You can always start again each time you fail  

 

Mihyun usually doesn't think too much when she's on the verge of losing something-- someone. As the rain continued to pour and Shiah vanished from her sight, she crouched down again and closed her eyes as she takes a deep breath. 

 

I just lost Shiah. 

 

She shakes her head and clicked her tongue. "Tch. What's wrong with me?" She lightly pats her cheeks and rose up again. Thinking about what just happened... Mihyun can't help but chuckle at herself.

 

Seriously though, what's wrong with me? 

 

"Why did you let her go, idiot?" She asks herself, muttering more mean words to scold herself. 

 

The rain hasn't stopped, she's been alone for 10 minutes now, and truthfully, she stayed in that small space not because she was scared to get herself wet from the rain but because.. after Shiah left, she doesn't know what to do next. There were no options, it ended and Mihyun didn't plan what she'd do if-- once it ended. 

 

She really thought she'll be with Shiah after their talk. I should really just take care of my cats.

 

Mihyun knew. Ever since the very beginning, there were three people in the relationship. Her, Shiah.. and Yubin. All of their friends know it. Everyone knows it. Shiah knows it. Yubin knows it, and if Mihyun's gonna be completely honest with herself, she knew. Mihyun guessed she just thought she'd be able to like Shiah enough to change it. 

 

Mihyun gets herself ready to get soaked with the rain, planning to run any moment now to get back to her dorm. But..

 

As she placed her backpack on top of her head, a student with a yellow umbrella walked past where she's standing. Mihyun recognized her, she spent the past weeks hanging out with their mutual friends, they should be considered friends now, as Mihyun thought. 

 

It's Seunghee, and she's walking fast under the heavy raindrops. Mihyun didn't think twice and ran towards the girl, getting her hair and clothes wet from her big jogs. Seunghee was surprised when Mihyun joined her-- Mihyun expected it. Okay, I'll be honest. We're not really 'that' close. 

 

"Hi.." Mihyun awkwardly says as they continued walking, she grinned at Seunghee.. flexing her cute cheeks a little, hoping it would help her situation by acting like a close friend to Seunghee.

 

Seunghee stared at her as if the girl was thinking about how to treat Mihyun. Or was it? I'm not sure. Mihyun can't read Seunghee. "Ya, Kim Mihyun. You have such a big bag and you didn't bring your own umbrella?"

 

Oh. Mihyun laughed a little when Seunghee lightly punched her arm, making her pull away from the umbrella for a moment, and as soon as she felt the cold raindrops on her shoulders, Mihyun had no choice but to rush back and move closer to Seunghee. 

 

Their position under the small umbrella? Seunghee was holding the umbrella stick and Mihyun has one arm holding her backpack and the other wrapped around Seunghee's shoulders. Have we been this close before? No. Seunghee is second to Yubin being the most intimidating person in Shiah's circle. Whenever Mihyun and Seunghee were with their mutual friends, Seunghee is rather talking to Hyojung instead. 

 

Seunghee stopped, someone must have texted her because she stopped in the middle of the rain to check her phone. Mihyun immediately held the umbrella for her. "What? What is it?"

 

"Yubin texted," Seunghee said, then pushed her phone back to her jacket's pocket. Right, Mihyun wondered what was it about.

 

"Oh." She replied, just so she won't sound rude. It's still unknown what basis of action would Mihyun do in front of Seunghee. She can't tell though-- whether it's because Seunghee is not that close to her or because the center of this newfound conversation is none other than Bae Yubin.

 

Bae Yubin, the girl who was chosen. The one who won Shiah's heart-- which Mihyun lost.

 

But, as Seunghee looked at her once again, Mihyun saw the amazed and comfortable smile on the girl's face. It felt nice.

 

"Kim Mihyun, whatever you did.. thank you."

 

  Yubin still talks to Seunghee about Shiah  

 

It still happens. Yubin hasn't stopped talking to Seunghee about Shiah. Most of the time, it's the only topic they talk about-- in text, of course. Because when they meet in class or in dorms, Shiah would be there. Yubin and Seunghee's only option left was texting.

 

Sseung, 7:45 PM: That's good! Fill me in soooon, enjoy yoooooB!

 

"What are you doing?" 

 

Yubin almost jumped on her seat when Shiah's head popped out from the doorway of their room. When she saw Shiah smiling at her, Yubin won't lie.. she was relieved to see her face again. After their moment... earlier... Yubin forced Shiah to take a bath because the girl was soaking wet. Also, she needed some time to think about what just happened. An hour ago, she was ready to embrace the consequences of her dishonesty in her friendship with Shiah and had only been praying that Shiah wouldn't hate her so much because of their failed super-friendship-where-they-were-supposed-to-know-everything-about-each-other-but-Yubin-lied.

