-05-

 “Oh, I do hope you don’t mind me popping out for a little,” Ji Sun smiled apologetically as she slipped her hands in her coat. “My colleague called in sick and I was the only one available to cover her shift. I’ve left some food containers for you to heat up if you get hungry.”

I smiled, shaking my head. “Don’t worry about it. Work is work, just make sure you get home safely and take your break. I don’t want to chase in hospitals after your lame , having me worried sick.” I chuckled then patted her shoulder. “I’ll be fine. You go ahead and cover the shift. I’ll pop out later and see if I can find us a good movie to watch tonight and,” I held up the freshly signed cheque, “a good bottle of wine to share!”

Ji Sun at her lips and wiggled her eyebrows. “If you put it in that context, I’ll be home as soon as possible.” And she went out of the apartment after bidding me goodbye, leaving me to my own devices.

I turned around to look at the living room and placed my hands on my hips. There wasn’t much to keep me occupied seeing as Ji Sun and I took advantage of our free morning to clean up our dorm, but as I looked around, I figured the dishes could do with a second scrub and the rooms could to with more adjusting. I set to work immediately, busying myself with the smell of citrus cleaning products and trying to hold back a stray strand of hair that refused to slip into place.

Fridays were usually my favourite day of the weeks (as per usual) not simply because the weekend started but because I was so keen on spending Friday mornings doing the weekly clean up with Ji Sun before heading out for our ritual hunt-a-movie stroll through downtown Seoul. I was also highly fortunate for not having any lectures during Fridays- the less educational work put in the last day of the week, the better. I took cleaning slow, saving the school work that had accumulated over the course of the week for last- I had to preoccupy myself as much as possible.

Yet, as I readjusted Ji Sun’s duvet and patted her two pillows into place, I only then noticed that my eyes were damp and not thanks to their usual moisture but from salty tears that threatened to escape any minute. And I let them fall freely to their own accord as I slithered to the floor, grasping Ji Sun’s pillow that I had not finished arranging. I gripped on to it tightly, painfully, as the skin over my knuckles turned white but no physical pain could compare to my emotional straining.

Winning me over, my subconscious took over and I buried my head in the soft pillow. The same phrase repeated over and over in my mind, tattooing itself in my mind and across my heartstrings.

Do I....know you?

The same lips that once uttered “you’re beautiful” had shaped into such hateful, cold and distant words that made me question whether, despite the short period of time, I had meant anything to Kris. His cool, composed voice rung in my ears and it was enough for me to know he would wake up with no remorse whatsoever; he would wake up, if it were up to him, and completely wipe me out of his memory. And I wished, deeply and strongly that I had such strong will within me to do the same. To put Kris out of my life and my world that shifted a little from its regular axis. Not that there was such thing as regular ever since last summer.

I sobbed pitifully in the pillow that did not belong to me and I recklessly allowed my tears to sink into the rich cotton material. I found no comfort in squeezing the pillow to my chest as though that would ease any of the invisible pressure that pressed upon me. I wanted to stop crying, I kept telling to myself that I was the only one doing such thing for I was not on Kris’ mind, and I was sure of it. But I couldn’t help myself; these hopeless, suffocated sobs were nothing but a relief yet I soon found out (as I began hiccupping my way to the bathroom) that my temples began throbbing painfully. I stumbled my way out of the bedroom, still carrying the slightly damp pillow in my arms, and carried myself to the bathroom.

“I pity you...” I whispered to the reflection in the mirror.

The girl looking back at me was nothing but a mess. The hair, although still neat, was coming loose from its ponytail and the puffy red eyes would take some time to soothe back to how they normally are, black and shiny. Twisting at the cold water tap, I bent over the sink and splashed the water over my face, shivering slightly at the sudden iciness. When I looked up, however, I nearly jumped back, clutching at my chest in fright. Angrily, I turned to Jong Hyun.

“You know,” he began as I brushed past him and out of the bathroom, “you shouldn’t really make it a habit keeping your front door open,” he scolded with a hint of amusement. “You never know who—Hey, Min Ji?” He followed after me and used his body to block me from disappearing in the shared bedroom. “Are you okay?”

I looked anywhere but at Jong Hyun and frowned. “It’s none of your business, Jong Hyun, seriously. And who do you think you are, coming in my house unannounced? It’s trespassing, you fool.”

