5 years later, on September 25, 2027, 3 hours before the wedding starts  

 

"Here comes the couple!" Jiho announced, holding the mic in her hand. 

 

Everyone clapped as the newly-wed couple entered the reception venue. Seunghee was quick to take a picture of Mihyun, Shiah, and Yubin walking together. The couple needed assistance on Shiah's wedding gown. Who else should do it aside from the closest person to Shiah after her wife?

 

The circle of friends gathered on one table, the one on the center-- the one for the newly-wedded couple. The microphone was still in Jiho's possession before the staff told them they can start eating. As the waiters and waitresses set the table for all the guests, the group of friends started talking about stuff like-- how later they were than the scheduled meeting time, what stuff have they forgotten, and all the embarrassing moments during the wedding ceremony. 

 

There was actually nothing to catch up about especially since their circle constantly hung out together even after college. As the other ladies busy themselves, Seunghee nudged Shiah.

 

"So, how was it?" Seunghee asked the widely-smiling wife. Shiah chuckled and moved her chair closer to Seunghee.

 

"How is what?" Shiah asked back, pouring Seunghee's glass a drink.

 

Seunghee smiled and took the glass that was offered to her. "Knowing that you're gonna spend the rest of your life with her." She said while pursing her lips towards the other person next to Shiah.

 

Shiah grabbed a glass for herself and took a sip before answering Seunghee's question. "I've been ready in the past five years, Seung."

 

"Wow-" Seunghee scoffed, but it was true. Shiah should be ready the moment she chose to be with that person.

 

Before everyone stuffed their stomachs full, one of the guests started cheering when they saw Shiah and her partner talking by themselves. "Speech! Speech! Speech!"

 

Jiho adds to the excitement and lightly pushes the person under pressure towards Shiah. The latter laughed and her partner finally stood up, bowing slightly to everyone that was there to witness their wedding.

 

"Okay, let me start our dinner with a toast." Shiah's partner spoke through the microphone she was holding. "I'm joking. We've already started eating." Their friends laughed.

 

The woman gently grabbed Shiah's hand before continuing on,  "Yoo Shiah, when I first met you.. all I wanted to do was be the cool person and ask for your number. The movies I've seen looked cool when people did that. But well, mine wasn't."

 

The guests chuckled while listening. Shiah shakes her head knowingly. "My favorite part of loving you is being able to realize how amazing it feels to see the variety of meanings in your eyes, all the simple actions that make my heart flutter effortlessly, to be able to stare at you when you twirl your hair when you're reading. To spend every morning with you giggling on my ears. To be the person I'm most comfortable talking to. Hm, we did share a lot of TMIs with each other."

 

   Finals week of 3rd-year summer classes   

 

 

Shiah loved the fact that she always has company. It's given. She's pretty, sociable, easy to get along with. There are many more of her charms that made her lovable, adored by everyone. In Yewon's words, Shiah is the crowd's favorite. Their schoolmates just love her a lot. She just doesn't entertain it but she actually has a fanclub within the university. That fanclub consisted of all the boys who wanted to date her.

 

She had enough dates after a while of pretending she was enjoying it. Shiah got tired, it felt useless. They all leave.. and Shiah can't let them stay. They're not the one she wants. 

 

"I just wish there'll be someone who would understand me, who will care for me, who would always look after me the way I want them to, who I would find so interesting even without doing anything ridiculous," Shiah sighed before continuing, 

 

"..someone who listens well."

 

That's what she told Yubin when the last suitor she entertained stopped talking to her, but Yubin did not understand what Shiah meant.

 

Shiah was in love with Yubin. Shiah loved Yubin. She had been loving her since.. forever.. that she can't even remember when or how it happened. It's as if she's been living her life knowing Yubin's right by her side to protect her heart.

 

Having feelings for the person she spends every day and every night with was fun and all back in high school. Shiah even managed to keep writing letters for Yubin every time the girl did something special that made her heart flutter but she grew tired of it eventually as she realized she'd fallen so deeply for Yubin who had been hurting her innocently. The girl is hurting her by being the only person who stays and Shiah knows she can't have her. and she thought she'd be fine if she'd let go quietly, that all the feelings bottled up inside of her would leave her heart soon yet it was so hard to do. These feelings for Yubin just stuck in her system like an extra chromosome.

