»Jessica«

“Don’t let me go back,” she whispered ever so slightly as she gripped onto me even tighter. I thought she was asleep just moments ago. Why is she so distressed right now?

“Please, just don’t take me back to the village,” the small body in my arms pleaded. What was I to do in that situation? Tell her that I wasn’t planning to take her back and keep her here where her life was potentially endangered? I’m sure that would have worked nicely considering that we’re both , spare for the pants, in each other’s’ arms. For now, all I could do was slowly put my arms behind her back and pat her slowly.

“O-Okay…” I said unsurely. I could feel her every movement under my hands. Whenever she breathes, I can feel her shoulders rise and fall. Even the slightest movements could be sensed and from what I was getting now, she seems to be very stiff. It must have been what she was thinking about during her short slumber.
But it doesn’t make sense. Was she not thinking about the ‘Ice Princess’ and ‘demons’ in her sleep? Why would she want to remain here with a demon?

“Jessica…?” I felt small movements underneath my arms again. Taeyeon’s body started to pull away from mine as I quickly retreated my arms back to my sides. She pulled back just inches away from me and stared up at me. Her expression was serious but confused. I just watched obediently as she scanned both of us. Her eyebrows furrowed as her chin wrinkled with her expression. This was not going to be easy to explain. Her eyes followed the layers of clothes around us before finally, whipping her head back to me quickly with alarm. I wonder if the cold has made her thinking abilities slower. That reaction was somewhat delayed.

“Wh-What are we…? Why a-are we…?” She panicked. I continued to watch her as she tried to answer her own questions. Mumbling mindless words that had nothing to do the situation and continually shaking her head, refusing to believe her theories. To avoid any more awkwardness, I took the outer coat around my shoulders and placed it around her body. She looked up at me with fear stricken eyes but I merely ignored it. It was amusing to see her panic like that.

“But… I was just…” she continued to mutter as she held her head. I just slowly removed the rest of the clothes and put on my own thin top. I never thought that this was possible, but I felt rather cold now. With the body heat that I had received from her earlier, my body was now much warmer to the cold air and for the first time in years, I truly felt the cold wind blow. I should probably start a fire. It would prevent any of these occurrences to occur again.

“Jessica?” Taeyeon’s unstable called out to me. Her cheeks were flushed with a slightly tone of pink as her hands were gripping onto the hem of the clothes on her knees tightly. Should I let her continue to fantasize or should I just tell her? I looked at the bits of wood and sticks I collected earlier and decided to make a fire to start first.

“Wh-Why were we both… n-?” I heard her stutter as I continued to create a flame. All that really mattered right then was the fire. I’m sure leaving her to think for herself for a few moments won’t change much. I ignored her and continued to start the fire. After a few moments, a flame was starting to flicker, but just as the fire was ablaze, Taeyeon stood in front of me. I just merely looked up at her with a blank expression and waited. I was expecting her to continue questioning, but to my surprise she didn’t ask me anything. Instead, she lowered her head slightly before making her way out of the cave.

I panicked. With each step she took towards the entrance of the cave my body felt colder. Even with the fire burning in front of me, my body was still losing its heat. To add to the uncomfortable feeling of the cold, the beating in my chest was rising. Instinctively I stood up and called out for her.

“Wait!” I called out for her. I did not call for her name for I had too much pride. Nevertheless she still stopped walking towards the entrance for a moment. I had to take this chance. I am not used to feeling this way. I don’t like change. If it means keeping that girl here with me to keep myself from feeling all this, I’m willing to keep her here.

“Your body was getting dangerously cold and the layers of clothing weren’t helping you fast enough. In order to keep you alive I just gave you some of my body heat. Nothing more.” I explained quickly. She hesitated. Even from a distance I could see the pink tone in her cheeks. Being the stubborn girl she is, she turned around and continued to walk out. I had to think of something quick.

“You still haven’t helped me yet,” I said abruptly. She stopped walking and stood there. I found it. Something that would make her rid of this growing feeling inside.

“And did you just not say you did not wish to go back to your village? Once you finished helping me, I shall consider keeping you here, even providing you with food and warmth.” If I were in her position I would have accepted the offer. With just the mere act of helping someone, you are provided for. It was a huge loss for me and a great gain for her. I did not care whether she was scared or me. She could hate me for all I care but I was determined to keep her here.

