that person, I’m pretty sure I’ll never find anyone who is worth following to death – someone who’s worth waiting the rest of your life to die for. Sure, I don’t know who he is or what he is – hell, he could be a middle-aged man with a family – but there was something in him that was breathtaking.

I want to be in love with that person.

But he’s probably already in love with someone else, right? Why else would he have such an immortal view on love?

Bye.

Cho Kyuhyun