How much longer can I resist not looking at this beauty the way it deserves?

 

  Yubin thinks she's the perfect match for Shiah  

 

"What if we decide on the research design later once YooB's done with the outline?" Seunghee suggested. 

 

They're talking about research, obviously. Their professor asked them to group themselves with 4 members each. Seunghee picked her and Shiah, then the new girl named Yewon. In their second semester for the first year, they met the cute Yewon, who had been one of the people in talks in their batch for being two years younger than their age.

 

Yubin glanced at Shiah, she's busy on her phone, a lollipop on with her right hand holding Yubin's. Was it necessary? Of course... not. 

 

Shiah had no idea how much she drives Yubin crazy by just holding her hand. 

 

"Welcome to our block, by the way! Yewonnie." Seunghee changed the topic just like that, with no intention to further discuss their research plans because they have a whole semester to do it. 

 

"Thanks! Seung- Seunghee.. unnie?" Yewon hesitated, it must be because she's still adjusting. It's nice to see her being careful with honorifics, it reflects what kind of person she is. 

 

Seunghee shakes her head, "You can call me Seunghee, we're the same batch."

 

Yewon nodded and showed them her cute smile, even her eyes are smiling. It was so cute, Yubin couldn't help but lean on her desk as they continued talking.

 

"Have you guys been classmates since last year?" 

 

"Yes, unfortunately," Yubin replied, joking. 

 

Around this time is when students are already comfortable with their blockmates. Yubin is already fond of hers, and having Yewon as their new classmate and their groupmate made it seem like it is their responsibility to make her feel comfortable with them.

 

"Hey! I liked hanging out with you!" Seunghee exclaimed, raising her fist as a joke. Yubin laughed and tried to dodge the playful punch.

 

"Ugh." Seunghee and Yewon didn't stop talking, but Yubin did and her attention went to the girl sitting beside her-- letting out a groan while texting on her phone. 

 

"What's going on?" Yubin asks, worried that Shiah has some problem and hopeful she could help.

 

"He keeps asking me to come to his team's party tonight." Shiah said, letting go of Yubin's hand and it felt so empty when she did, Yubin missed her hand already. 

 

Shiah talking caught Seunghee and Yewon's attention now that she's talking. 

 

"Who?" Seunghee asks, trying to catch up on the conversation. Shiah's always been open to Seunghee as well, and the others when it's about her relationships, so it's not new to Seunghee if they talk about Shiah's boyfriend.

 

"Her boyfriend." Yubin answered for Shiah and in the span of 5 seconds, she received a smack on the shoulder from Shiah-- and a whiny noise from the girl while taking her arm and clinging onto it like she's apologizing before Yubin can even react to the slap.

 

You hold me like I'm the one who's precious. 

 

"Tell him you're with me," Yubin said, poking at Shiah's fingers clutched on her arm. "..Studying." She added, to make sure there won't be unnecessary comments from Seunghee.

 

"Okay, lovey-dovey. Can we adjourn this meeting now so I can go home and you two can go back to flirting?" Seunghee blurted out, teasing them again and Yubin glared at her in an instant, panicking. 

 

Yubin mumbled, "Shut up, Seunghee."

 

"I thought you two are together..?" 

 

Oh right, Yewon's here. They almost forgot. Yubin immediately shook her head to clarify. She can't look at Shiah, it was so embarrassing for her to have a talk like this. What if Shiah takes it seriously and start distancing herself from me?

 

"Ah- no. No. We're just roommates." Yubin said, pulling away from Shiah to place her notes back in her bag.

 

Shiah didn't miss a beat and started whining again. "What do you mean, roommates.. We're bestfriends!"

 

"Fine."

 

"What- Fine? How dare youu!"

 

That's their first meeting with Yewon, she's a nice girl who thought Shiah and Yubin were dating. Shiah may look like she doesn't care about studying, but there are times Yubin can tell she's in the mood to study. 

 

"Binnie, can you teach me how to solve this?" Shiah dragged her chair closer to Yubin, passing her notebook to Yubin's side of the table. 

 

She nodded and gladly took a look at Shiah's notes. Trigonometry, Shiah hates it. With a simple grin, Yubin began solving for her, not forgetting to write the step-by-step notes on her pad. 

 

"Ya! I said teach me! Not solve it for me!" Shiah pinched her arm, causing Yubin to shriek at the slight pain. 