Slowly, she shuffled back to her original place in the corner of the cave. I couldn’t help but give a victorious smile. It felt nice to regain some sense of my authority back. Once she was seated again, she hugged her knees and buried her face into her arms. I sat on the opposite side of the fire and held my hands out to the flames to warm them up. There was never a need for me to build a flame before, so I had begun to forget how majestic it was against the white snow. The red flames dancing above the snow never failed to captivate me during my time as a Princess. I had also noticed that the snow that was below the flames had begun to melt into water.

Ice and fire. Two elements that could not coexist. Water shall always separate the two. I looked over to Taeyeon who was still burying her face into her arms. Her clothes were put on messily as the overcoats were just thrown over her shoulders and legs. I wonder if she was the fire or water. I was most definitely the ice, but whether she would remain with me or not depends on which element she is. Having someone accompany might not be so bad. I had always liked being alone when I travelled back then but every once in a while I would spend my time with the guards. They were loud and annoying but I got to know them through those small conversations. Now that time has passed, I do feel as though I miss the old times. The times before I stumbled across that wretched village were nothing more than a fleeting memory.

What am I thinking? Why am I missing those good for nothing men who were supposed to protect me? If they did their job properly I wouldn’t even be here. I was left here whilst they enjoyed their luxury lives. The village probably pampered them in order to prevent the kingdom and my family finding about what had happened to their precious princess.

The fire continued to crackle in the silence. I looked up once more at Taeyeon. She had not moved from her position for quite a while now. She must be asleep again. I picked up a stick nearby and started moving the sticks in the flame in order for it to continue burning. What was I to do now?

I’ll think about what to do later. I was tired. I have never done so much strenuous activities in over a hundred years. Carrying a girl up to the cave was more than enough. For now, I’ll just take a break and worry about the other stuff in the morning.

»Taeyeon«

My neck is hurting along with my upper back for some reason. I slowly opened my eyes. It was blurry at first but I could see something red in front of me. As I began to sit up, my back and my neck voiced their cries of pain. I stretched myself in order to rid myself of the uncomfortable feeling before turning back to the red object that was in front of me. To my surprise, it was an actual flame burning amongst the bits of stick and wood. Why was there a flame?

I looked up again, expecting to see the princess somewhere but I saw no one. I was left alone in the dark cave with nothing more than a flame burning in front of me.

“Jessica?” I voiced out. My voice echoed off the walls of the cave eerily. I was definitely left alone once more. I knew this feeling all too well. Sitting in front of the fireplace wondering about useless things about the world was something I did almost every day back in the village, this was no different. I brought my legs up to my chest and rested my chin against it as I began moving the sticks in the flame with another stick.

How much time has passed since I’ve been up here? One night… two nights…

I stopped prodding at the flames when I thought about the second night. Jessica had just brought me back up to her cave after she rescued me from the cold. It was blurry from there onwards until I woke up from that dream. I buried my head into my knees again as I remembered where and how I had awoken from that dream.

She had explained why she had done that, but it doesn’t make it any less embarrassing. A woman is to not be seen by anyone else aside from their husband and yet… last night.

This is too embarrassing! Not only was it someone who I had just met, but it was a female as well. Father would not be impressed with me in this moment. I should be punished and reprimanded for such acts. Not that anything happened but still…

I lifted my head up again and stared at the flickering flames. My ears felt unusually warm in that moment. This reminds me too much of those books I read during my time in the small room. Blushing I think it was called. It was described as the act of embarrassment or affection. Many books had written about this act when either one of the characters were talking to each other. But I’m here blushing by myself. Does that make me odd? I had never experienced this embarrassment before. Books and shelves do not necessarily make anyone embarrassed. My father was the only one who had actually conversed with me properly, that is if you call two or three sentences from each person a conversation.

My father…

“Come back to the village and you will survive Taeyeon. You can be human once more.”

That dream was coming back to me. That girl who was taken up the mountain was definitely the princess, but who was the man who held my father’s pendant, the man who I had mistaken as my father? Who was my father in that dream anyway? The man in the beginning said he was my father, but he did not know of the Ice Princess. The second man knew of the princess but did not know of me. The third man knew of the princess and claimed to be my father, but he did not look like my father. The village burning in flames… the large hole that consumed me… my father’s changing appearance.

