“Yixing…wo…wo ai ni..” (I love you)

“Luhan…I don’t know..what to say.” Yixing ran his hands through his hair. This was his friend, his best friend. Sure, he sometimes might have thought he was attractive, but they were just friends! And he wasn’t gay, as far as he knew. But this was Luhan…his brother.

“Just…just say..you love me too.” Luhan looked down at his hands. He could tell that Yixing didn’t feel the same way. Heart pounding, he desperately wrapped Yixing in a tight hug. He smelled wonderful-warm and familiar.

Yixing looked down in shock. What was going on? Luhan..had never felt like this before. They’d hugged before…but it was never like this. It had never felt so desperate before. Shocked and unsure, Yixing slowly detached himself. He needed to think without being distracted-and Luhan’s warm body on his was distracting. As he pulled away-he felt a sense of loss wash over him, but shook it away quickly.

Luhan felt Yixing pull away, and his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. Now he was sure. Luhan felt tears start to well up, but forced them back down as he wiped his cheeks hastily. No matter what, he promised himself, he wouldn’t be weak in front of Yixing.

“I…I’m sorry,” Yixing began haltingly, “I just…I do love you, ge. You know you’re like my big brother. You know…you know you’re important to me. It’s just..I’ve never…never thought about you that way. Just…just give me some time.” Yixng almost slapped himself for stuttering so much. What was wrong with him?

Yixing held Luhan’s hands in his as he tried to show Luhan what he felt. He didn’t want to outright reject him-he just…had never put Luhan in that light. He didn’t know if he could love Luhan. But he knew he couldn’t figure it out here, now, not when his head was pounding and his heart was swimming with emotions he couldn’t untangle.

Luhan didn’t dare look Yixing in the eyes. Every word felt like a slap to the face, and he tried not to flinch. Like a brother? Of course that’s what he would say. Yixing was just too nice to turn him down. He quietly slipped his hands out of Yixing’s grasp.

“Of course…Take..take all the time you need. I won’t bother you.” Finally looking up, Luhan avoided Yixing’s eyes and looked straight ahead at his mouth. “I’ll leave you alone now.” And trying not to burst into tears, Luhan tore away towards his apartment.

Yixing watched Luhan go in confusion. What had he said? He didn’t reject Luhan, but he had run away. Too bewildered to chase after him, Yixing slowly walked back to his dorm.

As he slowly got into bed, he felt incomplete. Normally he’d send Luhan home, and when he got to his dorm they’d have a conversation on the phone before going to bed. He lay down and closed his eyes tightly. Tossing and turning, it was hours before he finally slept.

Luhan sat on the couch with a cup of taro bubble tea, sniffling quietly. Why couldn’t Yixing love him? Taking a sip, he set the cup down on the table and got up to get more tissues. Picking them up, he padded slowly into the bedroom and got into bed.

Holding his stuffed bear closely to his chest, he slowly started to cry, the tears soaking his bear’s fur. His heart felt like it was rebelling and refusing to beat, and it was as though his insides were shriveling in sadness. It hurt. Oh, it hurt so badly he could hardly bear it. With tears streaking down his cheeks, he fell into a fitful sleep.

He didn’t even notice the open window next to his bed.

~~~

Yixing woke up with a start. Groaning slightly, he rolled over to look at the clock.

“Crap!” He scrambled out of bed and almost fell over, “I’m so late, the professor is going to kill me!” He hadn’t been late all year. How did-Luhan must have forgotten to call him this morning! Luhan always woke him up on Thursdays.

Suddenly all the events of yesterday came flooding back and he gasped.

“Luhan…” All thoughts of getting to class on time fled his mind as he hurriedly put his clothes on before running out of the house. He had to find Luhan. He had absolutely no idea what he was going to say, but he knew he needed to find him.

Thursday, Thursday…Luhan worked Thursday mornings at his bakery! Hurriedly, Yixing ran the familiar path towards the bakery. He went there everyday to see his best friend. His feet pounding the wet pavement, he made it to the clear glass door.

Quickly, he pulled it open and walked inside, the warm, fragrant, air enveloping him.

“Sehun! Where’s Luhan, is he in the back?”

“Oh, hey Xing Xing!”

“-Don’t call me that.”

“Yeah yeah, you tell me that all the time. Anyways, Hannie isn’t here right now. He’ll probably come in later, he’s always late on Thursdays.”

“What? Why?” Yixing was confused. Luhan was never the kind to be late-and he was late consistently? Why didn’t he know this…

“I thought you knew! He always stayed home so he could bake you something cause he knew you hated Thursdays.” Sehun waited for a response, but he heard nothing. Turning around, all he saw was the glass door swinging shut, bell ringing wildly.

~~~

Luhan shivered as his alarm went off. He was so cold. His throat was parched and his head was pounding. He must be sick again. Looking down, he realized that his sheets were soaked. Sitting up, he saw that the window was open. It must have rained last night.

As cold wind blew in through the window, Luhan cringed at the freezing air that chilled his body. Trying to stand up, he swayed slightly before sitting back down. Determined to close the window, Luhan stood up again.

Walking as fast as he could to the window, Luhan felt himself get dizzy. His eyesight blurred and he desperately grabbed the window handle. He managed to halfway close the window before his legs gave out and he collapsed on the floor.

The cool, wet, floor felt good against his heated skin, but the fall jarred his whole body. His head pounded, and he couldn’t think clearly. Finally giving up, Luhan closed his eyes.

The last thing he remembered before succumbing to darkness was someone shaking him wildly.

~~~

A/N: First Chapter! WOOT WOOT. So this is going to be a multi-chaptered fic. Not sure how long it'll go...debating whether to do one more chapter or like 20 more. Please comment and give me advice! Thanks!