 

She had to get it out.

 

It was solo therapy. Shiah had no one to talk to about it.. Well, the only person she's most comfortable telling sensitive topics about is also the same person who made her feel this sensitive about herself. Everyone loves Shiah. They all have high expectations of her. Shiah would not want to risk being avoided if she tells someone about her concerns.

 

She learned to let it go after some time. It was that moment when an interesting tall girl named Kim Mihyun started hitting on her. Mihyun is very charming, considerate, talkative, obviously has a crush on Shiah and to top it all, she's cute and hot. Shiah never got this interested in a girl aside from how she did with Yubin.

 

"Shiaaaah, I'm tired of walking all around the uni since noon. Let me rest." Yubin whined from her bed as Shiah pulled her by the foot, laughing.

 

"But Mihyun wants to meet up! You should come with me." Shiah tells her. Yubin immediately kicked Shiah's hand, still careful. "What? No." The girl says, firmly. 

 

Shiah's hands rested on her hips and playfully glared at Yubin. "Why not? I want you to meet her too."

 

"I meet her at class," Yubin says, clicking on her phone again to avoid the conversation. She does this all the time, but this time.. Shiah hopes Yubin would like Mihyun. She thinks Mihyun is different from the others.

 

"Then meet her out of class." Shiah said, hitting Yubin's leg. The latter grunted and shook her head again. "I don't want to."

 

"Come oooon, I don't wanna sit there alone." 

 

"Fine."

 

Shiah was nervous that evening. The way Mihyun asked her to meet up, it felt like it's gonna be that moment. Mihyun is going to ask her to date after so many times they've flirted with each other. 

 

"Why did you have to bring me here? I'll make things awkward." Yubin muttered next to her as they sat on the bench. Shiah giggled.

 

"No, you won't." She denied, although Yubin was right, it would be awkward.

 

"Here she is. Should I go now?" Yubin asked her when they saw Mihyun walking from the sidewalk across their apartment. Yubin stood up from her seat but Shiah pulled her by the wrist.

 

"Wait- don't go to sleep yet! You should be awake when I get home okay!" She yelled as she couldn't do anything anymore once Yubin let go of her hand and started walking away. 

 

"Yeah yeah, sure!" Mihyun watched as Yubin walked away, back turned against them, waving cutely at Shiah.

 

Once they're finally alone, Mihyun and Shiah started hearing the crickets whistling, the cold air brushing against their thick clothing as if telling them that this is the moment. Shiah waited for Mihyun to join her. After a short lag, Mihyun looked at Shiah before taking the seat next to her.

 

"Ah.. I was nervous when she was here." Mihyun mumbled honestly and that made Shiah chuckle softly. Mihyun has always been honest and straightforward, she likes it.

 

"Why?" Shiah moved closer to Mihyun, arms snaking around hers to lessen the cold air creeping in their spot.

 

"I.. I told you I'm gonna a-ask.." Yes, Shiah does like it when Mihyun is honest and being cute but since she's very honest, the girl tends to stutter a lot when nervous. It's like Shiah could see right through her. Mihyun is crystal clear.

 

"Hey, Mihyun.. Calm down, okay? It's just me." Shiah chuckles and caresses the girl's back. "Yeah, you told me you're gonna ask me something."

 

"Is it that date?" Shiah asks again when Mihyun didn't respond. After seconds, some song started playing out of nowhere. Shiah laughed, realizing that the soft noise was coming from Mihyun's pocket. 

 

"Yeah, I think, I like you.. and I do want to go out on a date with you. Would you say yes?" Mihyun said-- asked her, she spoke too fast that when Shiah started to comprehend that her gut feeling earlier was correct, she paused.

 

For some reason, Shiah glanced on the road where she last saw Yubin minutes ago. Mihyun is asking her out as she expected. Shiah expected this, she expected it'll happen but why didn't she prepare an answer? Why couldn't Shiah think of a proper answer? Shiah doesn't know but she wants to see Yubin at that moment, maybe Yubin's presence would give her an answer.

