CHAPTER SEVEN

It was the first time I slept alone since the start of the tour. Rather, it was the first time I was alone in a room because I barely closed my eyes. Sooyoung went to the boy’s room as soon as we got the keys. The mood at the reception desk was horrible, I bet the receptionist was able to hear our discussion from afar.   

The feeling I had when I woke up was like a truck had run over me. My body was heavy, my head throbbing. I didn't have the slightest desire to move. If it was up to me, I wouldn't get out of bed until an employee kicked me out of the hotel room. Unfortunately, the relentless pounding on the door left me with no choice. At first, I ignored it, because it could only be someone from the band and I needed more time before facing them.

I spent the night crying. At some point, I called my mother and explained what happened. I needed someone supporting my side of the story. She told me that I did what I thought was best for them, as I thought during those months. However, I didn't believe that anymore, at least not when all I could do was cry myself to sleep.

The knocking continued and grew more desperate. When I opened the door, I saw Taeyong. My eyes were puffy and my hair was messed up, but he looked more wasted than I did, my body shivered. Something bad must have happened for him to be like that. Something with one of the boys, or even worse, something with Sooyoung. I would never forgive myself if that was it.

“We were robbed,” he said breathlessly.

"Someone got hurt?" I hastened to know, relieved when he shook his head.

“It was the middle of the night. They took everything from inside the kombi.”

Where would the band be without my help, I wonder. I'm not bragging or wanting recognition for the work I've done. Especially now that Sooyoung practically kicked me out of the group in the parking lot last night. It was almost certain that I would end up having lunch with my mother at home today. I was curious to know where they would have been without my help during these months.

When Taeyong told me that they broke into the kombi and took all the instruments and equipment, it was a desperate plea for help. Because they didn't know what to do, they didn't know how to function when something went wrong with their plan. Which was, to say the least, ironic considering that they wouldn't have had any plans if it weren't for my presence on the tour. I wasn't sure what to do either, though, but I changed my clothes and headed out to the parking lot.

I didn't know how I would look at them after last night.

Sehun was sitting on the floor with his hands in his hair. Taemin was looking for damage to the vehicle. Taeyong was on the verge of having a meltdown. And Sooyoung was the only one who saw me arrive. I expected another murderous glare from her, but all I got was someone lost. They were all lost. The material damage was high. The instruments were of quality brands. The amps, one for the electric guitar, one for the bass, and one for the mic, together could cost a fair amount of money. Not counting the wires and other accessories. Not even the ukulele in the front seat was spared.

Besides, the emotional damage was the worst. Imagining all the memories those instruments carried and meant to each of them made me want to cry. I bet they were suffering more from that than from their material loss. I needed to be strong for them. It was then that I knew what I needed to do. I needed to step up and be the leader that Sooyoung couldn't be at the moment.

“We need to buy new instruments,” I said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Which was true. The band needed instruments to play in the competition in a few days and for future gigs in Seoul.

“It can't be brand new. We are in the city of music; we will find good second-hand instruments.”

"How?" Sehun asked still sitting on the floor. “We don't have the money for that.”

“I have,” the money my father gave me as a birthday present. “But you will pay me every penny in two months. You all go look for a job, I don't care what or how, and you're going to put that money in my hand again.”

They nodded in agreement. Excellent.

“Taemin,” I looked at him. “The two of us are going to take the kombi to a mechanic to see if nothing is broken, but first we're going to a police station to file a police report. You three will look for instrument stores. Make sure which one is the best cost-benefit for each thing and I’ll transfer the money to one of you,” it was impossible to look at Sooyoung.

I went back to the room and got my things, taking advantage to grab something to eat and checked out of the hotel. When I got to the parking lot again, only Taemin was there waiting for me next to the kombi.

“Joohyun-”

“No,” I cut him off.

“I want to talk about yesterday,” he insisted.

“There is nothing to talk about yesterday.”

“You have to understand that-”

“I don't have to understand anything,” I interrupted him once more. “I won't understand anything if I don't know what's going on.”

I got into the vehicle in the passenger seat, hoping he understood that I didn't want to talk about it anymore. If it were up to me, our mission through the city would be in complete silence. But Taemin insisted once more.

“We didn't want it to be harsh. We just tried to protect Sooyoung, she was the one who lost the most in all of this.”

I snorted.

I also wanted to protect Sooyoung. I wanted to protect the four of them. But it was impossible to do that being left out of what could harm them.

She was the one who lost the most... well...

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but she's going to lose yet again."

"What do you mean?" he asked me already worried.

“I'll be gone as soon as you guys give me my money back,” I said taking Taemin by surprise. If he was driving, it might be time to slam on the brakes. But we were still parked, with him stubbornly trying to strike up the conversation I'd been wanting so much.

“Sooyoung will take it back, I bet she already regretted what she said. You can't leave just because of what she said yesterday.”

“I'm not going to lie and say it's not about yesterday. Yes, yesterday had a big impact on my decision. However, I'm not part of the band,” I finally admitted to myself out loud, somehow releasing a heaviness I'd been feeling when trying to be recognized by them. “Incheon it's a hop away from here. My home and my life are an hour away by train. I promised I would stay with you for a semester and time is running out.”

“I thought you had changed your mind, that you were going to be our manager or something.”

“Me too. As I said, what happened yesterday has cleared my mind. And you won't say any of this to anyone, please.”

I felt like an exile in the house in Huam-dong. Against our arrangement from the start of the trip, Sooyoung decided, without saying a single word to me, that she would share one of the rooms with Taeyong. This led to Sehun and Taemin taking the other room with two single beds and me taking the smallest room with nothing but a futon on the floor. At least it was the room with the view of the small backyard with an oriental garden.

For a moment, I thought they were going to leave me at home when they went to the television studio in the Mapo-gu district. However, Sehun came to my room before bed and told me that we would leave at seven in the morning so as not to have the slightest chance of being late for the competition.

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