Twice in Love...

I remember the day I first saw her.

I had accidentally run in to her while rushing to the library. She had this confused and dazed look to her. I apologized to her but she didn’t even notice me and continued on her way. My eyes couldn’t help but follow her, but I quickly brushed it off realizing I was late. I quickly rushed up the library steps but stopped halfway when I noticed a familiar figure solemnly walking up the steps. To my surprise it was her again. Her body language said it all; she looked defeated, weak, lost.

I rush to the front desk and greeted my co-worker as I took over my shift. I see her walking in with the same expression she had when I saw her on the steps. I subtly watch her make her way to the back corner of the library, sitting at a secluded table. She just sat there, staring out in to space.

Two hours passed and she was still sitting there, staring out in to space. I casually made my way towards her direction as I began to place back the returned books to its rightful catalogue; glancing over at her subtly to see if she was ok. I had only a few books left to re-shelve as I got closer to her section. I didn’t know what it was but I just wanted to see her up close.

I begin to hear sniffling as I got closer to her table. The next thing I know, I see her slumped over the desk and all I could hear was crying. My eyes widened at her sudden breakdown. I quickly rushed over to see if she was all right. And that was the first time I met her.

“Miss, are you all right?” I asked in a whisper as I stood in front of the table.

She didn’t reply as she continues to cry in to her arms.

I clear my throat to make my presence known but still no response.

“Miss,” I repeated as I made my way closer to her.

She was still crying with her body slumped over the table.

I stood beside her as I gently poked her to make sure she was ok.

“Sorry, miss,” I whispered once more.

She shot her head up to a surprise expression on my face. Tears were streaming down her face as she stared up at me. I didn’t even know if she was able to see me through all those tears.

“I’m sor…sorry, but this is a library,” I stuttered out.

Idiot! I didn’t even know why I said that to her. She was clearly going through something that caused her to cry like that and all I could say to her was she needed to be quiet because she was in the library. Idiot!

“Sorry,” she mutters through her crying as she stood up from her seat and made her way towards the exit, sniffling her way during her exit.

I suddenly felt guilty for making her feel worse. Idiot!

And that was how our first meeting went.

Ever since then I kept taking the same shift hoping that I might run in to her again, either on the street or in the library. I didn’t know what it was but I just wanted to see her face again.

Weeks passed and I still have yet to see her again. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

Seeing how I was feeling a bit depressed the past couple of weeks, my brother decided to take me out to get my mind off of things. Of all places, he decided to take me to a club. He was trying to encourage me to meet some girls there. I’m not the type to go to those places nor would I ever want to meet a girl there.

Half an hour in to the club I can tell that he was getting bored with just standing around in the corner with me. He kept pushing me towards the dance floor or even trying to bring a girl over to me, but I was too stubborn to enjoy any of it. I can tell he was getting annoyed so he decided to just leave me be and went to the dance floor himself. I just sat in a booth nearby as I observed the dance floor.

Someone suddenly caught my eyes as I quickly got up from the booth and began following the figure. I scan the room to see if I wasn’t seeing things. I glance over to my brother but he was still enjoying himself with the girls that were surrounding him. That’s the difference between my brother and I, he was the social type while I was the more timid type.

I continue scanning the room to see if I wasn’t seeing things. I notice the familiar figure again as I made my way through the dance floor, trying my best to catch up to the figure. I made my way through and to my surprise there she was standing outside the club, leaning against the brick wall talking on her cell phone. I observed her for a moment, my lips slowly curved up in to a smile. I was just happy to finally see her again.

Her hand slowly fell to her side with her grip still tightly holding on to her phone. She slid down the wall as she placed her arms on her knees and head hung low, resting on her arms. I could tell she was crying again.

I was about to run up to her to try and comfort her but my brother had come out of the club with a girl on each arm.

“Yah, where did you go?” He questions me.

I try to ignore him, glancing over him to see if the girl was still ok.

He leans in and I could smell the alcohol in his breath, “you take one and I take one,” he whispers to me, referring to the girls on his arms.

I roll my eyes at him as I continue to ignore him. I glance over his shoulder again but she was no longer there. I could see her figure disappearing in to the night as I watch her walking away from the club.

“Yah, are you listening to me?”

I glare at my brother. He basically ruined my chance at meeting that girl again. I was not in the mood for his player ways.

“ off!” I shouted at him and walked off.

I can tell that he was surprise at my sudden outburst. But I didn’t care, I love my brother, but sometimes his action gets on my nerves that I just can’t stand to accept it.