 

Then it came to her, Yubin was not there because the girl went back to their apartment, their apartment where they live as bestfriends. Shiah has decided. She really likes being with Mihyun. She should be with Mihyun.

 

"Of course, Mihyun." She said with a smile and a kiss on Mihyun's cheek.

 

There would be times that love would get very predictable and seeing how it goes and it will go scares you. Shiah actually loved being with Mihyun. She thinks of the girl as her escape from how her heart was kept pinned in a dungeon named Yubin for years. With Mihyun, Shiah feels like she's a new person. It's just that.. sometimes, when she comes home to Yubin, she's reminded that Yubin is still there for her. 

 

"Hey, how was your date?" Yubin welcomed her with a tight hug as she entered their apartment. 

 

Shiah just came home from her date with Mihyun. Her girlfriend wanted some alone time with her and it was.. fun. Overall, the date was fun because Mihyun had many jokes and they ate many sweets because Mihyun loves sweets. It was all fun until Mihyun saw her notes about Yubin. 

 

She gave Yubin a smile-- the one that won't make her worry, before replying. "She took me to this cute cafe! We ate cake together."

 

Yubin chuckled at her stories. After she finished telling her what happened on her day—well, except the fact that Mihyun seemed off after the notes incident, Shiah excused herself to get ready for bed.  

 

It's her fault, Shiah admits it to herself. She should have deleted these notes a long time ago. Why didn't I? She lightly hits her chest in annoyance with herself. After changing clothes, Yubin said goodnight to her and as the night went on, all Shiah did was to send text messages to Mihyun, assuring her that those notes mean nothing now. 

 

She still didn't delete them. She couldn't. Those notes are memories to her.

 

After a day or two, Mihyun started meeting up with her again, treating her as well as she did before the revelation of Shiah's past love. She was relieved. She was anxious and scared that Mihyun wouldn't let it go. Shiah doesn't think she's ready for another breakup—or for Yubin to find out about it. The thing she's most scared of was the fact that she might lose Mihyun, the only person who makes her feel free from being her past self: the one who couldn't move on from her bestfriend. 

 

With Yubin, it was just a push and pull game—in which she's the only player in it. She keeps pushing and pulling out of Yubin's wonderful grasp and the girl won't budge. It should be frustrating at this point now.. that Shiah avoided entertaining her feelings even after all the failed relationships with those guys. She didn't blame the clueless girl for making her heart flutter with every small gesture she'd made for her. She didn't blame her feelings for Yubin for being the reason why she couldn't make her past relationships work.

 

But now, she's done with it. Mihyun broke up with her. 

 

She wants to blame what she felt for Yubin for what happened with Mihyun. She knows she can't but.. it just keeps on happening. Shiah is very tired of herself.

 

"You-You're confusing me.. God, Mihyun, you're being selfish. I already told you I'm done with that!" It was stupid to call Mihyun selfish but Shiah was so scared to lose in the argument. 

 

After saying those words.. those words built up the lying phrases which off the last pieces of confidence remaining in her chest. Right now, she does not know anything about her feelings anymore. All she knows is that Mihyun breaking up with her only made her feel distressed for not being able to make her stay.

 

She hates it. She hates that what Mihyun said was right.. and she won't be able to forgive herself if she starts regretting letting her relationship with Mihyun fail.

 

It's annoying because as her heart's been broken when Mihyun told her she wants to break up, Yubin is the first person Shiah saw after crying herself out in their room. 

 

Everyone just left, why does Yubin stay? 

 

"Shiah? What happened? Hey, why are you crying..." Yubin came to her when she started taking her clothes from their closet. She's done. She can't do this anymore. 

 

"I'm so tired. I tried my best to make all of them stay.. why can't I make it work?" Shiah honestly explained just one of the most frustrating thoughts in her head. She couldn't look at Yubin, she just can't. 

 

It got worse, Shiah couldn't help but cry even harder when Yubin hugged her. It all came back to her, all the times she cried in Yubin's arms, all the times Yubin made her smile, all those times people who loved and liked her left her, all the times she would think it's all okay because she has Yubin. 

