Taeyeon

‘Return to your village. You are the daughter of a chief. You serve a purpose to the village. Stop spouting lies and just… leave. I do not require your services anymore. From what I know, you are the cause of my problems. Just leave before I really do kill you.’

I am the daughter of a chief, I serve a purpose to the village and I was spouting lies. These could not have been any more further from the truth. Yes I was the daughter of the chief but I was not treated as one. Instead of serving a purpose to the village, I remained in that small room with only the knowledge of the books and elders. I did not know the true human nature. All I knew was the fundamental nature of humans.

Books generalised everything. Not everyone acts and feels the same way about different things and I have no knowledge or experience in this. I was just an onlooker from the outside with no access to sounds, just visuals.

When my name was pulled from the names of others, I really thought that I would no longer remain in this world. I would no longer become a useless onlooker. I would have served the purpose of saving one’s life and become of some use to at least one person’s life. I was desperate for change. I did not wish to remain in that small room for the rest of my days. I had spent so much time in that small room that I even know all the small little cracks and chips that the walls had.

I wanted a chance for change. When I realised that I was to become a ‘sacrifice’ to the Ice Princess, I saw my chance for change. Even if I was to end my life, I wanted change.

I came up to the mountain, against my father’s wishes and against the guards’ persuasions. I was scared that in the next village, I would become an onlooker again. I would just sit and watch as the villagers went along with their daily needs. Only difference was that I knew nothing of that new village. I would become a confused onlooker.

I had found the chance of a new and different life, but I was a coward. I had found that chance at change but I took the wrong route. I would have rather ended my life than have taken the chance at a better life. The route proceeding up into these mountains represented my chance. The fork in the road represented my choices; my ending.

One road was covered in trees and bushes. The road to the village. I could not see the end of the road and I had no knowledge of what was to come ahead. The second road was clear and clean. I knew what the end was and I took it. I was no better than any other rodent out there. They move from their burrows and scurry around with curiosity, not scared to brave the wild. Instead I ran back to the burrow after only a few steps. A coward beyond cowards.

A hero is what the village had called me. It would be the last memory they had of me; the girl who willingly gave herself up to the village. That memory would only last a few generations before I am forgotten again. I would be left in the shelf of the past heroes to collect dust.

I was by no means a hero. I realised that I did not do this for the village. It was for my own benefit. My selfish greed for change.

I had come up to the mountains accepting the fact that my life was coming to an end. Even with that thought in mind, I still managed to cower away from it when I saw another chance. A safer chance. The princess was my second chance at change.

It was not as extravagant as the choice of going to the village and not as risky either. I saw that chance and did what I could to keep that chance. The princess could bring about everything that I wanted. Change.

I would have someone to talk to and not have to be taking down notes or memorising everything they said. I would have someone there to comfort me as I would have someone there who I could comfort in return. I would no longer remain alone in that room by myself. I would no longer be a pair of eyes watching over everyone’s actions. I would be part of the crowd. I would actually exist amongst people’s current memories.

Even if it was just only one person, I wanted to exist in their memory. Jessica Jung was someone who could have given to my selfish wants. They weren’t needs. Nothing was ever a need to me. It was my own desire for some meaning in the world that I had taken the easiest way out. To exist to only one person was enough. I was so keen in keeping this chance of mine that I even turned my back against my villagers and even my father.

I raised my hand against my father and threw snow at him to drive him away. I was a disgrace to my family. A traitor. But I did not care for it. I wanted to keep my existence with Jessica. I did not want my father taking me back to the lonesome room where I would be forgotten again. My title of being a hero to the village would also be stripped away as I would be marked as a coward. I would be blamed for the cold winter and it would be my fault that I did not appease the Ice Princess.

I had no one to blame but myself. I took too many shortcuts. I did not big high enough for my chance at change. As a result, I now trudge in the cold snow with no clue as to where I might end. This was an even bigger risk than going to the foreign village. I was making up for my lack of risk taking in this moment.

I walked through the snow with no vision. All I saw was white nothings. I could no longer hear anything but the cold howls of the winter and the trudging of my feet in the snow. My senses were feeling numb as the cold started penetrating through my clothes. With the spring bath I had earlier, my hair was now frozen solid thanks to the freezing temperature around it.

Had things been a lot different if I took the risky road to begin with? I would probably be mingling with the new villagers and starting my new life as one of the village people. I would not have my father keeping me in that small room and I would certainly not be walking blindly in this storm right now.

I wanted one thing.