Once again as the weeks passed I find myself on the lookout for her. Be it at the library or at the club. I would hang out around the club in hopes of maybe seeing her there again, but to no luck. I swear it was as if God was testing me to see how far I would go to see her again. But I can tell you, he was definitely pushing my limits.

I began to really question if we were really meant to meet or not as the weeks turned to months. It made it worse that my brother had apparently found a new girlfriend. I kept rolling my eyes at him each time he would mention her to me. My brother is not the type to keep a girlfriend for long. So to me, it was just another fling that he was having.

“I want you to meet her.”

His sudden statement caused me by surprise. Ever since the day he became popular with the girls, I’ve heard about his numerous girlfriends but have yet to actually meet any of them.

“You serious?” I didn’t know what else to say.

He nodded seriously.

“Why now? I have never met a single one of your girlfriends before, what makes this one so different.” I was still suspicious of why he wanted me to meet her.

He smiles at me, “I don’t know what it is but she makes me really happy. She’s completely changed me.”

It was true. I did see a difference in his daily routines. He no longer frequented the clubs, even his physical appearance changed. He was now more clean-cut, he began taking responsibilities for his actions unlike before when he would get me to deal with it for him.

“You’re serious about this girl this time?”

He nodded with a foolish smile. I have never seen him like this before.

“How long have the two of you been together?”

“Almost three months now.”

I was surprise by his answer; for one thing he had managed to keep a girlfriend for that long. His longest relationship I have ever heard from him was about three weeks and that was with someone he actually liked. So this made this relationship really serious. Another reason was the fact that I have yet to see this girl this whole time.

“I want to know what you think of her.”

He had never really asked for my opinions on anything before so this was a surprise for me again. He must truly love this girl for him to ask so much of me.

I couldn’t help but agree to his request. Deep down I was still hopeful that maybe I’ll find that girl again and let my brother meet her too.

***

I walked in to the restaurant and scan the room to see if she was there. I was surprise to see her sitting there, looking at the menu. I stood there wondering what I should do. I began to get nervous. What was I to do, turn away and run and miss my chance with her or face her and admit to my feelings? I was so confused at what to do at that moment.

I found myself stepping away from her as I turn on my heels and ran out of the restaurant. I was truly a coward.

The week slowly passed and she kept calling. I was still too much of a coward to pick up her call. What was I to do? This was the opportunity that I’ve been waiting for and I’m too much of a coward to do anything about it.

I knew I can’t hide forever. I had to face her, not just for her but for my brother as well.

I stood outside the café she worked at as I waited for her shift to end.

The last customer left and she notices me standing at the door. She stood still as she gazes at me with sorrowful eyes. I couldn’t help but feel guilty for what I had did to her, leaving her at the restaurant by herself and not returning her call.

I took a few steps closer to her. She didn’t say anything. She kept looking at me with those sorrowful eyes, making me feel more and more guilty. I reach my hand up to wipe away the droplet of tear that had began to drip from her eye. She leaps forward and tightly squeezes me in her embrace. I hesitantly raise my hand up to her back, trying my best to comfort her.

I walked her home that night, she held on to my hand tightly as she leans on my shoulder as we walked. I couldn’t help but feel absolutely ecstatic at her touch. But a part of me still felt guilty for what happened.

We sat on the swings in the playground that we had passed. I had run off to grab us something to eat, I came back and we began sharing what I had bought.

“I thought you don’t like eating spicy things?” She asks me.

Her question caught me off guard as I glance over at her seeing her glancing back at me with a quizzical expression on her face.

I laugh nervously at her, “I can handle a bit at a time.”

She nodded hesitantly.

The days continue as I began to feel more at ease with having her by my side. Seeing her smile each time we met brought a whole new joy to me that I could never imagine I could ever have. The guilt slowly faded, but it was still lingering in the back of my mind.

I stood in front of her apartment with a bouquet of flowers in hand as I waited for her to open her door. It was her birthday and I made sure that tonight would be the perfect night for her.

She opens the door and I held out the bouquet of two dozen red roses in front of her. The smile on her face was more than enough. I smiled back at her as she took the bouquet in her hand.

“Thank you.” She said as she kisses me on the cheek.

I couldn’t help but blush at her kiss.

“Should I take the bouquet with me or leave it in my apartment?” She asks innocently.

I couldn’t help but laugh at her predicament. “Leave it here. There are more surprises tonight so I think its best you have your hands free.”