 

It was all a lie. She can never have Yubin. 

 

"I-I'm leaving, Yubin," Shiah said, pulling away from her. I can't take another comfort from you. It already hurts that Mihyun broke up with her. 

 

"What? You can't leave. How about me?"

 

Yubin kept insisting, the girl kept holding her, stopping her from going. Shiah hated every second of it. She does not want to do this too.. but she has to, for her own sake. Just this time, she'll think about herself.

 

"I.. I want to be alone. I can't take any more of this." Shiah tells her, pushing Yubin's hand away when the girl placed a hand on the closet to block her from getting more clothes. 

 

"Shiah, I'm here. You know I won't let you be alone, I won't make you feel alone. I'm here. I'll always stay."

 

Please stop.. Yubin. The worst-case scenario Shiah knows that has a ninety percent chance of happening is that she'll get soft and break into Yubin's hug. She can't remember much of what happened after Yubin hugged her tight. She was too tired, too exhausted to even think. 

 

Early in the morning, she woke up with Yubin's arm around her. Shiah didn't get a look on Yubin's face last night because she was busy crying and avoiding Yubin's gaze. She didn't know Yubin was crying too. 

 

Before Shiah get up and pack her clothes again, she gave Yubin a light kiss on her cheek, mouthing sorry. She should have done this years ago, she should've left to move on. This wouldn't be messy if she did. 

 

Shiah spent the next few days thinking about things, but it was not helping. She clearly isn't into the concept of thinking. It only makes her more confused when she thinks. She received countless messages from their friends. She turned her phone off because Yubin won't stop calling, her friends won't stop texting.. and there was nothing at all from Mihyun. She hoped there was something for Mihyun.

 

"Sha, your friend came by." Her brother said while preparing food for them.

 

She stayed at home-- her family's house because where else would she go? Her brother was the only one at home, their parents are out for business. For two days, Shiah's routine was to stay in her room, walk downstairs to get some snacks, have lunch and dinner with her brother, and nothing else. 

 

"Yubin?" She asks, taking her seat. Yubin was the only one who knew where her house was. Of course, it should be Yubin. 

 

"Yep." Her brother simply replied, did not bother to say more. Shiah rolled her eyes at the short information sharing, "..And?"

 

Junsun chuckled, glancing at Shiah before answering, "She wants to see you." She still wants to see me? Shiah may have underestimated Yubin as a friend. She thought the girl would hate her for ditching their apartment like that. 

 

Excited at the thought of Yubin, she stupidly looked in the direction of their door. "Is- Is she still outside?"

 

"Dude, it's 10 PM, why would she stay there?" Her brother said sarcastically. Shiah glared at him, it didn't scare him off anyway.

 

"Ya, it's 10 PM! Why did you only tell me now?" Shiah pouted and lightly slammed the table, Junsun placed the cooked meal on their plates and gave her a playful hard pinch on her cheek. 

 

"Because if you knew she was coming, you would have told me. If you wanted her to come, you would've been the one to see her at the gate, not me." 

 

Shiah and her brother fought a lot especially when she started college, the only time they don't fight is when they're alone together and Shiah is the younger kid being taken care of by her big brother, Junsun. It felt nice to stay in the house for a few days, Junsun didn't question her decisions too. 

 

"Shiah, I don't know what's going on but don't let your friend worry like that. She looked terrible." Junsun added, giving her a glass of water. "Eat more. Mom and dad are coming home tomorrow."

 

When the email for their final examination schedule was sent to her, Shiah knew she can't avoid everyone anymore. One way or another, she'll have to go to class, take the exam--. I couldn't study. If she was with Yubin, she would've at least memorized the basic concepts of their courses. Ugh, Yoo Shiah. Get yourself together! She silently hits her head when she thought of: what if I skip the exams?

 

Yubin would dislike it if she did that. Shiah wouldn't want that. So then, Shiah came to their one last final ending examination for their third year, hoping she'll be able to get through it without looking at Yubin next to her.