 

"Ah.. Just texting." Yubin placed her phone down and it slides under her pillow. She sits closer to the edge of Shiah's bed where she's waiting while the other girl-- who happened to be the one who kissed Yubin 20 minutes ago walked around the room, towards their clothing rack to hang her towel.

 

"Texting who?" Shiah asked, leaving the closet open as she turns to Yubin. 

 

Yubin didn't know why, but she felt like she had to answer well-- or else Shiah would get mad. "...S-Seunghee." 

 

Why did I stutter? For some reasons, Yubin looks back on the days she wondered how it would be if she was dating Shiah. Well, now..

 

"Ah, okay." Shiah let out a small chuckle before going back to organize her stuff in the closet.

 

There was nothing Yubin could do in her seat. She wouldn't lay back on the bed to sleep. She wouldn't stand up and find something to play with. She wouldn't go out of the room because Shiah's still there with her.

 

What she would do is watch and wait for Shiah to talk to her. 

 

"Shiah." Yubin mumbled her name and the moment she said it, everything from 20 minutes ago came back flashing in her mind on loop-- Shiah kissing her on loop.

 

Oh, scratch a few words from there. The kiss didn't just come back to mind, it came back to Yubin's lips. It's like Yubin memorized every part of it, every movement Shiah made. 

 

"Yes?" Shiah was quick to turn to her again as if she was waiting for Yubin to say a word too.

 

Yubin stared at Shiah's eyes-- but it was too much so she looked down on her hair instead. "Don't ever do that again."

 

Shiah laughed, Yubin knows what's next: Teasing. "What..? Kiss you?"

 

"No- I mean.." Yubin shook her head, immediately defending the fascinating moment of kissing Shiah earlier. "Get soaked in the rain. You could get sick." 

 

Shiah shakes her head, laughing as she folded a shirt. "Hahaha, don't worry about that." 

 

"I worry." Yubin replied, clicking her tongue when she heard Shiah laughing again. She won't lie, the unpredictable atmosphere right now in the room-- with Shiah laughing while she's still nervous, is freaking Yubin out. 

 

"Why are you laughing!" It was a shy yell, more like frustrated yet still curious why, how the hell is Yoo Shiah laughing right now?

 

"Because now, I know why you worry." Shiah grinned at her. A dangerously attractive grin made Yubin blush in her seat. 

 

Yubin decided she'll change the subject and raised the question, "How about Mihyun?"

 

"Uh.. I left her." Shiah muttered, not really enough for Yubin to hear but she managed to catch up. 

 

"Really..? She's okay with it.?" Yubin asked, watching Shiah obviously avoiding looking at her right now that they're discussing this.

 

Shiah nodded. "Yeah- We talked. She sent me here."

 

Mihyun sent her to me? Why would Mihyun do that? She had her chance. 

 

Guilt. Yubin felt guilt and content at the same time. Mihyun and Yubin both knew they look at Shiah the same way. They both took care of Shiah. They both love Shiah. They both felt the need to let Shiah go but to sacrifice the chance to be with Shiah for a long time? Mihyun had the chance.

 

Mihyun is on another level of heroism-- yes, scratch, the M in Mihyun stands for Martyr. 

 

"Okay.. Okay then. I'm gonna have to thank her for that."

 

Yubin's hand slips under her pillow and her fingers slowly clutched around her phone. She's planning to text Mihyun but she wouldn't do it yet. Not until she and Shiah's done talking.

 

The Shiah from earlier who seemed to be avoiding Yubin's gaze vanished quite fast and the next moment, Shiah is staring back at Yubin.

 

"What is it..?" Yubin asked when Shiah sat next to her on the bed with her legs crossed. 

 

"What's gonna happen now?" Shiah asked her back. Well.. Yubin's the type of person who always, always have plans. But now? With Shiah? 

 

"I'm not sure."

 

Yubin always has a plan in mind. It's how she makes sure everything will go her way. She always made sure she won't get regret anything after any activity she's done because she has a plan in mind.

 

It was to make sure she'll be fine once it's done. 

 

But then again, with Shiah-- with the girl she's been in love with for the past 7 years, Yubin doesn't know what to do. In fact, she never had a plan for this because she never thought this day would actually come.

 

Shiah's next move confused and scared Yubin. The girl got off the bed and held onto the doorknob. Shiah was about to leave. Wait.

 

"Wait!" Yubin cried out, determined to make the other girl stay. "Don't you dare leave.."

