WHAT WE WANT AND WHAT WE CAN'T HAVE
I’M IN AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE WITH DONGHAE AND I AM JONGHYUN’S SISTER AND HIMCHAN LOVES ME AND TOP IS A VAMPIRE WHO WANTS MY SWEET NECTAR BLOOD AND REN IS PART OF A GANG THAT KIDNAPS ME BECAUSE HE WANTS TO KEEP ME AS HIS WOMAN SLAVE AND ON TOP OF IT ALL I A
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It was late in the afternoon and you were walking aimlessly along the shoreline talking with Krystal. After finally getting ice cream with Himchan and then playing a game of beach volleyball against Sungmin and Sunny, you had begun to open up and get to know the rest of the group. Krystal was a good person to latch onto right away, since she was in your 3rd period English class, and the two of you were discussing the other popular kids.
“Nichkhun’s family is closely related to the royal family of Thailand,” she rambled. “I think they’re like second cousins or something. Minho’s been modeling since he was in elementary school, and all the girls want him but he’s never dated anyone. He doesn’t seem to be interested in girls at all. Kind of a tragedy if you ask me. Fei is a dancer, and she’s really really talented. She’s head of the dance team actually, and she really wants to make a career out of it. She could probably be one of BoA’s backup dancers, she’s so good! AJ’s also a model and he plays guitar and sings and writes lyrics. He’s sort of like this tortured soul of music or something, he’s so deep. Sungmin does martial arts—“
“What about you and your sister?” you wondered.
“Oh,” she looked down timidly. “Well, Jessica’s a model. She’s really gorgeous. And I’m…” Krystal trailed off. “Well, I want to be a singer,” she admitted. “But I’m not that good.”
“What?” you protested. “I’m sure you’re great.”
“How would you know?” she said, turning to you. “You’ve never even heard me sing.”
“Are you kidding?” How could someone so great and popular have such low self esteem? “You’re amazing. You’re pretty and popular, and there’s no way you’re not also talented. Don’t sell yourself short! You’re the best singer at Mordney High!” Good pep talk, you commended yourself.
She smiled widely, and it reached her eyes. “Wow,” she said. “That’s the most anyone’s ever believed in me!”
“Really?” you asked. “What about your sister?”
Her smile fell a little. “Oh, well…She believes in me and everything…but she always tells me to be realistic about my dreams.” Krystal sighed. “But I know it’s because she cares about me and is trying to protect me from getting hurt.”
There was a short pause before you decided to talk about something else.
“So,” you began awkwardly. “Is there anyone you like at Mordney High?”
“Oh,” Krystal laughed and smiled and looked down at her feet. “I dunno…I mean, there is someone in one of my classes…but we’ve only spoken to each other a couple times, and I’ve always been afraid to…consider it, I guess?” She kicked the sand in front of her a little. “I mean…I’m kind of afraid of what people would say, you know? Since I’m kind of in the spotlight in this crowd, and…” She trailed off.
“And the person you like isn’t as popular?” you finished for her.
She looked up at you. “Yeah,” she said. “Something like that.”
You looked forward again and thought about Krystal’s dilemma. “I think that shouldn’t matter,” you said. She gave you a questioning look, to which you responded with, “Popularity is not the most important thing in life. If you like someone, then you shouldn’t let what other people think stop you.”
“What should I do then?” she asked, her eyebrows drawn together.
“Next time you’re in that class, just start a conversation,” you said. “Get to know that person a little bit. Just being on speaking terms is the step in the right direction.”
She smiled. “I’ll do that,” she said. “Thanks Mary Sue. You’re the nicest person I’ve ever met!”
You were about to modestly disagree when you tripped over something that jutted out of the sand. Holding your foot in pain, you looked back to see what it was. Something very bright and shimmery caught your eye and you reached out to take it.
“Oh wow!” Krystal said in awe as you pulled out a large conch shell and turned it over in your hands. “Mary Sue, you’re so lucky!”
“I’m lucky for tripping over a giant shell?” you said in disbelief.
“It’s a Rainbow Wishing Shell!” she exclaimed, to your confusion. “If you find one of these, you can make a wish on it and it’ll grant your wish, no matter what you wish for!”
You didn’t know what to do with this information. “I don’t know what to wish for,” you said. “Why don’t you take it?”
She held up her hands, rejecting it. “No, I can’t. You’re the one who tripped over it, so you have to be the one to make the wish.” You stared at the shell in bewilderment. It sparkled and shimmered back at you. “You can keep it,” Krystal said, “until you know what to wish for. I’m sure you’ll think of something!”
