I knew the car. I knew that car so well but I could not pretend to turn a blind eye towards it because he stood next to it. He was so tall, so clear despite the shade thrown over his eyes but I could recognize that stance from anywhere. I could do nothing but pray I was wrong as I attempted to pass the Mercedes and take the stone flight of stairs leading to the main hall. My legs were shaky but my heart was frozen, its wants and needs completely encrypted so I could not decipher right from wrong. I sighed and gripped on the strap of my leather tote bag.

“Get in the car.”

I heard his voice, hushed and deep just as I passed by him. He was barely recognizable but some students turned their head to look; whether at him or the car or me or us, I did not know but I wished with a passion no one would catch on to who he was or worse, spread unrequited rumours about me. I sighed again, loud enough so he could hear, and stopped to turn around.

“Excuse me?” I offered with a raised eyebrow.

Kris shifted but not much of his face was revealed to some of the curious passerby’s.  He was dressed in less eye catching attire today; the leather jacket was replaced by a grey cotton zip up hooded jacket and the designer jeans were replaced by a pair of plain black ones. The air of arrogance, however, was hard to overlook and I failed to hide my frown. I would not do anything he told me to so I stood still, arms crossed over my chest and my look determined- I hoped.

“Get in the car,” Kris repeated, his tone calm but the same chill was present in it.

“Last time I checked, I was pretty much the last person you’d want to be near to on this planet,” I stated. “I don’t see why I need to listen to you.”

“I won’t repeat myself.”

“Good. You shouldn’t. Have a good day, week, and month, whatever suits you best. I have classes to attend.” I squeezed my arms together a little tighter as though trying to conceal myself away from him. “Some of us don’t have the talent you do to be shining in strobe lights.”

I could practically hear his teeth grind together in annoyance and I felt good. If he pressed my buttons, I had every right to do the same. I attempted to turn around and walk away from Kris, though inwardly I ached to see him and be with him but it was a want not a need. Technically, I would be just fine living without him. But his voice pulled me out of the abyss I was ready to throw myself into.

“If you go now,” Kris began in the same quiet voice, “you won’t ever see me again. Get in the car now, Min Ji, or I swear I won’t ever as much as remember you for another living second of my life.”

I bit on the inside of my cheek, his words stinging but I held on strongly nonetheless. Turning around, I looked at Kris and for the first time that day, our eyes met at once.

“Does it matter? Whether I walk away now or not? Because if I recall properly, Kris, I doubt you spared me a lasting thought.” My voice trembled slightly but I only hoped it was due to the chilly wind that passed between the two of us. “Did you even remember me at all?”

He did not reply, I expected as much. There were a few moments of silence between the two of us that were clearly filled with tension but strangely, I began feeling calm. My shoulders relaxed and in my head, some sort of clock began ticking. I did not think much, nor did I stay idle for long. I wanted those seconds to drag by because I was wondering if Kris would eventually feel at loss, just like I had felt over the course of the past few weeks. I wanted him to feel how wrecked my heart was and how hard it was for me to come to a decision instead of running into his arms.

I took my chance and let my eyes wonder to the car. “Would it change anything at all?” My voice came out as a whisper.

Kris was rigid. “Maybe.”

Maybe- yes, no, we’ll see. I fondled with the word in my mind, whispered it to myself just to see what it tasted like on my tongue. Bittersweet was my final conclusion. “Maybe” was a bittersweet word that did not calm nor did it anger. It was a word I could live with but struggle to come to those living terms and conditions. I was not sure if I felt anything at that moment but my head moved up and down once- a curt, simple nod to let Kris know that I would be just as straight to the point as he had been all along.

The drive was the longest I have ever experienced in my life although we were only just exiting the main road of the university. I did my best to not mind the fact that just a few months ago we were sprawled on the seats behind us, sharing our most intimate kiss that had ever happened during our time together. I looked outside the window but I couldn’t quite make out the scenery that we were passing: my mind had dug out the memory of the late spring evening when Kris offered to drive me home.

The first kiss was simple, a rather shy goodnight kiss that was just the beginning of the butterflies my stomach would be feeling. I remembered the endless goodbyes as both of us could not quite let go of each other; Kris had wrapped his arms around my waist and somehow managed to tug our frames at the back of the car. I let him climb on top of me as my body was half pressed against the door, half pressed against the cream white leather of the backrest and although it was not the most comfortable way to be sitting when exchanging wet, passionate kisses with Kris, I was too dizzy from his love to even mind the growing pain in my left ribs.