“Oh you’re up,” a cold voice jolted me back to reality. I looked towards the source of the voice to see the princess holding a bundle of sticks, bark and wood, presumably for the fire.

“Oh… Good morning princess” I put my knees down and greeted her with a small smile. She nodded at me in acknowledgement but continued on placing the bits she had collected into the other corner of the cave with the rest. I had not noticed that there. The princess must have woken up quite early to gather that much.

“Jessica” The princess suddenly said bluntly. I blinked a few times with confusion at her sudden voice.

“You are to call me Jessica as you did before,” she continued in a stern tone.

“Ah yes. Jessica.” I answered back quickly. I couldn’t help but smile slightly at uttering her name. It means that we are somewhat close. I had never addressed someone by just their name before. It was always ‘Elder’ for me, set aside for my father. I had never addressed anyone as my mother though. My mother had never visited me in that small room. I could understand. I was someone who was not supposed to exist. What was the point of acknowledging someone when that person was not acknowledged by everyone else?

“Are you fully awake yet?” Jessica turned to ask me. I just nodded meekly with a smile as I stood up and stretched. I still had something I needed to do here. Jessica had said that I was to do her one favour.

“Do you want me to help you with whatever it was now?” I asked her. Jessica seemed to stiffen at my words slightly. Instead of answering me, she turned towards the entrance of the cave and shook her head.

“Not now. Not yet.” She uttered. Should I be worried about what it is she wished to do? If it was somewhat important, one would ask right away. It confused me as to why Jessica would leave it until later. But alas, I could be wrong. Everything I read could have been all fiction after all.

“You must be feeling uncomfortable right now. Follow me.” Jessica suddenly uttered again as she walked out of the cave. She had to warn me next time she was going to suddenly talk. Just saying anything out of the blue was not doing any good for my heart. Her added coldness to the voice was also unsettling.

Nevertheless, I followed her. The sun was nowhere in sight but you could tell it was morning. The storm clouds had passed but there was still a blanket of clouds left. As we were walking away from the cave, I couldn’t help but look out to the village. I could see the image of my dream taking over once more. Everything was up in flames whilst the villagers walked on as if nothing was happening. I really do hope that it was just the cold that was causing me have such dreams. I did not willingly come up here to have the village burn whilst I still survived. That would ruin the whole purpose of me coming up here.

“Oof.” I grunted as I walked into Jessica. I had not been paying attention but she had stopped walking. No words were uttered but she just merely pointed ahead. I looked to where she was pointing to see clouds of steam rolling off a clear surface of water. I took a step closer to get a better look. It looked like what they called a hot spring; natural hot spots in the earth. I turned around about to question Jessica about our reason for being here, but my timing couldn’t have been any worse. Jessica was taking off her top; leaving her bare underneath, save for the undergarment that covered her lower area.

“J-Jessica?” I stuttered in surprise. The memory of that night began to flash back into my head and I quickly turned around to face the hot spring again. I could feel my ears becoming warm again at the thought of Jessica being bare behind me. Father would not be happy. He would not be proud. This is wrong.

“You can stand and watch or you can get into the spring and clean yourself up.” Jessica’s blunt voice interrupted my self-lecture. She walked past my right shoulder and slowly slipped into the spring, hiding her bare body underneath the water. I turned around and faced my back towards her as I closed my eyes shut. This is wrong. This is most definitely wrong.

“Do you not feel dirty for not cleaning yourself up for two whole nights, especially after you were wrestling against the wolves just yesterday?” Jessica voiced out again. She was rather talkative lately. I just shook my head. I knew my voice would fail me if I were to use it.

“Well I am not going to be keeping something dirty in my cave. You can also help me with what we agreed on before.” Jessica offered again. I was indeed feeling uncomfortable from the strenuous exercise I did yesterday but this was not right. I suddenly felt a tug at the bottom of my pants. I quickly turned around to see Jessica tugging at it.

