Author’s Note: This story is set in an alternate universe, in an imaginary town and country, and during an ambiguous time period.

 

“Ready to talk?” Yunho asked, closing the car’s door, sitting on the passenger side.

 

“What?” Jaejoong muttered weakly, forehead against the steering wheel.

 

“I just told everyone I am gay, you can share with me what’s on your mind.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I feel responsible somehow.”

 

“It wasn’t a secret.”

 

Jaejoong finally looked at him. He said nothing for a few seconds before he talked again. “Jaehyun talks too much . I lost my cool.”

 

Yunho gave him a soft smile. “I understand your pain.”

 

Jaejoong groaned and shook his head, looking away from Yunho again.

 

“How did you stay friends with him for so long?”

 

Jaejoong shrugged. “I don’t know. Honestly. I just felt like...you know?” He shrugged again.

 

“Being a teenager is the worst, I swear.” Yunho chuckled.

 

Jaejoong didn’t look at him, or laugh, like he usually does whenever Yunho would say that line. 

 

Yunho gave him a concerned look.

 

“I think it is being young that’s horrible. I can’t wait to be thirty.”

 

Yunho scoffed. “Why thirty? Twenty is right around the corner.”

 

“That’s just an extension of your teenage years, just with an added layer of self awareness and greater misery.”

 

“Yeah? How do you know that?”

 

“MInah.”

 

He laughed. “She just turned twenty.”

 

Jaejoong shrugged.

 

“Hey, listen, it gets better. Promised.”

 

“Yeah?” Jaejoong looked at him and he just stared.

 

Yunho sighed, smiled, and tenderly nodded at Jaejoong. And they had a moment of silence. It lasted for what seemed like a long time, but was probably only two minutes or so.

 

The car was cold and only lit by the lights flooding in from the fair, highlighting Jaejoong as if he was under a colorful spin wheel.

 

“I’m so sorry, Yunho.”

 

“Why?”

 

Yunho was beyond confused as to why Jaejoong had made it their thing for him to apologize countlessly.

 

“I know you said you’ve forgiven me, but I don’t think I’ve forgiven myself. I feel like . All the time.”

 

“Well, stop.” 

 

Jaejoong met his eyes and returned his grin, it was weak. He shook his head. “Easier said than done.”

 

“Why do you feel guilty? You really shouldn’t.”

 

“Because I did all of this to protect myself,” he muttered, and added, “I knew what I was doing. Back then I mean. And I knew...what I was doing and how people would interpret it all. I am such a bottom feeder.” He let out a painful groan and bumped his head against the steering-wheel. 

 

“Stop that.” Yunho grabbed the back of his head, fusing his fingers through his hair, and pulled it back. Yunho stared down at his face. Jaejoong’s lips were parted, his dark eyes had a soft light illuminating them, making his eyes appear scintillating. 

 

Yunho felt his throat closing, his spit feeling as thick as cotton. 

 

“What?” Jaejoong asked.

 

He was jarred back to reality. Letting go of Jaejoong’s head, he pulled back. “Jaejoong, you have got to stop apologizing. I know you’re sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for. Anymore.” He lifted his eyebrows and winked at him. Smiling, he said, “And, being honest, you constantly apologizing is annoying.”

 

“Sorryy.”

 

“Lord,” Yunho laughed, “Jaejoong!”

 

“Sorry, I just—”

 

“Jaejoong!”

 

They both started laughing.

 

When they calmed down, Yunho said, “We were both so young, children—and we’re both still young, we’ll make even more mistakes in the future. That doesn’t excuse it, I know,” he said, cutting Jaejoong off from saying anything, “but we’re learning and amending our ways. I think that forgives all of our errors. We’re growing and becoming good people. Especially you, Jaejoong.”

 

Jaejoong blinked at him, and then he broke into smiling. “Especially me?”

 

Yunho nodded, returning his smile. He suddenly felt so happy. “You’ve been the bigger person this whole time. You talked to me even when I refused to. You never gave up. You made me face my mistakes and you’ve always been so…”

 

He arched an eyebrow, waiting for Yunho to finish. “What?” he asked, impatient.

