-06-

No matter how much I twisted and turned Lu Han’s invitation in my head, there was no way I could avoid it. And it would be selfish of me to hold Ji Sun up from seeing the boys which she seemed pretty excited about. I had deemed this escape battle lost- the intention of staying home was largely present but the music that woke me up later than I’d usually be up on Saturday brought me back to my reality. It was a little past midday and Ji Sun was listening to EXO. However, the significantly noticeable extra weight on my bed had also accounted for my waking up.

I woke up, still feeling rather exhausted, and immediately, my eyes were set upon the rectangular box resting near the edge of my bed. The seemingly thick golden wrapping paper was neatly arranged around the box and curiosity me; there were still a couple of weeks left until my birthday and besides Ji Sun, no one was aware of the date. Sitting up, I tugged on my sheets so that the box reached me and I traced my fingers along the edges of it before taking it in my hands and giving it a firm shake. No sound.

“That came early in the morning,” Ji Sun said suddenly as she leaned against the doorway, curiosity filling in her eyes. “Postman didn’t say who it was from and there was no extra note stuck on to it either.” She squealed in delight before skipping over to sit next to me. “Go on, Min Ji!” she prodded me impatiently, “open it!”

I looked at her then back at the box. “So that was it? He just gave you the package and left?”

Ji Sun’s eyes gleamed. “I had to sign for it too! It must be expensive if it did require a signature! Oh, go on, Min Ji!” she continued pleading, “I’m so curious! Open it, hurry!”

And so I did. I set on to carefully remove the wrapping paper as though that in itself was made out of gold. There was little tape to hold it securely yet its accurate, precise folding was put together so it would not be ruined; as though whoever wrapped it knew how much I’d treasure the paper as well as whatever the contents of the box were. I blinked as the unravelling of the paper revealed a simple plain black box with an embossed logo: an upside down triangle with the letters GUESS inside it.

My hands were shaky. Although I was not fully familiar with brands, I had enough knowledge of realizing just how expensive whatever the contents of the box were. Ji Sun continued squealing in delight and, not allowing me any extra seconds to fully take in the logo of the brand, she took the lid off the box and reached inside it.

“Oh, wow!” Ji Sun exclaimed. “Wow! This is... This is fantastic!”

My mouth fell open as I took in the cream material of the trench coat. A same coloured belt was neatly tied around the middle of the coat and despite its simplicity, I found myself dazed by the unexpected gift.

“Hurry, Min Ji! Try it on! I bet you’d look so good in it!”

I allowed Ji Sun to untangle me from the sheets but I found my words stuck in my throat for I was not used to receiving surprises and especially those from unknown senders. But Ji Sun had none of it and instead, she wrapped me inside the coat, doing up all the buttons from it and neatly tucking the belt in the right place to accentuate my waist properly. Pushing on my shoulders, she stood behind me, allowing me to admire myself in the full length mirror. And...it was perfect—

“Are yousure this was delivered to the right place?” I asked, turning left and right in front of the mirror. “They must of gotten the wrong place, Ji Sun, this can’t be for me and besides, who would—“

“No, no!” Ji Sun cut through my sentence, “it was definitely delivered to the right address! The postman clearly said your name and the delivery note also correctly indicated our flat and your name!” She clapped her hands and did a twirl, definitely expressing the surprise better than I was. “You have a secret admirer, Oh Min Ji, you bad girl, why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Nonsense, Ji Sun! What secret admirer? I don’t interact with enough males to actually gain an admirer! I’m pretty sure this was sent to the—“

“Quit saying it was sent to the wrong place!” Ji Sun chuckled, prodding my ribs again with her elbow. “Ah, you look gorgeous! Now, where did I put that Polaroid camera? This is something that I should definitely use film for!”

I took a few seconds to digest her words properly and when I did, I made a dash for a brush. “What do you mean photos?! Yah, I don’t look acceptable!”

But she was too buried in the mass contents of a brown box that she had pulled out from underneath her bed to hear me. Almost a few seconds in her search, Ji Sun jumped up with a Polaroid camera she had received as a gift for entering university and a film.

“Come on,” she directed me, “stand there and pose, Min Ji! Oh, you little popular thing! I’m jealous! Come on, give the camera a smile! Hurry! Smile!”

And so I did. Feeling helpless in front of an overly excited Ji Sun, I smiled and awkwardly stood in front of the camera. Once the blitz went off, I looked back down at the coat then back in my reflection in the mirror; running my hands along the soft yet thick material of the coat, I furrowed my eyebrows as my mind began trying to find some sort of reasonable explanation as to why I woke up to a branded item sent to me by a so called secret admirer.