 

Shiah is scared to face Yubin or Mihyun. Either one of them would make her feel confused about what she feels. 

 

"Ms. Yoo, why aren't you inside? We're starting. Get in." The professor poked her arm while she waited by the door outside their supposed examination room. 

 

The exam has a duration of 2 hours. As Shiah stepped into the classroom, she knew her classmates' eyes were all on hers but most of them looked away after she continued walking towards her chair. The only one who kept staring at her was Yubin. Shiah didn't look back, she just knew. Instead, she takes a quick glance at Mihyun at the back and as she expected, Mihyun was busy with her phone and didn't even check Shiah when she came in.

 

Their exam is composed of historical contexts. Shiah tried to review last night and it somehow worked. She managed to answer most of the questions but had a hard time with the essays. Knowing she already did her best with the other items and that she wants to get out of this room as soon as possible. So once she finished, she quickly stood up and took her bag with her, walked out of the room as casually as she could without looking back at any of her friends, especially Yubin. Being in the same room as both Yubin and Mihyun was too much for her, she had to get out of there.

 

Shiah started running once she was out of the room, not one thought on where she'll go. All she wants to do is walk away again, run away—but, before she could reach far from the room, someone grabbed her wrist to stop her. 

 

She won't lie, she thought it was Yubin but this time, it is Mihyun.

 

"I'm sorry for going to you like this when we shouldn't be talking anymore." 

 

Mihyun and Shiah sat in the waiting area in the parking lot. It seems like Mihyun did not plan to follow Shiah because she had no initial plan where to take her. 

 

"It's okay.." Shiah said awkwardly, she leaned her palms on either side of her legs on the wooden bench. She has no idea how she'd talk to Mihyun. If she were to be honest, she's planning to avoid Mihyun too even though she internally seeks a response from the girl.

 

"So.. It's bad, huh?" Mihyun decided to speak up. She should. It was her who wanted to do this. 

 

Shiah closed her eyes for a moment, nodding. "Shut up, it's your fault. You broke up with me."

 

Unlike their usual dates where they sit together and talk about each other, and any other random things they could talk about; those times they would laugh at every little stupid response they give to each other; those dates where they cling onto each other so close and affectionate, this time, there's a clear significant space between them.. like a boundary, a wall that says we're not that duo anymore. 

 

Shiah feels bad. She missed being with Mihyun too, being able to giggle at her as the girl used to be her escape from the real world. The reality where she's still strung with someone else special and closer to her.

 

"What are you thinking, Shiah?"

 

She didn't say anything but sighed. It feels heavy. Something feels so heavy but Shiah can't point it out. After a few moments, she heard Mihyun humming.

 

"Summer lovin had me a blast.."

 

Mihyun is.. singing. Why? For the first time since they got here, Shiah finally looked at Mihyun, the girl was smiling wide. She was so confused that her eyebrows knitted. 

 

"Summer lovin happened so fast.. Come on, Shiah. Smile." Ah..

 

Shiah shakes her head immediately. She just knows she doesn't deserve to smile right now. "I can't.." 

 

She heard Mihyun chuckle before singing again. "I met a girl crazy for me.."

Shiah gave Mihyun a look, her ex shrugged with that playful smile. "Met a girl, cute as can be." She mumbles, finally giving up and somehow.. it felt good.

 

"Summer days drifting away, to, oh, oh, the summer nights~" Mihyun finished the song. The two of them laughed at their stupidity. Shiah missed this. She genuinely felt happy with Mihyun.. Is this her way of saying 'this is what you can't have now'? 

 

Shiah finally released the pressure off her shoulder as she found comfort in Mihyun's company. The silence after their small sing-along went on for another 3 to 5 minutes.

 

"Have you seen Yubin?" there it is. The question Shiah didn't want to hear. It can't be helped. Shiah just accepted her fate by now. 

 

"No." She mumbled again, shaking her head. 

 

Mihyun snorted, "Shiah- she was just next to you." and said these words as if she was scolding her. 

 

Shiah clicked her tongue and sighed. "Well, I couldn't look at her okay!"

 

The other let out a loud sigh, leaning back on the bench. "Anyway, if you've been doing well, Yubin hasn't."