 

"Yubin, I-"

 

Yubin was tired of it. She's tired of seeing Shiah leave.

 

"All these time.. I've been letting somebody else take the opportunity to take care of you, make you smile.., and love you whenever I let you leave this room."

 

"Listen, I'm-"

 

She's tired of always being just the person Shiah goes home to, and never the one she leaves for.

 

"And I had been spending years just staring at you. It was too damn hard, Shiah. I can't even begin to explain to you how much I miss you when you're not next to me. When I think about not seeing you everytime we leave for class in highschool, I wanted to ditch my class and go follow you instead... I felt like a total fool. All I could think of are all those times I wanted to grab you and kiss you but you didn't know, so I would just pretend everything was cool. Honestly? It was killing me. Do you know that it hurts everytime you ask me if your make up is okay or if you're pretty enough because you wanna impress your boyfriend and I know in myself you're already pretty even before you put your make up on but I was very scared- I knew I could never tell you.. But it was worth it just to be there looking at you."

 

It must have been the longest Yubin had ever talked for something that was not for literature contests or some academics.

 

"So Shiah, please, don't leave." Yubin mumbled, Shiah was almost unable to hear it but still;

 

She left. She closed the door behind her and all Yubin could do was hug her knees and bury her face right there.

 

Shiah leaves, Yubin's tears were slowly forming right under her eyes until the door clicked and when she lifted her head, she saw Shiah holding her phone.

 

"You're so dramatic, I was just going to get my phone." Shiah chuckled. Yubin felt the flushing heat of embarrassment rushing up to her small face.

 

Shiah was delightfully overwhelmed about how this day went. It was a dream come true, to have this talk with Yubin, to confirm that Yubin likes her, to realize that her first love cherishes her the same way she does for the other. When she stood up to get her phone- after all she heard, there's one thing she had in mind, the letters in her notes, the diary she has that's filled with Yubin's name.

 

"All those days and nights we shared special moments with each other-- of anything I think was special, I wrote them all here." Shiah sat next to Yubin and showed her what's on her screen, Yubin took the phone from Shiah as she read them.

 

"Yubin gave me flowers today. She said it's to celebrate my upcoming birthday but our birthdays are coming in 5 more months? Anyway, she's so cute. I know she gave this to comfort me :("

 

"Yubin is soooo good at studying. It's embarrassing to get the questions wrong when I study with her but !!! I think I'm inspired..?"

 

"Yubin studied with me today! She didn't know I already studied last night heh I got all the questions right and she looks soooo happy."

 

"I'm in my class' party and Yubin came with me. She got drunk! Hahahahaha cutie, she's been mumbling things."

 

"I think Yubin likes girls.. She said "I love her so much" last night when she was drunk. Was she talking about her mom? Why do I feel jealous if it wasn't?"

 

"I.. woke up with Yubin beside me today. Why is my heart thumping?"

 

"I think I like Yubin."

 

"Tonight at the party, I'll tell Yubin I like her! Good luck to me. :)"

 

"I couldn't tell her :("

 

"This is so embarrassing! I fell asleep during class and everyone INCLUDING YUBIN heard me saying Yubin was in my dream. (She is.)"

 

"Some guy named Taeyong approached me. He seems nice? But I can sense that Yubin doesn't like him."

 

"Why can't she see I want to be with her instead of Taeyong? She keeps pushing me with him."

 

"Hi.. it's been a while, I'm dating Taeyong now. I think it's for the best..? I should explore more instead of getting stuck with Yubin.. who doesn't like me like he does."

 

"Am I terrible? I broke up with Taeyong because he was jealous that I keep talking about Yubin. What can I do? She's the one I spend everydays with. I can't think of any other topic aside from those with Yubin."

 

"Damn it. Yubin is so adorable, how can I not want to stay here with her? +++ the free study dates!"

 

"Ugh, I hate this. I hate being just a friend. I hate her for being so nice to me. I hate her for being gentle. I think.. I'm falling for her more."

 

"So um.. I met Taeyong earlier after meeting with my parents. He's asking to get back together with me.. and I said yes. This should be right, right? This way I'll find a way to stop thinking about her.. but I don't understand, why is Yubin acting this way?  She yelled at me. :( maybe she's just tired."

 

"I hate men. Why are they so cocky? They'd court me like there's no tomorrow but wouldn't even listen when I need someone to talk to. I'm lucky I have.. Yubin."

 

"Minhyun seems nice? Should I introduce her to Yubin soon?"

 

"I broke up with Minhyun and Yubin spent the whole night hugging me to sleep. She thought I was crying because of the break-up but it's actually because I can't stand not being hers."