There was a little voice inside my head that kept suggesting Kris- a scenario was building in my mind in which Kris had simply put on the Ice Prince act in order to surprise me. This scenario suggested that, yes, he was angry, but he reasonably came to the conclusion that (despite short) the time we had spent together meant something. I almost lost myself in that world that seemed to be like a faraway paradise. Almost. I sighed and undid the belt then the buttons and neatly set the coat down on my bed. At our table, Ji Sun was already placing a date on the front of the Polaroid as well as the caption: “MJ’s secret admirer~♥”.

It was then that a little something had caught my eye. Poking out from one of the pockets of the coat was the corner of a small folded piece of paper. More curious than I had been before, I took out the paper and unwrapped it.

Because you’re always so cold, you drink too much coffee- that’s not good for your body. So this should keep you warm! Wear it well. –Oppa

Oppa?

Opp- oh. Oh, Kim Jong Hyun was going to die for sure.

“Okay, all done!” Ji Sun announced and I turned around, hurriedly hiding the note up the sleeve of my top. Ji Sun placed the tiny Polaroid picture on the wall that was made up of all sorts of photos ever since our beginning at university and stepped back proudly as though admiring a work of art. “See, it’s not all that hard to move on.” She smiled, looking at me as though trying to cut through my mental barrier then pressed her lips together. “You should get ready, Min Ji. We have to leave in about two hours and the restaurant is all the way across town. It’d take us a while to get there.”

With that, I was pulled back from my short lasting world which contained to Kris and I nodded. “Right,” I nodded and my shoulders dropped slightly. “I’ll quickly wash up and eat something then look for something to wear.”

Placing her hand on my shoulder, Ji Sun looked at me with a simple smile that I recognized all too well. “Are you sure you want to go? We can come up with any random excuse, I’m sure they won’t mind. You don’t have to do this if—“

“It’s fine,” I shook my head. “Really. And besides, didn’t you mention there’s quite a few of them? I may have bad luck on a near day-to-day basis but I’m sure something ridiculous won’t happen that would result in me and Kris being all alone together. I’ll be fine.”

“It’s going to be okay, you’ll see,” she gave my shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll go to finish off ironing some of our stuff. I already managed to pull out something nice for you to wear from the depths of your wardrobe. And wear the coat as well,” Ji Sun winked. “You show him just how well you’ve moved on!” And she walked out of the room.

But did you move on well? that little voice in my mind challenged. Have you really and truly—

Just be quiet already, I heaved a sigh and my eyes fell upon the trench coat. You’re dead, Kim Jong Hyun.

You can’t really kill him. You don’t wantto kill him, the Voice snickered mockingly, you don’t want to kill him because in a twisted, odd way, Jong Hyun is your calm before the storm and your calm after the storm.

I frowned. Calm before the storm? Calm after the storm? All Jong Hyun was doing was constantly being there—Jong Hyun was constantly there, indeed. And yet, no matter how much I repeated that, it sounded good. It sounded warm and caring and—But surely Jong Hyun only had a fun time buzzing around me simply because he had a sadistic side to himself in which he, the Superior, enjoyed seeing me, the Subordinate, being annoyed. I frowned again before giving up.

Too many inner debates were twisting my already distorted view on my life into even more confusion and there was only so much I could take before I’d have to dig around for painkillers to alleviate my headaches.  

I allowed myself to drop on the bed, curling into a ball next to the cream coloured trench coat. The tips of my fingers grazed along the luxurious material and I found myself smiling. If Jong Hyun was planning on getting me into debt, he was on the right path of it. Yet, I could not help but remind myself that actually, the coat was tailored as though it was made for me. I had a feeling I would have to buy Jong Hyun coffee for the rest of the year.

Thirty minutes later, after I quickly showered and took the time to brush my hair properly before deciding to leave it out, Ji Sun waltzed into our room, already dressed in a pretty pastel pink dress and dropped a familiar black dress in my lap. I looked up at her from my bed and raised an eyebrow.

“I was actually hoping for some skinny jeans and a nice shirt,” I told her and held the dress up at arm’s length.

“No, you have to look good.”

“There’s no one to look good for.”

“Yes, but there’s someone to show off to.”

I sighed and lowered the dress. “Why are you insisting so much, Ji Sun? I doubt Kris even gives me as much as a second thought much less trying to leave an impression on me. I’m fine with just being casual.”