“Giving someone the silent treatment is not you. Drop the act,” Kris was saying from my right and I pulled out of my reverie.

“Treating someone like the worst person in the world is not you either,” I muttered and crossed my arms, refusing to look at him. “Or is it?”

Kris huffed loudly. “Is this how it is now?”

“Now? Should it be any different, considering everything you said?”

“Everything I said is in the past—“

“No it’s not!” I said louder, my voice ringing out in my ears as I turned to look at him. His knuckled turned white from the hard grip he used to hold the steering wheel and his jaw was clenched tightly. “You think it’s perfectly normal to just push everything in the closet and let go? What is it you’re after, Kris? What game are you trying to play?”

Kris laughed a humourless laugh. “Me?! I’m the one playing games? Listen here, Oh Min Ji, I’m not the one going playing little flirt games with—“

“Excuse me?” My temples throbbed painfully and I wished more than anything that I had taken a painkiller to prevent my headache from escalating. “Kris, stop the car,” I said through clenched teeth.

“No.”

“Kris, stop the car. I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to be around you and I don’t want to talk to you.” I looked ahead then at him. “Stop the car.”

Kris shook his head. “No. You’re going to stay here whether you like it or not and you’re going to tell me what exactly you and Jong Hyun are doing.”

“That’s...” I at my lips, my eyelids fluttering to prevent the hot tears. “That’s... It’s—Kris, stop the damn car. I want to get out.”

But he did not listen to me, I expected as much. With the press of a button near the steering wheel, the door locks clicked closed and I found myself at a loss. Kris continued driving, past the city square, past the Stream, past the SM headquarters and I began panicking as soon as the block of apartments were left behind and rows of traditional Korean houses appeared. The cobblestone roads were deserted although the sound of children playing in their gardens rung out to fill the void left by the silence between Kris and I.

I warned him again, demanding him to stop and let me out. Kris did not respond; he went on commenting whether I was this demanding with Jong Hyun. He began asking about us and with each spiteful word he threw at me, the closer I was to tears because he did not understand. And we argued, the car was loud with our voices- mine louder than his but his icier than mine. I wanted to flip him off, to tell him to do something better with his free time but Kris laughed though he seemed anything but amused. When I found it hard to breathe, I stopped talking and telling him to let me go. Kris continued driving, the speed increasing and I was scared. I was scared because I couldn’t recognize him. He seemed like a whole new person, one that relied on speed and cold shoulders to get him through the day yet I failed to feel sorry for him. When I rubbed off the edges of my eyes angrily, I settled in the seat.

“Why now?” My voice came out as a whisper. “Why do what you did—“

“To defend myself.”

I scoffed. “I figured you’d make me out as the villain. I figured.”

Kris sighed, the first time I heard him do so and it was as though the car itself had slowed down just like our argument. “This is not a superhero versus a villain discussion, Min Ji. This is simply you and me and a third wheel.”

“His name’s Jong Hyun—“

“Is this what they call lovers nowadays?”

“I—what?” I frowned. “Is that how Victoria reported back to you? Hey Kris, I saw Min Ji and her lover boy today in town. Is this what your little spy tells you—“

“Let’s not bring Victoria in this—“

“And you think it is okay to bring Jong Hyun in it?”

Kris stopped at a red light and he leaned his head against the headrest of his seat. He seemed exhausted. His eyes were half closed, his fingers more relaxed before he let his hand fall on his lap whilst the other rubbed at his face, attempting to clear away all of his frustrations.

“Let me out,” I said again, for the millionth time. “I want to go home.”

“Are you seeing him?” Kris asked, his voice small but determined.

Of course I was not seeing Kim Jong Hyun. In fact, I could barely even see the two of us together because he was always so unexpected: sometimes, he’d be very clingy and cheerful whereas at times (though rare), he’d barely even talk and promptly leave without a word of goodbye. I could not see Jong Hyun and I together at all. But I couldn’t see myself with Kris either and I was not sure whether it was because of what has happened and how we turned out to be or whether Victoria declared it was her before me or whether Jong Hyun was a good friend but I couldn’t see how we could work out again. Kris was now a public figure, his life easily documented by the hawk-like fans that knew everything and anything and I was Oh Min Ji, an English Language and Literature major without a set future.

“I want to go out,” I repeated myself with a desperate sigh.