 

"I don't know why my heart aches so much for you, Bae Yubin."

 

"I've decided. I'll try again. Later, I'll exchange our phones and give you these notes, Yubin. I hope you read them and tell me that you like me too. Kidding! It's okay if you don't respond, I just want you to know that I've liked you for so long now."

 

"This is hopeless.. Last week, I exchanged phones with Binnie, hoping she'll read my letters to her but seems like she didn't check my notes even though I already put them on my home screen widgets.. :( God, this was my last hope, I think it's a sign I should stop hoping she'll ever realize my feelings for her."

 

"My god, Bae Yubin. This is useless. I'm hopeless."

 

"Hi, it's been a long time, isn't it? I think.. I should try being with someone else aside from Yubin who I actually prefer. There's this girl named Mihyun and she looks sooo cute and genuine."

 

"I'm so glad to see Yubin liking Mihyun. She's the first ever that Yubin liked!" 

 

"Hi.. It's been a while since I wrote here. Mihyun, she broke up with me."

 

"God.. Bae Yubin. What should I do?"

 

"Do you have something like this?" Shiah asks with pride. Yubin can't help but to chuckle even with the overwhelming knot in her chest. That was way too much information for her to take in. Shiah's notes had dates on it, all of them are about what happened in the past years-- more including her moments with Yubin. There are more as Yubin scrolls down.. actually, but her head was already full and can't take more. 

 

"I loved you the same, Yubin.. As much as you can't realize."

 

Yubin was speechless, she couldn't look at Shiah in the eye and only stare at the phone in her palm. With her front teeth sinking on her bottom lip as she tries not to cry, Shiah pulls her in a hug and kissed her temple.

 

Yubin was so exhausted to think of anything-- everything. 

 

Shiah understood that Yubin needed time to think. The whole night, they spent it ignoring the elephant in the room. They talked and hung out like they used to. They ate talking about Shiah's stay in her house with her brother. They watched "The Floor is Lava" on TV until they both felt sleepy. The next morning, Yubin woke up early to pack her things. She's going home because it's their first day of vacation and her family had been texting her about when she'll go home.

 

"Are you awake?" Yubin asks softly at the person cuddling beside her. Yes, apparently, when they hung out like they used to, they ended up cuddling when they slept. 

 

Shiah smiled against Yubin's chest. "God, I hope so." Yubin chuckles softly and slowly pulled away to start packing.

 

"Where are you going?" Shiah asks as she sits up, pouting when Yubin got off the bed. Yubin laughed and walked towards her closet.

 

"Home? It's vacation now."

 

Shiah was quicker than a second to get up and start packing as well. "I'm coming."

 

Yubin chuckles from her post and watched the other. "Huh? Really?"

 

"I don't wanna spend my vacation with my brother because I was just with him in the past few days, I don't wanna spend it here alone too. Why don't I come with you?"

 

It's not like Yubin had any other choice. She knew Shiah won't back down. After they got ready and finished their breakfast, they locked their apartment and Yubin got herself ready for a couple of days with Shiah and her nosy family. 

 

Honestly, Yubin feels awkward with her and family around. Yoo Shiah is a flirt when she was just Yubin's bestfriend. Imagine how it'd be once she became Yubin's girlfriend. Girlfriend. 

 

It still hasn't moved on from the unexpected occurrence in her life yesterday. She had no clue about all of Shiah's point of view of her in the past years. She was stuck into thinking that Shiah will never like her. Yubin has been thinking the whole time about all of it. She doesn't know what they are right now, but she's sure there's mutual understanding between them. Would she consider herself as Shiah's suitor? Should she ask Shiah to be hers officially? What they have.. it's too precious and Yubin doesn't want to fail Shiah, she doesn't want anything to go wrong.

 

"Can I tell you something?" Shiah asked while they were walking silently on the main road of Yubin's hometown neighborhood. They weren't talking for minutes after they got off the bus, their throbbing hearts at the contact of their hands holding and swaying as they walk are enough noise between them. 

 

"About?" Yubin didn't look at Shiah but she was smiling. No, she had been smiling since morning.

 

"My boyfriend?"

 

"WHAT?" Yubin stopped walking and faced Shiah with a confused and almost-annoyed-slash-angry look on her face. Seriously--

 

"I'm just teasing."

 

Typical Shiah, such a tease. Yubin's still getting used to it and the girl is taking advantage of her confused and sensitive consciousness. Sighing in defeat at the girl's smug grin of triumphant at teasing her, she continued walking and Shiah followed her quickly.

 

"About back then, when you exchanged our phones." Yubin took her hand once again, Shiah inched closer to her and hugged her arm.