“Really? So it’s okay for him to completely wipe the floor with your dignity yet you want to remain humble?” Ji Sun frowned and sat next to me rather forcefully. “It’s okay to not be humble every now and then, you know, especially if you’re keeping it classy. Just trust me on this one. Please. Now would you hurry up and get dressed? I hate doing your eyeliner because you never stay still.”

I grinned. “Well, I can’t help it. Plus, it tickles sometimes.”

The few students we had come across the hallway of our dormitory gaped at us, especially since there was no party announced in the latest period so it was quite odd to see someone dressed up (and especially us, I supposed). Although the black dress Ji Sun had pushed me to wear was nothing too spectacular or particularly fancy or glitzy, I felt pretty....expensive especially with the GUESS trench coat to shield me from the bitter mid autumn evening air. I still stood close to Ji Sun simply because I was so used to being cold so naturally, I hooked my arm around hers and allowed her to lead the way for Lu Han had called earlier in the day to set all the details.

Of course, I felt nothing short of anxious and the thought of making up a random excuse seemed more and more attractive but we were already nearing the restaurant just as the sky was turning a dark blue colour. My grip on her arm must of tensed automatically at the sight of a rather large group of boys outside the restaurant but Ji Sun simply patted my hand and threw me a comforting smile.

“Oh, they’re here! Hyung, they’re here!”

A tall figure rushed towards us and I vaguely remembered him as the boy I had bumped into several days ago. He approached us with a big, warm smile and wide eyes to match but it was still a mystery how he had developed such a deep voice. He bowed and immediately, I did the same.

“I’m Park Chan Yeol! You must be Lu Han hyung’s friends, right?” his eyes settled on me and his grin stayed big and welcoming. “You’re the one I bumped into, right? I’m sorry! I really didn’t mean to but I was in a rush and—“

“It’s fine,” I assured him. “It’s no big deal, really.”

“You came!”

We were shortly joined by Lu Han who seemed more than ecstatic and rather relieved upon seeing our presence. He hugged us and I found the same comfort in his arms as I always did. Lay followed close by, his grasp a little tighter and we were soon joined by Tao, Xiu Min and Chen whilst the rest of their members looked on in curiosity. All except Kris who seemed to be in a deep conversation on the phone and he had not realized we had arrived; Kris had either not realized or simply pretended we were not there at all for he did not even bother greeting us once we took our places around a large table on the restaurant’s first floor.

I made sure I placed myself between Lay and Lu Han, well away from Kris as he sat at the head of the table and had immersed himself in a quiet conversation with who I was earlier introduced to be Suho, the leader of the Korean subunit of EXO. Like him, I had adjusted my behaviour around ignoring his presence (although I did have difficulty especially whenever we were both tugged into group conversations). I talked with Lay and Lu Han about university and my course as well as the peculiar random dormitory parties that sometimes resulted in many of the freshmen not being able of attending lectures the next day. Chan Yeol shortly joined in along with Se Hun who, I later learned that he was very close friends with Lu Han.

It wasn’t until halfway down our meal that yet another general discussion was brought to our table and we all found ourselves contributing. One thing led to another and within minutes, there was a rather playful debate being started as to which subunit had more charisma. Chan Yeol and Baek Hyun were largely focused on arguing that thanks to their good looks, EXO-K had obviously more charisma whilst Chen and Lu Han were arguing against them.

“I say we should get a fair, neutral vote on this,” Kai suggested as he leaned forward, resting his chin in the palm of his hand. His eyes flicked from me to Ji Sun. “An outsider’s opinion is always more valid, is it not?”

“Regardless,” Lu Han began stubbornly, folding his arms over his chest, “I’m pretty sure they will both say our subunit is the core of all charisma in EXO. Right, Min Ji?” he nudged me.

“Of course not!” Chan Yeol snickered and his eye twitched rather cutely as he grinned. “They’re now our friends too so you can’t say it’s all about you guys now! You’ve seen us on TV, right? We’re so much more charismatic, right?”

I found myself laughing at the rather childish argument but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I felt lighter then but I wasn’t exactly sure whether it was due to the reasonably adaptable atmosphere or whether it was thanks to the three or four glasses of soju I had been offered throughout the meal and could not find the right words to deny it. The argument picked up again and the voices were louder and there was more laughter, more food and more drinks. There was a little of everything until a loud bang! grasped everyone’s attention.

Kris had his palm pressed against the wooden table and his expression was cold but nothing could compare to his icy eyes and clenched jaw.