 

But it's okay, Yubin had worse painful experiences with Shiah.

 

"Ouch- I'm gonna teach you! God, you impatient woman."

 

Shiah's earlier face with eyebrows knitting and cheeks fluffing was replaced with now a cute cheeky smile, as she moved even closer to Yubin. 

 

"So um.." Yubin cleared , adjusting to Shiah's close presence and reminding herself that even though they're alone in their apartment, they're still just friends.

 

Shiah's holding her pen with her right hand. Her hair is tied in pigtails this time, Shiah always ties her hair when trying to study. She wore a cream-colored vest over a white shirt, paired with bulky light denim pants. She is so pretty, Yubin feels lucky she gets a chance to be this close with Shiah.. But it's dangerously close and her heart's thumping ridiculously that if Shiah moved even closer, she might hear Yubin palpitating. 

 

"Hey, Yubin, are you gonna teach me or what?"

 

"Oh, right. Wait, uh.." Yubin starts flipping the pages of her own notebook, dragging it beside Shiah's for reference. "First, you have to think of the possible substitute identities for each term.."

 

Yubin learned not to stress herself over all the Shiah-dating-people-who-can-never-be-her.. After all, Shiah didn't stop clinging to her. She still has her all the time.. even when she's out on a date with the boyfriend.

 

The first time Shiah indirectly asked Yubin to thirdwheel, she had no idea her day would go like that. 

 

She had no idea there'd actually be the worst day of her life.

 

"Yubinaaah, come faster! We're getting late!" Shiah called from the living room. 

 

Yubin just finished wearing her clothes, still combing her hair, and hasn't applied her lip balm but Shiah's already calling her out. Last night, Shiah asked her if she wants to go out for a movie. Of course. Yubin wants to, but she didn't realize she slept late thinking about her and Shiah going out for movies so she woke up late as well.

 

"Coming! Wait!" Once she finished what she had to do, she run out of their apartment to meet the ever so beautiful Yoo Shiah in a chic look, dark hair looked so good with her paired white shirt and denim skirt.

 

Meanwhile, I had no chance to prepare as much. She wore a black crochet cardigan with touches of pinks and whites over her white shirt and plain jeans. 

 

Anyway, Yubin thinks whatever she wears won't be enough level to reach Shiah's attractiveness.

 

"I told you the movie will start at 10!" Shiah continued to nag at her while they walk out of the building. Just like the usual, she's holding on to Yubin's arm while the latter continued to chuckle while listening to her.

 

"It's okay! We can stay inside the cinema and rewatch the first part again." Yubin tells her, though she can still see Shiah's eyes glaring.

 

"I'm so gonna hit you right now if only you didn't look good."

 

I look good? Yubin didn't respond, well-- how could she when Shiah just complimented her again like it was no big deal. 

 

Also, she didn't have time to reply about that after seeing a parked black car in front of their building with the familiar tall man standing beside it,

 

"You didn't tell me your boyfriend is coming," Yubin whispers to Shiah but Shiah only nudged her to stay quiet. Damn it. 

 

"You girls ready for a movie date?" Minhyun asks them with his dimples and smile gleaming at Shiah and Yubin. 

 

No, I'm not ready to thirdwheel. 

 

But Yubin managed to fake a smile as she watched Shiah hop off the shotgun seat and unfortunately for her, she has to seat in the backseat and feel even more bitter to see the lovebirds in front of her. She was given no choice.

 

In Yubin's head, she's cursing at Shiah. You're so unfair. Why would you do this?

 

Still, she didn't have the courage to blame the oblivious Shiah.  

 

"So.. you're the roommate who always studies with my Shiah, right?" Minhyun asks while driving. Shiah was silent ever since he started driving, that must be why he's talking to Yubin now.

 

What do you mean 'your' Shiah.. She's not yours. Yubin curled her fists on her lap to restrain herself, she glanced at Shiah's seat to see if the girl has any interest in joining the conversation because Yubin's not in the mood to talk to him.

 

"Yes. We're roommates."

 

"How long have you been living together?"

 

Why does he keep asking?

 

"Almost 5 years soon."

 

"Wow, that's my dream."

 

"What?" His dream?

 

"To live with Shiah." Oh.

 

"You won't like it, she's not a good roommate," Yubin said while grinning, staring outside the roadways, purposely to get Shiah's attention-- which she did. It was only to tease, slightly to get back to her for not telling Yubin that the mighty boyfriend is coming with them.