She smiles excitedly at me. She quickly rushes in to her kitchen and got a vase and placed the roses in the water filled vase.

I took her hand and we made our way out to the apartment.

“I remember you told me that you didn’t have a license.” She said out of the blue as we sat in my car, driving down towards the destination of her birthday surprise.

I laugh nervously at her, “I told you, I said that so I could take the bus with you,” I tried to excuse.

She still looked puzzled, she began pouting her lips and scrunching her nose. I couldn’t help but laugh at her adorable expression.

We arrived at our destination and I made her wear the blindfold I had prepared. I took her hand and guided her through our trek.

I made sure everything was ready and prepared before taking her blindfold off.

“Surprise,” I whispered to her.

Her eyes widened at the sight in front of her. The smile on her face grew wider as she gazed upon the view in front of her.

I had prepared a candlelit dinner for two on the beach. I managed to find a secluded area on the beach and prepared everything to her liking. Rose petals were sprinkled around the table. Balloons were tied to rocks to anchor them down as they floated with the gentle breeze. The cake sat in the middle of the table.

She turns to me with a smile and I could see the tears beginning to form.

“Happy birthday,” I whispered to her as I place a gentle kiss on her forehead.

She held me tightly in her embrace for a few minutes before letting go and I escorted her to her seat.

“I made this myself,” I boasted as I presented to her with the meal for the night.

She smiles sweetly at me as she took her first bite. I waited for her reaction. There was a puzzled expression on her face. I didn’t know what it meant.

“Good?” I asked, unsure of her expression.

She nodded hesitantly, “you made this?”

I nodded with a smile, “I should cook for you more often then.”

She looks at me blankly and then sweetly smiles at me and nodded.

We finished our dinner and decided to sit on the sandbank and just gaze at the night sky.

She sat next to me as she leaned her head on my shoulder. I couldn’t help but smile at her action, my eyes still gazing at the night sky. I couldn’t have asked for a better moment than right there and then.

“If anything were to ever happen to me would you still remember me?”

I was surprise at her sudden question.

She slowly lifted her head from my shoulder as she turn to gaze at me. I didn’t know how to answer her question as I gazed back at her. I didn’t know what she meant by that question.

We gazed at each other for a few seconds before she leaned in and kissed me on the lips. My eyes widened at the sudden kiss but I couldn’t help but respond back as I pull her closer to me and closed my eyes and immerse myself in the kiss.

She pulled out after a few minutes and continued gazing at me.

“Are you ok?” I asked her sweetly, concern that she wasn’t feeling well.

She smiles sweetly at me as she went back to her sitting position and leaned her head on my shoulder again.

“When do I get to meet your brother?”

I was once again surprise at her sudden question.

“My bro…brother?” I stuttered.

“Yeah, you told me that you wanted me to meet him.”

“Soon, soon enough,” was all I could utter out.

We sat there for the rest of the night, in silence as we gazed upon the starlit sky.

A few days passed and she hasn’t called me since her birthday night. I was beginning to worry a bit. Each time I called her it would just go straight to her voice mail on her cell phone or her answering machine in her apartment.

It wasn’t until she finally called me that I was relieved to hear that she wanted to see me. I didn’t know what it was but her voice sounded different. The tone in her voice made me nervous to meet her.

I was running late to meet her and I had a feeling she would be a bit angry at me for doing so, I saw a flower shop on my way to meet her so I decided to grab her a bouquet of roses to redeem myself.

I arrived at our meeting place and there she was sitting on the swings by herself. I smile at the sight of her playing with her foot in the sand. I made my way towards her and held out the bouquet of roses in front of her, flashing my most apologetic and innocent smile.

She looks at me blankly as she stood up from the swing.

“Sorry for being late,” I apologized sheepishly.

She ignores the bouquet of roses and took a few steps closer to me, still staring at me intensely.

“Where’s HoWon?” She whispers softly to me, her expression begins to soften.

I was caught off guard at her question.

“Wh…wha…what do you mean?” I replied nervously.

“You’re not HoWon.” She stated matter-of-factly.

I gaze at her wide eyed.

“You’re not the Lee HoWon that I know.” Her voice begins to quiver.

“Ni…Nicole,” was all I could utter.

“Where is he? Where’s the Lee HoWon I know.” Her voice begins to crack as her tears began to blur her vision.

“Nicole, I…I…” I continue to stutter as I didn’t know what to say.

