Author’s Note: This story is set in an alternate universe, in an imaginary town and country, and during an ambiguous time period.

 

Standing in line at the gas station, buying amenities for the drive-in movie theater that they were going to, Soel said, “We should do this more often

 

Right then, Yunho’s phone lit up with another text. 

 

He didn’t need to look at it to know that Jaejoong was the one texting.

 

Since he had left the school dance with his, Yunho supposed, group of friends, Jaejoong had been texting him to confirm his reservation to his party. 

 

Yunho knew he could have just texted Jaejoong and let him know he would not be able to make it, but every time he thought about coming clean, something stopped him. He’d rather have Jaejoong’s ire and discuss his reasons face-to-face the next day than text him now, when the situation could still be remedied, and have Jaejoong do something drastic. Not tonight.

 

For a few seconds in the past week, he thought that he might go and be there for Jaejoong, and it wasn’t like the whole school didn’t know they were friends now.Jaejoong had made sure of that. But, at the end of the day, he always knew the decision he would make.

 

When Changmin told him of the after party plan they had, he knew he would be going with them over Jaejoong.

 

This was more of his scene now. And he was running away. He didn’t want to see Jaejoong with Aki, lying to her and leading her on. He didn’t want to rub shoulders with a bunch of people he didn’t like. He didn’t want to be in a place where he might lose his control around Jaejoong.

 

“If you two don’t stop kissing, I will literally cut you two off,” Kimberli said grumpily, levitating her forefinger in her open mouth, her tongue sticking out. “It’s nauseating.”

 

“Rude,” Changmin laughed, Soel joining him. They kissed again, making a big show of it just to irritate Kimberli more.

 

“You two are still kissing?” Kevin asked, joining them in the line. 

 

“That’s all they do,” Kimberli huffed, rolling her eyes.

 

“Can we please be in love?” Soel asked, hugging Changmin’s waist tighter.

 

“Yeah. You can, without bringing up our dinners?”

 

“That’s mean, Kimberli,” Soel said, letting Changmin kiss her rosy cheek. “Being jealous is a sin.”

 

“Never.”

 

“Is it Ken—”

 

“Don’t you dare make that joke! I’m so tired of it. Let it die. I am literally not into him.”

 

“Okay. Sorry,” Soel said, standing in front of Changmin, her back against his front, their fingers intertwined.

 

“Clam down, tiger,” Kevin said in his customary  dry tone.

 

“I. Am. Very. Calm!”

 

“Moew. The kitty is upset.”

 

Kimberli palmed her face and shook her head. “You’ll are incorrigible.”

 

They laughed, even Yunho chuckled.

 

“Defend our love, Yunho,” Changmin said.

 

“What? Me?” He laughed, startled at being put on the spot by a beaming Changmin.

 

“Yes, we can’t let evil jealousy win.”

 

“Ooh, for Pete’s sake, drop it Changmin,” Kevin said.

 

"Thank you, evil one," Kimberli said.

 

He snickered at her. "Last time I stand up for you, jealous one."

 

She stuck her tongue out at him. "You're so petty."

 

"Not like tyou."

 

Though amused, Yunho didn't want them to get screamed at, so he said gently, “We’re up next. Let’s check out.”

 

—---

 

“Where were you last night?”

 

Who would have thought Jaejoong would trek to his house the very next morning to interrogate him.

 

It was not that serious.

 

“What?”

 

Jaejoong was red-faced. To him, this was probably very serious.

 

“I was looking for you at the party.”

 

Inhaling, Yunho looked over at Jaejoong. “I wasn't there.”

 

“I know. I have a phone, why didn’t you text me?”

 

Yunho awkwardly shrugged and tried to go back to work. He was trying to avoid the full blown out confrontation he knew Jaejoong was after.

 

“Why, God damned it?”

 

Jaejoong was not leaving until he got his answers. He was peeved. Yunho could tell from every line on his face and the position of his body.

 

“I went out with my friends after the dance.”

 

“Your friends?” He asked, jaw taut. 

 

Exhaling, Yunho stopped and stood up straight. “You have to understand, Jaejoong—” 

 

“I don’t have to understand , Yunho. I asked you and you said you would come.”

 

“I said I would think about it.”

