CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

When the photos of Wendy and I were posted on Twitter, I felt relieved that I hadn't been recognized. Turns out, they couldn't find my name with just four photos to do their research. My friends, the ones who saw the photos and knew it was me, didn't spill the beans. Even the people I was just known to in college didn't tell it was me. Even if someone had said my name, her fans would have difficulty finding out more information since all my social media have private profiles. Not even the profile photos show my face.

What I didn't count on, or what didn't cross my mind then, was that the competition staff had my full name at their disposal. Not only that, but I authorized being filmed and gave them the freedom to reproduce the images in Band against Band episodes. When the first episode aired Monday night, and the whole story of Wendy's past with Kepton4 emerged, I felt like the most famous person in South Korea. Me. Not Wendy, not the band.

I was trending everywhere, whether mentioning my real name or being called a goddess or mother. I felt overwhelmed and scared. And I couldn't do anything about it because I was still at work when the show aired. Everything I knew so far was from the quick research I did after the program ended, but my phone started to freeze with the number of notifications I received. Not to mention that I couldn't put down the dirty dishes to surf the internet.

When Wendy returned to her assigned floor, I watched the rehearsal through the wide glass window. I thought it would be the best call to stay in sight, they would know I was there if they needed me, but I would keep a safe distance. At least the boys seemed relieved to see me there. Before that storm happened, we had tried to organize our work schedules to watch the TV show together. Fortunately, given the current circumstances, Sooyoung and I couldn't switch shifts.

I feel like it would have been torture to watch the episode at home. At the same time, I couldn't help but feel disappointed that I wasn't with them at that important moment. The entire country would finally notice them; it was another step towards realizing their dream. Instead of watching with them, I had to make do with the old television in the kitchen of the fried chicken restaurant. Which always served to create background noise, different from modern televisions in the customer area.

My coworkers knew about the competition and told me when the clock hit 7 p.m. They didn't mind one bit when I stopped washing the dishes, turned up the volume, and spent the next hour with my eyes glued to the screen. Some of them stood next to me watching a little, and let's just say the kitchen stopped when Kepton4 appeared. But before that, a lot happened on the show.

As I predicted, the television show's management used Wendy's past as the big narrative of the premiere. At the very beginning of the episode, when they showed quick glimpses of what was to come, they showed her saying “It's my former band,” and I could only imagine the fans' surprise. That was enough to make anyone curious, even those who didn't follow her work. So, it was no surprise that the band stayed out until the last part of the episode.

The bands that performed before them were good, but not as good as my friends. I believe that the possible threats were in the next episodes. Wendy's team seemed the most promising so far, she was right about choosing bands with charisma. The energy of the bands she chose was something else. There were one or two that I wanted to know more about, just because they dominated the stage. They couldn't be on any other team than hers.

Wendy herself was dominating that episode all by herself. She interacted excitedly with her fellow coaches and the bands. She had a huge, bright smile almost the entire time. She applauded and cheered with each performance as if she were in the stands at a real concert. She was vibing and I was melting seeing her like that. I didn't know she was having so much fun being there.

My heart started to beat so hard when the MC made Wendy get up to show the clothes she was wearing. Not because she looked stunning, but because I knew what was coming. When Dahee called the band, the editing put Wendy's surprised face slowly changed to a neutral expression. Before showing the band on stage, the scene cut to a quick interview where I can only imagine it was behind the stage before they went up. I didn't know about that, none of them told me about that moment.

They were together waiting for their turn, someone asked which part of the country they came from. Taemin was the one who responded, he talked about Gokseong, the county with just over thirty thousand inhabitants. Any Wendy fan would already be able to recognize that name. He also talked about the band traveling across the country until arriving in Seoul for the competition. Then, the scene returned to the stage once again, only showing their silhouette, and the applause from the audience before they began to play.

At that moment, my handphone started vibrating inside my apron, most likely because some fans were already following the band's social media. The buzzing vibration gradually got worse as the band started playing and the editing alternated between showing the band and Wendy's subdued reaction. And I could have sworn I saw a ghost of a smile on her like she wanted to smile with the band there, but she held back. I wished it was that.

In the middle of all that, I also ended up appearing in the episode. They showed me crying as I watched the performance on the monitors. My name and band manager position were displayed at the bottom of the screen. I had the impression that the letters were slightly larger than the previous people. In any case, anyone who saw my photo on Twitter would be able to easily identify me from that video. Even though I had tears rolling down my face and my eyes were red, my face, well... I have a very distinct face.