“Enough of this,” he said in a quiet voice but everyone had heard it clearly; a few people exchanged glances but I was feeling shakier by the millisecond. “It’s getting too loud and too childish. We’re in a public place and people are trying to have their meal in peace without us trying to show off the charisma of each subunit. I’m sure we can all maintain a calm level of noise and return to our own conversations that won’t disturb those around us.”

“But it’s just us here, Kris,” Lay said coolly. “I’m pretty sure everyone downstairs can’t care less about the noise we’re making.”

“Regardless,” Kris looked at him and, whether it was on purpose or not, our eyes met and I looked down. “Noise travels. And it’s such a minuscule thing to get so heated up over. Mind you, it would cause a stir if someone does not realize you guys are only joking.”

Across the table, Ji Sun frowned and rolled her eyes as she poked at her samgyeopsal.

“We’re only playing around, hyung,” Chan Yeol assured him and he was still smiling, trying to hold up the previous gleeful mood.

Kris tilted his head slightly and my heart dropped- I felt guilty. “I know that. But does everyone else know?”

“Why do you care so much about everyone else?” Lay fought back and unconsciously, I gripped at his jacket, tugging a little.

“Why do you care....” his voice fell a little and our eyes met once again, “about what they think about us?”

“Kris, how—“ Lu Han began but was cut short by Kris’ sudden viciousness.

“Who arethey to us that their opinions could ultimately lead into bad publicity?”

I froze on the spot, one hand clenching a little of Lay’s jacket and one hand curling into a fist. My eyes stung and my heart shook and my whole body trembled. I felt minuscule and it was though I had hit rock bottom with no comfort to land my fall at all. The pain was twice as unbearable when I found that I could not tear my eyes away from Kris. I couldn’t break eye contact nor did I want to look at him any longer. I felt that single tear slip down my cheek and fall into my lap. I couldn’t even pick out Lay’s next words or remember when exactly Chan Yeol’s grin dropped and the atmosphere thickened to such extent, it was becoming difficult to breathe.

This was not the Kris I knew. This was not the Kris I had once loved so dearly or spent countless nights dreaming of. This was not the person that had become my muse and the reason for my ultimate success during high school for writing heartfelt pieces of creative writing. This person was someone completely different. This was a Kris I couldn’t bear to look at or think of or dream of or write about. This was a Kris that had absolutely no difficulty in reminding me constantly if he must that I was nothing to him. That I was just like any other person off the street that had someone landed in his life at the wrong time and with the wrong intentions. This was a Kris I found no difficulty in disliking.

“Kris.... Kris doesn’t mean it,” Lu Han whispered next to me. “He’s—He just had a bad day—“

“No,” I said louder so that Kris could hear it also. “He’s right. We have no place here. Thanks for the night though, it was fun but really, he’s—Kris is right.” I looked at Ji Sun who was slightly pink in the face with fury. “Let’s go.”

“Min Ji—“

“I said let’s go, Ji Sun.”

I left before Ji Sun could even as much as say anything and I was not aware of whether she had tugged along or not. I heard Lu Han’s call and I heard Tao’s rushed footsteps along with Chan Yeol’s but as a hand wrapped around my arm, I snatched myself away and picked up my walking pace until I was running through the crowd of young people heading out to enjoy their night. I was sobbing loudly and unglamorously and even when I wiped at my cheeks with my hand I did not bother to try and fix up the eyeliner that was trailing down my cheeks along with the load of tears.

I despised Kris and I couldn’t remember whether at any point in the period of not seeing him I missed him. I was sure I didn’t. Not with so many negative thoughts and feelings webbing themselves in my mind. I couldn’t feel a thing except pure numbness and pain and most of all, humiliation. I did not hesitate to put myself to blame for the way a nicely started night had turned out but I couldn’t help but push some of the blame to Kris. How dare he. How... How dare he even say such things?! In front of so—

I felt dizzy. Or numb. Or it was too blurry. I wasn’t sure which of the three it was, or maybe, it was a cocktail of them but when my legs finally began hurting and my lungs were desperate for air, I stopped and wiped at my cheeks again. I rubbed my eyes so harshly they began stinging and it hurt so badly, I sobbed again. The sound of falling water had made me look around my surroundings and I found myself near the stream but well away from the crowds of people that took their walk by it.

In the midst of it all, in the midst of all those people, I felt more non-existent with each passing second.

A/N: Thanks for all the comments and for over 100 subscribers! ♥ ;~~; How did this happen? Thank you all so much! Kris is a , I know and I'm sorry~~ ;~~~;