Heechul ignored Donghae’s angry grip on his arm as he pushed through the crowd of members. He could hear Sungmin shout through tears, and their manager’s soft voice. Leeteuk glanced at him as he stumbled forward, Donghae letting go at last. Eunhyuk wrapping his arms around his lover, caressing his arms soothingly. ‘You’ve done enough today Heechul, go to bed’ Leeteuk sighed, massing his aching temples. Heechul hadn’t spoken a word since he’d realised Kyuhyun hadn’t come out on stage for the end performances. His normally mischievous eyes were wide and confused. Leeteuk almost took pity on his Dongsaeng; he looked like a five year old, so weak and vulnerable. He’d never seen Heechul show so much of his true self and feelings then he was at that moment. It was as if without Kyuhyun, the older couldn’t keep in cheek. That he couldn’t pull himself together or stay a float. Heechul was drowning, and this time, Leeteuk thought sadly, it was his fault. He bit his lip, throwing a gentle arm around the younger. Heechul gazed up at him with wide watering eyes, the emptiness and hopelessness making Leeteuk pull the younger into a tight hug.

           Heechul starting shaking as Leeteuk wrapped his strong arms around him, running a hand through his hair soothingly. Just like he use to in their trainee days when he was homesick and tired and doubting everything about himself. ‘Shush Chullie’ Leeteuk cooed softly, tucking the younger brown hair behind his ears. Heechul bit back sobs as tear ran down his face. ‘Oh Hyung…’ Donghae’s voice softened as his small hands wiped the tears from his Hyung’s face. Heechul tried to speak but all that came out were broken sobs of Kyuhyun’s name as his hands reached for a hand that was no longer there. Heechul clenched his hand around the ring, his fingers desperately running over the engraving. The metal was not warm, not like the time he’d taken it off Kyuhyun’s finger to read the inscriptions; it was cold and heavy like his heart. Donghae’s arms replaced Leeteuk’s as the younger cradling his shaking Hyung. He kept his eyes in the direction of Sungmins voice, waiting to hear Kyuhyun’s. Leeteuk hadn’t let him near the manager’s room where he was meant to be sleeping. Heechul had tried to get close but the members stopped him, each disappointed with him, not meeting his eyes. Donghae sang softly to sooth him, but all Heechul could do was think of Kyuhyun’s sweet honey like voice. The one that was deep yet light, the one that woke him in the morning, that breathed his name in a certain that made him tingle from head to toe. Kyuhyun’s face, smiling, love etched into every feature as he whispered Heechul’s name before connecting their lips sprang to mind soon to be replaced by Kyuhyun’s horror stricken one, his empty tear-filled eyes, the anguish clear in every detail of his body. The body that fit so perfectly against Heechul’s own, the one he could draw effortlessly and knew by heart. The one he craved every second of every day, the voice that drew him from the dark and the smile that saved him from destruction. Kyuhyun ran through every part of his body and the younger absence took away all hope, all feelings of being whole. Heechul; was lost without him, he needed him more then ever but he knew that this time the younger had been hurt beyond an ‘I’m sorry’ and some sweet kisses, that he was breaking apart inside just as Heechul was.

        Sungmin slammed the manager’s door as he exited. He tangled his hands in his hair, tugging roughly as he growled. His face pale, and twisted with emotions that scared Heechul. Heechul flinched as Sungmins eyes, burning with anger, landed on him. Donghae wrapped his arms tighter around him protectively, clearing his throat. ‘Is Kyu…? How’s Kyu-ah…Minnie? Minnie please, say something?’ Donghae begged, his voice wavering as he gazed at his hyung terrified by his anger. Sungmin sighed, his eyes tired. He lifted a hand, motioning for them to follow him into his room. He held the door open as Donghae with his arm securely around Heechul entered the room. He sat Heechul on his softly, cradling his lifeless hyung. Sungmin frowned at how broken and small Heechul was; it melted his anger to see the lost look on his face. Sungmin sat down on the bed opposite, Ryeowook having gone to stay with Yesung for the night. He needed to assure himself of his lovers love. Sungmin took a deep breath, he reached out hesitantly, taking Heechul’s hand in his own, rubbing it soothingly. Heechul kept his gaze on the floor as he stayed tense and distant in Donghae’s lap. ‘Heechul-ah…hyung, I know this is hard. I don’t want to be mad at you, but you’ve hurt Kyuhyunnie. You promised me you’d look after him. I’m giving you a chance to tell me what happened. I don’t trust Hangeng or what we saw. Only you know the truth and I want you to tell me so I can help’ Sungmin assured softly as Heechul nodded at his words. Donghae rubbed the elders back softly.

