The maknae came back to him until that night Yong Guk burst into his room.

He never laid his hands on Zelo except that one night though, never even thought of it.
He would let Zelo into his room and the maknae would sit on his bed, watching him while he played on the computer.
They never talked much especially not about that night or Yong Guk.

First he had disliked him walking in and out of his room, after a while he got used to it.
Zelo never talked about his feelings, never bothered him with questions or whined about anything.
Only when he saw that gleam in the maknaes eyes, the sadness and pain it bothered him and he restrained from looking him in the face.
He made sure he wouldn’t see and he kicked Zelo out when those feelings threatened to sink into his bones again.

Himchan thought that maybe Zelo used his presence to cool down.
When he’d asked him why he spend so much time around Zelo had smiled a broken smile and told him it was because Himchan would treat him coldly and that it was what he needed.
Himchan figured it was probably true, he didn’t want to know anything, didn’t want to listen so he’d never ask about Yong Guk or Zelos feelings.
There was no need for Zelo to explain himself, no need to talk and Himchan would never try to cheer him up or offer him any advice because he just didn’t care for the younger.
 

Zelo came back the evening after their shooting too.
While everyone else was busy he slid into his room, dropped on his bed and stared at the wall.
Himchan had thought of asking him why he came back, why he wouldn’t stop coming over after he had touched him in front of Yong Guk but he didn’t.
They both had their reasons to do what they did.
Zelo had started to cry after a while, silently trying to swallow down his sobs but they still travelled to Himchans ears.
This time he hadn’t told him to leave.
He’d left instead.

In the morning he’d grabbed Zelos wrist he really had intended to , for the fun of embarrassing Zelo, for the fun of irritating Yong Guk.
But when he met Yong Guks eyes something broke inside of him.
His eyes seemed to tell him to be careful, seemed to warn him and his gaze showed him he was inferior to Zelo.
How was that possible only because of the maknae?
How was Zelo more important than him?
Any remains of sympathy for Zelo flew out the window along with his willpower to hold back his grudge.
It had him boil with anger and that’s when his attitude changed, when his joke turned into the urge to make Yong Guk feel some of the pain that was constantly torturing Himchans heart and so he did what he hadn’t plan to do.
He wanted to let Yong Guk know his little friend was far from perfection that he had ran into his arms like a little .
He dropped the hint on his leader, yes he had held his precious maknae so what would Yong Guk do about it now?

The memory kept repeating in his head like an infinite loop.

He’d stumbled into a bar after leaving Zelo in his room, drinking random beverages, not minding their taste as long as they contained alcohol.
All he wanted was to drown out the burning pain in his chest, the fact that Yong Guk was fully captivated by Zelo, the fact that Zelos emotions had started to sink into his bones making him hate himself as much as the maknae.
He was playing that little mind-game with the leader, made him angry and hurt him purposely.
Because Himchan was hurt too, because he had been the first that had been hurt and the other should feel that.
 

When he came back and found himself being confronted by Yong Guk he wanted to yell at him, the voice in his head screaming loud and clear.
For his friend to notice him again, for him to look at him again, telling him how much he hurt him, how irresponsible he was!
He wanted to tell him how much he despised the person he’d turned into, his blindness, his cowardice, his narrow minded behavior.
All his thoughts rattled in his head but he couldn’t let them slip.
Never would he let them out on the surface unless Yong Guk figured them out himself.
So he shook him off and rushed to his bed, his head spinning a bitter taste of alcohol and tobacco in his mouth and the thought of his friend doing loops on his mind.

There was so much unpleasant emotion flooding his body he felt like he was about to burst any time soon.
And he wasn’t sure if Zelos constant presence had made things worse or if it was actually beneficial in a way, he just couldn’t determine.
He simply decided to blend out his presence, though it was an impossible enterprise.
Therefore he tried to not get too involved with Zelo.

All the while he never once thought of telling the maknae what he’d seen Yong Guk do the night before the incident in the kitchen.
 

When he’d snug out his room around 2am that night he found Zelo in front of the TV, Yong Guk sitting next to him, watching the young boy sleep.
At first he had wanted to brag in and disturb his leader in his trance but he just stood there watching the two.
Rather watching his friend how he bend over the maknae, his fingertips brushing his cheek.
Himchan bit down on his lip when he saw the gentleness and affection in Yong Guks gesture.
His hands clenched into fists.
It wasn’t fair.
He’d dragged himself back to his room and dropped on the bed and he wasn’t going to admit it, that probably he had made a mistake.

He felt despicable, in his eyes the others were too but it didn’t matter.
There was no regret for what he’d done, he wasn’t sorry but somehow his little game got him tired.

He had Yong Guk believe they’d done it a couple of times.
It was a lie but he wouldn’t clarify it.
Zelo never made an attempt to explain the misunderstanding either.
It didn’t matter anyway.
Most probably even if he told him the leader wouldn’t believe him, he wouldn’t care because once was probably enough.
Because he had dared to taint the perfect, innocent creature that was Zelo.

It hadn’t been his intention to inflict pain to either of them, it turned out to be like that and it hadn’t stopped him but it had never been his plan.
He had thought that Zelo would feel too ashamed after offering himself to him, that Yong Guk would think he was easy and it would drift them apart but he was proven wrong.
They still longed for each other; they probably did more than ever.

Even now with Jongup playing knight in shining armor for Zelo, Himchan could tell that what the pink haired boy really wanted was for Yong Guk to step out and claim him.
And in a way Himchan wanted him to do so as well because it would prove that there was still some of the old Yong Guk left.
And that was all he wanted after all, his Yong Guk back and it didn’t even matter anymore if it was with or without a pink haired brat attached to him.

Initially he hadn’t cared for Zelo but after he’d spend so much time with the boy, after seeing, feeling and hearing his deep affection for the leader he’d gotten soft and at least he couldn’t hate him anymore.
Matter of fact he got used to the younger boy and in the depth of all his grudge and antipathy a little spark of sympathy had grown.

He still wasn’t pleased with the idea of them being together but it was probably better than watching them suffer. 

However he wouldn’t apologize to anyone or ever admit that he wished them well he’d probably choke on his words if he tried.

(Note: I'm sorry for mistakes in tenses etc...this chapter killed me with all the memorie thinking!)