 

“Nice.” Yunho nodded, not able to contain his smile.

 

They stared into each other's eyes again, lost in time and space. 

 

That feeling stole over Yunho. It wiped Yunho’s mind clear and made him give in to his desires and kiss Jaejoong, like last time. He felt his will slipping away again. Just like last time.

 

There was no denying it. He liked Jaejoong a lot. Way more than just a friend.

 

Jaejoong said softly and evenly, “I want to tell you something.”

 

“You do?”

 

He nodded.

 

“I…I want you to always think of me as the bigger person and I really like our friendship. You’re a true friend.”

 

“Thank you. You’re making me nervous.”

 

He shook his head. “Don’t be. I just want to get this off my chest because I want to respect our friendship.”

 

Yunho frowned. “I’m confused.”

 

“It’s about who I like.”

 

THUD!

 

Yunho’s heart kicked his chest. It hurt.

 

“Huh? What?”

 

“Remember I told you before I sort of liked someone?”

 

Yunho nodded. Visibly inhaling, Yunho said, “I mean, if you want to?”

 

He didn’t want him to. It was already hard enough as is, and now knowing Jaejoong liked someone and knowing that person's name would make it even harder. It already hurt and he hadn’t even told him his name.

 

But his friend had come to him and wanted to tell him. He could not turn him down. Not during his hour of needs. Jaejoong only had him—so he had said. Yunho wanted to believe him.

 

“Is it a guy?” His stomach churned. He felt his palms growing soft and clammy.

 

Jaejoong nodded.

 

They stared at each other in a short tense, buzzing silence. 

 

Jaejoong dropped his anxious gaze and tried to talk. 

 

“I’m still confused about my uality, kind of, but I mean, I think I like guys...too.”

 

That felt huge. It was huge. Yunho didn’t really know how to react. 

 

So he smiled kindly at his dearest friend and squeezed his shoulder in comfort. “That’s great, Jaejoong.”

 

He tried to hold his gaze. Jaejoong quickly looked away. He pushed the back of his head on the padding on the driver’s chair. Yunho removed his hand from Jaejoong. His skin was soft and hot and he wanted to run his palm up and down.

 

Jaejoong was completely lost to the battle Yunho was fighting, because he was fighting his own internal war, too.

 

Jaejoong sighed and chewed on his bottom lip in consternation. “You’re so brave, Yunho, and I want to be a true friend to you.”

 

“You are and have said that already.”

 

“Yes, but this…You need to know.”

 

Yunho’s heart leaped and hurled itself against his ribcage again and now his chest was burning. He felt nauseated. Still, he was too curious to refuse to listen to Jaejoong’s confession. He leaned in.

 

“Ooh, okay.”

 

Jaejoong smiled. “So, Yunho, let me apologize again.”

 

Frowned. “Again?”

 

“Last time.”

 

“Should I be scared?”

 

“No. Yes? I’ll let you be the judge of that.”

 

“I’m terrified.”

 

Jaejoong laughed. “I kind of always knew I was not like the others.”

 

Yunho’s heart lurched.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Straight. I just didn’t want to accept it.”

 

“Huh? What did you apologize for? You don’t ever need to feel the need to share your uality with me because—”

 

Jaejoong gently twisted his head and looked at Yunho. “No, Yunho. That’s not why. I never felt pressured. And even now, I don’t.”

 

“Good.”

 

“I know you think I didn’t know what I was doing when we were younger and kissing—”

 

“Ooh.” Yunho pulled back. “Wait. What?” 

 

Jaejoong sat up and dropped a hand on Yunho’s thigh. He felt like his hand was a hot rod, and Yunho felt ablaze. He stiffened. 

 

“So, what are you saying?” Yunho managed to say, his mouth feeling very dry and sticky. 

 

Jaejoong removed the hand. “, I want to die.”

 

“Do so after you tell me what’s going on here.”