 

"Oh." Shiah giggled, which actually made it harder for Yubin to carry her sports bag with Shiah clinging restlessly next to her.

 

"Was it really just a random thing?"

 

"Okay. First of all, I didn't know my suitor was-"

 

"Suitors. Plural." Yubin corrected her and earned a glare and eyeroll at Shiah.

 

"SuitorSSS were going to text me." Shiah putting emphasis on the "s" made Yubin cackle but she bit her lip to avoid ruining the moment. Shiah hits her shoulder lightly.

 

"Okay, sorry. I'll stop." Yubin chuckled once again, she can't help it. "And..?"

 

"I ran out of options how I'd tell you what I feel back then and I thought if you saw my notes, it'll be easier."

 

"Ahh." Yubin thought back to that day when it happened. She saw it on Shiah's notes last night as well. For her, it was just another random day of dealing with Shiah and her suitors but for Shiah.. it was a very special and crucial day. 

 

"But you didn't." Right, I didn't. 

 

"Sorry. I thought about your privacy."

 

"I know." Shiah smiled. "That made me like you more but also, made me give up."

 

Yubin paused for a second to glance at Shiah, "You gave up?" Shiah nodded, then looked back at her only to pinch her cheek.

 

"Ya, don't complain. You had no plans telling me. it's just fair."

 

Whatever, those are tough days.

 

Shiah is known in their house as Yubin's closest friend. Her parents and brother are used to seeing and talking to Shiah casually when they call Yubin. Shiah has been sleeping over at Yubin's once or twice a year since their second year of bring friends. For this year though, this is the first time Shiah is coming here. Yubin has a feeling Shiah would come not just once or twice a year after today.

 

"Are you still single, Shiah?" Yubin's mom asked while they're eating dinner. Yubin scoffed on her seat, Shiah heard her and nudged her elbow. 

 

When she looked at her bestfriend, Shiah's lips were pursed a little towards Yubin's mom. What? Does she want me to kiss her infront of my family? Yubin was about to go back to eating when she felt Shiah's foot stepping on hers. 

 

"A-" She glared at the other, but then she realized what Shiah wants.

 

"Ah-- Shiah has many suitors in line." She replied to her mom, her father laughing knowingly. Yubin's parents knew Shiah is famous with boys since highschool. They just didn't know that she's famous with girls too. 

 

Yubin knows it wasn't what Shiah wanted her to tell them. She heard Shiah picking up her spoon loudly, Yubin was quick to give her a look. The girl smiled at her, as if she was innocent. 

 

"How about you, Yubin? Why aren't you dating yet?" Her father asks this time. Yubin was going to answer but Shiah stepped on her foot again. 

 

"Ya-"

 

"Um.. she's busy in line." Shiah said without hesitation, she was sure of it with all her confidence while Yubin, on the other hand, had her grip tightened on her utensils. 

 

Shiah, you idiot, they don't know I'm gay. 

 

When they finished eating, Yubin took the plates and all to start washing, her family went to the living room to watch TV. Shiah followed her and started hugging her waist. Yubin hasn't moved on from what happened earlier. Shiah just straight up told her family that-- that. It's not that Yubin is mad or annoyed at what Shiah did. On top of it, her parents seemed to take it lightly although they looked surprised. Yubin should be thankful that the person she brought home was Shiah. Shiah whom her parents love and accepted into their family, as her bestfriend, and as a lover. Lastly, and honestly, if Shiah didn't tell them, Yubin wouldn't.

 

"Um.. I love you Shiah." She mumbled as she felt Shiah's head against her nape.

 

Shiah hummed, "Cute."

 

"But I have to wash dishes." She muttered, conscious of the fact that her family might see them from the living room and that she doesn't think she'll finish washing the dishes if Shiah would continue hugging her like this.

 

When Shiah didn't let go of her, Yubin decided to face her. Hands still wet so she raised them up instead of holding Shiah. It wasn't a good decision to do especially when Shiah hugged her tighter now that they're face to face. Yubin abruptly checked to see if her parents are still busy on the living room. Why am I nervous? Yubin looked down at Shiah and saw that her soon-to-be-girlfriend-- yes, she's claimed it, is pouting. Yoo Shiah, you don't have the rights to do this to me yet! Yubin's chest was screaming at Shiah's affection. She should do something about this or else she might die right there.

 

"I'll be with you later, let me just--" Yubin tried to push Shiah using her elbows and the latter removed her hug, only to wrap her forearms around Yubin's neck. Shiah wouldn't leave without kissing her. Yubin thought it'll just be a peck-- but it's becoming like the kiss they had when Shiah came to the apartment yesterday. god, it's been just a day? 

