Joon awkwardly put his hands in his pocket and looked away to avoid my strong gaze.

“Of course I’m mad at you. I ju-just… I knew that you wouldn’t have a place to stay. And I didn’t want to be at home with parents fighting all the time.”

His excuse was somewhat stupid and panicked, but I brushed it away. I suddenly remembered what Hyuna had told me earlier. It hadn’t even occurred to me until now. Joon supposedly had a crush on me, but I wasn’t too sure if it was the case anymore. After what I did…

I don’t know… He was so hard to understand. How could I possibly guess?

“I-I called Seungho and asked if I could come over to his dorm. If you want to join me, I’m sure that he’ll have room for another person. It’ll just be Byunghee, Seungho and Cheolyong,” he explained without looking at me yet. Joon threw a pair of shoes at my feet. “Here, put this on.”

I nodded and knelt to slip my dirty feel inside the shoes. Once I looked up, Joon had already started walking away with both bags. I tried to catch up, tagging along from behind. Then, as curious as I was, I began to wonder about a lot of things.

“How angry are omma and appa?” I questioned out of inquisitiveness. Joon slowed down his pace so I could follow.

“Appa was furious at you last time I checked. And omma was more upset at him for kicking you out.”

“Wasn’t omma upset at me?”

“Of course omma was disappointed in you and all, but she thought that appa was being a bit too harsh for kicking you out like that. I guess that both are just in shock. They love you a lot, you know. To them, you were a real daughter.”

The more Joon explained, the more I felt bad.

“You remind them a lot of my sister: my real one.”

At that moment, I was held aback. Joon had a sister? Was that the same person Joon was hesitating to talk about 2 years ago?

“You had a sister before me?”

Joon didn’t say anything at first. I could tell that he was trying not to cry. This topic was one full of pain and awful memories from what I could see.

“My parents always wanted a daughter, but my little sister died in an accident when she was 11. She was about your age.”

Everything he said was mind blowing. Nobody ever mentioned anything about a sister. They weren’t any pictures at home or anything like that.

“We tried to forget her. We had to get rid of most of her pictures in the house so that mom would stop crying. It worked, in a way,” he explained slowly in a monotone voice. “Then you came. Everything seemed to be slipping back in order. My parents adored you, you can’t even imagine. They felt as if they’re real daughter had come back.”

It was weird only finding all of this out now. I felt like all this time, I had lived in a home I didn’t even try to explore or get to know properly.

“What was your sister’s name?”

Joon smiled at this and his dry lips.

“Minyoung.”

Everything made sense now. Now it was easy to see why the Lee’s took me into their family with so much ease. I was like a second-coming.

“Ah,” I could simply make out, dropping my guard to the ground.

“But I never understood my parent’s. Asides from your age, your name and a few similarities, you’re nothing like my sister,” he continued as we kept walking forward in the rain. “My sister was girly, charming, serious and clever. She was nothing like you.”

“Then if you don’t like the way I am, why did you have feelings for me anyway?” It slipped out on its own even if I only intended it to be a thought. I expected him to deny everything and avoid the subject, but he didn’t. Instead, his heart seemed more open than I expected.

“I don’t now. I never thought that I’d like someone so shameless in public, overly energetic, clumsy and even spaced out at times,” he said while giving me a serious glance. I frowned a bit. “Although I hate to admit it, I found it quite charming. I fell in love with that Lee Minyoung. But now…” Joon began to slow down. “I don’t even know if any of that was real. I don’t know whether or not I was protecting a real person, or someone acting like that to hide her real self.”

I was utterly confused. He said that I was a two-faced freak, yet he was still here trying to help me in the midst of my mess. If he really hated me all that much, why didn’t he just let me drag myself on the streets? Why didn’t he just let me beg for mercy at their feet? Why was he here, with me, dropping down at my low level? Joon was such a confusing person, and it did nothing but frustrate me.

“I have a question,” Joon cut off my thoughts, bringing me back to my senses. I shook my head and gazed over to his serious face as he strolled beside me. “Why didn’t you kill me? The other day, you totally had the chance to get your revenge, but you didn’t… Why?”

He bit his bottom lip and scratched the side of his prominent jaw line. This time, I knew exactly what to say.

“I decided not to kill you for two reasons. One; because I found myself in my right mind again. I got a hold of Lee Minyoung.”

“What do you mean?” Joon wore a weird look on his face, almost telling me that I didn’t make any sense.

I beamed, lifting my eyes to the sky.

“Although you might not believe it now, but the Lee Minyoung who was shameless in public, overly energetic, clumsy and spaced out wasn’t fake at all. I just lost her for a while. Taking revenge and all of that isn’t usually my thing.”

Finally, Joon turned and gawked at me following him. His gaze became soft and comforting; I could feel it even if I wasn’t looking. They were filled with love: love I didn’t deserve.

“The second reason is a bit embarrassing, but you know, getting revenge on your family was hard mostly because of you. To be honest, as much as I didn’t want to, what I told you during the fire two years ago was true, and it’s still true today. I fell in love with you, and I couldn’t do anything to stop myself from loving you more. Although so many things I’ve told you were lies, I promise that this is one thing you should believe.”

Joon was quiet for a while. He seemed to be stuck into his deepest of thoughts. I wasn’t sure how he was taking this all in. I was never the type of person who liked to express how I truly felt. This time, I felt like he needed to know once and for all. I hid it deep in my heart for way too long and it had to be released.