 

They shared a small, tense smile. Jaejoong relaxed a little bit, but he soon was back to being on high alert.

 

“Yunho, I kind of—” he trailed off, digging his finger in his thigh. 

 

Yunho laughed, he couldn’t help himself. “You liked me?”

 

Jaejoong sighed and said without breathing. “I’m sorry: I did and I still do.”

 

“Wait–ooh my! Wow!” And then Yunho was speechless. Not Jaejoong. He kept on talking.

 

“I wanted to kiss you back then, but I didn’t want to admit my feelings and I liked how you just went along with it but never saw my attention. You thinking that it was innocent made me feel better about it; I felt like I didn’t like you and I wasn’t ‘not straight’.” He said, making quotations with his fingers. “But it’s different now. I feel so guilty. I don’t want you to think I am manipulating or using you. Liking you makes me feel as if I am betraying you. I know me having feelings for you is not good for our friendship, and I promise I’ll—”

 

“Wait, what?” Yunho was floored. His brain felt as if it was frying and melting at the same time.

 

Jaejoong looked terrified as he waited for his verdict.

 

“Wait, Jaejoong, did you just confess to me?”

 

Muted, he nodded.

 

“Whoa! This is a lot.”

 

The blood drained from Jaejoong’s face. “I’m sorry.”

 

Jaejoong crushed his face in his hand. He was embarrassed.

 

“Wait, no. I don’t mean it like that,” Yunho said, placing his hands on his shoulder agian, and pushing him back. Jaejoong looked up at him. His eyes looked glossy and red around the rims. Yunho smiled at him. “Hey,” he started, voice low and in the back of his throat, “liking me is not a betrayal of our friendship."

 

"Really?"

 

He nodded. "I mean that. I'm just surprised. I would have never guessed.”

 

“Really? I mean, did you never wonder why I told you so much about my ‘innermost’ thoughts?” He made air quotes with his fingers and a frail smile flickered on his lips. “I mean, I was basically your Aki June.”

 

They shared a laugh.

 

“That’s mean.”

 

“Really?”

 

“But now that I am thinking about it—” Yunho muttered, his smile growing. “The constant texting and asking you to hang out with me all the damned time makes sense.”

 

“Sort of. But, most friends are like that, you know?”

 

“Ooh, so I just had bad friends?” 

 

Jaejoong finally looked like he could breathe. He chuckled and bit his bottom lip.

 

“No. No. Of course, not.” 

 

Yunho chuckled, too. Yunho felt like he was drunk. Like he was floating. 

 

He drew a deep breath, trying to clear his head. It doesn’t help. The air is too thick, cloying, and stuffing.

 

Jaejoong smirked and bit his bottom lip, drawing Yunho’s attention to those glorious lips of his.

 

“I guess you are a good friend?”

 

“I am the best of friends.”

 

It was hard to think when his eyes fell on Jaejoong’s succulent lips. His lips looked so smooth and moisturized. He wanted to kiss him. It was hard to wrestle his eyes away. 

 

“I hope you’re a good boyfriend, too.”

 

Jaejoong's eyes stretched wide, his lips forming a perfect moe.

 

And Yunho knew he would kiss him tonight. More than once, too.

 

“Do you like me, too?” Jaejoong’s voice lost its laughter; it was now filled with seriousness. The question served as a shock to Yunho’s nervous system.

 

“Aah, I mean…” He swallowed. It was hard to think and speak when the loud drumming of his heartbeat was making it hard to think and hear his thoughts. “I do.” He looked away from his lips. “Obviously.”

 

“Want to kiss me?” Jaejoong asked, leaning in. His hot breath fanning Yunho’s face. 

 

“Yes.” He smiled timidly, biting his lower lip. “Please!” He added, framing Jaejoong’s face with his hands.” 

 

Jaejoong laughed and Yunho’s heart melted.

 

Jaejoong was so adorable, Yunho did not think he would survive the attack.

 

“Come here,” Yunho said, pulling Jaejoong in for a kiss.