 

"Hey!" 

 

"Hahahah, you girls are so cute."

 

Oh shut up.

 

They safely arrived at the mall. There were no tackling and hair pulling, thankfully. Because Yubin wanted to do those to Minhyun for getting on her nerves. Is it a bad day? Yes, because of him. Because of Shiah.

 

"Hey Min, can you buy us another popcorn? Please?" 

 

The guy quickly obeyed, Yubin didn't care. They happened to find three more seats unoccupied and now Shiah's sitting in the middle with Yubin's and Minhyun's seats on either side of her. 

 

"Hey," Shiah nudged her just like what she did earlier when they met with Minhyun. This time, she's asking the opposite of shushing. "You haven't spoken since we got here." 

 

"We're here to watch the movie, not talk," Yubin whispers, resting her elbow on the armrest on the side opposite Shiah's.

 

Even though she can't see her, Yubin knows Shiah's frowning. "Are you mad because I didn't tell you Minhyun was coming?"

 

Yubin didn't respond, as much as she wants to rant about her discomfort around Shiah's boyfriend, she couldn't. First of all, they're in the cinema. Second, Shiah would not want to hear her talking about the boyfriend. And lastly, the day just started, she has nothing to say.

 

"Talk to me." Shiah leaned on her shoulder. ... Giving Yubin no choice but to lean back, it would be rude and a waste of opportunity to feel better if she'd pull away. 

 

"I am mad," Yubin confessed, she let out a soft sigh before she heard herself and realized she wants to take it back. "But it's okay now, don't worry." It isn't.

 

"I just thought it'd be fun if you two get to know each other too." Shiah mumbled again. Yubin's starting to worry the other audience would start shushing them.

 

"I already know him, though.."

 

"Please?" My god.

 

"Fine."

 

Yubin had no trouble sitting in the entire movie with Shiah and Minhyun fumbling against each other the whole time. She wanted to excuse herself at first but thankfully, she got hooked on the movie's plot and found a way to distract herself.

 

"Did you like the movie?" Shiah's arm encircled her boyfriend's frame, Minhyun's arm's around her shoulder.

 

"I love it." 

 

Yubin scoffed behind the couple as they walk out of the cinema halls after finishing the movie, they did not watch the movie, how can he like it? Yubin knew because he witnessed how the guy kept whispering to Shiah throughout the whole movie and it's the thing that bothered her.

 

"So what should we do next?" Minhyun asks once they're outside.

 

From Yubin's gaze, she saw the way Shiah let go of his hand and looked around and behind her-- until she met Yubin's eyes. As if she was looking for Yubin. She was. 

 

"What are you doing standing there at the corner?" Shiah asks when she approached Yubin. The small hand took hers before pulling her towards Minhyun's direction.

 

Why did you have to pull away from him just to hold my hand? 

 

"We can eat..?" Shiah suggested. Yubin felt the set of fingers holding her hand even tighter. It felt like Shiah gave her no choice but to keep holding her hand and not pull away.

 

"Oh, sure! What would you like to eat?" Minhyun stood next to Shiah, like how they sat earlier at the cinemas, Shiah's in between them.

 

"Snacks," Yubin replied; she's hungry. She'd talk for food.

 

Shiah let out a chuckle as they kept walking. "Okay." The girl says before they entered a fast food. 

 

Shiah pulled away from her hand, saying she'd check if there are available tables for the three of them since it was a bit crowded at the mall that day.

 

Yubin-- feeling the unwanted presence of Shiah's boyfriend beside her stayed at her position where Shiah left her. Although, she could feel Minhyun stepping closer.

 

"Uh, YooB?" Minhyun caught Yubin in surprise when he called her by her student nickname. Is this his way of trying to befriend me? Yubin looked at him and smiled, genuinely this time. It seems like it. 

 

"Yeah?" Yubin asks back, wondering what he wants from her.. or if it's a bestfriend-to-boyfriend talk. 

 

"Can I borrow some money? I didn't bring some since Shiah said it's just a movie date. I didn't know you were coming." Yubin would be lying if she'd said she's not disappointed at the guy's statements. 

 

"Why do you need money..? I can just pay for you too if so." Yubin suggested because honestly, money's not a problem for her. The real problem is this guy's presence.