“You can jump in with your clothes on for all I care. It just means you’ll be colder once you jump out. I’ve already seen most of you anyway.” Jessica said rather bluntly. I pulled away from her again and crouched down onto the floor, holding both sides of my head as I shook it furiously. Don’t remind me about that. I could feel my cheeks starting to heat up as well. Jessica stopped tugging at me and stepped out of the spring. She walked past me and stood in front of me again. I did not dare look up. I was not to look up. No. Never.

No words were uttered. After moments of waiting, Jessica crouched down to my level. She pulled my chin up using her finger and stared at me fiercely. I held my breath. What was she doing? No. Don’t. Let me go. She took off my overcoat whilst still keeping eye contact with me, only occasionally breaking it to help with taking it off ever so slowly. I couldn’t move. I was frozen stiff as she continued to take the layers of clothing off until she reached the last layer. Just as she touched it I finally regained control. I pulled away from her quickly and stood up.

“I’m sorry but I would a-appreciate it if y-you didn’t… If you would stop… doing… that.” I uttered unsteadily. My heart was racing in my chest. Jessica sat there with a blank expression and continued to stare at me. Her stare was intense. It was causing me to become rather warm. Jessica stood up and stood in her mostly glory before me. As I was about to protect my innocence and turn around again, Jessica caught my jaw and forced me to stare at her.

“You’re rather submissive aren’t you?” She questioned me. I didn’t answer for I did not know the answer myself. Submission. Was I submissive? I followed everything that my father and the elders wanted. Does that count as submission?

“You have too much time to think, you know that?” Jessica continued to be the one talking. I looked up at her with panicked eyes. I couldn’t help it but I felt as though she knew more about me than I did myself. It was scary to think that others could understand me when I still have no clue of who I am. I was searching for answers as I continued to stare at Jessica.

But all I received was a quick smirk. What did that smirk mean?

Before I could even answer that, I felt Jessica’s hands on both my shoulders, pushing me back. She suddenly stopped and raised her eyebrow at me. I opened my mouth to maybe protest but she quickly shut it again. As soon as my mouth was securely shut, she gave a quick push on my shoulders. I stumbled back a few steps. On the third stumble, my feet did not meet with the floor. As a result, I fell backwards.

I waited for the cold floor to hit me but instead, the warmth of the water welcomed me. That welcome was short lived as my head went under water. I panicked. As a result of that panic, I breathed in. Instead of the air that I was so used to breathing, my mouth filled with water as it began to go the wrong way down my throat. I struggled against the water. I couldn’t see anything. I couldn’t hear anything. All I could feel was the burning of my lungs for air.

Just as I was about to take another breath of water, a hand grasped around my arm and pulled on me. The air welcomed me again as I coughed up the unwanted water inside my lungs. I took desperate breaths. I couldn’t have been anymore grateful for the air we have surrounding us. Once I was almost calm, I looked at the hand that had saved me. I traced it up to the arm, then the shoulders until finally to the face of the owner. It was none other than the princess.

Her face seemed different from what it was before. I don’t know how to describe it. Her eyes were dilated as was slightly open with I think shock. As I was coughing up the last of the water, her expression relaxed slightly, even accompanied by a sigh.

“I didn’t know you couldn’t swim.” She whispered as she gripped even tighter around my wrist. It was then that I noticed there was something around my waist. I looked down into the water and could faintly see Jessica’s arm securing around my waist. I felt the warmth rush to both my cheeks and ears again.

“I-It’s alright.” I croaked. There was still some evidence of water in my system but it wasn’t going to be a hassle with my breathing. I finally got the chance to realise how warm the water was around me. With it engulfing my whole body, it was rather comfortable. Naturally, I started to relax in the water. I was about to pull away from Jessica’s body but she held me down firmly. I turned to face her but she had a stern expression.

“I’m alright now…” I whispered ever so slightly. She just responded with a quick shake of her head. Instead of letting me go, she adapted. She let go of my wrist and held me by my waist. Slowly, she started to turn me around until my back was facing her. Once the position had changed, she securely locked her arms around the middle of my stomach.

“What are you doing to me Taeyeon?” Jessica whispered into my ear. I bit onto my lower lip. Was it wrong that I liked the warmth of Jessica’s body on my back more than the warmth of the water? Even with the water being warm, I still received shivers along my spine as Jessica rested her chin onto my shoulders. I sighed heavily. I should be punished to be content with what was happening now. Jessica’s secure arms around me waist were protecting me from the water’s darkness whilst the warmth of her body was warming both my insides as the water was warming my skin.