 

“So, hanging out with your new friends is more important than hanging out with me?”

 

“What? No. I was with you Friday night!”

 

“In the same room, but not with me. It’s like if anyone sees us together, you’ll die or something.”

 

“Come on now, Jaejoong.”

 

“You could have texted me.”

 

“I...I...” 

 

He was right. He really was, and if he were in Jaejoong’s shoes right now, he would have probably been reacting way worse than he was. 

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“What the is up, dude? Like, for a second there, I thought we were good. But then you do things like this, and I am back at square one.”

 

Jaejoong deserved his honesty, and so he gave it to him: “Honestly, I just did not want to go to your party.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Why?”

 

“Yeah. I want to know why I don’t take precedence over your new friends.”

 

“It’s not them taking precedence—”

 

He cut him off. “Are you sure? Instead of coming to my party that I told you way in advance, you decided to hang out with them over me. And you didn’t have the decency to let me know you wouldn’t come.”

 

“Jaejoong, I  don’t like your friends.”

 

There was a moment of complete silence. It was completely still between them. And then Jaejoong asked, sounding defeated.

 

“Why?”

 

“Jaehyun is a ing . He’s a homophobe. No, let me finish. Those guys, I like hanging out with them. All of them, not just one of them. If I had gone to your party, I would have been alone. I don’t know anyone there, and I don’t want to know them. They’re stuck up and most of them are bullies.”

 

Jaejoong shook his head. “You don’t know them. Not all of them.”

 

Yunho ignored him and kept on pouring out his truth. 

 

“We didn’t do anything serious, Jaejoong. After the dance, we went to the drive-in movie theater, binged on popcorn, candies and sodas, and then we drove around town and had fun. I had fun. It was fun. It was stupidly juvenial, but it was fun. There was no drinking or smoking involved.” Jaejoong flinched. “Sometimes…I just want to do nothing and have fun doing it.”

 

“Are you saying being with me is taxing?” Jaejoong was aghast

 

Yunho sounded defeated. “No. Never that. It’s just, I don’t really like to drink or smoke, Jaejoong. Your idea of fun is not fun. For me. And, being completely honest, your friends are not real friends. They’re horrible people.”

 

Jaejoong finally closed his mouth from the shock of Yunho’s confession. It was done a few seconds after Yunho was done. All the color and passion had drained from his face. He looked at Yunho with a pale face and a hurt expression. 

 

He swallowed, hard, and stepped back. Laughing unconsciously, he said, “What the , Yunho? Is this how…All this time….” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Yunho, I invited you because I wanted to spend time with you. I thought we were friends and…what the , dude?”

 

Yunho thought Jaejoong would cry. Yunho felt like crying, too. He swore his eyes were glassy.

 

Standing up from his position on his bed, Yunho walked towards Jaejoong. 

 

Jaejoong noticed him making to reach for him and he pulled back. If he wanted to touch Jaejoong, Yunho knew he could still physically do it, but he could tell his friends were shut off. There was a huge wall between them, and Jaejoong was not in the right mind frame to bring it down.

 

His heart lurched and he knew he needed to apologize and convey his deep sense of disgust with his behavior and the way he had treated Jaejoong.

 

“I am sorry, I didn’t—”

 

“No! Thank you for telling me how you feel about me.”

 

Ooh snap. He was angry. His cheeks were reddening with anger.

 

“This has nothing to do with you, Jaejoong.”

 

“Birds of a feather flock together.”

 

Yunho shook his head. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

 

“It’s fine.”

 

“No, it’s not, Jaejoong. I didn’t mean it like that.” Yunho reached for his arm.

 

“Don’t touch me,” he snapped sharply, flinching. “I won’t bother you anymore.” He turned and walked away in a huff, leaving a stunned speechless Yunho. 

 

He was filled with shame.

 

He dashed after him. He knew how he looked running down the stairs and into the living room, where his grandparents were as they read.

 

Jaejoong didn’t stop when he called his name. He never even put his shoes on. He kicked off the house slippers and grabbed his shoes and ran to his truck with only his socks on, ignoring the cold ground.

 

in a breath, Yunho let the gravity of what he had just done to Jaejoong properly dropped on him like buckets of ice cold water. 

 

He stood outside until Jaejoong’s truck was gone.