“I’m not expecting you to feel the same way again. It would be hard to trust me after everything I did. In the end, it’s good that you don’t like me anymore. I better start doing the same: trying to get the idea of us ever being possible, I mean. Besides, Hyuna probably deserves you more than me… She’s been waiting for you to feel the same for years.”

I didn’t want to look at him because I knew that I would fall for his strong gaze again. My head turned to the other direction as we continued to stroll under the umbrella. The silence was not tolerable anymore. It was way too awkward.

“We’re here,” announced Joon once we made it on front of the door, thankfully. He obviously wanted to end this extremely uneasy conversation at once. He went up the short flight of steps as I followed from behind. He marched rapidly towards the door as if I hadn’t said anything.

After knocking on it, Cheolyong opened for us.

“What is she doing here?” he said with an irritated tone,  giving me a slight frown. Obviously, everyone was still bitter about me.

“Is there room for another person?” asked Joon with a brighter expression.

“No, there are only 4 rooms, one left for you and that’s it,” Cheolyong looked at me in acrimony. It hurt to see him see me that way.

“Ok, then she’ll stay in my room,” Joon compromised, not seeing the problem. This, coming from Joon, made my heart beat like crazy. The idea itself was something I would prefer not doing, especially if I want to eliminate all my feeling for him. Staying in the same bedroom as him would only add fuel to the fire. Besides, it wasn’t as if the boys wanted me there.

“Ani. It’s alright Joon. If they don’t want me, I can leave,” I assured while picking up my bag and taking a few steps back, but Joon managed to grab hold of my wrist.

“Come on Cheolyong’ah…” pleaded Joon, now moving his fingers from my wrist to my hand. Mir sighed, giving up and letting us in. In some sense, I felt thankful despite the room issue. Cheolyong was such a kind soul.

“I don’t know why you would still trust…”

I cut Cheolyong off with a hug. My embrace was so tight, I could hear him choke on his breath between my arms.

“Thank you! Thank you so much, Cheolyong oppa!” I shouted genuinely happy that Mir gave me a chance. Joon pulled me away from him with a slightly fuming vibration to his voice.

“Yah! Don’t go overboard with the hugging! It’s gross,” he shouted like a defensive animal protecting what was his. I bit my lip and pulled off a discrete smile. Whenever he was like that, he always seemed a lot more attractive than he already was.

Cheolyong stood in place, unable to move because of my sudden outburst. Joon pulled me towards the living room past Mir where the others were. My heart started to pound loudly once I saw Byunghee and Seungho. They were the scary ones. Their glares indicated that they weren’t expecting me at all.

I predicted them to kick me out right off the bat.

I was wrong. After glancing over to the side, Seungho and Byunghee went back to watching TV, as if I wasn’t there. Even if they didn’t fume in anger like the other day, my heart still ached like crazy.

“You can put your stuff in your room, Joon. We were just about to eat,” mouthed Byunghee, making it clear that it was going to be a long night for me. Joon hit me with his elbow and beamed brightly.

“Hey, I’ll be back. Stay here, okay?” he mouthed calmly. Just having him by my side made me feel so much better. I made my way beside them, in the living room. Plates were scattered on the table, ready for grabs. I was starving, especially because I didn’t have anything to eat since I got back from school. As Mir, Byunghee and Seungho began to stuff food in their mouths while staring at the television screen, I sat on the floor nearby, hesitating on taking a pair of chopsticks.

In the middle of my internal debate, Mir slid a bowl on front of me, giving me the cue to get food. Byunghee passed me the pot of noodles without giving me the slightest of eye contact. Although I was hungry, I didn’t feel like it was appropriate for me to eat. I smile dimly right when Joon came into the room.

“What’s for dinner?” asked Joon who had changed into more comfortable clothes. I got up and bowed. The boys were so nice, it didn’t seem right to accept the kindness.

“It’s alright, I won’t be eating. I’m not very hungry,” I lied out of guilt. All three gave me quick glances as I made my way past Joon and into our room. I closed the door behind me and leaned on it for a while. I couldn’t do anything without feeling bad about it anymore.

“Yah! What did you guys do? Why is she acting like that?” demanded Joon for an answer.

“I don’t know, you tell me,” replied Byunghee. I could hear them talking loud and clear from the room.

“Look, I know that it’s weird having her here, but she’s going through a really though time right now,” debated my brother with conviction. “Don’t make it hard on her.”

None of them bothered saying anything.

“I’m the one who she tried to kill and you’re the ones who can’t forgive her? Does that even make sense?” said Joon in a loud voice.

“We’re not totally mad at her anymore, Joon. It’s just a bit weird. We always saw her as a little sister. But after all that drama, what are we supposed to think of her now? Was anything she ever told us about herself really who she is?  I don’t know… You should still be a bit skeptical.”

“Just treat her like you normally do,” he demanded in a strong voice.

“Oh Joon, we all know why you’re still trying to protect her by bringing her here. You have feelings for her again, don’t you? Actually no, you always have. Even when you were with Hyuna,” insisted Seungho. I stuck my ear to the wooden door to hear further.

“No way. I’m way over Min. How can I like someone that’s been lying to me about herself for the past 2 years? In fact, I don’t even know her well enough,” he replied with a mocking tone, stuttering a little.

“Ok then, if you don’t like her, bring her stuff to me. She’s sleeping in my room tonight,” suggested Byunghee, totally out of nowhere.

My knees trembled. What was he saying?

“If you don’t want her, then give her to me,” he continued further. Joon stuttered some more.

Was he actually hesitating? Couldn’t he give up his pride to save me from a night with ‘lady’s man Byunghee’?”