It seemed pretty cool to think about, even if you didn’t totally believe in stuff like this. If nothing else, the shell was beautiful and would make for a great souvenir. “Alright,” you said, standing up. “I’ll keep it.”
Krystal smiled. You smiled back. The Rainbow Wishing Shell sparkled at you both.
Soon after, the sun began to set and your group decided to head home. You followed, the conch shell in your hands.
“What?!” Jonghyun and Donghae were staring at each other, surrounded by girls and their cell phones, but completely oblivious to them in their own metaphorical bubble.
Donghae broke eye contact first, in an attempt to break the tension that was suddenly between them. “You’re right,” he said, laughing nervously. “What was I thinking?”
Jonghyun blinked. What was he right about?
“We can’t break off the engagement,” he said, shaking his head and running his hands through his hair and just generally acting cagey. “We have a duty to our families. I’m sorry for even suggesting…”
“It’s okay,” Jonghyun said, before he even realized he was talking. Was it okay though? Everything he had ever been told was telling him that it absolutely wasn’t okay for Donghae to not go through with this marriage. But when he looked at Donghae’s expression, his eyes that bore into Jonghyun with nothing but pure honesty, he decided to hell with what everybody told him. So he said again, “It’s okay. We said we would be open with each other.” Then he placed a hand on Donghae’s shoulder and said, “I understand.” And by the look on Donghae’s face, Jonghyun realized it was the most important thing he had ever said.
Donghae released a quick sigh of relief, and he let a smile overtake his features. “I want to do what’s right. What my family expects of me.”
Jonghyun nodded.
Donghae let out a monosyllabic chuckle. “Mary Sue,” he addressed, taking hold of Jonghyun’s hand and turning him to face him. “Homecoming is coming up.”
Oh boy. Jonghyun had almost forgotten about Homecoming. It was just two weeks away, and he had barely even given it a thought.
“And I was wondering…”
Jonghyun felt his heart quicken at what Donghae was about to ask him.
“Would you like to be my date for the dance?”
Jonghyun couldn’t help but blush. Donghae—the Lee Donghae—had asked him to Homecoming. And he didn’t even know that Jonghyun was the one in front of him. How was he supposed to answer that question? Two guys going to Homecoming together? What an absurd and unheard of notion. But Jonghyun was being Mary Sue right now, and he had to answer how Mary Sue would.
How would she answer? Jonghyun supposed it didn’t really matter how she would answer, because it was her obligation to be close to Donghae anyway, what with them being fiancés and what not. What kind of a person didn’t go to Homecoming with their own fiancé?
“Mary Sue?” Donghae asked.
“I would love to go to Homecoming with you,” Jonghyun blurted out.
Donghae beamed happily at his fiancé—who was actually his fiancé’s brother in disguise, but he didn’t know that. “You know,” Donghae said, looking affectionately at his date. “If I’m forced into a marriage by my parents as a business transaction that takes away my right to marry my true love, I’m glad that it’s you Mary Sue.”
Jonghyun wasn’t exactly sure how to take that, but he nodded and smiled back. “Me too.”
“Oh, speaking of Homecoming,” Donghae said, looking at his stylish watch. “I should be getting you home.” He offered his hand to Jonghyun—which, Jonghyun noted, was much more intimate than offering his arm—and the two waded through the mob of cell phone-armed girls to the exit.
When you returned home from the beach, you sighed happily. Today was actually a good day. You really enjoyed getting to know the rest of Himchan’s friends.
You placed the Rainbow Wishing Shell on your bedside table where it reflected the light from your lamp with a mirage of scattered color. You smiled at it before getting ready for bed.
When Jonghyun returned home, you asked him how the date with Donghae went, and he said it went well. He was about as tired as you were, so he didn’t give many details before he also went to bed.
The next day at school, you were followed by whispers and stares, which you had begun to get used to, but these seemed different than before. More malicious somehow. Like people were angrily glaring at you all day. Even Sunny seemed concerned for you whenever you passed her in the hallway.
You noticed that CL didn’t seem as upset as the day before. She actually seemed kind of…smug whenever you saw her. What was going on today?
You were at your locker when somebody slammed it shut. Why did people keep doing that?
It was Himchan. He didn’t look happy.
There was a pause before you decided to be the first to speak. “What’s wrong?”
He inhaled. “Rumor has it you’re cheating on me,” he said.
“What?!”
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