 

"But I want Shiah to think I treated you two today."

 

"Oh."

 

For real? This day could be worse, Yubin didn't realize. First, she got dragged into thirdwheeling. Now, she's spending money just so some other person would look good and please Shiah. The hell.

 

"Is that okay?"

 

I can't believe this, "Um.. sure." Yubin still said yes, she's gonna look and feel bad if she turned him down.

 

"Thanks, YooB. I'll pay you back next time." That's if there's still next time.

 

Yubin gave her spare money to Minhyun, and just in time, Shiah was walking back towards them saying there's a table for them.

 

Meanwhile, Yubin couldn't decide if she'll be annoyed about Minhyun's fakeness, his attitude, and him being a show-off. Now she has more reasons to dislike him. I'm sorry, Shiah. 

 

"Biinniieee, can you take a picture of me?" Shiah pulled her hand while she's sitting on one of the benches at the park.

 

After they ate, Shiah said she wanted to go to the park beside the mall. It has pretty sightings and views better for taking pictures. The truth is, she knew Shiah just wants her to hang out with Minhyun more. At first, Yubin felt like she needed to converse with the boyfriend now that Shiah is watching them... but she's lazy and the guy just keeps on getting on her nerves.

 

"Yess! YooB take a picture of us!" Minhyun shouted from the distance, where he joined the frame where Shiah wanted to be photographed.

 

It might be just a false perception but Yubin thought she saw Shiah rolling her eyes at Minhyun. Why would she? Stop imagining things, Yubin. 

 

Yubin held Shiah's phone as she stood a few meters away from the couple. Clicking on the phone screen as she sets the camera on, she felt the sudden raindrops touching her skin bit by bit. She blinked a few times to elude the small raindrops crossing her eyelashes. It was going to rain.

 

She carried on taking photos of the two, smiling so happy with each other while all she could do is stare at Shiah's face on the screen... and how lucky Minhyun is to be able to do all these with the girl she loves. 

 

Yubin knew Shiah was happy. Yubin knew Shiah will still be happy even if it wasn't her who holds the girl's waist as Minhyun does. Yubin knew Shiah would still be happy even if Minhyun doesn't watch Shiah's favored movies as intently as Yubin does. Yubin knew Shiah is happy now.

 

For a moment there, a tear slipped off her eye, running down her cheeks along with the few raindrops on her face. And the tears continued to flow, Yubin was trembling to even move from her position, I should stop this.

 

"Oh god, it's raining! Yubin, come here!" Shiah removed Minhyun's arm around her to run and open the umbrella for her and Yubin. 

 

Quickly, Yubin wiped the tears, worried that Shiah would notice. Luckily, she didn't. When Yubin looked up after acting like she checked the photos on her phone, she saw Shiah's smile. 

Tell me something, when the rain falls on my face.. How do you quickly replace it with a golden summer smile?

 

Yubin smiled back.

 

"So.. Did you like him?"

 

That was Shiah's question once they entered their apartment after Minhyun drove them home. Yubin gave her a look before walking ahead and taking a glass of water from their kitchen table.

 

"No." She answered simply, Shiah walked towards their room and she followed behind her. 

 

"Thought so."

 

Yubin heard Shiah mumbling. What? She doesn't have the energy to comprehend what Shiah replied to her. She spent all day watching Shiah hang out happily with her boyfriend. It was torture.. so she decided not to say a thing anymore. It's tiring to force herself to talk about Shiah's love life where she'll never belong.

 

"What do you mean.. when you said you thought so?" Yubin finally asked. It's been almost 20 minutes since they got home. Shiah's on her bed, Yubin's on hers. The two of them are resting quietly.

 

Shiah's texting on her phone again. 

 

Yubin's thinking about what just happened today.

 

She heard Shiah shuffling on her bed, so she faced her and met her gaze. "You always hate when I talk about my boyfriend," Shiah said, placing her phone beside her pillow.

 

"You hate them as much as I do," Yubin replied confidently, knowing what Shiah actually feels. 

 

Shiah sighs, "I know.. but Minhyun, he's cute right?" The girl grinned at her as if it would make things easier for the both of them. 

 

"No." Yubin remained firm, standing by her opinion towards the guy. She'll never forget what happened today. It was purely disappointing. 