Beyond anything else, I wanted change.

When the chance of change came, I cowered away. I wanted change but I did not want to risk myself for that change. I wanted everything served before me. I wanted to be spoilt like the selfish person I am and enjoy my desires without having to work for it.

I was repaying for my selfish acts now. I laughed into the cold wind pathetically. I was paying gravely for my acts of selfishness. What was I doing in this moment, I had no clue. Where was the easy road out of this mess? Was there an easy way out of this mess?

“Kim Taeyeon. You prepared yourself for your end. Why are you desperately clinging onto what remains of your life?” I asked myself with pity. I pitied myself.

I had walked out of that village with the thought of dying in my head. I was brave. I was a hero. I laughed pathetically.

I had cheated the village. Instead of being brave, I was the biggest coward. Instead of being a hero, I was being a selfish and spoilt princess.

“There is an easy way out,” I stopped walking through the snow at my sudden realisation. I had just realised that what I was doing was another selfish act. I was walking in hopes of finding another chance at change.

“End it now Taeyeon. You’ve had your fair share of selfish acts,” I told myself. I willingly stopped walking through the snow and stood there. I probably looked like a mad person as I just smiled to myself. I sat down in the cold snow and huddled myself together. This was one act that I would not do out of selfishness. I no longer would be a burden to anyone. I would no longer be making inconsiderate acts, and I would no longer be a waste of a human body. I would finally become what I always was.

Inexistent.

Jessica

‘Does it pain you to see her like this?’
‘Jessica. Help me.’
‘Jessica!’

Those words were still vividly replaying themselves inside my head. It hurt. Every word that was uttered would cause me to feel a throb of pain to both my head and chest. With each moment that passes, I find myself regretting everything that I’ve done. That Taeyeon girl may have a family grudge against me, but she surely did not show it. From what she said earlier, she had no clue of it.

And yet I didn’t stop to listen to her. Why was I so hasty in trying to get rid of her? In that moment, she was standing outside in the cold snow. I did not think of how she may be feeling. After what happened last night, she was not fit to stay out in the cold. Her hair was most definitely still wet from the springs, her hands were probably cold from throwing the snow and her body would still be cold from the missing overcoat and layers.

Why am I realising all of this now? Everything that I am realising now is just making me feel even worse. I was her enemy yet she did not act against me, even when I abandoned her in the snow after helping me fend off her own father. She even apologised for being who she was even though it was not her fault she was born into the family. She just apologised and left.

“Taeyeon…” I whispered full of regret. The first day she came here, she was not like the rest. She proudly stood before me with no sense of fear in her eyes. She refused to leave when I gave her my useless threats and even proceeded in trying to appease me.

I looked at the bag of belongings that she had left behind. They held the remains of her food rations and the rest of her clothes. There was barely any bread left as there was a minimal amount to begin with. Even with this knowledge, she still continued to give me a whole loaf.

Would it have been better if we had never met? She would not have to face the winter cold and be thrown around in and out of my cave so often. One moment I welcome her, the next I push her as far as I possibly can. I’ve been separated from human contact for so long that I can no longer control my actions towards even one single girl. Even my feelings can no longer control themselves.

Was I so desperate for human contact that I remained attached to her? The moment I found a flaw, a weak point, I threw her away. I found her family bloodline a threat to my desire of company. I remember now. I had pushed her away to save myself from further pain in the future when she turns against me. I did not want to fall a victim to her, so I made her the victim instead. Whilst she became the victim, I became the villain.

‘Don’t let me go back.’

Her weak voice that night sounded so desperate. She pleaded for me to keep her so that she would not have to go back to the village. I had told her that I would not allow her to return… and yet I had just done the opposite. A was a villain beyond demons. I had not kept my word for even a day.

I hated myself. I hate myself for bringing this all on myself.

I needed the companionship for someone so much that as soon as someone was willing to stay with me for more than a day, I instantly attached myself to them. Instead of trusting that one person who would rid my loneliness, I became even more insecure. I waited for that one flaw to show itself and instantly took the chance to gain the upper hand, which in the process made me lose that one thing I wanted.

Company.

A gave a heavy sigh and rested myself against the cold cave walls with the small wolf cub in my arms. After it had eaten what was left of the ruined berries in Taeyeon’s overcoat, it refused to leave the cave. I had no heart to send it out into the cold again. After all I had already sent an innocent girl out there by herself. I did not need another fault to add to my list.