 

"Just four minutes." Shiah whispered. Shiah! We can't kiss for four minutes here! In! the! kitchen!

 

Her heart thumped louder now and she's scared Shiah would feel it with the closest proximity of their bodies pushed against each other by Shiah's hold. Although Yubin wanted to continue getting drunk into Shiah's kisses, she pulled away and looked behind Shiah. Using her family as an excuse for them to stop. 

 

Shiah followed Yubin's gaze and removed herself from Yubin silently before walking upstairs. ..What now? She's leaving just like that? Yubin sighed and went back to washing the dishes. 

 

Between Shiah and Yubin, Shiah is usually the one who seemed to be taken care of but for Shiah, Yubin is still clueless about so many things especially when it comes to being interpersonal. Besides, Yubin hasn't been interacting with a lot of other people aside from her circle of friends.

 

When Yubin finished her evening chores, she said goodnight to her parents and walked her way to meet Shiah in her room. Before Yubin could walk upstairs though, her mother gave her a hug and even though no one spoke a word through it, Yubin knew it was for what Shiah said earlier during dinner. Yubin was smiling wide because of that but when she reached her room and opened her door, she's reminded of Shiah as she saw her sitting on her bed, using her phone, giggling. 

 

Who is she talking to? Isn't she supposed to be sulking? 

 

Anyway, as soon as Shiah noticed Yubin coming in, her smile turned into a frown and rolled her eyes at Yubin. Cute.

 

"Hey." Yubin approached her and sat on the chair next to the bed.

 

"What?"' Shiah responded quickly but her eyes never left her phone. 

 

"Sorry about earlier," Yubin continued while taking Shiah's phone and placing it on the side table. 

 

Shiah sat properly and faced Yubin because well, what choice does she have? "Why?"

 

"Because I stopped the kissing?" Yubin asked-- replied? She wasn't sure, she can't read Shiah's face. Why is it hard to read her now? Is this because we stepped out of our friendship boundary?

 

Probably? 

 

Shiah didn't respond anymore and tried to take her phone but Yubin stopped her. "It's just- my parents might see us." She lied, it's actually because she still can't take all of Shiah and she's trying to get used to it.

 

With that, Shiah crossed her arms over her chest and looked straight into Yubin's eyes, as if she was also trying to figure out what goes on in Yubin's head. Yubin thinks she should stay patient to understand Shiah but on the other hand, Shiah thinks she has to teach Yubin about dating.

 

"Are you ashamed that I'm your girlfriend?" 

 

Girlfriend? We're girlfriends now? That fast? Wait--

 

After seeing Yubin's obviously shocked face, Shiah laughed making the other confused in her seat. "I'm joking. Take your time. Come here."

 

"Huh?" Yubin was completely lost. Shiah wasn't mad? We're not girlfriends yet? What?

 

Shiah taps on the space on the mattress next to her. "Come here, on your bed."

 

"With you?"

 

"Why? We share the bed in the apartment." Shiah chuckled and pulled her by her arm. 

 

They ended up cuddling.

 

"I-I love you, Shiah," Yubin whispers as they take a breather from kissing.

 

"I don't want this to end," Yubin mumbled a few seconds after they decided to take a rest from tickling, hugging, kissing, and name-whatever-else-kind-of-flirting with each other. 

 

"Why do you think about it ending then?" Shiah kissed her cheek, the arms around Yubin's waist holding her tighter and closer. Yubin smiled and shook her head.

 

"Sorry, rookie mistake. It's my first time, okay?"

 

Shiah hummed softly and took her hand, fiddling with it as she asks, "Yubin.. Why didn't you tell me before?"

 

Yubin knew exactly why, "It's.. just hard."

 

"Tell me more."

 

"Are you sure? This is seven years' worth of feelings. You should be the one to tell me more, you just suddenly barged into the apartment you abandoned for days and stole kisses from my lips." Yubin says, the two of them chuckling at the thought. 

 

Yubin and Shiah had a long way to go before Mihyun came. If it wasn't for her, Shiah wouldn't be leaving her cowardice box, she wouldn't be taking risks. She wouldn't be able to stare at Yubin the way she wanted since then. Bae Yubin, her first love. 

 

"Four minutes," Shiah mumbles as she stared at Yubin's eyes, inching closer to kiss the girl again but Yubin raised a finger and pushed Shiah's plump lips away from hers. 

 

"No, tell me more." Yubin says firmly, Shiah chuckles and heaved a deep breath from her chest, not forgetting to roll her eyes at Yubin as she prepares her confession. Although in her head, she thinks: are my notes, not enough? Kidding, fine. Fine! Stop staring like that Yubin.