 

Shiah looked at Mihyun, "What?"
 

Mihyun nodded, gaze lost across the students walking past them. "She's blaming herself for what happened."

 

"Why would she?" I mean, I should be blaming myself for my breakup. Why would Yubin feel like that? 

 

Mihyun smiled and faced her. "That's why you shouldn't do this to her." She grabbed Shiah's hand and lightly patted the back of it. Shiah missed it. She missed Mihyun's touch. "She's worried about you. She's still your bestfriend, you know."

 

It felt like she's cheating, talking about Yubin while holding Mihyun's hand. She doesn't even know who she's cheating on. It felt wrong. Shiah pulled away nonchalantly.

 

Looking away, she muttered. "I know. but I.. have to think about my feelings for now."

 

"Don't think about it too much." Mihyun quickly replied, as if she was expecting Shiah's response and it was unusual of her to be the more forward person between them. 

 

"Mihyun, you don't understand-" And before she could explain, Mihyun cut her off.

 

"I understand. trust me. I do, and I didn't break up with you so you would do this. I broke up with you to set things right."

 

Shiah was left speechless. She knew Mihyun wouldn't let the whole Yubin thing pass like it was some simple problem between them. She just didn't know it'll be so hard to come up with an excuse to let it pass. Why do I want her to forget about what she saw? Perhaps, Shiah is still hoping things would go back to the way it used to.. where Mihyun is still the person who saves her from drowning over Yubin.

 

Was it bad? No, Shiah's feelings for Mihyun were genuine. Right now, she's only thinking.. if it would be right for her to ask Mihyun to come back to her, or if it's a terrible thing to do knowing Mihyun had set boundaries between them. 

 

Mihyun's next question caught her off-guard, slashed off all her thoughts and brought her to a new one. One that she tried to put a period, an end to-- a year ago. 

 

"Shiah.. Do you love Yubin?" 

 

"What?" She was quick to deny, shaking her head to assure her desperately. "N-no, I moved on."

 

Mihyun chuckled softly, "I can't stand you two." Huh?

 

"Wh-"

 

Her ex-girlfriend wouldn't let her finish her sentences. Mihyun is so forward, "You and your bestfriend. That's why I broke up with you."

 

"Mihyun-" The said girl raised a finger to stop her once again as if she really knew what Shiah was gonna say.

 

"I know, you explained that you've moved on.." Mihyun knew what Shiah was going to say. "..But Shiah.. My talent is to read through people and you can't lie to me.. I know you still love her."

 

Shiah remained firm. Her small hand curved into a fist as she continued insisting, "I.. I really think I moved on." Mihyun only smiled at her, holding her fist to ease her off. 

 

"We both know that's impossible. You live together." Mihyun took her phone from her pocket. Someone must have texted her. Shiah waited-- and calmed herself down until Mihyun's attention was back on her before she began talking again.

 

"Why is it so hard?" Shiah asks as she stares up.. to the darkening clouds. It must be raining soon. Shiah found a new reason to excuse herself from Mihyun if ever.

 

Mihyun stood up as they heard the strong but still far sound of thunder. "It is always hard. I was dating you, I had the right to be with you, kiss you.. but it felt like it's not my job to do." The girl seemed to want to finish their talk as well. 

 

"What I mean is if it's not meant to happen, things won't go our way whether or not we do something about it." Mihyun said, smiling at her-- that cute smile Shiah liked. 

 

As Mihyun kept her occupied with that charming smile, the taller girl also gently grabbed her hand once the rain started falling. The pair--who are now ex-girlfriends ran their way to the nearest building to save themselves from getting wet. Mihyun wasn't a runner, but Shiah is. It was hilarious that Mihyun was the one who took Shiah's hand but it was Shiah who led the way to the building. 

 

They found a dry place at the landing under the staircase in that building. The hallways are locked so they couldn't get in. The two decided to stick themselves to the minimum remaining space for them to stay dry although their hair have bits of raindrops on it already. 

 

"I missed you.." Shiah whispers as she stares at Mihyun. With the littlest space they found, they had no choice but to stand close to each other. 