 

His grandparents didn’t say anything when he walked back in the house, head down with his heart thundering in his chest.

 

He felt like pure dog waste. 

 

—---

 

“Momma, could you help me bake a pumpkin pie?”

 

“Why?” She said, looking up at her grandson from under her reading glasses, she kept her place with her thumb. The orange tabby cat, Mister, lifted his head lazily from his position on the side of the chair, where he was dozing off, to give Yunho a bored look. He slumped back down.

 

“I…” he stuttered, “I want to apologize to someone.”

 

She looked down at her opened book, moved her thumb and closed her book. Tapping the place next to her, she told Yunho, “Sit down.”

 

Sharing her blanket with him, she asked, “What’s going on between you and Jaejoong?”

 

“Nothing much.” Yunho started rubbing Mister’s back.

 

“I thought you two worked everything out.”

 

He frowned. “I never—”

 

“We saw what happened yesterday, love.” She petted his cheek. “You two were working well together a few days ago. What happened at the dance?”

 

“I don’t know.” He sighed and relaxed his head on his grandmother’s shoulder.

 

“What’s going on between you boys?”

 

“He invited me to a party and I didn’t go.”

 

“A party?”

 

“After the dance?”

 

“Why didn’t you go?”

 

“There would be alcohol.”

 

“Yunho.”

 

He shrugged. “Well,” he stopped talking and sat up. “Manman, I….I don’t know. It’s different.”

 

“Of course it is different, baby. It’s been five years.”

 

“Six.”

 

“Almost,” she said with a slight smile. “Yes, it’s been a while, love, but I don’t think that is something that can come between you two.” She gave him a firm look. “I know the friendship you two have. I think whatever it is can be healed.”

 

“Time.”

 

“Means nothing if you don’t let it.”

 

He stared at her in silence, wanting to believe her. Wanting to lean into her warmth and believe that everything in the world would be alright because his grandmother said so.

 

“I don’t know if he has changed or I have changed—”

 

“Both of you have.”

 

“He’s friends, they’re….”

 

“You have different friends now, too.”

 

“They’re nice, though. Cool people. His friends are not very nice.”

 

“You all are kids, don’t be so quick to judge. You know Jaejoong, love. He is such a sweet boy.”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Then go get the answers.”

 

“I’ve apologize, but...”

 

She ran her fingers through his hair. “Whatever you said can be taken back. It all can be fixed. I know true friendship when I see it.”

 

Did they have a true friendship, Yunho wondered?

 

It wasn’t just Jaejoong’s friends and how blind he was to their behavior that was making it hard for Yunho to open up. It also wasn’t the remnant of the pain from the past or his lack of trust in Jaejoong. 

 

He wasn’t even sure if he saw Jaejoong as a friend, or if he could ever see Jaejoong as a friend. And if he couldn’t, what were they even doing?

 

At the end of the day, it felt like they were going in circles, especially Yunho, and he was just hurting Jaejoong over and over. If this was not going to work out, maybe he should let it meet a swift death.

 

After next year, they’d be gone from Green Meadow, going to different universities. This was all if his mother didn’t decide out of the blue they should move to a different city. She was spontaneous like that.

 

Was this even worth it?

 

Regardless, Yunho knew he needed to apologize to Jaejoong. He could see his misty eyes and the look of complete devastation.

 

“We have some leftover pie, want to take him a slice?”

 

Mister got up, yawned and jumped off, landing beautifully on his legs and he pranced off.

 

“Yes, that’ll do. Thank you, momma.”

 

She smiled kindly at him. “Jaejoong has always loved my pies.”

 

He simply nodded and dropped his head on her shoulder again.

 

He remembered the last time Jaejoong had eaten with them. He saw his large smile when his mother would serve him pie and how, regardless of the size, would still end up stealing bits and pieces off Yunho’s plate.

 

“Thank you, momma.”

 

“Thank you for talking to me.”

 

“Always,” he muttered, inhaling. 

 

Moments like these, he wished he had said no to his mom years ago, she had always made it clear she would allow him to stay if he wanted to. But, what child wanted to be away from his mother? 

 

He wondered how different things would now be; how different he would be. He mourned for his and Jaejoong’s friendship and regretted that he was seeing him in a different light.