 

 "I liked you the moment you first called my name."

 

Surprised, Yubin gasps lightly. "That was-"

 

"Seven years ago. I know. I don't care how long it's been because I enjoyed my everyday with you and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I loved you behind your back. I caught feelings for you and I thought was a fool for giving back more than what I received. I didn't know you have a crush on me too."

 

"Really, "crush"? What are you, 3rd grader?" Yubin teases and laughed when Shiah hits her shoulder. 

 

"Shut up, I've seen you.. your charms.. every little detail about you that made me fall for you in the past years, and you didn't know I had my gaze locked at you." Yubin smiled, it feels like forever when she was just wishing she'd hear Shiah tell these things to her. 

 

"I wanna see your journal." Yubin says, remembering. Although it was a long time since she last seen Shiah writing on it. 

 

"Um, no. It's embarrassing."

 

"More embarrassing than the notes on your phones?"

 

"Ya! My journal has my.. you know, I try to write sometimes." Shiah slightly moved away from Yubin to grab her bag at the side of the bed. She sat up and Yubin did as well when she began opening the pages of her journal.

 

"I write phrases, most of them come from my feelings for you back then.. Some of them were about life." Shiah stops at one page, Yubin saw the drawing of a bunny at the edge of it and a short sentence at the middle in Shiah's handwriting.

 

"I see you, and "us" when I close my eyes." Yubin read it, smiling when she raised her gaze to look back at Shiah. "Is this about me?"

 

Shiah nodded and rolled her eyes when Yubin's smile turned into a wicked grin. She ignores her and turns to the next page.

 

"Can we really say the words 'life is not going according to plan'? Isn't life already laid out before us?" Yubin chuckles. She gave the other girl a look before she continued reading. "On the other hand, they say 'you decide what will happen in your life'. But can we?"

 

"I know it's cringe. But I think about random stuff all the time and it's hard not to." Shiah explained herself although she didn't need to. Yubin takes her hand and kissed the back of it softly.

 

"I didn't know you were this deep." Although the both of them usually say they knew a lot about each other, Yubin was aware it wasn't exactly true. If she knew things about Shiah, those are only within the boundary of their friendship.

 

The thing is.. Yubin and Shiah already crossed the thin line between friends and lovers at this point.

 

"I guess so, but I don't care." Shiah held onto Yubin's hand and fiddled with the other's fingers as she lowered her head, cheeks blushing in cherry tint when she sheepishly muttered, "We have more than four minutes to get to know each other more."

 

Yubin couldn't help it, she can't help smiling now that Shiah is acting this way towards her.

 

Shiah lovingly kissed her after she saw that satisfied smile on Yubin's lips and again, "I.. love you, S-Shiah."

 

"Yub, we're gonna have to train you to kiss and be affectionate without always nervously saying 'I love you'."

 

"Why? You're getting tired of it already?"

 

"No."

 

"Four minutes?"

 

One song has an average duration of four minutes. That's what she said.

 

 

"Where the hell are they?" Seunghee asks impatiently, she had been waiting by the front gate of the university with Yewon for an hour now. 

 

"Yubin said they're walking already but I don't see them," Jiho said, checking Yubin's text on her phone before gazing over the main road where the students usually walk. Jiho, Mihyun and Hyojung were standing next to Yewon while Seunghee had been battling the front gate entrance with the students coming in and out of the grounds just to watch and see if the two are coming.

 

"Mihyun and Hyojung have bought index cards and they came here earlier than those two who live closer than--" Seunghee stopped talking when Yewon yelled, pointing towards where she spotted Yubin and Shiah running meters towards them.

 

"There they are!"

 

It's the first day of the first semester of their senior year. Hyojung texted them last night about meeting at the front gate so they could go to class together. 

 

"Sorry, someone won't leave her bed earlier," Yubin said as they reached the girls, immediately putting the blame on Shiah being a sleepyhead. 

 

"Yoo Shiah! I told you to stop the 'four more minutes' habit and just wake up early!" Seunghee scolded Shiah as they all walked together into the uni grounds. There's a reason Seunghee had been hasty, she needs to run for a slot on a major subject that morning so their friends understood her lack of patience. 

 

Apologising Shiah wrapped her arm around Seunghee and hugged her loosely in comfort. "Sorry Seung, someone kept saying 'four minutes'." Shiah said, giggling while Yubin-- who understood what it meant, embarrassedly walked ahead and beside Hyojung and.. Mihyun. Jiho and Yewon are still behind Seunghee and Shiah. 

