“M-m-more than a sister?” I asked for clarification. Joon moved on to the next bruise and beamed lightly, almost teasingly.

“Yeah, you’re practically like my daughter if you think about it. Some people even think that I change your diaper. That’s how much I look out for you,” he explained as he finished up the bruise. I sighed in relief, thanking God that he didn’t mean what I thought he meant. I glared intensively at him, making a grin grow on his face.

Slowly, the dim smile faded away as he went back to his depressive state. I could tell that he really loved Hyuna. It somewhat disappointed me. I guess you can call it jealousy. No… envy.

That feeling of envy towards her didn’t make me hate Hyuna surprisingly. It was odd, but that envy made me hate Joon all the more. I hated him for making me like him. I hated him for being so kind and protective. I hated him for plainly existing.

Only if he didn’t exist at all. I would’ve still had my family. I wouldn’t be in this mess in this life I never wanted, with these people I hate with all my heart. 

***

As the weeks went by, the more I noticed Joon’s change in behavior. He didn’t wear his usual attractive smile, which was absolutely fine by me. Hyuna had deleted all her Facebook pictures with Joon and vice-versa. The more he said that he was angry at her, the more he conducted weirdly. I caught him crying in his room at one point. He spread his body on the floor and sobbed the entire evening. My guess was that he had a few emotional talks with Hyuna that day.

On my part, officially, I was going insane. Completely insane. I was in my own little world, it was scary. I locked myself in my room after school only to cry my eyes out. My old family pictures were laid out on the bed and my journal with ‘the plan’ sitting near my lap.

“Junho oppa,” I called my brother in sobs. “Why isn’t seeing Joon struggle like this making me feel any better? I’ve just made a big mess.”

I tugged on my shirt in the chest area, trying to withhold my aching heart. I shut my eyes for a while, thinking of what to do next. My mind wasn’t in the right place to think right at the moment.

In the midst of my thought, the doorbell interrupted me. I shrugged off my bitterness and dragged my feet to open the door. It was Byunghee and Mir… carrying an unconscious Joon on their shoulders.

“What happened to him?” I asked not even caring about my scruffy appearance.

“We found him at a bar after he gave us a call. He was crying like crazy before he hung up. He’s always like that when he’s drunk…” explained Mir at a rather fast pace.

I made way so they could carry him to his room.

“He’s been sleeping for a few hours now,” added Byunghee, catching his breath from the large amount of energy he was losing from carrying his friend. “It’s Hyuna. It’s because of her…”

“What happened?”

“Well, you see, for the past weeks, Hyuna and Joon were secretly dating.”

“Dating? Since when?”

“I told you. Not long ago. They wanted to wait before telling anyone. But because of the incident, well they broke up,” he continued, wavering on his every word.

“Because of me, you mean…” I finished blankly by stating the obvious. Both nodded without making the slightest eye contact with me. “But why is Joon like this? Does he miss her that much?”

“Apparently, Hyuna found a new boyfriend.”

“That quickly?” I exclaimed in surprised. The boys dropped Joon on his bed and let out a sigh of relief.

“I still don’t understand these two. Hyuna and Joon are each other’s obsession. They’re relationship has always been that complicated,” finished Mir still trying to catch his breath. “Well, we have to get going.”

“Alright. Thanks for bringing him here,” I greeted with a friendly wave as I walked them out the door. I went back to Joon’s room and gave him a long stare. “I’ve destroyed you, but why do I feel terrible even when I shouldn’t?”

I couldn’t take it anymore. Lee Joon was making me crazy and there was only one way to settle it. My conscious self was long gone at this point. My whole body was trembling while I gathered what I needed.  Once everything necessary was gathered on the bed, I pulled Joon to a sitting position and tied his arms tightly to the backboard of the bed and his feet together with cloth. His eyes were still shut when I walked over to close the door.

I pulled a knife out of my pocket and stared at it for a second.

“You can do this Min.” I marched over and sat on the side of the bed beside Joon. I held the knife ready to stab him, not even thinking about the consequences of my actions. Before I could do anything, he started stretching as his eyes gradually opened. When he finally became fully aware of his surroundings, he jolted in astonishment.

“Min’ah!” he shouted once he saw the sharp object in my hand. “What the heck are you doing?”

My hands held onto the knife harder without answering him. He glanced at every corner, his locked arms and legs and understood what was going on.

“Min’ah. You aren’t trying to… What’s going on?” he questioned seemingly a bit dizzy from the alcohol.

“SHUT UP!” I cut him off, even startling him with my heavy tone. “I should’ve done this the moment I met you.” I brought the blade to his neck and held it, ready to press harder.

“Are you insane? Why are you trying to kill me? What did I do wrong?”

“Don’t act like you didn’t do anything. I know that you’re the reason main my family is dead. You said it yourself. The accident was completely your fault. You don't deserve to smile. I lost EVERYTHING because of you, Lee Joon oppa.”

Joon sat up properly and swallowed.

“Yes. I admit that I did say that and it’s true. I won’t deny it. But it’s been 2 years, Min.”

“They were the worst 2 years of my life! I tried to forget my family, but I couldn’t. So I wanted to get back at you for ruining my life. Your mom’s garden, your dad’s presentation boards, the fire, you getting in trouble for beating up Kikwang, your fight with Hyuna: all that was my fault.”

“You never told me that you were angry at me. Why the heck didn’t you just say you hated me instead of doing all those stupid things? Do you know how much mom and dad suffered because we lost the house from that fire? Did you have fun playing around with Hyuna and me? What is wrong with you? Do you even have a heart? You’re so freaking selfish, Min!”

“SHUT UP!” I shouted again, pressing the blade closer to his skin. Joon took a deep breath and searched for my merciless eyes.

“So does that mean that we meant absolutely nothing to you? Everything was a lie?” he whispered in a softer voice.

I gave in. My deep stare remained trapped in his as I began to tremble with tears.

“When you said you had a blast fishing with dad at the lake… When you said that cooking with mom was the best part of your day… Was that all an act?” Joon was trying to make me feel guilty, I knew it.

“You aren’t my family,” I responded in a cold tone, not letting go of my position.

“How about that kiss from two years ago? Did you really not feel anything at all?”

Darn it. It was working.

“For the longest time, that kiss drove me crazy. Now, I regret it more than anything in the world,” finished Joon, answering his own question.

As soon as he pronounced those last words, I loosened my grip and dropped the knife. My body grew numb and I burst into genuine tears. My guard went down as my hands came up to cover my soaking face.

I untied his hands and set his legs free as well. I placed the pocket knife between his fingers and forced him to lock them.

“I don’t deserve to live.” I lifted up my face to meet his gaze. “Just get rid of me.”

He threw the blade I gave him at the other end of the room and squeezed my neck. I was scared like never before. Never had anyone handled me with that much strength.

“By killing you, I would be doing you a favor,” he asserted before throwing me on the floor. I held my soar neck and slowly got up and out of the room. I didn’t dare look back at Joon who was burning in fury. I just put myself in a massive amount of trouble.

Likely, Joon was going to tell everyone. When that happens, I would be screwed. 

Thinking back on it, Joon was right. Why did I even create my stupid plan instead of being honest from the start? All the pain I caused made me feel worst. I never even stopped to think about how much my new family did for me. After seeing a furious Joon, I realized that having the person I was in love with hate me hurt like crazy. My selfish nature blinded me from my blessings. Now I’ve made a mess. Revenge came back to bite me with my own poison.

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