But Jong Hyun was insistent and his grip on my upper arm tightened, preventing me from going further. “No, you can’t just tell me it’s none of my business. You’re my—“

“Subordinate?!” I huffed at once, rather angrily and I know it took him by surprise for he jumped slightly but still did not let me go. “Is that what you see me as? Do you take particular joy in making me feel insignificant before you? Do you?”

“Wow, calm down,” Jong Hyun breathed. “Look, if that’s what made your upset then—“

I held a free hand up. “As if anything you say to me ever gets to me,” I muttered and immediately wished I could stop myself for Jong Hyun’s eyes softened and he seemed genuinely hurt by my words. Sighing, I gently pulled myself out of his grip. “I didn’t mean to be so snappy,” I apologized, “thanks for the cheque by the way. You really didn’t have to give such a huge bonus, you know. I didn’t do much.”

Instantly, his small, boyish frown was replaced by a happy grin. “I had to be more generous. Word’s travelled so fast around the campus and now everyone’s aching to read the interview with EXO!” Jong Hyun patted my head. “Besides, I’m a good boss and I pay my sub—uh, span of control employees well.”

I rolled my eyes but I couldn’t help but snicker. “You glorify yourself so much sometimes, Kim Jong Hyun...” I mumbled with a shake of my head.

“Well, what can I do if I’m such a good team leader? Besides,” Jong Hyun nudged me and insistently followed me inside the bedroom, “I know you love me, Oh Min Ji.”

“Oh, please, I’ll be damned before I love you.”

We both stood in the space between the two single beds and stared at each other. Then, as though on cue, laughter filled the small room and we collapsed on both of the beds as though the best joke ever said was shared between the two of us. And it felt good then, laughing with Jong Hyun despite him being the source of my feelings towards him shifting from like to hate on a daily basis. But I loved that moment and I liked Jong Hyun’s ridiculous ego because I could always make snarky remarks that wouldn’t be funny to an outsider but to us, it was hilarious.

When the laughter died down and we were resting our backs on either one of the beds, facing each other on the floor, the room fell silent and Jong Hyun took in his surroundings. He looked at our wall filled with Polaroid pictures and glossy pictures all adjusted together to seem like a rather organized collage of memories. His eyes shifted to our rather large collection of books on the floor because we were unable to put up the shelves we bought once we moved in at the beginning of the semester. He looked at our rather neatly arranged clothing in the double wardrobe that was usually kept open because we had not finished sorting out through our clothing before Ji Sun was called to work. Then he looked at me and I narrowed my eyes as though I tried to intimidate him.

“What?” I snapped and circled shaped on the parquet with my index finger.

“Are you going to tell me now?”

“There’s nothing to tell.”

“No,” Jong Hyun snickered but not in an amused manner, “sure there isn’t. People don’t turn up to lectures or work looking like they had not slept in weeks and people don’t especially cry for no reason.”

I shifted my eyes away from him, the ounce of bravery I had within me faltering slightly. “There’s always a reason, Jong Hyun,” I admitted.

“So tell me,” Jong Hyun insisted, his voice firm and very unlike him.

“It’s not for you to know.”

“It is,” Jong Hyun said simply. “Friends tell friends things.”

I looked up at him, my brows raised in pure curiosity but Jong Hyun’s eyes equalled mine as he smiled simply. It had been a bit of a surprise statement because up to now, Jong Hyun had simply referred to us as “colleagues”. I crossed my arms over my chest and continued staring at him in surprise.

“Friends?” I repeated.

“Yeah,” Jong Hyun grinned and ruffled his hair a little. “What? Did you think I was a simple acquaintance?”

I grinned, nonetheless and pulled up from the floor. “Well then, friend, how about we go out for some coffee? It’s my treat for the day seeing as I’m temporarily rich for the moment,” I chuckled.

“What would you do without me?” he asked just as I began pushing him out of my room to allow me to change.

“Oh, I don’t know, smartass.” I took a few seconds pretending to think of an answer. “Find a job, perhaps? I’m pretty positive the journalism department wouldn’t be my only escape route to earn money and keep myself living.”

“Even so, a boss like—“

“—Like you is hard to find, yeah, yeah, I know the drill, Kim Jong Hyun. But seriously now, if you want that free coffee, you better give me a moment of peace to change before I change my mind and make you pay for your own.” I slammed the door shut, deciding to not give him a chance of another ego-filled retort.