 

"Hey."

 

"Hi." Mihyun smiled at her. 

 

"How much was it?" Yubin asks casually and clung to Hyojung's arm as she talks to Mihyun. 

 

"Nah, it's free." Mihyun gave her a set of index cards. Hyojung chuckles beside them. 

 

"What?"

 

"Nothing, you two are just amazing." Hyojung gave the two of them small pats on their shoulders like the mother-kind she is. "Keep it up!" She cheered and hopped away from them to join Seunghee and Shiah behind them. 

 

"Weird?" Mihyun asks. 

 

"Awkward?" Yubin asks as well. 

 

They both shrugged and as they looked at each other, they started laughing. "No. Shut, stop laughing!" Mihyun tells Yubin while holding on to her stomach. 

 

They didn't know why they're laughing but it was definitely fun as they walked over the falling leaves on the ground. Autumn.. It is when Yubin walked with her friends without the burden of hiding her feelings for Shiah. Autumn is when Mihyun shook off the suspicious feeling about Yubin as she glanced over at her friends laughing and talking. 

 

"What?" Seunghee mouthed when she caught Mihyun looking at her. The latter chuckled and shook her head. 

 

Autumn is when Shiah jogged to reach Yubin's hand. 

 

"First to find the classroom?" Shiah mumbles but before Yubin can say another word, the girl started running. 

 

It's the season of autumn when everything starts falling into the right places.

 

 

 

 

 

 

   5 years later  --  Wedding day. 

 

Everyone's busy at the wedding reception but no one is busier than the newly wedded couple, Yubin and Shiah. After eating with their friends, they stood up to visit each table one by one. Most of the guests talk about their wedding gifts to the couple, some about business matters, and some about the food they chose to serve at the reception. The longest talk they had was at their parents' table where they took a 30-minute ride to the memory lane the elders remember the most for the two young adults.

 

Staring at the Yubin struggling to sign a wedding letter while holding Shiah's hand in the distance, Hyojung nudged the person sitting beside her-- Mihyun. "How do you feel.. seeing them getting married and it's because of you?" 

 

Hyojung herself was there to witness Yubin and Shiah discover their newfound joint boundaries when they started dating. She was there when the couple prepared and celebrated their anniversaries. She was there when Yubin proposed to Shiah. She was there when Mihyun moved on. If Hyojung feels this overwhelmingly happy for her friends, what more for Mihyun who made all of these possible? 

 

Mihyun, who was busy munching on the roasted chicken quarter part served on her plate, glanced at Hyojung for a moment before swallowing her food. Letting out a satisfied sigh-- may it be on the food or the wholeness of this celebration, Mihyun is just in bliss. "So proud. I can't even explain anymore. I'm just.. so happy for them." 

 

Hyojung stared at Mihyun's busy hands as the latter continued eating. "Can I ask something?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

There is a question no one ever asked ever since the day Mihyun followed Shiah after their final examinations back then.

 

"What were you thinking when you talked to Shiah that day?"

 

Leaning back on her seat, Mihyun smiled. It took her a few seconds before responding. "Just.. after all my almost happy endings, my lack of happy endings.. I don't know. I just, I think I'll feel so much better if I'll be able to give someone a wholesome happy ending, even if I'm not the other half of it."

 

Mihyun thought about it. How would two people.. who managed to keep their feelings to themselves would ever realize that they have been in love with each other all those years?

 

It's like.. very impossible for them to make it work if they continued being like that.

 

How long would they have kept that up? How much longer would they punish themselves for not knowing how much time has passed when they could've been the best of each other? How would they see the other's perspective?

 

Just like Yubin said before, Shiah deserves better. So Mihyun stepped up.

 

"That's very mature of you, Mihyun." Hyojung gave her a pat on the shoulder. The sense of vanity drawing across her chest as she thinks of how proud she is for her friends growing up like this-- happy and contented. 

 

Mihyun chuckles, placing her palm above Hyojung's hand on her shoulder and just in time, Jiho, Seunghee and Yewon came back to their table. "Yeah, and it paid off." Mihyun mumbles beside her while staring at one of the newcomers pouting her lips while approaching Mihyun.

 

"Mims, can you tell Jiho not to take all the marshmallows at the chocolate fountain? I couldn't even get one!"

 

"Seunghee, you know how much Jiho loves those."

 

"Fine, but you should at least get a piece for me."

 

"I will, okay?"

 

Seunghee got herself some soon, after Mihyun asked Yubin to get a bowl of marshmallows to their table.

 

There will always be an end for everything. It is within one's choice to continue where they left things.. or restart while holding onto the memories they once made.