Taeyeon would probably be back in the village in front of a fire. Her father is probably apologising for bringing her up here in the first place. Life goes on and I would still remain here by myself.

“At least you provide me with some company for now,” I whispered to the wolf cub in my arms. The wolf cub just stirred in my arms before resting itself again. It seemed that even a wolf did not desire my company. With this thought, Taeyeon came back into my mind again. She had somewhat wanted to stay with me. Even if it was for her own reasons, she was willing to stay with me in this cave. She was willing to fight the cold and scarce source of food to remain here. Even if I was not part of her plan, she would have willingly accepted my company.

I picked up one of the nearby sticks with my hand and sighed. If I could undo time, I would have returned back to the time when she had just stepped out from behind the bushes after fending off her own father. I would probably go back to the first time we met. There I would accept her willingly and not have made the mistake that I had just made.

I would not want to go back any further. It may be my selfish act of wanting someone there with me, but I do not wish to go back to a time where Kim Taeyeon did not exist to me. It would have caused me a lot of grief but I knew what I would be doing if I had never met Kim Taeyeon. I would be waiting for the next five years for a girl to be brought up to my cave and set her free, only to wait another five years for another.

Now I was back to where I would be. I’m waiting for the next five years for another one to come up to my cave, if there will be any. Except the only thing different is that I would have the memories of Taeyeon repeating themselves inside my head. We had only known each other for a mere three days and yet I have grown this attached to her. I blame the lack of contact I had. As soon as I found someone, my body automatically attached itself to that one human girl.

What had I done to deserve all this? I was not the one who murdered all those women. I was trying to bring them justice. I was not a selfish Princess either. I would frequently visit my people and try to do what I can to attend to their needs. My kingdom was a peaceful one in which the people had a say in how they live.

Why was I being punished? It didn’t make any sense.

I sighed heavily as I could feel my body slowly becoming irresponsive. I had tried to get some rest earlier but I was only met with a horrifying dream. I did not want to go back into the dream world again in fear of experiencing something worse. Instead, I etched the name of my sorrows into the snow floor with the stick at hand.

Kim Taeyeon.

A simple name with did not need one to be fluent in the language to pronounce. Such a simple name was given to a being that had complicated my life so.

I placed the stick down beside the name that I had just etched. My body was too tired. I had to get some rest. Staying awake did not bring me any justice. I still agonised over the missing village girl. If I were to agonise over her loss, I might as well get as much rest as I could at the same time. The warmth of the cub in my lap was slowly pulling me into the world of dreams.

It was comforting, but not comforting enough. The only thing that would satisfy me in this moment was the comfort of Taeyeon’s body against mine. To feel the warmth of her body radiate onto my own as the beating of her heart filled the silence in my ears. She had mentioned before that her heart beats at the same pace as mine. Does that mean she feels the same random beatings of pain as I do whenever I think back to the event that changed what we had?

Did we even have anything to begin with? Three days was not merely enough to even know each other let alone build something between us. And yet, here I was, regretting my decision to push her away.

There may have not have been anything between us, but I knew for sure that I had something for her. Whether it was just the desire to be seen as a human once more and keep someone there for company or not, I knew that she had become something to me.

Three mere days and already, she’s found a way to embed herself in my mind. I have asked this many times before, but just who are you Kim Taeyeon? What makes you so different from the past women? Why are you so different?

Those were the questions in which I wanted to ask but I had no one to answer them for me. They would remain unanswered and forgotten.

Having enough of thinking things over, I positioned myself into a more comfortable position against the cave walls. The wolf cub remained asleep in my lap as I continued to its warm fur. Each brought me closer to the land of dreams until finally, I escaped the world of the living and entered the realm of the sleeping.

“So I see you have returned. You had your chance to escape princess. It seems that you never seem to take your chances,” a very familiar voice echoed through the snow. I looked around to see that I was back in the place where I was before. The snow was bleached white and I could not see beyond a few yards away from me. The chief who had banished me remained standing just in sight of my view with that same smirk her had from the previous encounter.

I did not want to remain here. This was another nightmare. I could feel it.

How was I to awaken myself from a dream? I had no control over my body in the land of the awake. Even so, my body would not respond due to its weakened state.

“Why do you look so panicked, dear princess? Do you finally fear what your punishment is for destroying my family?” the chief chuckled darkly. I backed away from the cruel man, only to find that I was going nowhere. With each inch that I moved back, he moved forward.

