Dear Diary,

I've never laughed so much in my life! Dinner was absolutely hilarious! My parents loved Jonghyun, and I think Jonghyun liked them too! 
Oh, it was so funny! See, we were eating dinner, and umma had made potato salad - my favourite meal - and Jonghyun went to go eat some, but when he was dishing it into his bowl, he dropped the dish and it went everywhere! All over his shirt, his trousers. He laughed, but I know he was really embarrassed. Umma said to go and give Jonghyun a change of clothes, so I took him to my room. I took out some jeans and a shirt, and passed it to him. He was sat on my bed, and I could actually feel myself getting hot. I was thinking of stuff we could do on that bed. Oh, God... 

Jonghyun just undressed. Right in front of me. He didn't even care I was standing watching him. I felt like such a... I think the word I am looking for is ? But he had abs and he looked amazing... He noticed me gazing and he blushed, but then he winked at me. When he winked at me... I crumbled. I felt like I had shattered, although something downstairs was growing, if you know what I mean. ;)

When Jonghyun and I locked eyes, him shirtless and in just in underwear, I couldn't look at him anymore. If I did, I'd have... Imploded or something. So, being the awkward guy I am, I mumbled sorry and left. Then, when Jonghyun came down, he kept smirking at me from across the table, and I became really shy.

I've never felt like that before. And I do what to... Experience with him. But I don't know if I can. I'm certainly not asking umma - what would I say! "Umma? Can me and Jonghyun have or does my illness prevent me from it?" Oh Gosh... It would be both upsetting and humiliating! I'll save it for Clinic this Friday.

Key :) x

Dear Diary,

Trust me. I spilt potato salad over me at dinner! But it was fine, Key gave me some clothes to borrow. They smell so good. They smell of... Strawberries, with a hint of his aftershave. 

I had to go up to his room. His room is cool. He has so many books and CDs and posters. I never really realised it, but Key is quite smart. I had to get changed in his room, and Key watched me. Kind of. He watched me undress, then he left. I think he was embarrassed. Well, I did sit on his bed in just my underwear. I noticed him staring at me, and I came to the conclusion we both wanted each other in a way we've never wanted someone. 

But, I don't know if we could ever have . Well, there's two reasons for that. First one being, his... illness. And secondly, it might hurt to much. From what I've heard, gay  (I'm sorry, I had to write it small or not at all, haha!) can really hurt! But then it feels good after a while. I don't know. He can ask someone at the Clinic. I'm sure they'd tell him. 

On the plus side, his mum and dad really liked me!

On the down side, I never told my dad. He was really drunk, and I knew if I told him he'd get mad and... 

Gosh, sometimes I really miss my mum. I wonder if losing Key will be the same. I certainly hope not.

Jonghyun x