 

"Ugh, I can't talk to you. Goodnight Yubin." Shiah giggled and turned her back. Yubin forced a smile as she got up for a moment to close the lights for Shiah. Once she was back on her bed, she covered herself with her blanket, heaving deep breaths as she looked back on everything she did today.

 

That's the day Yubin starts to ask herself: Can she live her everydays like this? She didn't notice she's been tearing up-- again, her pillows wet as she sobs at her heartbreaking reality. 

 

It was so hard to cry about the person she shared the room that night, in the same room where she first realized her feelings for her, in the same room where she lived her everyday taking care of Shiah. 

 

Like a battle of wondering, what ifs and what's true, Yubin had no choice but to continue being Shiah's friend. She loves the girl and even when she wants to distance herself, it's not like she could do something about it. Shiah treated her the same way she's been doing in the past years. 

 

Sadly, it happened a few more times-- the third-wheeling. At this point, it was inevitable when Shiah kept entertaining people. It's okay, honestly. It's okay if she wants to date. One thing Yubin hated about it was that Shiah always asks her to come with them on their dates. There are times Yubin can get herself out of it but Shiah.. she's persistent. She won't let Yubin turn down her invitations. For some reason, Yubin never got used to it.

 

Shiah's suitors are annoying.

 

For some time in their second year in college, Yubin had to deal with her suitors. Those after Minhyun. Yubin doesn't have any idea why Shiah was not giving a response to them.. but it's like they're piling up day by day and Yubin tends to forget which one is who with the amount of suitors Shiah got after dating Minhyun.

 

Let's just say Shiah became ever more popular.

 

Before their finals, the university had announced that they'll give the students two weeks' suspension of classes. That's for some sort of national competition and some professors will take care of it. Yubin liked the plan, she'd go home for a week to visit her family and will have two weeks of preparation for the finals. 

 

"Here's your bag. Call me?" Shiah crossed her arms over her chest after putting on Yubin's buddy bag for her.

 

"Yes, ma'am." Yubin even salutes at her bestfriend, teasing her more. Shiah gave her a light slap on her shoulder.

 

"Call me-" Shiah repeats again-- and Yubin had to cut her off, repeating what she's been told since last night, as she memorized.

 

"Once I get on the bus, once I got off the bus, once I reached home, one I finished packing. Noted." Yubin recited that got Shiah pouting. 

 

"You're so mean. I just want to make sure you're gonna travel safe and you know, I'm gonna be alone here, what am I gonna do then?" Shiah sighed.. and Yubin didn't know but she felt the urge to hug her, tight.

 

It's not like Yubin won't come back but when she felt Shiah hugging her back, it's like she doesn't want to let go. Why's she like this?

 

This morning, Yubin had to pack her stuff before going home and Shiah helped her prepare her personal belongings to place them in her buddy bag. A few hours after, when she reached the bus stop, she regrets letting Shiah help her.

 

Because when she sits on the bus and takes her phone from her bag, she figured out that Shiah replaced their phones. Yubin immediately dialed her own number using Shiah's phone-- with her contact name still the same as before: Yub.

 

After a few ringings, someone picked up her phone-- and as she expected, it was Shiah.

 

"Hey~" What kind of relief was it to hear her voice. 

 

"Yoo Shiah! What the hell is your phone doing in my bag!" She whispers, furious about the sudden phone exchange. Of course, she's surprised, she won't have access to her contacts using Shiah's phone, she has Shiah's phone, Shiah has her phone. 

 

"Calm down, hahaha you're so cute. I know you'll panic!" 

 

"You're high."

 

"So, you're on the bus now?" 

 

"Yeah.." Yubin leaned back on her seat, hugging her backpack tighter while she held Shiah's phone near her ear. "Why did you replace my phone with yours?"  

 

It took a few seconds before Shiah answered her question. Honestly, I expected something. 

 

"Because I'm bored." 

 

"I'm hanging up," Yubin said, chuckling to herself when she realized the fool she became. How can she still expect? What is she even expecting? Why is she smiling so widely because of this phone exchange Shiah did.

 

"Wait- Don't forget to call me again-!"

 

And Yubin hung up, smiling by herself as she stared outside the window, glancing over outside as the city roads change into their locals.

 

Yubin didn't forget what Shiah told her, to call after getting off the bus. So she did.

 

"I just got off the bus," Yubin mumbled by the phone speaker the moment she stepped foot on the pavements. She heard Shiah's loud chuckle.

