I hid in my room, away from the one I tried to kill. My body shook aggressively as I obviously didn’t know what to do anymore.

“I’m a monster,” I whispered to myself. For the first time since the accident, I came to my senses. Joon made me see past my vengeful nature. I was reminded of how I was before my family died. I was a kind-hearted, an energetic and a sweet person, filled with love and compassion for others.  I used to pray everyday, making me a strong girl. Now, that part of me had transformed into something horrendous. I didn’t even know who I was anymore.

I was weak now.

For about an hour or so, I knelt down and begged God for forgiveness for the first time in years. Never had I felt so bitter towards myself.

That’s when I heard the front door open. Parents were home. Yikes!

“Joon, Min, come and eat. We got some stuff at the restaurant,” called our mother with her sweet and tender voice.

Well, there was nowhere to run or hide. Joon would most probably expose me and I had to face the consequences sooner or later. I took a few steps towards the door of my bedroom and towards the kitchen where parents were.

When I had entered, omma handed me over a bowl full of hot noodles. As I accepted it, I saw Joon coming in from behind. My heart gradually beat faster and faster. Fully expecting him to approach me in rage, he didn’t at all end up doing that. He breezed past me, got his own food and walked over to the dinning table.

It was as if nothing had happened earlier. Joon was obviously trying to avoid the topic and I could tell by his tense body language that he hated my guts. He didn’t even look at me for a second, completely ignoring me all together.

“How was your day, both of you?” asked appa in an unusual overly happy mood.

“It was fine,” answered Joon, with his head down the entire time.

“Why was he lying?” I thought to myself, eyeing him in bewilderment. He seemed upset more than anything, replacing the boiling anger from earlier.

“How about you, Min?”

My eyes wandered around the table, debating whether or not I should expose my wrongdoings myself. It was too frightening.

“I had a great day,” I said insincerely. Joon gave me a quick glare before nodding in disappointment. I feel like he wanted me to admit my mistakes myself, but I also had a strong feeling that he was trying to protect me at the same time. Right then, I was way too afraid to turn myself in.

                                                                                                             ***

Days went by like a summer cloud. Too fast. Joon didn’t utter a word about my vengeance plan to our parents yet. I didn’t either.

However, his close group of friends, a.k.a his boys, were the first to find out. They began to treat me a lot differently. On the morning that Joon told them, they all just stared at me once I came out of my room. Most of them wore a look of displeasure with me. Byunghee and Chundung eyed me from head to toe. Even Mir, who normally took very good care of me, seemed disgusted by my presence. The worse was Seungho who gave me one of his bloodshot glares that was usually reserved for the most hateful of people.

“Anneyong!” I greeted as if the silence left me indifferent. I walked past their piercing stares and knew, from then on, that they were aware of what I did. God was punishing me, and I deserved it. Slowly, the blessing I received in my second life drifted away.

The worst came when Hyuna and I had our first encounter after I framed her for pushing me down the stairs. She came over on a weekday which, on it’s on, was fairly odd considering that Joon and her were in a fight. She was just about to leave when I got home from school. She marched towards me, down the path of my house, and slapped me totally out of the blue. I held my cheek and kept my mouth shut, still wondering what was going on.

“How dare you do that to Joon and me?” she shouted right off the bat. It took me by surprise. Joon must have told her. They were best friends after all.

“Unni…” I was out of words. “Mianhe.”

“Why would you try to break our friendship? I’ve known Joon for far longer than you ever will.” Hyuna cleared and took a step closer. “Are you even human? To be able to go as far as trying to kill Joon because of revenge? For something that was long ago finished?”

“Mian,” was all I could manage to utter. I didn’t want to argue or give myself an excuse for what I did. She was right.

“Is that all you can say? Sorry?” She shook her head with tears covering her face. “Joon didn’t even tell his parents. That’s how much he wants to protect you.”

I began to cry genuinely. It was only now that I truly felt hurt by my actions. 

“Everyday, he would constantly obsess over you. It was annoying.” The anger began to show on her face. “I’ve loved him for years and I told myself that maybe one day, he’d see me more than just a friend. But you…”

She gave me a glare of disgust.

“You hated him. You hurt him. You broke his heart, yet he still fell in love with you, his sister. I know for a fact that he only went out with me just to try to get over you.”

“Ani. That’s not true. He did love you. He came home drunk after he found out that you had another boyfriend! Joon adores you, unni,” I assured her, seeing that she was breaking down.

“Wrong. He came home drunk because of you! Joon knew that you were depressed. He caught you crying and hurting yourself many times in your room. All he could do was blame himself for hurting you. Every single day, he blames himself for the accident. You know that he has a bipolar disorder!”

I was speechless. My guilt rose and pierced a hole in my heart.