My voice was starting to crack as well, I found my throat clogging up as I could feel myself beginning to choke from the pent up emotion I had kept inside me.

I couldn’t look at her tearful gaze upon me. I began to break down as I fell to the ground, tears streaming down my face.

“Where’s HoWon? Where is he?” She cries to me as she held on to my shoulder and begins shaking me.

“I…I…” I was caught up in my emotions. Her one statement completely broke me from all that I’ve been trying to hide from her all these times.

“Please, just tell me where he is.” She pleaded to me.

=====

“Sorry I didn’t order this,” HoWon stated when she placed the order down on his table.

“Really?” Nicole replied with a puzzled expression.

He chuckles at her reply, “yes, I order the green tea late.”

She looks at her order forms again. She blushes embarrassingly as she took the order back, “I’m so sorry about that.”

That was the moment he fell for her. Her innocent and aloofness drew him in like no other has before.

He found himself going back to her café everyday just in hopes of getting a glimpse at her and talking to her, even if it was only to take his order. Until one day he managed to get enough courage to ask her out. To his surprise she agreed and they began from there.

She had a fondness for him too. Especially since that mistake she made with him. She had noticed him coming everyday and only asking her to take his order. To her, it also didn’t hurt that he was quite cute with is boyish charm.

***

“You don’t like spicy foods?” She asked him seeing his order of food.

He smiles sheepishly at her, “I have a really low tolerance for anything spicy.”

“I guess no spicy rice cakes for us,” she pouted.

He smiles at her innocent reaction and leans in to give her a peck on the cheek, “I’ll make it up to you with something sweet instead.”

She smiles at him and returns the peck.

***

“You really don’t have a driver’s license?” Nicole was surprise at the new discover.

He shook his head seriously and laughed sheepishly, “I’ve failed numerous times that I just gave up. Besides, I prefer taking the bus better. I get to flaunt my beautiful girlfriend to everyone there.”

She chuckles at his reply, “so cheesy.”

***

“What is this?” She looked at the boxed food quizzically.

“I made it myself. I wanted to make something special for you for our one month together.” He smiles brightly at her.

“What is it suppose to be?”

“Bulgogi,” he replies proudly.

She took her chopstick and pokes it playfully. She smiles at him and took a bite. Her face scrunches at the taste.

“Is it that bad?” He took the chopstick and tried himself. He quickly spat out the food.

Nicole couldn’t help but giggle at his reaction.

“I should just stop trying to do romantic stuff for you,” he proclaims as he tries to get the awful taste of food out of his mouth

She laughs at his remark as she links her arms to his and leans on his shoulder, “I appreciate it nonetheless. Thank you.” She gives him a peck on the cheek.

***

“I want you to meet my brother.”

“You have a brother? Is he anything like you?” There was a slight hint of teasing in her reply.

He chuckles at her teasing. “He’s the complete opposite of me. He likes spicy food, he has a driver’s license, and he can cook, really well too.”

“Really? Maybe I should be dating him then,” she continues her teasing.

“Maybe I shouldn't introduce the two of you,” he glares at her teasingly.

She laughs at his reaction as she threw her arms around his neck, “I’m just kidding. You know I like you most.”

He smiles at her, “he’s really important to me. As brothers we don’t usually get along that well but he’s always there for me whenever I needed him. I would love it if the two most important people in my life could get along well with each other.”

She gazes at him, his words touched her. She was touched to know that he considered her as one of the most important people in his life. She leans in closer to him and their lips made contact. She closes her eyes as did he, the two relished in the wonders that was their first kiss to each other.

***

“I’m getting off work now. Go there first and I’ll meet you there. My brother should be on his way as well. I’ll see you late ok?” With that he hung up his phone and made his down the street.

He passes a flower shop and grabbed a bouquet of roses for her. He smiles happily as he continued his way down the sidewalk. He came across a small crossing, the lights turned red.

He crosses like everyone else when he notices an elderly woman with groceries in her hand. Someone had accidentally knocked her bags over and her groceries had fallen out everywhere. Noticing her frantically picking up her groceries he offered her a hand and helped picked up her things.

The lights had turned green again.

The elderly lady thanked him and walked off. Not noticing the light had turned, he was still in the middle of the crosswalk as he stood up from his spot. The car coming down the road didn’t see him until he had stood up. The driver pressed the brakes as fast as he could but it was too late. The bouquet he was holding on to flew out of his hand as he rolled over the car and back on to the concrete road.