 

"Yeah? Did something change back there?" Yubin looked around the neighborhood, it's the same. Actually, Shiah has only been there thrice, Yubin knows she's not that interested in the neighborhood, she just wants someone to talk to. 

 

"Nothing much," Yubin spoke while she walked towards the street to her house. She listened as Shiah hummed from the other line.

 

"What now-" Yubin stopped when she felt Shiah's phone vibrating. "Wait, I think someone texted you."

 

She waited for Shiah's soft 'okay' before she looked to check whoever disturbed her phone call-- it's some guy named Changyoon. Oh. Then she realized, Changyoon is one of the guys running after Shiah.

 

Changyoon: It's me again! Are you busy tomorrow?

 

Yubin brought the phone back to her ear and decided to tell her friend about the text. "Sha?"

 

"Hm?" How can Yubin not fall for this girl? Even her soft hum is so cute, she's already missing her.

 

Yubin walked a few more steps, taking her time as she thinks of a way to tell Shiah what she got from her phone. "Your suitor texted me- your phone."

 

"Hahaha, let him be."

 

"I'll ignore him?" Yubin clarifies, she doesn't know exactly what she's supposed to do. What if Shiah wants to entertain him and she's just shy to tell Yubin about it? 

 

Am I seriously doubting our friendship now? Yubin lightly hits her head for thinking that way. It's bad enough she can't have a romantic relationship with Shiah.

 

"Just say you have my phone, he'll stop."

 

"Are you not curious about what he said?"

 

"Uh.. Not really. You can handle it! Wait, I'll be back, my popcorn's cooked."

 

Then Shiah hung up on her this time, escaping from the talk about her suitors again.

 

It was hard, dealing with Shiah's suitors. Because when Yubin got home, she received texts from two more boys and she can tell they were trying to hit on Shiah. 

 

Should I call Shiah? But she knows her, if Shiah wanted to talk about these boys, she already did. Why won't Shiah talk about them? It bothers Yubin but also makes her feel better. 

 

It bothers Yubin that she's holding Shiah's phone but she doesn't know what to do with it. She thought, maybe she can explore what's in here, read her messages, her notes, or maybe she can even read the poems and works Shiah had been doing in her free time. She wants to know more about Shiah, more than all the things she already knows.

 

But is it right to do it? It would be invading her privacy. Get yourself together, Yubin.

 

She did as she told herself: respect Shiah's privacy. Her whole week at home was all about her catching up with her family and calling Shiah at night. Sometimes, she would reply to Shiah's suitors, because when she notified them that she has Shiah's phone-- like what Shiah told her to do, the guys started to ask her many questions about these and those of Shiah's favorites.

 

The conclusion of Yubin's supposedly one-week reviewing of notes for the upcoming finals: all the suitors are annoying. 

 

They were all full of themselves. 

 

"Welcome home!" Shiah jumped at her once she opened the door to their apartment. Yubin lets the girl hug her before Shiah's the one who removed herself from Yubin.

 

"Yah, you just came back and you won't even smile at me." Shiah followed her as she continued to make her way toward their room. Yubin is too annoyed and disgusted to smile, she doesn't want to smile. 

 

"One of your suitors told me to off." She said, just to inform Shiah how pathetic her suitors are. They're desperate and infuriating.

 

Yubin's running out of words to express how mad she is right now. She just needed one week to review her notes and catch up on her family. She spent one week. One week trying to ignore and not get annoyed at Shiah's boys.

 

"Wait- what?" Shiah placed her hands on her hips, eyebrows knitting at the news. Yubin can't deny, she looked cute..

 

But let's not get off-topic. Yubin is mad. I'm mad! If it's even possible, she'd have angry breathing bursting out of her nose as she's eager to find which guy was who cursed at her so she could punch him in the face. 

 

"Yeah. Did I curse at him? No. How dare he curse at me like that?"

 

Yubin throws Shiah's phone on the latter's bed, but Shiah ignored it and sat on Yubin's bed. She starts to unpack, slamming her clothes into her closet while Shiah watched her release her anger. 

 

"I did them a favor to get to know you and this is what I get in return?"

 

"I couldn't even study because of all of these."

 

Yubin finished putting her clothes in her closet. She brushed her palms over her face and let out a deep sigh before opening her eyes again. When she looked at her closet, it looked like chaos. 