“I should be asking you the same question,” I laughed slightly, passing it off as a joke. I could feel Jessica behind me chuckle slightly. I looked up at the sky above us. I was sent here to die, to sacrifice myself. But here I was, enjoying my ‘punishment’. Is it wrong of me to be enjoying this? I feel as though I have cheated the village. I’m no hero. I’m no sacrifice. I’m just being selfish. I do not wish to return back to the village and tell them that the legends are not real. I do not wish to ruin this moment. I most certainly do not wish to return back to the village where I shall be stored away once more.

“Can I really stay with you?” I asked Jessica. There was a slight pause but I felt Jessica’s chin bump into my shoulder thrice. I assume that she nodded. I couldn’t help but feel a smile grow on my face. I would be looked after by her, cared for by her, and hopefully be acknowledged by her. Acknowledgement is all that I wish for. If at least once person acknowledges my existence, I am content. I shall not wish for more nor shall I ask for more. It was then that I remembered that I had one duty to do. I had to do Jessica one favour.

“Jessica, what was it that you wished me to do?” I asked as I turned around to face her. I saw that she was looking up at the sky above us with a troubled expression. I waited for her patiently. Problems are never easy to discuss. As I waited I made small waves with my hands in the water. Back in the village, we would have cleaned ourselves with a bucket of water. It was my first time experiencing having water engulf me completely. Although how I entered it may not have been comfortable, the time I spent in it was.

Unconsciously, a stifled laugh escaped my lips. I was amused by how the water willingly moved to my hand movements. I was startled slightly when Jessica suddenly grabbed onto one of my hands. She turned me around once more and forced me to stare directly at her. She continued to guide my hand with her own until it was placed above her chest.

I was about to pull it back, but she held it there steady. I blinked a few times with confusion. I could feel the beating of her heart underneath the palm of my hand. It was the steady heartbeat that I had felt before.

“Wh-What are you-” I couldn’t finish my question as she just let out a loud chuckle. I was confused. Did I do something that she found amusing?

“Did I do something wrong?” I questioned. Jessica just shook her head and continued to chuckle.  I was really confused now. What was the reason behind her amusement? I did not do anything at all that would amuse her. Jessica then lifted her hand up to my cheek and pressed it against the palm of her hand. I felt the left side of my body shiver slightly as she touched me. My hand above her chest started to feel her heartbeat beat faster as so was mine. She removed her hand later on to place it at my waist again to keep me afloat above the water.

The beating of my heart was filling my ears. All I could hear was the unsteady beating of my heart as Jessica continued to stare at me.

“I wonder if it’s just me that feels this. Taeyeon, I need your help.” She said to me sternly. I bit my lower lip nervously and nodded. I was determined to help her, but I wasn’t sure whether I could help her or not.

“I don’t know why… but recently… my heart has been beating unsteadily and it seems to involve you. Even just being this close, my body feels uncomfortable.” Jessica said sincerely. How was I supposed to respond to her when I did not know myself? I had never so much as socialised with anyone enough to know about these problems.

“Also, as the ice princess, I have never felt the feeling of cold against my skin. That was until you changed that. After that incident last night, after you left my arms, my body felt cold. For once I actually wanted a flame to warm me up.” She continued. I could tell she was troubled with the way she was explaining everything, but I couldn’t help but flush ever so slightly at what incident she was referring to. We were in a similar sort of situation now, but I still had a full layer of clothing between us.

Jessica paused in the middle of her talk. She lifted up her hand once more and pressed it against my arm. She smiled bitterly as our skins touched.

“And this feeling. This feeling right now. Wherever our skins touch, I feel a current, a wave, a shock, travel its way into my body. It’s like it’s fuelling my already unstable heartbeat.” She sighed heavily as she lowered her hand again. Along with her hand, her head lowered as if in shame. I really did not understand the princess but in that moment I didn’t need to.

“It’s not an uncomfortable feeling. I just don’t like change.” Jessica whispered with a defeated sigh. So the princess did have a weak side. I felt myself smiling even wider than before. I repeated what she had done to me before and used my hand to lift her chin up to face me. I smiled at her widely in hopes of reassuring her. That was all I could do. Smile and hope for the best. I was never the one giving comfort nor was I the one being comforted.

