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I sat on my new bed inside my new room at the Moon Palace. The bed is big and soft, the blankets and pillows softer, fit for a princess. Come to think of it, I am just a prospect princess, but the accommodation is suited for a person in belonging in a royal family.

I slowly ran my hands at the soft covers of my bed, my mind flashing back to snippets of my childhood. I feel and remember, though very little that I used to have all of this. Big and spacious rooms; laminated flooring, big beds, big closets and an adjoining bathroom.

I had this too, but I was too young to remember it, so even if the place is familiar, the feeling isn’t.

I sighed and sprawled on my back, my feet dangling from the edge of the bed. I looked at the complicated hand-crafted woodwork on the ceiling trying to figure out what it is.  Ah. Stupid. It’s a lotus, of course.

Such a lovely flower—the official symbol of the country, the pendant on my necklace which I thought was just a simple heirloom.

I don’t like lotus, really. I don’t like any flowers at all and more so right now because a stupid necklace with a flower pendant sealed my fate as the princess bride. I took a deep breath and expelled it into a loud sigh.

I’ve always been realistic; I’m never one who thinks of prince that will save me, or played as a princess in need of saving. I’m always looking ahead, looking at the things that matters the most. Maybe it’s because I’ve been living every single day of my life trying to survive that I had no time for dreaming.

But if I did have the time, my dreams wouldn’t be of this.

This is not a dream; this is more like a delusion.

If you tell me a year ago that I am going to be a princess to be just because I hail from the family of well-respected and admired musicians and artists, I would have laughed at you and told you you’re crazy. Yes, my family might have been playing music for the kings and queens since Joseon, and have painted their portraits and rooms, designed their palaces and clothes.

But that doesn’t really constitute on me being a princess, right?

I closed my eyes, trying to black out everything. But it’s too quiet in my room that I can’t help but go over the things that happened. Being a princess in training, the crown prince’s hostility. And god, Mi Jin. She’s so lovely and looked so kind that I feel bad for making things harder for her.

I know I do. As I’ve been told by Sulli as we retire on the tea room after dinner, Mi Jin is being trained since she was little. She grew up and lived most of her life at the west pavilion of the Moon Palace, where all the previous princess brides who eventually became crown princess and later on, queens have lived.

It feels like that I am taking something away from her, though I keep telling myself that I am just going through the motions. Just going through the formalities, so that the palace will look fair in the eyes of the prying people.  In the end, it will be always Mi Jin.

Mi Jin will become the princess bride, then crowned princess. And eventually, the Queen.

“Haena agassi…are you sleeping?” I heard Seohyun unni call in a soft voice. I opened my eyes and slowly rise from the bed and saw her head in between the double doors. It was a funny sight and I felt a pang of envy because she looked cute and gorgeous at the same time.

I shook my head no and gave her a small smile. She returned it and opened the doors fully and entered my room, her hands clasped in front of her stomach. “I know that you are exhausted, but there are few things we have to go through, such as your schedule. Do you want to go through your schedule now or tomorrow morning instead?”

Schedule? I felt my eyes rounded, my brows drawn together. I swallowed and asked, my voice all squeaky. “Schedule? I have a schedule?” Understanding dawned on Seohyun’s expression and nodded at me. “Your schedule is light. Some quick lessons, meetings and well to prepare you.”

“Prepare me to something much more heavy?” I asked. Seohyun smiled, not needing to say anything. I got it already.  I sighed and walked over to the dresser and sat. I grabbed the brush and started combing my hair and told Seohyun to start reciting my schedule.

“Okay, here goes. At 7AM tomorrow, you are expected to join the Crown Prince, the Haebaragi Kungjoo* and Mi Jin agassi for breakfast. After that, you will be given a tour of the palace grounds and palace houses to familiarize yourself and at the same time a crash course for the various royal titles. And then at 10AM, you’re expected to meet the Queen Mother in her palace.

You are given a rest in between the end of your meeting with the Queen Mother and before your afternoon tea at 3PM. You could have it alone, unless one of the royals requested your presence. Then after that, a few lessons in the royal family line and then a fitting with Jessica. Dinner is scheduled as 7PM at the common dining room at the Taeyang palace.” Seohyun finished reciting my schedule and gave me a time to process everything.

 That was light?

There were words I didn’t understand, and I had a lot of questions such as the meeting with the Queen Mother. I am meeting the Queen Mother?!

I breathed out and carefully placed the brush on the dresser, noticing my hands are shaking. “Okaay…Questions. Haebaragi Kungjoo?”

“Haebaragi Kungjoo is Princess Sulli’s formal title inside the palace. We used that to address her in formal conversations and correspondence.”

“Formal title?”