Ten minutes later, Jong Hyun and I were walking side by side towards downtown Seoul, hands in pockets and conversation small. My teeth chattered lightly as we quickly walked through the Friday midday crowds that poured in from every street and every public transport route but we were quick to grab a two-seat table in the same coffee shop I knocked into an EXO member; the same coffee shop that had Kris and I under the same roof just a few months after I had last seen him and declined his offer of seeing him on stage. And as though warning alarms sounded through my head, I tore my thoughts away from a potentially dangerous ground they were heading towards. I sighed and leaned forward, grasping the large mug between my hands to warm myself up.

Jong Hyun’s dark eyes scrutinized me.

“Do you have a habit of staring?”

“Do you have a habit of crying?”

I rolled my eyes and lifted the steaming mug to my lips. “Whatever.”

Jong Hyun sighed rather loudly and my Mixed Feelings for the Extrovert Egoistical Bastard shifted to dislike. I did appreciate his concern, of course I did, and subconsciously, I thanked him but Jong Hyun was pushy. And I did not do pushy. However, in order to avoid any further confrontation which would probably end up not so nicely, I simply sat in my seat and did not emphasise more. Outside, a thin dusting of snow began settling and I shivered but in joy for I liked snow.

“Anyway,” Jong Hyun cleared his throat and my eyes tore away from the large window to my right, “I was thinking we could do something more interesting every now and then, apart from arguing and drinking coffee.”

I raised an eyebrow, the corners of my lips twitching upwards in a slight smile. “Like what would you suggest?”

Jong Hyun shrugged but kept his shoulders raised and he looked more childish than he ever did before especially since he stuck his bottom lip out. “I don’t know, for beginnings, why don’t you and I and Ji Sun spend a nice day in, and maybe we can get Ki Bum to join us too just to keep him away from all the special offers popping up in stores?” Jong Hyun suggested.

“Ji Sun and you? Look, that’s very lovely, Jong Hyun—“

“Why don’t you ever call me oppa?” he interrupted suddenly.

I nearly choked on the small sip of coffee and had to dab at my mouth with my coffee fragranced tissue. “Excuse me?”

“I said,” Jong Hyun leaned forward a little and began raising his voice so that people nearby turned to look at us, “why don’t you ever call me oppa?!”

“Why does me not calling you oppa bug you? And why are you telling me this now, in public?”

Jong Hyun wiggled his eyebrows. “Shall I ask you in private—Ouch! Okay, I’m sorry!” he apologized as soon as I flew a kick to his leg underneath the table and he squirmed in his seat. “And it bugs me, of course it does! Everyone else calls me oppa because obviously, you smartass, I’m older than them. I’m older than you.”

“Me calling you oppa would suggest we’re close and I consider you someone like family. Drop the idea. Unless...” I grinned, “I get paid for it.”

“Why is everything about money for you, Oh Min Ji? Yah, you come across as a...”

“As a what?” I challenged but leaned back in the chair, relaxing my shoulders. “I have needs, Kim Jong Hyun. And speaking of money and needs, I should head off to find a movie.”

“Oh!” he jumped at the idea, immediately tagging after me out of the shop. “What are we watching?”

“Not we. Just me and Ji Sun. It’s our girls’ night and I doubt you’d like to be part of it.”

“Spending nights at the dorm with Ki Bum is like having a girls’ night. My wardrobe, according to him, and my sense of style has improved greatly ever since we became friends.” Jong Hyun stuck his hands out and did a pirouette. “But I always cared about my sense of style. I always looked good even pre-Ki Bum, right, Min Ji?”

“Frankly,” I began and pushed him in a nearby DVD rental store, “I never really paid attention.”

“That’s not nice, Min Ji,” Jong Hyun whispered as he began browsing through the stacks of DVDs. “It’s not a nice thing to say to oppa, Min Ji,” he added again but I left him to his own devices as I went in a hunt for reasonably good movies, particularly chick flicks, that would keep us up throughout most of the night.

I settled for the usual classic Korean romantic comedies and I knew I’d probably kick myself for it later but for now, I felt okay- I felt okay to cry over fictional characters and fall in love with their relationships. So, after paying the deposit for the DVDs and tugging Jong Hyun away from the Disney section, we stepped back outside.

“Well,” I sighed and smiled up at him, “thanks for today.”