                  ‘I…I went back stage, after Shining Star, they…they were holding up ‘Hanchul’ signs and everything hit me, every memory, the pain…’ Heechul gulped, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. His body shaking hard. ‘I changed and manager said to wait a few songs. I was heading back to get ready, when two arms wrapped around me. I thought it was Kyuhyunnie…but when I said that…it…it was his voice. I broke. Everything was jumbled, my heart was aching, and I was in so much pain Minnie. So much pain. I knew I had to deal with the pain, it was going to be my closure but there he was. And his voice was so soft and so familiar’. Heechul started sobbing as Donghae held him tighter. ‘Oh Hyung…’ Sungmin held his hand tighter. ‘He was there and it was too real. He was real. And I was so confused…and he…he told me he loved me and it’d always be me. Then…then he kissed me and it…it was so wrong but it was familiar but then I realised it was wrong and that he wasn’t Kyu. That wasn’t my Kyuhyun and I tried, I tried to shove him off and get away. I felt so sick and I hate myself for it, for not realising it, for being confused and giving into the past. He never loved me; he just wanted what Kyuhyun had. And…and I…I let him destroy my Hyunnie, I let him destroy anything. And I can’t breathe anymore because Kyuhyun’s not here and I need him, but he hates me and I’ve hurt him so much and I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve to live for destroying someone so pure and innocent’. Heechul sobbed, clinging to Sungmins hand. Guilt racking his fragile body as Donghae attempted to hold him together. ‘Oh Hyung…hyung I’m so sorry’ Sungmin said softly, silent tears rolling down his own cheeks. Heechul opened his eyes, gazing at the younger. He smiled brokenly, gazing at the younger, ‘It’s ok Minnie. I deserve it’. Sungmin shook his head, gazing at him, ‘you didn’t, not really anyway. But Heechul-ah…Kyuhyun’s gone…’ Heechul gazed at Sungmin in confusion, ‘No…he’s in Managers room…’ Sungmin spoke softly, ‘He’s on a plane back to Korea, he was so upset that he couldn’t focus and he was in danger of hurting himself. He’s been sent back home to his family. He’s gone Chullie’. Heechul felt a cold numbness slip over as he retreated into his mind. His chest constricted as Donghae and Sungmins voice faded to nothing more then static in the background. His eyes closed as everything started to fade, everything except Kyuhyun’s broken face and Sungmins words. Gone, his Kyuhyun was gone.

                 Kyuhyun grabbed his bag from the booth of his Appa’s car, his mind numb. His body functioning on auto pilot. He couldn’t, no, wouldn’t think or process anything around him. His trip on the plane was a blur of clouds and voices. His mind had been drifting. Processing his life. He’d been wondering, searching, for whatever he’d done to deserve all the thing’s that had happened him. He’d been nothing but a good student and son. He’d worked hard; he worked even harder when it came to the time of entering SM. Working to keep on schedule and school work at the same time. He’d always done his best, given it all. He may not have gone to church every week but he prayed, thanked God for everything he was lucky for. Kyuhyun’s mind had drifted to the car accident. How much he’d wanted nothing more then to follow the hand held out to him and the soft voice telling him it was ok to let go. Would Heechul still be here if he’d passed away? Would Super Junior be where they are today? His mind had gone numb at Heechul’s name, not wanting to think about the pain and what he’d seen. He’d numbly grabbed his bags and walked out. His face hidden behind a mask and hat. His eyes had met with his fathers, his footsteps quicken until his father had him in his tight embrace. Wiping away the tears Kyuhyun hadn’t known he’d even cried. He’d been whisked into a car . Now he stood in his old room, clutching his bag. Poster faded with time hanging on his wall over his old keyboard that was coated in dust. His trophy from the Math Olympiad sat proudly above his bed on a self cluttered with books and CD’s. Kyuhyun smiled a ghost of a smile, gazing at his childhood. The collection of gaming magazine’s teetering dangerously on the corner of his desk, notes from his last exam scattered on the desk. Kyuhyun jumped slightly as a hand grabbed his shoulder. His Umma gazed at him softly. No words were exchanged as she kissed his cheek, taking his hands. She led him to the bed and tucked him in, kissing his forehead. She switched off the light. Kyuhyun’s eyes closed despite his brain turning and calculating, giving into the shock and exhaustion of the last few hours.