***

“Please Hoya. Just do this for me one more time. I don’t want her to see me like this.” HoWon pleaded to his brother as he laid there on the hospital bed.

“Could you stop talking like that and just get better. You don’t need me, you’re gonna meet her yourself.”

“Please just pretend to be me and be there for her.” HoWon pleaded once more.

“Why should I do that? Don’t you think she’ll figure it out?”

“Please Hoya. Make her happy in my place. That’s all I want. I just want her to be happy.”

“Stop talking nonsense and get better. I’ll go see her and tell her what happened.”

HoWon laid on the bed as he squeezed his lids tightly as the tears streamed down the corner of his eyes.

“I love you Nicole. I’m sorry.” He utters with his last breath.

=====

“Where is he? I just want to know where he is.” Her cries continued as she shook me even harder.

How could I respond to her when I was in state of an emotional wreck myself, my mind couldn’t register what has happening between the two of us.

“I…I…HoWon…HoWon…” I found myself stuttering each word I said. I couldn’t comprehend the situation I was in.

“HoWon!”

I heard her cry for him and it pained me to see her like this.

***

I watched her from afar as she stood in front of his grave, placing a bouquet of roses on his monument. Ever since that day where everything came to a sudden halt between us I haven’t seen her since. I had managed to explain to her about everything. She didn’t answer me back nor had she contacted me since.

I understood her completely but I still felt unjust in this situation. I knew about her first. I liked her first. I wanted to be with her first. Why did my brother have to always be the one to take anything I ever wanted first? Why was God testing me so much! My feelings towards her were genuine and truly did want to make her happy. Not as my brother HoWon, but as me, Hoya.

I stood in front of her as she made her way down the cemetery steps.

She stares at me blankly when she noticed my presence.

“Nicole, can we please talk?”

“There’s nothing for us to talk about.” Her voice was monotone and blank.

“I didn’t mean to lead you on like that.” I begin to explain.

“I don’t want to hear any of your explanations.” She made her way towards me, trying to walk pass me.

I blocked her way as I stood in front of her, the moment she manages to pass me I quickly grabbed her wrist and held it tightly. She tried to break free but I was too stubborn to let her go.

“Please, just hear me out,” I pleaded but she was still struggling to break free.

“What I did was wrong. There’s no turning back what I did and any apologies I give you will not mend the pain I caused you. But please understand that I did it because I love you.”

She stops as she glares at me.

“I did it for my brother at first but I found myself falling deeper and deeper in love with you and I couldn’t bear to let you know the truth about my brother.”

Her hand flew across my cheek as I felt her slap, “and you thought that continuing that charade would be any better?”

“You were happy knowing that I was HoWon. How was I to take that away from you?”

Her eyes began to get teary.

“Why didn’t you just tell me the truth?” She manages to squeak out through her quivering voice.

“I couldn’t bear to see you go through the pain of not having him with you anymore.” I utter painfully to her; knowing that I will never be able to fulfill my brother’s place in her heart.

She just continues to stare at me with those teary eyes of hers’.

“I just want a chance Nicole. Let me make you happy.” I pleaded.

She didn’t answer me as I watch her turn her back to me and slowly walked away.

“Give me chance to make you happy as me, Hoya, not as HoWon.” I shouted to her as my tears drips down my cheeks.

She didn’t respond as I watch her figure fading from my sight.

“I love you too Nicole.” I utter softly.

Two years later.

I stood in front of his grave and noticed a bouquet of roses. She was probably here again. Each month for the past two years there was always a new bouquet of roses. I tried to visit his grave as much as I could in hopes of running in to her but to no avail. God was truly not giving me any hope as this was most likely the punishment he was putting me through for what I had did to her.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep my promise to you HoWon,” I find myself chuckling to myself, “I don’t know what it is but you’ve always managed to be one step ahead of me at everything. But this was the last thing I would want you to do before me.” I bit my lip to keep myself from crying.

I made my way down the steps of the cemetery. I stood frozen in my place the moment I saw her standing in front of me.

She was still beautiful as ever. That innocent and naïve gaze on her face.

Maybe God was giving me a second chance after all. Or maybe HoWon was allowing me to fulfill my promise to him. Whatever the reason, I was happy to finally see her again.

“Nicole.” I whispered.

==========

Can anyone quess where this story was inspired from?... hahaha...

It's getting harder and harder to come up with original stories about love. It's all becoming very cliche. Oh, what to do. I'll keep trying though. Thank you for all the supportive comments. Not only in this story but my other ones as well. Thank you!!!