Kris stopped the car, pulling on the right. We were somewhere near the outskirts of Seoul, a small district with a little train station. I could find my way back but it was only when I tested the door that I realized Kris still held me captive. I closed my eyes, lightly pressing my forehead against the cold window of the car. Outside, the sky darkened ominously and I hoped it was not going to start raining anytime soon. The last thing I wanted was an act of curtsey from Kris regardless of what our following words would be.

I wondered if it was going to be a final goodbye. I wondered if goodbyes hurt as much as they say it would. The air around me tightened but I could not comprehend my wishes of whether I wanted a life that would involve Kris or not. I felt slightly hallow as a gentle, quiet sadness overwhelmed me. Turmoil was bubbling within me but I couldn’t pin its exact origin: was it my heart that shuddered from how much I still wanted Kris? Was it my stomach that buzzed with the fluttering wings of angry (or excited?) butterflies because I did not want to be around Kris? Or was it my mind that twisted and turned every word, trying to find a meaning behind all of this? I had so much to ask... So much I wanted to know...

“Are you...” I cleared my throat. “Is there anything between you and Victoria?”

Kris’ shoulders stiffened; I could not read him. “Victoria is the past. I loved her. She loved me. Now she’s helping me.”

“To spy on me.”

Kris turned his head to look at me properly since the first time our hectic, odd car drive begun. “She’s not spying.”

“I can’t think of a better word.”

“It’s because...”

“Yes?”

Kris frowned and turned his head away from me; I missed his eyes almost instantly. “You’re misunderstanding Victoria. She clearly understands me when I said “it’s over” between me and her. She’s a girl of her word with decency.” Kris shifted in his seat to sit straighter. “I’m leaving Korea in two days.”

“Right,” I nodded, “then let me go. I don’t want to have this discussion with you knowing that you will be gone anyway.”

“You’re doing it again. You’re running away,” Kris stated simply.

“You’re patronizing me. You’re throwing all the blame—“

“Why didn’t you come to see me? I left you a ticket. Did you even see it?”

I swallowed and shifted my eyes to avoid his own inquiring ones. “What difference would it have made?”

“A big one,” Kris replied without hesitation. “There would of still been us.”

“No there wouldn’t, Kris...” I sighed quietly. “You’re here now but you’re so distant... You’ll always be over there and I’ll be here. And I can’t work like that, I know I can’t. I really want to go, Kris. I was doing just fine before—“

“Before?”

I shook my head. “It’s better like this. Just leave it.”

“I’m giving you two days. I’m leaving in two days back to China and I don’t know when I will be coming back but I want to talk. We’re too angry now, we’re too tensed,” he said, his voice softer but it took more than an understanding soul to fix everything he had said so far.

“There’s nothing more to be said, Kris. You were the one that decided to turn a blind eye towards me when we met a while ago. You were the one that acted as though I was not someone that meant something to you. I can’t do this anymore, Kris.”

“So that’s it? We’ve broken up and we’re messed up and this is all you’re saying?”

“I don’t know what else to say.”

The silence draped over us again, a thin blanket that concealed the tension, the anger and everything else that was left unsaid between the two of us. We sat next to each other, with the space between us and we looked straight ahead as a few raindrops began scattering themselves against the crystal clear windshield. Exactly fifteen minutes passed unspoken between us and I was growing tired; whether it was a physical exhaustion or a mental one, I did not know. Then again, in the last period of time I did not know much as pretty much everything I had and thought was covered by a thick veil that seemed to turn me hazy.

“Did you miss me at all?” Kris asked.

“Did you miss me?” I replied.

Silence followed by a click. The doors were unlocked and I was free to go. My hand shot towards the handle but I did not push it open, not yet.

“You’re free to go,” Kris muttered but it was barely audible.

I opened the door and stepped out. My legs were shaky but I managed just well. Crossing the road, I did not dare look back just in case I faltered before Kris or worse, did something too hasty. His voice called out my name just as I reached the other side of the street and I turned quickly, almost all too quickly and I cursed myself because my neck stung.

“We still have to talk,” he requested. “I won’t let you leave me hanging again.”

I did not nod nor shake my head. I simply looked at him until a large raindrop landed on the tip of my nose and I took that as my cue to leave. Turning into the train station nearby, I bought my ticket and caught the train three minutes later.

The soft buzzing sound of the passing wind was background noise to my blank mind. I realized then as I sat in the half empty carriage that I did not necessarily want ultimate happiness.

I just wanted to stop feeling so miserable.

A/N: Happy 100 days with EXO! Hope you all enjoyed the chapter & sorry for the delay~ Thank you for all the comments & 130+ subscribers!