           Kyuhyun woke up to the feelings of soft lips brushing his cheek, breathe warming his cold face. Kyuhyun smiled, wiggling towards the warmth, not wanting to open his eyes, he chuckled softly. As the person breath tickled him. Kyuhyun shivered, stretching slightly, the happy smile plastered on his face. He rolled over, his voice soft ‘Hee-’ he opened his eyes. His stomach churning as he saw the sad smile on Ara’s face.  His insides froze as the name died on his lips, the scene replaying in his head. Hangeng’s hands on his Heechul’s hips, their mouths pressed desperately together, Heechul’s gasp. The gasp he’d often made when Kyuhyun has caught him with a kiss by surprise. Kyuhyun felt as if his world was crumbling away, the safety net the dreams had provided disappearing as he collapsed back into the softness of his bed. He swallowed thickly, his mouth dry. His mind racing off like a cheetah after prey. Ara slipped into the bed, curling herself around the fragile frame of her brother. His body shaking softly. She didn’t say a word as she slipped her hand into his cold one .Just gazing at him softly, praying he’d smile at her. Siwon had called her, like they’d agreed but the news was all but happy. He described the event, what he’d seen, Kyuhyun’s break down and how the younger had disappeared before the last two songs. He’d told her about Heechul, how he’d broken completely and when he’d been told the younger was on a plane, how he’d gone into shock and fainted. Then Sungmin had taken the phone and told her everything Heechul had said before he’d passed out. Ara Kyuhyun’s abnormally pale face, watching as he trained his eyes on a framed photograph on his wall of him and the members after Kyuhyun’s debut stage. Heechul’s arm around Kyuhyun’s shoulder proudly and another around Hangeng’s waist.

         ‘Hyunnie…’ Ara sat up, gazing at the younger. He turned his eyes towards her. His eyes were dull and dead, ringed with dark circles and red splotches. She smiled softly, handing him his teddy bear. Kyuhyun smiled a genuine smile briefly at the sight. The bear was a faded brown with a gold and cream ribbon around its neck. Kyuhyun took it gently, cradling before cuddling it softly. Ara laughed at how much of a child he still was at his age. She didn’t blame him; he’d always been pressured into working hard and ignoring things like fun. Under his snarky and sarcastic attitude, he was still the little boy that wanted to protect everyone. ‘Chunji’ Kyuhyun muttered, burying his face in the mint scented fur. ‘Do you want to talk about it Kyu?’ Ara asked softly. Kyuhyun tensed against her, shaking his head childishly, hiding his face in the bear. Ara sighed, running her finger through his hair. ‘Siwon called, and Sungmin and Donghae have been blowing up my phone and your phone all night. They’re worried about you Kyuhyun’ Ara played with his hair, ‘Heechul passed out from shock…they couldn’t wake him up’. Kyuhyun sat up quickly, his eyes panicked, gulping, ‘H-he what…?’. Ara picked up Chunji, he’d been dropped in Kyuhyun’s panic, ‘Sungmin told him you’d left, and his body couldn’t handle it. You know how fragile he can really be, that’s why he hasn’t called. He was out for hours before coming round, he hasn’t spoken since’. Kyuhyun’s shoulders slumped as he relaxed slightly. Ara smile knowing, the younger hadn’t managed to cut off his feeling for Heechul. Not yet anyway. Kyuhyun smiled slightly, playing with his fingers, ‘At least he’s okay…’ Ara placed Chunji in his lap, ‘They’ll be landing in Seoul in an hour or two, you…you should see him. You haven’t heard everything Kyu’. Kyuhyun bit his lip, shaking slightly, ‘No…but I saw it. I saw my boyfriend with another guys tongue in his mouth and hands on his hips. I heard the gasp as they kissed and I saw his hands on his shoulders pulling him closer’. His hands gripped the bear, harshly, knuckles turning white. Ara kissed his cheek, pressing his phone into his clenched hands, ‘Please Kyu, just call him and tell him you want to hear him out. After we’ll go for a drive, yeah? Dad still has your Kawasaki Ninja under a tarp in the garage, he keeps it clean and working for you’. Kyuhyun shrugged, giving her a small smile as he started at Chunji, lost in his thoughts. Ara rolled her eyes at his stubbornness, leaving him alone to consider her advice.

