The nurse walked into the waiting room, pulling aside Ryeowook and Mrs. Park. There was a doctor beside her who seemed to be smiling in the faintest way. Thunder rolled in the distance as lightning streaked across the windows. The soft pitter patter of rain filled the echoing silence.

“We’ve stabilized him,” the doctor explained, “however, his body is deteriorating at an accelerated rate. It seems like the older he gets, the faster the disease spreads. Your son is a strong one though. He’s fought for five years now, and the disease is only beginning to catch up with him.”

Mrs. Park’s eyes were dry, too many tears having been shed in the past half a decade. There was nothing left to give. “…Do you know how long?”

“He has eight months at most…the last month will almost definitely be spent in the hospital,” the man bowed his head, “I’m sorry, Mrs. Park.” He turned to Ryeowook then, shaking his head gently. “Sincerely…I’m so sorry.”

The door clicked open softly. Hyungsik looked up from the bed, a smile spreading across his face when their eyes locked. “Ryeowook…,” he murmured. Holding up a finger, he silently told the boy to stop walking. The next second, Hyungsik was pulling out their video camera. Turning it on, he lifted it to his face, filming his boyfriend. “Smile for me, gorgeous. I’m still alive, so tell me what you’re feeling right now.”

Ryeowook didn’t even have a second to process it as his face crumpled and he closed the distance between them. Pushing the camera aside, he clutched onto the boy, crying into his hospital gown. “I don’t want you to die!” he choked, body trembling. “Please don’t die…don’t leave me alone…I won’t know what to do when you’re gone…do you understand…?” Ryeowook melted into the body and arms around him, eyes squeezed shut.

“Ssh…we still have time,” Hyungsik whispered gently, burying his fear. Closing his eyes, he pressed his lips to the older boy’s hair, lingering there. “Don’t think about the future…not yet. Right now it’s just us and until the future comes, it will be just us.”

“T-The second y-you’re out of h-here…,” he swallowed hard, trying to slow the tears spilling down his cheeks, “move in with me. I don’t w-want to spend any more time apart…”

Hyungsik smiled softly. “Yeah…we can wake up next to each other,” he carefully pried one of Ryeowook’s hands off of his gown, kissing the cold, slender fingers, “and we can go grocery shopping together…cooking together…leaving for school together…”

“Will you be alright in high school alone?” he finally lifted his head, gazing at his lover who was brushing gossamer kisses down the inside of his wrist. Ryeowook giggled in the quietest voice, “…I’m not going to be around you…”

“The teachers know what’s up,” he assured, drifting towards the smaller boy’s lips, pausing and smiling before brushing their lips together, “I won’t let anything ruin these final months.”

Ryeowook slowly nodded, eyes dropping to the video camera. Taking a shaky breath, he picked it up and settled onto the bed beside Hyungsik. The latter’s arm went around his shoulders, holding him close on the narrow hospital bed. Clearing his throat, Ryeowook the device and looked into the lens. “Today we decided to move in together. Just the two of us, a broke college freshman, and a…,” he his lips, and then looked into the camera, “…and a high school senior with the heart and soul of an elementary kid.”

“Hey!” Hyungsik complained, laughing and poking his boyfriend. “That’s no way to be talking about the person you love.”

“I think that’s the perfect way to talk about the person I love,” he teased, giggling and trying to get away when the younger male started pulling on his cheek and nudging him out of the bed. “I love you more than anyone, Hyungsik,” Ryeowook grinned, eyes liquid chocolate, “and we’re going to make the next eight months the best you’ve ever had.”

***

He could smile in front of him.

He could laugh when they were together.

He could pretend everything was okay.

But when Hyungsik wasn’t around, things were different.

No one was asking him to pull it together.

There was no one to collect him and tell him that it was alright.

Without Hyungsik, the world didn’t glow. The birds weren’t sweet. The sun wasn’t shining. The grass didn’t smell fresh. The sky wasn’t blue. The breeze was nostalgic. The swing set wasn’t magical. The early mornings weren’t a new start. The games were meaningless. The jokes were lost. The memories were stale.

“The rain hasn’t stopped.”

Ryeowook lifted his head to the sky, cement roofing covering him for the time being. There were grey clouds sending painful pellets down, the pills attempting to wash away what couldn’t be cleansed. He smiled without feeling, stepping out from the shelter.

