YoungJae's POV

My eyes only search for you 
My two hands are still holding onto you 
I can't help my own heart 
So I'm sad over love 

Every second,every minute and every hour I am thinking of rikku.Rikku and I have been childhood friends since we were 8.I have always been there for her and I picked her up whenever she fell.When she was going through a hard time at home.She would stay over at my place and I would sing to her.She was the only person who believed in me and encouraged me to audition if I get a chance.We were each other's support and as we grew up together my feelings for her developed.I carried a torch for her since middle school.My father was a rich business man who was a co owner of her father's company.Everywhere she went,I would go.I had always been holding her hand but after middle school,we drifted apart.I became busy with auditioning for different companies and she entered high school.I could attend the same school as her cause my father sent me to a all boys school.We still kept in contact and she would tell me all her problems and I would too.I guess that was not enough..?One day,she called me on the same day I knew I won first place in the JYP singing contest and I was about to tell her my good news but she said she too had a piece of good news to share.I allowed her to go first like I always did.

"Youngjae!The guy that I have following around and had a crush on.He asked me to be his girlfriend."My heart sank when I heard that.I was planning to confess to her after I won first place.Because I always felt that I was not ready and strong enough to take care of her.But winning the contest it made me believe that I had future in this industry and could take care of her.She did not have to suffer under her grandfather and I could help her find her sister.I guess when I was busy with auditioning she had found someone who could really protect her.I smiled bitterly over the phone as I forced myself to cheerfully congratulate her.I never forgot that day,it was the happiest day for her.It hurts me so much to know there was someone else other than me who say would depend on.My heart broke again when I found out I did not get a chance to be a JYP trainee even when I won first place.That day,was the worst day for me.No matter how sad I was I still listened to her talk about the guy that she was so head over heels for.Why?Cause I can never say no to her.

I am standing here right now 
If you come closer, you could see me 
But this sadness from not being able to have you 
Becomes tears and flows down 

Whenever she had problems that she needed advise with she would seek my help.When she talks about him and ask me for advise on dating.I could only smile bitterly and my heart felt sour.I wish that person standing beside her was me and not him.Her mind and heart belong to him,whatever she did she did it for him.She even made him his lunchbox and she injure herself when cooking.Rikku who was always served by her maids made lunch for him.She never made lunch for me but she did it for him.When he had problems with his classmate,she cleared the air and even got into a fight.I remember that night,she came to my house and she was really messed up.She had a black eye,a broken lip and a lot of broken bones.My heart hurt so much when I saw her like that.Was he really worth it?How could he allow her to suffer for him?He should be protecting her.Her smile never left her face even when she was in pain.She always said"he is worth every bone and every flesh."why can't she see me like him?Can't she see that I can protect her better?Can't she tell that I loved her and i could do things at her request.Why?Why can't she look at me?Why is she so far away from me?Why?I never stopped asking myself that question.Even till this day.

I love you, again today, I love you 
I am wanting you like this 
Can't you just stay? 
Whenever I see you, I get greedy so I get scared 

Even if when I knew she could never be mine.I still love her.Be it today,tomorrow or in the future,I believe I would still love her.Every second and every minute and every hour I'm worried for her.Rikku really has a really fragile heart and she always believe what her friends tell her.To her,friends and family will never lie to her.She always smile her brightest smile even when the times were hard for her.I was always watching her and secretly helping her.When I knew her boyfriend was daehyun,my heart hurt even more but it made me even motivated to do better than him.I trained 10 times harder than him be it in singing or dancing.When I see them happily together,I would train even harder.I thought maybe if I did better than him,she would see me.But she only had eyes for him,I was just someone she would turn to when she needed a listening ear.After our debut,I distant myself from her we still talk and hang out but we were not as close as we used to be.I was afraid if I hang out with her too often,my feelings for her would be stronger and I could no longer hide it.But it's hard,when I see her everyday since she is our stylist.I warned daehyun that if he hurt her I will make sure he suffers.Daehyun gave me his word and I tried to let her go..but it's easier said than done.

I gulp down my last bit of soju and left a couple of wons to pay for my meal on the table.I walked the streets endless as I remembered all the nice times we had together.How she would cling onto me and talk about anything under the sun.I remembered her smile and how she was running in front of me.I guess it will always be this way.I whinced as I touch my torn lip,I had a fight with daehyun.I knew all along he was seeing someone else behind rikku's back.I told him that if he did not cross the line of friends I would pretend I know nothing.But when I over heard his conversation with yong guk,I lost it.I stomped into his room and punched him square on the face.He actually thought of breaking up with rikku to be with that other girl.I knew about them before they crossed the line but I kept it from rikku.I did not want her to suffer from such heart ache so I pretended I knew nothing and just helped covered up for him sometimes.Sigh,if rikku knew she would be so heart broken.I turned and I saw rikku on the news,I stepped closer to the glass window.My eyes widen when I read the head line-Kim Jaejoong openly introduces his girlfriend.Pictures flash pass the screen,how jaejoong pulled her on stage and how he kissed her in front of everyone.My heart broken into pieces,here I was worried about her and there she was with someone who could mend her broken heart.I took one last look and smile bitterly before I walked away into the streets aimlessly..

Though I call out your name, it becomes the wind and comes back to me, it will always be this way. You will never be able to see me. My feelings will always be put aside. But I'll always be here when you decided that you can finally see me. I'll always be waiting like this for you.

I swear my heart died again from the surprise when I read this a few minutes ago! Who would have expected Youngjae to be like this?