“I don’t understand how he managed to fall for someone so two-faced. You still have no idea how much he loved you.”

Hyuna wiped her face and gave me a little push as she breezed past me. I clenched my fists together, boiling in anger towards myself. I had never realized how much Joon loved me until now, yet I didn’t deserved to be loved at all.

I ran to the house as fast as I could. All this had to end once and for all. There was no way I could keep walking around like nothing was wrong. Once I got in, everyone was in the kitchen setting up for supper. Making an intended cough to get everyone’s attention, all eyes were glued on me. My heart began thumping like an earthquake. My mouth opened while a shiver went through my spine.

“I have something to say,” I began. Just then, I realized that there was no way to word this to make it sound good.

“What is it, Min?” asked my mom with a soft tone.

“Well… I don’t think that you should keep me anymore. It wouldn’t be appropriate for me being in your house,” I declared, so straightforward, it came out cold.

“What are you saying, Minnie? Why would we make you leave?”

“The truth is, I’ve held a grudge against you for the past years. Against all of you come to think of it.” The room was quiet. Joon gave me a deep stare, one that was different from any other he had ever given. I searched them thoroughly, but I couldn’t tell what was going on in his mind. “I was angry because of the accident. I guess that I blamed you all for killing my parents and I didn’t think. So, my first reflex was to get revenge on all of you.”

I went on explaining everything I did. As I went through the long list of my sins, I could tell that the atmosphere became tense. Mom and dad’s eyes grew the more I confessed, but I found comfort in Joon’s soft and wonderful daze. It almost looked as if he were encouraging me. It took everything in me to finally get to the .

“Not only did I burn your house, but a few days ago, I even tried to kill Joon.”

“Bwoh?” both parents said in utter shock.

“I tied him to his bed and put a knife to his neck.”

“Is this a joke? You aren’t serious, Min,” asked Mr. Lee in disbelief.

“No it isn’t a joke. I really did all that to you. You all were so kind by bringing me in, yet the feeling of vengeance blinded me. I’m just- I’m sorry.” My guard went down in shame.

Finally Mr. Lee stood up. He seemed extremely upset and angry all at once. He approached me with great speed, hitting me across the face. I held my cheek, but he beat me all the more.

“Ungrateful child. Not even thinking before acting.” His shout resonated in my ear. I was scared. Utterly scared. His hits became harder and harder in what seemed to be like forever. From the side of my eye, I could see Mrs. Lee drop to the grown, helpless.

The more he hit me, the more my body sunk down to the floor and my arms covered my head.

“Yah appa, that’s enough,” I heard Joon’s voice in the midst of the chaos. Suddenly, I felt a pair of arms wrapped around me gently, protecting me from Mr. Lee’s hits. Joon held me tenderly as my head was buried in his chest.

“Ani, Joon. Stop protecting me. I deserve it,” I whispered almost sobbing. My eyes searched his as I was totally serious. He understood my choice and released me.

“You don’t want to be part of our family? Then leave. Get out of my house!” Dad got a grip of my hair to pull and tried pushing me out the door. He managed to kick me out of the house without giving me a single one of my belongings. “Don’t you think about coming back, you selfish brat!”  It was raining hard outside and the door shut at my nose.

Slowly, I stood on my bear feet on the wet ground. For the last time, I turned my head and stared at the house. It was only now that I realized that all along, this was actually my home. With them, I felt safe.

I began to walk away, not even having a particular destination in mind. All I could do was keep going forward. I marched through the rain, drenched and cold. This was everything I deserved.

I stopped a few blocks away from the house, beside an old abandoned building. I tried to hide behind it to avoid the gusty cold wind. I covered my head with my hands and closed my eyes to keep myself from  crying anymore. My life went downhill by my own doing.

Suddenly, the rain drops stopped falling on my face. I opened my eyes to see why it had ceased so suddenly. There was now an umbrella above my head. I searched to see who was holding it. And there he was… Joon. We were trapped in each other’s daze for a few seconds. My guardian angel came to my rescue once again.

“Didn’t I tell you to stop protecting me? Why are you here?” I asked, breaking that beautiful moment. He didn’t answer, his eyes not leaving mine. “Yah! I just got disowned. You aren’t my brother so you don’t have to look after me anymore!”

“I’m just here to bring your bag and some shoes,” Joon simply said while putting his hands in his pocket. I looked over behind his shoulder and noticed two suitcases: One was mine and the other was…

“Why did you bring two bags?” I questioned out of curiosity.

“The other is mine,” he simply pronounced with indifference. I searched for the right words but nothing came out right. “I ran away from home. I want to make sure that you’re okay.”

“But aren’t you mad at me?”

I waited for an answer.