URL:http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/aying_2/

Reviewer: Midnitte [Adorable-luv.blogspot.com]

Title: 3/5

It’s a common title; it’s really not that eye-catching among the seas of Love’s. You based it on a song title, yes? :D Even so, you could add your own little twist to it.

Forewords: 4/5
Loved the prologue; very mysterious, vague, and attention-grabbing. Also, you included the main characters and the basic information you need to know about them. ;]

Poster/BG: 9/10
The poster is gorgeous. Simply gorgeous. It’s not that bright, which is a good thing, as it won’t hurt eyes. However, the smiling pictures don’t exactly fit the mood of this story. The black background is a good choice, as it doesn’t draw much attention to it; the reader can focus on the story.

Plot: 18/20
Well, I think you should get more into the details: was there a reason why Yoochun’s parents preferred Jessica over Aisha? Or did they even know about their relationship at all? I can see by the hints at some point in the story that they were “close” in –cough— that way. :] The end is both satisfying and disappointing in a way for readers; it’s a happy ending, but they’re dying to know what happened to Yoochun. It’s kind of like a cliff-hanger for the readers.

Characterization: 12/15
I think you should describe both the character and scenes, so the reader can visualize it and enjoy it all the more. Let’s say there’s someone completely new to K-Pop. How will they know which person is which, even with the poster?
Creativity/Originality: 13/15
At first, I thought it was a little cliché; the love of your life engaged to someone else, then getting killed at point or another in the story. Then at the end I was shocked. O_O Yoochun’s not dead? I thought that was a great way to make up for the lack of originality in the middle.

Spelling/Grammar: 8/10
There were a few mistakes that might have been from quick typing.
Ex: “She won’t. I told her I was going for a walk... Why aren’t you wearing descent clothes by the way?”
It Should Be: “She won’t. I told her I was going for a walk... Why aren’t you wearing decent clothes by the way?”

Ex: Throwing the phone across the empty living room, she bawled up in her hands and let out all the hurt she was in.
It Should Be: Throwing the phone across the empty living room, she balled up her hands and let out all the hurt she was in.

Also, you have to add commas in specific quotes.
Ex: “OOH. Ok.” She squeaked and shut .
It Should Be: “OOH. Ok,” she squeaked and shut .
As you can see, the “OOH. Ok,” isn’t one sentence since there is a “she squeaked and shut ” behind it.

If it was something else, say, “‘OOH. Ok.’ She shut ,” ‘OOH. Ok.’ would be one sentence, as the next one doesn’t relate to the quote.

Flow: 5/5
Most writers usually rush one-shots, as they want to fit everything in. However, this wasn’t at all; good job! ;D

Writing style: 10/10
I love your writing style; it’s neat and easy to understand.

Overall enjoyment: 5/5
I really enjoyed this, as it was a rollercoaster of emotions. I expected it to be all angst, but the ending proved me wrong. Sorry for the delay! D;

Total: 87/100
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A/N: thanks Midniite!!

wow!! didn't expect that.. :D

you guys know where to get dem reviews right?

ADORABLE LOVE!!

:D