“Yes. Prince Chanyeol is Keungeumgyegug Wangja. For now, you are called the Bingung, but eventually, you will be given a formal title to use in addressing you in formal correspondence and inter-palace letters. ”

I will be given a title too? A formal one? “Does Mi Jin have a formal title already?” Surprise flashed on Seohyun’s face, but she quickly hide it and answered me carefully. “Mi Jin agassi is called agassi. In formal letters, she’s addressed as Shin Mi Jin, House of Hollyhock. The palace uses her House’s name in distinguishing her.”

Confusion was clearly written into my face that Seohyun didn’t wait for me to ask a question and gave a thorough explanation. “She was supposed to be given a title in three days’ time, but things changed.”

“Things changed…I came and I will be given a title soon but Mi Jin won’t? Why?”

“Because, she’s not you.”

I am taking something away from Mi Jin.

After getting answers from all my questions, Seohyun gave me a new smartphone which I am directed to carry with me at all times. It has the numbers of my circle (Seohyun, Siwon, Jessica, Sungmin, Leeteuk and Minseok) as well as the Queen’s. The Prime Minister too and the Head of the Royal Security whom I have to meet yet.

I willed myself to sleep, but my mind is too active to do so. Worry and questions keeps running through my head and it was about dawn that I managed to fall in a dreamless sleep.

I was woken up by the sudden brightness entering through the floor to ceiling windows in my room and the clicking of heels in the floor. I groaned and kept my eyes shut and burrowed deeper into the comfortable blankets, wanting nothing but to sleep. “Choose: you can drag yourself to the bathroom to take a bath, or I’ll give you one myself in your bed, with ice cold water.”

Jessica’s impatient voice sounded loud and clear, instantly washing away all the sleep in my system. There is something about her that just scares me and makes me feel that I don’t want to piss her off. That I should not piss her off.

Groggy, I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I saw her standing at the foot of my bed, arms crossed in front her chest. One of her brows raised and disappeared behind her side bangs, showing how impatient she is getting. “Right. Bath.”

I got off the bed and started fixing the bed. “Are you the princess bride in training or the housekeeper?” I stopped in folding the blankets and placed it on the bed carefully. I looked at Jessica, waiting for instructions.

She just nodded her head to the direction of the bathroom. I walked quickly to the door and got inside. As I closed the door, I heard her sigh.

My bathroom is half as big as my apartment. Upon entering, there is a marble counter with sink on the right, a big mirror plasted on the wall. On the opposite side, another marble counter, minus the sink. Wicker baskets filled with towels and bath essentials is perched on top of it. There’s a wooden sliding door at the end of both counters that leads to the main bathing area.

There’s a big bathtub with a flat LED TV hung at the wall at the end of the tub, a shower with frosted glass as walls and the toilet is hidden behind a half-wall near the sliding door. The bathroom is spacious and comfortable which makes me want to stay in there forever and not go out to the reality.

I quickly but thoroughly bathe, seeing that it was already 6AM in the morning. My first schedule is at 7AM and I don’t even have anything to wear yet.

I went out of the bath covered with white, fluffy robe that smelled wonderful. I saw that my bed is already straightened up, Jessica going through the closet cabinet which I didn’t know filled with clothes. She was looking for something, but I noticed that there’s already a skirt laid on the bed.

“Your underwear is on the second drawer, choose a matching pair in black color, and then wear that skirt on the bed.” Jessica instructed without looking at me. I did as I was told; I took the skirt and the underwear and as I was about to head to the bathroom, Jessica gave me the top to complete the ensemble.

After all the hair and make-up done by Jessica, I hastily walked to the pavilion where breakfast will be served. I arrived five minutes before seven, and as I reached the pavilion, Sulli, Chanyeol and Mi Jin are already seated.

Mi Jin

I saw her before Chanyeol did, and I cannot believe that it was the same girl I had dinner with for the first time last night. I swallowed, realizing that she is indeed, beautiful. I could see the natural grace she has as she walked, her posture right and she looked comfortable.

I suddenly remembered the hours I spent walking with a stack of books above my head, painstakingly trying to walk gracefully without looking frigid. I suddenly felt scared. I thought and somewhat hoped that she’ll have a hard time in learning all the lessons I took for years.

My circle and Chanyeol thought so too; I was assured that in the end, I will be the princess bride because I studied and learned it for years while she, will have to do all of it in just a few, short months.

She gave a slight bow and gave a small smile to Sulli and Chanyeol as she took the seat across from me. I hated her here; I hated where she sits. She was seated on Chanyeol’s right, the seat that I always took before she came into our lives.

Chanyeol wasn’t happy about the change, but can’t do anything about it. Eunuch Han explained to him that Haena is technically the real princess bride so as per custom and tradition, she gets to sit on his right. Chanyeol started arguing with his eunuch, but I held his hand and told him it was okay.

I thought I am okay with it. But seeing Haena sit on Chanyeol’s right is like a slap on the face. I am the trained one, but I’m not the real one.  Years of training and sacrificing my life can be thrown away in few months’ time or in a year if I’m lucky.