“So what is it you wish for me to do princess?” I mused. By knowing that she had a weak spot, an Achilles heel, I felt as though I could relate to her more. I felt as though she was slowly opening up to me. Jessica just smiled slightly at me and grabbed onto my hand which was on her chest. She sighed once more and gripped onto it tightly.

“I don’t know just yet. I may not like change, but the feeling of not having you here is even worse than the feeling I’m having now. You ruined my life Kim Taeyeon. My routine is no longer the same anymore. You came in and ruined it all.” She laughed at the end of her accusations. Although she had just accused me of ruining her life, her tone made me feel as though it was a good thing. I let myself laugh freely. Jessica also laughed along. Maybe my wish of being acknowledged was not so far after all.

“You shall remain here until we can fix the problem right?” Jessica questioned. I was more than happy to stay here even after we fixed her problem. I responded with a single nod and gave another smile.

“Of course. This lowly peasant shall remain by the princess’ side until she orders me to leave.” I mused. I could tell she was rather unamused with my mockery of her royalty status. Her eyes narrowed at me as her jaws clenched tightly. Whatever the situation may be, she is still the ice princess.

Her icy glares and cold attitude should deem her no less. But I knew one thing for sure. I knew that my village was wrong. The princess was no demon. She was far from it.

Here I am, bathing with the ice princess. I’m happier than I ever was back in the village. I am able to be seen and exist here. Even though I only exist to Jessica, it still proves that I belong here. I now have a purpose to my life. Jessica wants me here and I am more than happy to oblige to her wishes.

She had saved my life three times in the time span of two days and two nights. Although she was the one who endangered my life the third time, she still saved me from the clutches of the water. I remembered back to my dream.

I wondered whether that was how I truly see the village. Those who accuse the innocent of being demons, cannot see the demon in themselves. I was locked inside a room. Isolated. It provided me with time to think about things and ultimately saved me from becoming a demon myself.

Demon is such a harsh term but I did not know of anything else to describe it. How can one princess be able to control the seasons? Why did the village send women instead of troops? I found it all silly how my life was nothing in a village that was so low.

A village that lived in fear because of a legend. No one knows whether the legends were true, yet every five years a woman is sacrificed to the mountains. Jessica had mentioned that the women had fled to the second village. That second village beyond the forked road.

Did they have silly customs? Did they have horrible legends?

I would not know but I hope that they did not. Jessica was a girl who was judged and condemned unfairly. No one should go through the same experience. No one had the right to make someone else suffer eternally.

“You’re unusually quiet compared to the day you came here.” Jessica’s voice startled me once more. I just nodded ever so slightly and stared up at the sky above us. I thought back to the beginning of my dream. That girl that looked like Jessica…

Would my life have been like that if the legends were not true? I would have people coming over to visit me. The village would no longer live in fear. My father would acknowledge my purpose in the village.

It would all have been perfect. It was all I ever wanted. Had it not been for the legends created years ago, would I have lived that life? Although I didn’t know for sure how the village was like before this legend, I’m envious of them.

I looked back into the distance where my village was. Would that village ever be able to pull itself from the depths of the demon’s layer? Would it ever extinguish the flames and allow new life and experiences to grow peacefully?

I knew these questions I was asking were nonsense but they were relevant. I was a girl who was left to think for myself at a tender age. I was used to asking questions no one would think about.

I took a deep breath once more. I am seen as dead to the village now. They are no longer my concern. But to the girl behind me, I was very much alive. I should only worry about her for now. Although she may rid of me once she managed to find a solution to her problems, I would have no regrets. At least I had existed. But I could not lie. I did secretly want Jessica’s problem to remain unsolved. Or maybe, she would be able to keep me with her after she solves her problem. Either would be fine, but as I said, as long as there was proof that I existed, I shall be content.

The thought of dying alone had always scared me. Maybe that was why my father’s threats and reasons of keeping me inside the small room worked. I was scared to die alone. Even just leaving a mark in the world that proves I had once lived would be enough.

With Jessica now knowing of my existence, I would be able to pass on freely. Of course I would try to help her as much as I could, but I would be content if I were to leave this world earlier.

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