“G-Go away!” I yelled as I threw a handful of snow at him. The wind blew against the direction I threw and the snow flew back onto my face, causing me to shut my eyes to protect them. Once I opened them again, I saw the chief holding onto the reigns of the wolves in his hands.

This scene was all too familiar.

If the chief and wolves were here, then Taeyeon and that baker had to be nearby. I did not care for the baker in that moment. I wanted to see her again. Even if it is just a figment of my imagination, I needed to see her again. I felt as though I was slowly forgetting who she was and what she looked like already.

“Are you looking for my descendant?” the chief pulled back my attention. I gritted my teeth at him and continued to search through the impossible snow. The wolves’ growls and snarls were distracting but I was determined to find Taeyeon again.

I knew this was a dream but I did not care. I wanted to see the image of Taeyeon again. I want to be able to take that choker off her and release her from the grasps of the Kim’s bloodline. That is all I wanted in this dream. I did not care for taking my revenge on the baker, nor did I care for my hatred of the chief.

“Where is she?” I finally uttered when I could see nothing but snow. A dark and loud laughter was emitted from the chief as he held out his free hand. I had a feeling of what was to come next. My throat became dry once more as I could not voice out any other words. I could not yell to tell him to stop, nor could I emit a groan or whimper in disapproval. All I could do was sit and watch as a chain started building itself from the palm of his hands.

I tried to pull myself from the snow to grab the chain but my body did not comply with my wishes.my body forced itself to sit and watch as the chain continued to build itself.

As the chain was halfway built, a body stepped into my line of view with a large smirk on his face. I did not have to look twice to know that the baker was here to see me suffer. The events of the past dream were continuing. I had figured that much. The wolves, the chief, the baker. All that was left was the girl.

I continued to watch as the chain proceeded. I told myself that once Taeyeon appeared, I would do what I can to release the chains.

“On second thoughts,” the chief suddenly interrupted the dead silence. I quickly turned back to see that the chief had dropped the chains onto the snow. The chain had stopped proceeding and fell into the snow floor, following suit the chief’s end.

I felt both a wave of disappointment and relief. Relief in the fact that I did not have to see Taeyeon in that choker once more, but disappointment in the fact that I could not see her at all. Taeyeon causes so many contradicting emotions to flow through me at one time that it was beyond my understanding of how it can be even possible.

“Princess Jung, I had sworn that I would make you pay through my bloodline, had I not?” the chief voiced again. I still had not regained my ability to talk yet so I just merely nodded. The chief then gave an approving nod and gripped onto the chains of the wolves tightly.

“But I had not told you how I would make you pay. Shall we see how I shall make you pay right now?” the chief mocked with an evil grin. I braced myself as I stood proudly against the wolves. The baker beside him just chuckled and shook his head slowly in disappointment.

“Dear princess, we are not going to harm you. That would let you off too easily,” he remarked in that annoying tone of his. I cocked an eyebrow up at him, wondering what he could possibly mean. What other way would I suffer if the damage was not inflicted towards me directly.

“Through my descendants, I shall make you pay. I only said that I shall get my revenge through them. I did not mention that they shall inflict any damage to you, dear princess,” the chief continued hinting. I hated how he called me ‘dear princess’. It was mocking my princess heritage but also feigning the respect that one should give to royal blood.

“Have you understood yet?” the baker interrupted. I shot him a murderous glare to keep him quiet but it only seemed to heighten his amusement.

“Then I shall show you.” The chief lifted his hand with the wolves’ chains up high. I tensed as I watch him drop the chains. The wolves waste no time. As soon as the chains were dropped, they charged towards me. The wind had started blowing fiercely in the same direction in which the wolves were charging at.

Loud growls and snarls were emitted from the wolves as they continued to charge at me. I closed my eyes and waited for the impact of the wolves on me. I waited.

Nothing happened.

The wolves should have tackled me and started devouring me already. I should have then woken up from this dream and returned to the world of the living. Why had nothing happened?

I opened my eyes again to see the wolves had just run past me.

I was not their target.

I turned my head back to the chief and baker who now both had wide grins plastered amongst their face. I then caught sight of something that was not there before.

There in the palm of the baker’s hand was a chain. The baker tugged on the end of the chain and fully revealed its whole length. The chain went along the floor and waved its way towards me. It went completely past my body and proceeded to someplace behind. That someplace behind in which the wolves were running after.

‘Through my descendants’

Those words finally made sense.

I turned around quickly and saw the target of the wolves. My body could not move no matter how much I wanted it to in that moment. I wanted to grab the chains of the wolves and pull them back but they were far from my reach and closer to their target.

