Title: Love Hurts
Author: a y i n g`

Reviewer: mokona @ Impeccable Melodies

Title: 5/5--- It fits the story so well, so I have nothing to comment about it aside from that.

Poster/Background: 7/10--- You have no background – it’s just plain black. The poster’s design is cute, but the pictures of the characters don’t really fit the mood of the story.

Forewords: 4/5--- It’s written well and makes readers want to read more since you could get the sad feeling of the story. Although it doesn’t say much about what’s going to happen, I guess it’s alright since it’s just a one-shot, but I’m still going to minus a point since you could still write something about the story, like:

“He’s dead,” the words echoed in her head like an endless ringing bell that’s giving her headaches.

*Then the part about the piano that you wrote here*

Plot: 13/15--- You left us wanting for more~ By leaving your story like that, we’d DEFINITELY be curious as to what happened to Yoochun! Although that’s a way to just let us use our imagination on what happened then, you could’ve still added some dialogues to get us even a hint. You also didn’t write the reason why Yoochun has to follow what his parents told him about the marriage thing or why they want him to be with Jessica.

Flow: 10/10--- The flow was perfect, so I’ve nothing to write here.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10--- For spelling, you wrote “descent” when you described the clothes Aisha was wearing. I’m sure you meant to write “decent.” I suggest using Microsoft Word to check the meanings, if you’re unsure. Here are the definitions:

Descent (verb) = to go down, going down, decline, ancestral background

Decent (adjective) = moral, good, satisfactory, kind, sufficiently dressed

~

The way you wrote what the characters said were wrong. An example is “’You shouldn’t be here. Jessica will look for you.’ She spoke, her voice still cracking from sleepiness.” The mistake there is that instead of a period before the quotation mark, it should’ve been a comma, if it is any sentence that ends with a period, followed by a lowercased initial letter, unless it is a proper noun.

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Example: “You shouldn’t be here. Jessica will look for you,” she spoke, her voice still cracking from sleepiness.”

Example: “You shouldn’t be here. Jessica will look for you,” Aisha spoke, her voice still cracking from sleepiness.

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If the sentence is supposed to end with an exclamation point or a question mark, it should be as is, followed by the quotation mark and a capital letter.

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Example: “Dong Bang Shin Ki is the best!” Mokona shouted.

Example: “Dong Bang Shin Ki is the best!” she shouted.

Example: “Is Yoochun from DBSK?” Mokona asked.

Example: “Is Yoochun from DBSK?” she asked.

~

You also missed some commas for some few sentences:

“She gasped in surprise, seeing a being she longed for for so long.”

CORRECTION: “She gasped in surprise, seeing a being she longed for, for so long.”

“The moment his lips settled over hers that she realized she wasn’t dreaming.”

CORRECTION: “The moment his lips settled over hers, she realized she wasn’t dreaming.”

Writing Style: 10/10--- I love the way you write. The wideness of your vocabulary just adds to the interesting story. You wrote it really beautifully. :)

Characterization: 8/10--- You did good in writing how the events happened and all, but you never fully described how all the characters look.

Originality: 9/10--- The part where the main character is marrying someone he doesn’t love is so cliché, but how it ended is really unexpected.

Overall Enjoyment: 10/10

Bonus: 2/5

Total Score: 85/100
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A/N: Thanks for the awesome review mokona!

I really didn't expect a fairly high score.

If you want reviews, get them @ http://impeccablemelodies.blogspot.com/!