 

Mihyun nodded slightly. "I missed you too." Unlike before, Mihyun is staring back at her, confidently. It felt new. They continued to talk as they watched the rain.

 

"I.. I really like you, Mihyun. I wasn't lying the whole time we were dating." She said, feeling Mihyun's warmth so close to her but it remained that way, just so close to her. 

 

"I know you do."

 

Shiah faced Mihyun again. "And I was really, really looking forward to the both of us in the future." The latter chuckled then stood properly to face Shiah back.

 

"Past tense?" Mihyun asked teasingly. Shiah rolled her eyes, "You broke up with me."

 

"Right, sorry."

 

Mihyun always had the energy to tease Shiah when she could, it's also one of the things Shiah liked about her. She's just.. so fun to be with, so comfortable, so close. 

 

"I.. I loved being with you, Mihyun." Shiah mumbles, looking down to avoid the other's eyes. She was scared, Shiah was scared she might do something stupid and she can't take it back if she did.

 

Mihyun raised her hand, her index and thumb fingers gently holding Shiah's chin, making the smaller girl face her again. "Then answer my question, do you still love Yubin?" Mihyun asked again, Shiah met her eyes and all she saw was confusion, hope, sadness. Mihyun was hurt. 

 

Shiah contemplated whether to admit that she still loves Yubin or continue lying to herself that she doesn't anymore. It wasn't simple though. It's not only about herself or her feelings, or Mihyun's feelings. If Shiah says now that she still loves Yubin, then she's letting go of the possible happily ever after with Mihyun. That happy ending with Mihyun-- the person she really likes right now.. Shiah knows it would be heaven-like. It would be so fun and she won't last a day without laughing because Mihyun always makes things fun for the both of them. She would love to feel that way in the future. If she claims she still loves Yubin.. what would happen? What else could happen aside from losing Mihyun? Shiah can't live the rest of her life pining for her bestfriend. She can't live the rest of her life regretting what happened between her and Mihyun.

 

Mihyun let go of Shiah when the girl didn't respond. Shiah gasped softly at the loss of contact, her eyes didn't leave Mihyun's face this time as the girl smiled at her again. Shiah knew it wasn't a real smile. Mihyun is faking it. "Call her. Right now. And if you do what I tell you, I promise to never be resentful about what happened to us." 

 

Not wanting to frustrate Mihyun even more, she did as the girl said. Shiah opened her phone and was welcomed with numerous texts and missed calls from everyone. Mihyun nodded at her, telling her to do it. Shiah scrolled on her contacts and once she found Yubin's number, she clicked on it. 

 

Shiah calls Yubin as Mihyun told her but before she could speak and Yubin could answer, Mihyun snatched the phone and put it on mute. "Listen to her," Mihyun says and it confused Shiah at first, she obeyed anyway. 

 

Loving Yubin is embedded in Shiah's DNA like an extra chromosome, undoubtedly. So as she listened to every word Yubin had spoken in that phone call, all she felt was.. pain.

 

"I miss you, Shiah.. when are you coming home?"

 

Shiah felt multiple feelings upon listening to her bestfriend's voice. At first, all Shiah could think of was that she missed Yubin's voice. To top it all off, she was sad to hear Yubin sobbing. As Yubin continued talking, the anxious feeling residing inside Shiah's chest was overwhelmed, violently.. it was too much to take in.

 

"Shiah, please talk to me. I-I want to explain about Mihyun,"

 

Why?

 

"I have so many things to tell you. I want you to know that I'm worried not just because I'm in love with you but because I'm also your friend.. We're bestfriends, right? Yes, I-I made a mistake. I should have moved on. I know, I'm such an idiot. It's my fault why she broke up with you. I'm really sorry.. I know that- that me telling you that I love you so much, not just as a friend, but as a person, as a partner, doesn't mean that I wanted you for myself only. I never meant to make you feel like I was possessive of you. I even had no plans on telling you how I felt. But now that you know.. it's useless now, isn't it?"

 

What?

 

"I-I just want you to know that my feelings for you don't matter. If you don't want to be friends anymore.. then it's okay. I just.. want you to always take care of yourself. It's hard not to get worried about you."