“Thanks for today what?”

I blinked in complete and utter confusion. “For today...you know...?”

“Thanks for today oppa.”

“Get lost and go home, Kim Jong Hyun.”

But he didn’t and being the insistent bastard he was, Jong Hyun kept following me until we both settled that it was okay if he walked me back home. We stopped outside the door and light banging and clanking from inside indicated that Ji Sun was possibly home already. Unlocking the door, I pushed it open slightly and looked back at Jong Hyun.

“Do you not get bored hanging out with me? Don’t you have any male friends?”

“Oh, I do,” he grinned. “You should meet them sometime. In fact, I may call them to that day in I suggested earlier today, how about that? And...” he looked left and right then over my shoulder as though checking that someone wouldn’t hear us and lowered his face closer to mine; on instinct, I took a small, discreet step back. “Do you think that maybe Ji Sun might begin warming up to me?”

I laughed and slapped his shoulder away. “You’re such a kid! Now go, Jong Hyun, thanks for walking me back home.”

“I’ll see you on Monday at work, okay? We have a record to set in terms of the most successful issue to ever be read by the campus!” Jong Hyun nudged me then waved as he walked backwards, towards the set of stairs. “Be good, Min Ji! And stop being such a cry baby!”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.” And just as I was about to step back, I looked over my shoulder. “Hey, Jong Hyun?”

He looked back. “Yes?”

“Bye, oppa.”

His grin was clearly visible. “Bye, Oh Min Ji.”

I stepped inside and I was welcomed once again to the familiar, welcoming scent of home cooked food. Ji Sun was there, in her simple baby blue apron, setting our lunch and dinner on the small coffee table. She looked up and it was then I noticed she was on the phone. She threw me a smile then handed me the device.

“She’s here now, hold on.” Pressing the mobile in my hand, she mouthed, “it’s Lu Han,” before walking back towards our kitchenette, setting the more fancy bottle of red wine I had bought in the fridge.

“Hello, Lu Han?”

“Hey, Min Ji! How are you doing?” He sounded cheerful, very unlike the quiet Lu Han I had talked with the previous night.

“I’m good, thanks.” I paused then, “and you? How come you’re calling?”

“I wanted to see if you and Ji Sun are free tomorrow. I already spoke to Ji Sun and look, we’re planning a dinner, EXO as a whole because it’s been a while since we last sat together for a proper meal. And well, I wanted you to be there. So what do you think?”

“Oh, Lu Han...” I sighed and slowly sat on the couch. “I don’t think it’s a good idea—“ just then, the much dreaded do I know you phrase ran through my mind and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly then opened them again. “It’s a dinner for you guys. We have no place there and—“

“No, please come, Min Ji. The boys miss you guys and Chan Yeol really wants to apologize for running into you like that at the cafe. Please, Min Ji? Think about it okay?” And he quickly offered the address of the restaurant and the timing before continuing, “I promise you it will be fine. Kris...he didn’t object so please come?”

I sighed and tried not to give in too easily but it was hard. “I’ll give it a thought Lu Han. Thanks for the invitation.”

“Okay, but please come, okay? I miss you.”

“Okay.” I looked over at Ji Sun and she gave me a soft smile. “I’ll see you soon, Lu Han.”

Of course Kris didn’t object,I told myself, because to him, I’m nothing but a stranger off the street.

And my chest tightened once again as I released a shaky breath. I shed the tears, however, and decided that it was for the best to appear just as unfazed as Kris was. Because, I weighed the decision, that could be my only way out of my silent, painful struggle.

Author's Note: Happy 1 month anniversary to "Baby Steps!" :3 It's my first genuine accomplishment in terms of published fan fiction so I'm quite proud of it, haha~ Thank you to every for the comments! This was going to be a soppy, depressing chapter but I figured Min Ji couldn't be a complete mess and cry day in and day out over Kris and thus, plenty of Jonghyun/Minji for anyone that likes them together! Personally, I'm quite fond of their relationship and thus, really wanted to include more of them two together though I'm pretty sure there's plenty already. XD Sorry for the lack of Kris! D: Also, I just wanted to point out something regarding those backstage passes Min Ji recieved: she actually received them just in time for the event but chose to ignore them and not attend. It's my mistake for not describing it clearly so I apologize! >_<

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and sorry for the massive A/N!