 

Patiently this time, Yubin carefully re-folded her clothes to organize her stuff properly. She shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be letting my anger ruin my closet. Yubin sighed out once again. She was going to turn to take her now empty bag but stopped in her tracks when she felt a pair of arms hugging her waist. 

 

"I'm sorry.. I.. told you not to mind them. I gave you my phone not because I want you to talk to them." Shiah muttered against her shoulder. And that fast.. that quick, Yubin calmed down.

 

"It's okay." 

 

"Do you want me to study with you, then?"

 

Tell me something when I'm feelin' tired and afraid. How do you know just what to say to make everything alright?

 

Shiah knows well how to calm her down, whatever level of frustration Yubin was in, she'd be able to handle her. In fact, all she needs to do is to make the minimum effort to pull a smile from Yubin's frowning face.

 

Yubin wonders if Shiah's aware of what kind of power she has over her.

 

"Let's see if you really studied while I was gone," Yubin said after she takes a photo of Shiah answering unexpectedly fast during their review session. Shiah's already amazing, but she's more amazing when she's doing well at things she wasn't so good at. 

 

"Ya! Don't expect too much, I study for pleasure, not pressure." Yubin can't help but chuckle at Shiah's disclaimer. The girl is funny in her own way, trust me.

 

"Yeah yeah, if you say so."

 

Yubin takes the seat next to Shiah and started checking her answers. Shiah actually improved, she can't lie. But what's cuter is that Shiah also adopted Yubin's step-by-step approach in solving. It just means Shiah was really listening to her back then.

 

"Wow, I thought you hate trigo?" Yubin moved Shiah's answer sheet to Shiah's part of the table to show her how well she did. But, Shiah did not look surprised at all, she even responded with soft giggles and a tight hug when Yubin faced her.

 

"I love the one who taught me." Shiah whispers to her, it seemed to Yubin that she's being teased. As a friend and as an admirer, she felt so attacked she couldn't speak well after.

 

"T-Thanks for the love then." She said with a cough to void her stutter. It was too obvious but then again, Shiah didn't notice. 

 

They continued studying. Because Yubin was not able to focus the past week, Shiah stayed up late with her to have a recap for the pre-midterm lectures. It was sweet of her if Yubin was the one to talk. She knows well that Shiah wouldn't stay up late if it's not fun.

 

Another fascinating thing about Shiah's character though.. is her ability to make everything interesting.

 

"Hey! Stop recording me." Yubin covered her face with one free hand, the other continued writing notes. When Shiah got bored, she picked up Yubin's phone and started vlogging by herself. It's her waking-up-mechanism to do something playful.

 

"Why not? Look at the camera you boasting teacher!"

 

Shiah tried to take her hand away so Yubin's face would be seen on the screen. Yubin had to let go of her pen to stop Shiah. In the end, she bit Shiah's small hand for the girl to pull away but that's Shiah, she won't stop clinging.

 

"What- Shiah stop!! Ya-"

 

Yubin may have released herself from Shiah's poking at her face but the girl brought her hands down to Yubin's waist and started tickling her.

 

"Ah! Stop tickling! That's-- not-- fair!"

 

Shiah's the fun one between them. She's the one who talks a lot, who plays a lot, and Yubin's the supportive one, the one who's always beside Shiah, behind Shiah, making sure she's there for her, all the time.

 

One time after their summer break, on their first week in the third year, Shiah came to their apartment with her head low, sobbing. It rarely happens, and each time it does, Yubin follows Shiah to her bed and cuddles her. 

 

"What happened?" Yubin asks softly, with her arms around Shiah's slightly smaller form, hand slowly the girl's hair.

 

"Mom and dad are fighting, my brother doesn't care at all.. I don't know what to do." Shiah slowly clutched on Yubin's shirt, her sobs were slow and shallow now. Eventually, Shiah buried her face in Yubin's upper chest, leaning on her like her life depends on it.

 

"Shh, I'm here." Yubin didn't know what to say, honestly. She's good at giving advice when it's about school.. but now that it's about Shiah's family, she knows she's in no place to talk.

 

"I just, I just thought things are okay back at home." 

 

"I left without saying goodbye to them, they were too busy fighting about my father's new investment."

 

"My mom hates it, I don't know why. My brother's an , he wouldn't budge even when we're eating together at home."

 

"It's like we're not a family at all."