The remaining two hours in the restaurant were almost torturous. All I wanted to do was run home and look for the general public's reaction to the band. I needed to know what the real interest in the band was like, without considering those who were curious just because of Wendy. However, going home also meant seeing Sooyoung. I didn't know if my feet automatically took me to Sooyoung's tteokbokki stall, like I was used to, or if it was my subconscious telling me not to let her go home alone at night no matter how upset I was.

During the morning we didn't exchange another word after I asked to go back to rehearsal. We don't even take the subway together like we used to. Anyway, I ended up going there and saw Sooyoung leaning against the side of the already-closed stall. It didn't look like she was expecting to see me there, especially with her eyes widening in surprise. It seemed like Sooyoung was killing time so as not to run into me at the bus stop, and maybe catch the next one alone.

“Come on,” I said when I saw she didn’t move to walk with me, “you’re not staying here alone.”

“Did you get to see the episode?” she asked instead of moving, arms now crossed over her chest.

She looked tired, she sounded tired. More importantly, it didn't seem like she wanted to start a fight at that moment.

"I saw. Did you?" she nodded, “Did you see me crying seeing you guys there?”

“I saw it,” she smiled suspiciously, “and the whole country saw the snot running down your nose.”

“Yah! There was no snot on my nose!” the audacity of this girl.

Sooyoung laughed at my displeasure and walked towards me, it seemed like there was nothing wrong between us. She was bold enough to take my hand like we used to do. “Today would be one of those days where you would buy us healthy food to congratulate us, right?”

“I'm sure I can find something healthy for you guys,” I started walking towards the bus stop, Sooyoung didn't object and walked beside me.

“Sooyoung-ah,” we were walking slowly, still with time until our bus passed, “can we talk like adults now?”

Even though I wanted a verbal response, I settled for her nod. That would have to be enough for me. At least she didn't deny it or just put more speed in her steps to leave me behind.

That night was supposed to be a turning point for the band. They were gaining the attention of a large audience, even if it wasn't for their talent. I was sure some doors would open, like finding somewhere to play in Seoul. Maybe they'll be called in for a radio interview. More than ever, they would need someone to look after their career.

That night, I responded to Sooyoung's proposal about being their manager, “I'm officially turning down your offer.”

Sooyoung didn't seem surprised by that.

She didn't make a sound nor did she open her eyes wide in astonishment. She didn't even stop walking to look at me as if I had grown another head.

“After what I said, I would be surprised if you accepted.”

There was a conformity in Sooyoung's voice that bothered me. She didn't want to fight with me or for me that night. Sooyoung accepted my answer without protest, without saying that she would try harder or behave more. Very different from when she said she would do everything for me to stay with them.

“You know, I've been thinking about it today. What would happen to the next person I'm going out with, what if you didn't like it too? What if you fired me because you didn’t like the way my date talked or the way she looked at you?” Although she didn't question my decision, I wanted to clarify the reason for that. “Being your manager is not a guarantee of having a job forever, I know. But it's unacceptable to be fired based on who I kiss and who I don't kiss. One thing it’s to be fired for being incompetent or having harmed the band. Another thing is getting fired because of my personal life.”

“I might never talk about who I'm seeing or even introduce you guys, much less take her out with you. That would mean I couldn't be friends with you. I would have to choose the professional side to be your manager and abandon the friendship side.  And I don’t want to lose the friendship.”

Sooyoung sighed, “We’re lucky to have a friend like you, Joohyunnie. Especially me. If someone did to me what I did to you, the least I would do is pretend they died.”

Sooyoung stopped and looked straight into my eyes, “I know no apology will take away what you felt when I said those terrible things,” then, she was bowing at an almost perfect 90-degree angle. “I’m so sorry, unnie. Please forgive me."

“It’s okay, Sooyoung-ah. I'm not mad at you anymore,” I knew I would settle for less, as always. “Let’s go or we’ll miss the bus.”

“Can I ask something and we’ll just keep acting like adults?” I asked already inside the bus. We were sitting in the same place, so I only needed to look in the corner of my eyes to see Sooyoung nodding. “Why do you go crazy with Seungwan and me on Sunday?”

I won't lie and say that I wasn't anxi