         Kyuhyun turned the phone over in his hand, weighing it as if weighing his options. He could slither back under his covers and hide. Hide from Heechul, the media, the world, his emotions. Or he could call him, hear the voice he craved to hear right now. Hear him say the words he wanted, no, needed to hear. To make him feel worth something, anything because he was slipping away fast. Slipping back into the hole he’d been digging himself at the start, when he had no foothold or friends in the music industry, let alone the band. He was staring in the black pit of hate and loneliness. He wanted Heechul’s hand in his, his voice in his ear. The I love you’s and I need you’s but he couldn’t erase the image, the pain he’d felt. Kyuhyun lay back on the bed, closing his fingers around the phone. He closed his eyes, letting himself relax slightly, wanting time to think clearly.

            He jumped slightly as his phone vibrated harshly in his palm, shocking him out of his thoughts. Kyuhyun gulped, gliding his finger over the answer button. His voice shaking, eyes squeezing close, ‘Yeoboseyo?’ Kyuhyun prepared himself for Heechul’s soft but worn voice from crying and shock or Sungmins low angry one for running off without tell him. He didn’t expect the cold, broken laugh of the China-man. ‘Kyuhyun-ah, you enjoyed the show ne?’ Hangeng smirked through the line. Kyuhyun tensed, his jaw shaking, he tried to be strong but his voice came out small and weak, ‘W-what do you want Hangeng?’ Hangeng laughed again, his voice low and soft, ‘Just checking up on my favourite Dongsaeng. You looked quite upset last time I saw you, such a pity we couldn’t talk. I thought I’d make up for that and call you now. Shall we meet up and have coffee?’ Kyuhyun curled up in the bed, clenching his fist, ‘I’m back in Korea. Please leave me alone’. ‘Oh I know you are Kyuhyun, I just wanted to hear your voice after you’ve given up, it’s quite amusing and enjoyable’ Hangeng teased darkly, ‘Do you like it Kyuhyun? Feeling so broken and hopeless. Watching everything you love be torn from you. How does it feel to be crushed completely? To be worthless? You know that you are worthless, don’t you? Who’d want a messed up little kid with scars and that’s gay? Who would want a sickly man? You couldn’t even hold onto Heechul. You were a fling, a toy. He played with you; every time he touched you he was imagining it was me. He never loved you Kyuhyun, he just put up with you’. Kyuhyun bit his lip, trying and failing to suppress sobs, ‘What do you want?’ Hangeng laughed again, sounding innocent, ‘To destroy every last bit of you until you realise you should have died that night’. Kyuhyun sat up, sobs and screams mixing, ‘I know I should have died! I know he never really loved me but to an extent he did! I made him happier then you ever did! And I hate myself for every trusting you or anyone else, I hate myself for ever joining Super Junior, I hate myself so much for being alive. Are you happy? Are you happy that you’ve cause me so much pain that I can’t even breathe?” There was a pause before Hangeng answered the smile obvious in his voice, ‘Yes’.