 

Shiah's sobs pained Yubin's chest. She knows what she feels is just sympathy out of her feelings for Shiah, and it's not even much compared to what Shiah feels right now. Even when Yubin didn't say anything, she continued listening, holding her close in her arms, letting Shiah know she was there for her. 

 

Just like how Shiah knew how to make Yubin smile, Yubin knew how to make Shiah feel better. 

 

With the conflict at home, Shiah didn't date again. The first and second semesters of their junior year must be Yubin's favorite because Shiah didn't date anyone. It's better, she had Shiah all for herself. At least, though she knows Shiah isn't gay like her.. the girl doesn't have boys lurking around her, and Yubin's peace of mind has been secured for two semesters. 

 

Yubin actually thought Shiah was straight. Why? She dated boys, she only talked about men, and when Seunghee once asked Shiah's opinion about LGBTQ+, the girl just said she supports them. Not part of them.

 

So Yubin thought.. it's like that for 6 years. She thinks everyone Shiah dated were just some passengers in a bus they take and will leave, because they're not enough for Shiah, because they don't deserve Shiah. And Yubin promised to herself she's gonna be there for her, always.

 

But then came Mihyun. This is what scared Yubin the most, that Shiah will find someone who isn't just a passenger. Kim Mihyun is different.

 

So it's not because she's straight because she clearly isn't.

 

Why did Mihyun get her before I did?

 

Why couldn't I do it like Mihyun?

 

Maybe everyone can be with her, except me.

 

  3rd year, Summer Class, Week 2, Day 16  

 

"Guess who just got a good morning from Jiho!"

 

Yewon hopped like a puppy towards her friends. Yubin smiled at the sudden announcement, reminding herself that she played a part in this whole getting-Jiho-to-like-Yewon-back extravaganza.

 

"Seunghee?" Shiah teased, of course, it's Yewon. The girls laughed as they saw Yewon's disappointed face. 

 

"No!" Yewon pouted. "It's Arin, hehe." The youngest pointed at herself and soon bowed in front of her friends before sitting on her chair, showing them Jiho's text from this morning.

 

"Okay, Arin. Does she know your real name is Yewon?" Seunghee countered, not giving Yewon a break from her step-by-step milestone. 

 

"Yes.. We talked a lot last night and she told me it's her nickname for me." Yewon was definitely blushing. It's cute but also cringes. Yubin's more used to seeing her as the baby of their mini circle and it's funny how their friends adjust this way: bickering with Yewon in every single chance they get.

 

"Wow, wow. What? You had late-night talks with her?" 

 

"Yes, and a good morning."

 

Yubin's happy to know that Yewon has progressed with Jiho. Unlike her, Yewon had the courage. And it's a different case anyway. It's not like Jiho was Yewon's bestfriend. 

 

Anyway, the girl Yubin was pining for is already taken-- again. So, she better stop. Yubin was going to shut her thoughts when she felt Shiah leaning against her again. Again, Yubin can never move on.

 

When she faced her, she saw Shiah pouting, here she goes again. "I'm jealous, I want that same fluttery feeling too."

 

"Call your girlfriend," Yubin said, tapping at Shiah's phone. The latter shakes her head cutely. Why? Why does she have to do everything cutely?

 

"She's busy with her friends.." Why is it that everything she does is cute to me?

 

Yubin turned to check at the back seat where she saw Mihyun talking to Jiho again, Shiah quickly pulled her head back forward. "Don't be obvious!"

 

Yubin laughed, "Then why don't you join them? Unless she doesn't want you to." Her eyes glint at the girl for a moment, giving her a teasing look like the ones she did when they're reminded of the red flags of Shiah's exes.

 

"Hey! Mimi's not like that.. You know, she's so considerate. So thoughtful. So like you, you'll love her."

 

"No, I won't." Yubin assured her, she's a hundred percent sure she won't love Mihyun.

 

I love you. 

 

But she didn't say it. "And you said the same thing about your exes. I didn't like them, remember?"

 

I don't think you'll ever realize why.

 

"Sometimes, I wish you're Mimi."

 

"What?" Yubin pardoned, she heard Shiah saying something but the door opened and there was a sudden interrupting noise everywhere. Her heart skipped a beat, she heard it but not quite, if she's right with the phrase in her head, she might go crazy. But then, Shiah repeated it. 

 

"I said, I wish Mimi spends more time with me."