I opened my mouth to scream but all that came out was hot air.

The wolves continued running further away from me and towards her. I couldn’t watch but I had to. I had no control.

Everything started to slow down as the wolves tackled her down onto the snow floor. All I saw were the bodies of the wolves savagely digging into their prey.

“Jessica!” she yelled in agony.

I’m sorry. I couldn’t help. I’m not able to do anything. All I was good for was just sitting and watching.

“I’m sorry Taeyeon.” I finally managed to utter as the world of the dreaming slowly started to fade. I could feel myself slowly breaking apart as the chief stayed true to his words.

I was suffering greatly for what had just happened. The chief fulfilled his oath.

“Taeyeon!” I screamed as I as I abruptly came conscious in the world of the living once more. Loud howls of the wolves were then echoing through the cave walls as the young wolf cub suddenly became excited. I looked outside the cave entrance to see that the sun was starting to rise. Had that dream really taken that long?

I rubbed my head sorely as the images of the wolves above Taeyeon were still vivid in my memory. I finally realised that there would be many ways in which Kim Taeyeon could be utilised against me. Just the sheer thought of her being used like that sent chills down my spine.

I sighed heavily as I slowly looked around the cave. I noticed that the wolf cub was now outside the cave and seemed rather excited about something. I stood up from my place and walked out to where the wolf was standing. I followed its line of sight to see it staring towards the direction further off to the other side of the mountain.

As I continued to try and find what the wolf was looking at, I heard the familiar sound of my dreams. The ear-piercing howl of a wolf.

My body tensed immediately as the wolf cub began to grow more eager. I continued to listen to the open mountains, making sure that I was not hearing things.

Finally, I heard it.

The cry of the wolf pack.

I lifted both my hands up to my ears, trying to block all sounds of the terrifying call of the wolves. The wolf cub reacted quickly to the calling of the pack and immediately ran off into the snow. My ears were hurting from the wolves’ howl. My stomach was churning and my head was feeling light. It was all just a dream. The chief and the baker are long gone. Taeyeon is back at the village safely. She has to be.

For what reason would she want to remain up in the mountains?

I was just over thinking things in this moment. The wolves had probably found a mountain goat or another animal in the mountains. Why did my mind automatically think that it would be Taeyeon who would fall victim to the wolves?

I had to clear my head. Clear my head of that awful nightmare. I proceeded back into the cave and collected the sticks again to make a fire. The fire would provide me as a distraction. It would rid my mind of any thoughts of her.

As I was collecting up all the sticks and wood I could find in the cave, I encountered the stick that I had held in my hand just recently. The stick was lying next to the name that I had etched onto the floor before I had escaped to the dream world.

As I reached my hand out to pick up the stick, the wind suddenly blew into the cave. I closed my eyes slightly to avoid any unwanted snow from going into my eyes. I opened them slightly and eyed the name onto the floor.

As the wind continued to blow, the name that remained in the floor began to fade.

‘Jessica!’

Taeyeon’s voice.

The wind carried the cries of the village girl.

‘Through my descendants, I shall make you pay.’

No. It can’t be.

Taeyeon was safely back in her village.

‘Don’t let me go back.’
‘I’m sorry to have been a nuisance to you. I swear from now that I shall not bother you again.’
‘Thank you… and farewell.’

“Taeyeon!” I screamed as those words kept tormenting me. I could feel my chest beating irregularly with each beat sending a dagger through my body. With my eyes clenched tight, I felt something foreign escape the side of my eyes.

Tears.

Each drop that fell from my eyes began to fuel my body. I began moving out the cave with no clue as to where I was going. I just needed to know one thing.

I wanted to know and be sure that Kim Taeyeon was not the wolves’ prey.

I did not care for anything else in that moment. I had to make sure that village girl, the descendant of the chief, was safe.

As long as she was safe, I was willing to move on from everything. No longer shall I act upon my selfishness and desires. So long as she was safe, I was willing to receive any repayment.

Chief Kim. Heed my word. Protect Kim Taeyeon and I shall receive all that you will throw at me. She does not deserve to suffer for me.

Not now.

Not ever.

___________________________________________

Does it seem like taengsic have grown attached all too quickly? o_o

-shrug- it seems natural to me since they have gone so long without any proper company. so soon as they found the possible companion, they automatically grew attached.

meh that's just me anyway.

Okay so the real conflict shall start from the next chapter :)

Change of setting happening ^^

that is all i shall say :#