   Kyuhyun slammed the phone down, shaking as the screen cracked loudly before falling dark. Kyuhyun raked his fingers through his hair roughly. He d at the self, knocking and breaking his old money box, the keys to his Kawasaki Ninja meeting his fingers. He threw own his closet, grabbing his old leather jacket, throwing it on. His whole body was shaking as he rushed down the stairs. He ignored Ara’s shouts and question about where he was going as he slammed the door, making his way round to garage. He grabbed his helmet, pulling it on quickly. He jumped onto his neon green Kawasaki Ninja, kick starting it quickly. He didn’t wait as Ara tried to stop him at the door of the garage. Her words buried under the roar of his bike as he sped through the gates of the Cho household. Kyuhyun drove for hours, hitting the motorway. He didn’t know where he was going. He didn’t care. Not even when the sky fell dark and his body shook with exhaustion but was pushed on by anger. He kept his hand clamped on the gears, foot down, not releasing his speed. Kyuhyun’s mind wandered, tears once again blurring his vision. He closed his eyes for a split second, trying to clear his mind. His hand carelessly went to wipe his face under his helmet. That split second was all it took for his bike to jerk unsteadily. Kyuhyun’s eyes flinging open as he tried to gain control. The wheels were spinning hard, grinding against the road. His heart raced, his last accident flashing before his eyes. He felt his chest hit the handles bars as the back wheel lifted off the ground. Time seemed to slow as his body was propelled forward, over the bars. He watched as his bike collided with the safety railings. Time speeding up as he spun, bouncing off the hard ground. Kyuhyun could feel his helmet get ripped away and his skull crack against the ground before the rest of his body followed. The pain was blinding as he skidded, colliding with the railing opposite his bike. His mind trying to process exactly what had happened but his body was already shutting down. The pin blinding, and all he could do was crying s he tried and failed to scream. No noise left his throat as the motor way fell silent, a tear streaking down his cheek as his eyes closed, accepting his faith. There was no one coming to save him this time and he could feel the blood from multiple cutes drenching his skin and clothes. Kyuhyun smiled softly, the ache dulling as he faded, ‘Goodbye Heenim…Saranghae…’

          Heechul bounced impatiently in his seat. Donghae and Eunhyuk beside him were stretching, just after waking as the flight landed. They were waiting for the other passengers to leave the plane before they themselves could make n appearance. They didn’t want to cuse hastle for the other passengers. Normally Heechul was okay with the waiting but he needed to find Kyuhyun. He needed to hold the younger, make him see it was him he loved. He needed to explain everything to him, clear it all up before it was too late. Their manager stood at the top of the aisle as Heechul drifted off into his thoughts about what to say. He was distraught, talking quietly on the phone, glancing at the members. ‘O-ok, thank you Ara, we’ll be there as soon as we can’. The members gazed at him. Siwon stood, ‘Ara called you?’ Their manager nodded nervously, his face pale and his eyes pained. ‘Please, sit down, this is going to be hard to hear’ their manager said softly, his eyes on Heechul. Heechul snapped out of his thoughts, sitting forward slightly. ‘What’s wrong hyung’ Heechul asked, playing with Donghae’s bag. Their manager took a deep breath, ‘Kyuhyun got a phone call at five o’clock, they don’t know who he was talking to but he was upset and crying when Ara saw him leave. He was on his Kawasaki Ninja, he was on the motorway. It looked like he could have been heading towards our dorms or SHINee’s dorms…but…’ Their manager broke off, tears in his eyes as he gulped. The members were frozen, processing the information, making conclusion. ‘No…no Hyung, he can’t have…’ Leeteuk panicked, standing up. Their manager looked down, ‘He lost control of the bike and couldn’t get it back, that’s what they think. His chest was slammed into the handles and he flipped over. His helmet flew off when he was thrown and he hit his head pretty hard on the asphalt before his body hit the ground and spun before colliding with the railing. His bike was found wrapped around the safety railing on the other side of the round. Ara just called now because she has her parent’s permission. He’s been in surgery for two hours with no news…’ Heechul felt like he was falling. This couldn’t be happening, not again, not to Kyuhyun. This wasn’t real. Kyuhyun was going to step into the plane any second and laugh at their naivety. But the look on the Managers face s he moved to crouch in front of him told him it was real. Kyuhyun was in danger, hurt, broken and they were stuck waiting on the news. Their manager took Heechul’s face in his hands gently, ‘Heechul-ah. Kyuhyun’s Appa was on the phone. He wants’ you there, he wants to meet the man who made his son so happy and he wants’ him there when his son wakes up. He wants you there so he can protect you and Kyuhyun. Cause he doesn’t know if Kyuhyun is going to make it if he doesn’t have someone to fight for anymore. That’s persons you Heechul. Kyuhyun’s Appa wants his son in law….will you go…?’

A/N Oh no Kyu baby! Will he wake up? Will he be ok? Or was that his last goodbye…. And doesn’t Kyuhyun’s Appa’s plea for Heechul just break your heart…it took Kyu getting hurt for him to be accepted….please comment, it means the world to me and give me inspiration to write on!