Immediately, he felt the late spring showers drench him, attacking his body like it was some demonic presence. He didn’t know how far he had walked, but by the time his mind refocused, the rain had grown stronger and the streets were near flooded. It would dry up by the next day, but for the time being, Ryeowook just let the water run into his sneakers and up his pant legs, thoroughly wetting his skin.

Settling down on a bench, he dropped his head, hands clasped together in a white knuckle grip. Thunder rolled like a warning to the world, but he ignored it.

Death would keep them together. Life would tear them apart.

The answer was so simple, yet he knew it was wrong. Hyungsik couldn’t do anything about it though, right? If Ryeowook just let himself fall, then there would never be a time limit for them. “Please god…,” he whispered, gritting his teeth, “please god, tell me it’s alright to die. I can’t let him go…I really can’t do it.” He blinked back tears, but even then, he was sure the rain had long since mixed with them.

Ryeowook peered across the street, his peripheral vision having caught sight of something odd. There was someone else out and about without a raincoat or umbrella. His hair was soaked through and black, covering much of his face. In a flash, he watched as the stranger collapsed.

Eyes widening, he stumbled to his feet, tripping and scrambling over to the fallen person. Ryeowook crouched down and pulled the person’s body up, combing their hair away from face. A teenage boy gazed back at him with clear, but lacking eyes. “Are you okay? Do you need a doctor?” he prompted urgently, already pulling his phone out to dial the hospital.

“You want to die too, don’t you?” the boy asked, voice deeper than expected. He touched Ryeowook’s cheek, cold hand trailing down his face. “That’s why you’re out here like me…,” a smile curved his lips, “isn’t that right?”

“I want to keep living after death,” Ryeowook stated, surprised at his own words. “…I don’t want to die. I don’t want it to end. I just want it to continue no matter what.”

The younger male shrugged slightly. “I do want it to end. I want to watch the world fade.”

“But why?” Ryeowook was dialing the phone already, bringing the phone to his ear and telling them to send an ambulance. The person didn’t stop him, didn’t even glare or smile at him. And then Ryeowook could see what he had noticed earlier. There was something lacking in this person. He felt incomplete… “Who is important in your life?” Ryeowook asked, raising his voice to fight back the noisy thunder.

“No one,” he laughed quietly, lips turning blue from walking around in the rain for so long.

“Well then you have to go find someone,” he shouted, trying to hear over the angry skies. Ryeowook shook his head, holding the boy closer to his body, trying to keep him warm until the paramedics arrived. “Go out there and find someone who you would follow to death. That’s the only reason you should ever want to die. Do you understand me?” He kept his arms as tight as he could around the shivering figure, bracing his neck against shoulder.

The boy’s mind was growing foggy, but he had heard it. For some reason, they reverberated in his head, engraving and solidifying like a memory. Leaning into the touch, he closed his eyes, wondering when the last time he had ever felt warm was…

The ambulance arrived some minutes later and quickly took the boy into the vehicle, asking Ryeowook a number of questions as they went through procedures. “Do you know this person?” the official prompted.

“No, I don’t,” he stated, going on to explain what had happened.

“I see,” the man nodded firmly, “we’ll find out who he is. Thank you and we’ll tell you about his condition once we know.”

He hesitated, wanting to tell the man that it didn’t matter to him if he knew what happened. Getting those phone calls had become too stressful and at that point, Ryeowook didn’t think there was such a thing as a “good” hospital report. “…ah,” he finally sighed, “yes, thank you. We’ll be in touch.”

“Do you need a ride home, son?”

Ryeowook smiled and shook his head. “I live down the street. It’s okay.” He bowed his head and turned, running through the rain back home.

Climbing into the ambulance, the man saw that their emergency patient had regained near full consciousness. They spoke about his vitals rapidly, not expecting it when the kid’s voice rang through the clattering vehicle.

“My name is Cho Kyuhyun…who was that person?”

“Is your father Mr. Cho?” the paramedic blinked a few times, seemingly shocked. “What are you doing in this small town and why were you in the rain?”

He smiled, “…I was looking for someone. Now tell me who that boy was.”

The man checked his file, “His name is Kim Ryeowook. He’s a college freshman, eighteen years old. Could you tell me who you were looking for?”

“I was looking for someone important in my life,” Kyuhyun murmured, body relaxing slightly as the ride continued. Kim Ryeowook…right?