 

Shiah's initial reaction was to unmute her speaker-- But Mihyun ended the call before she could do it. It's for the better. What would Shiah say, anyway? She was speechless. How come? She never thought of it. Is this a prank? Was Yubin playing with her so that she'll come back to their apartment? But- it's not a good joke. Shiah spent the last seven years thinking Yubin would never love her like that. Why did Yubin sound genuine? Why did Mihyun do this? Did she know? Is it true, then? Is this why?

 

Yubin.. loves me? All this time..?

 

Shiah didn't speak. No, she couldn't say a thing. Mihyun stood next to her quietly, waiting for her to say something.. but Shiah's still trying to wrap her head around it. It just doesn't make sense. Have I been hurting myself for nothing? Shiah clutched on the hem of her shirt, her small hands curled into a fist again but this time, she was mad.. She wants to do something but she doesn't know what is. 

 

"Now, what are you thinking, Shiah?" Mihyun asked the absentminded Shiah next to her. The smaller girl is still speechless. Mihyun waited again until a few more minutes passed by and Shiah started talking.

 

"I-It can't be. I can't believe this. Why didn't I notice?" Shiah's legs weakened, she crouched down as she covered her face with her hands, taking a deep breath while digesting all of it. She can't- She can't understand, how? I've always stared at you, Yubin. 

 

"Because you were hiding too, Shiah." Mihyun crouched down as well, lightly caressing Shiah's back to calm her down. "Two people hiding from each other will never find each other." The girl said, it reminded Shiah of all the times she forced herself to move on.

 

It's unfair. It is, not just for Shiah, not just for Yubin, but also for Mihyun. Shiah slowly uncovered her face, a few raindrops moistened her forehead. Sobbing softly, she looked at Mihyun.. who seemed to know what she was thinking. 

 

"I wanna see her," Shiah muttered, slowly getting up on her feet again. Mihyun did as well and let out a deep sigh. It was as if Mihyun was either expecting her to leave or hoping for her to stay. 

 

"Are you going to?" Mihyun asked again, Shiah nodded slowly. She made her choice. She wants to do this. 

 

"I-I'm sorry." Shiah picks up her small purse and hung it properly on her shoulder. She looked up at the darkened skies, a little disappointed that there wasn't any glimpse of the sun shining anytime soon. 

 

Mihyun hummed softly, her arms slowly swaying before she pats Shiah's shoulder. "Don't worry. I'm okay."

 

Shiah was ready to go. She thinks she'll just take a bath at home so she won't get sick. I need to talk to Yubin. It's the only appropriate thing she can do for herself. But before she leaves the dry and safe space she shared with Mihyun, she asks again, meeting Mihyun's hopeful eyes. "Are you sure you're okay?" Although she knows the girl wouldn't be. At the next set of beats of the rain falling, Shiah grabbed the taller girl's shoulders and embraced her tightly, like it would be the last time. It is the last time.

 

"I really want you to be happy, Shiah." 

 

It's unfair. It is, for Mihyun. The girl only smiled and waved at her as she ran away from that building, she ran away from the safe and secure space Mihyun provided for her. As Shiah runs away from Mihyun, Shiah starts thinking. This time, she isn't confused. She thinks to herself, she still loves Yubin. If she admits to herself that she's still in love with the person who took care of her for years, what would happen? What else could happen aside from the chaotic, clingy, and cute mornings with Yubin? A happily ever after where she knows her first love loves her back? She doesn't care if Yubin fights and scolds her all the time. She could live with it. She could live the rest of her life with the love of her life.

 

The path to their apartment is one of the first things Shiah learned from Yubin. They were both young and new to this lifestyle but Yubin knows how to adapt faster. It was Yubin who taught her the shortcuts from one building to another until she could get out from the university gates. Yubin taught her a lot of things, all of them was to make sure Shiah would come home fast and safely.

 

Once Shiah saw the familiar building to their apartment, she ran faster, the served water on the pavements splashed around the road. Shiah ran as fast as she could, like all their morning jogs paid off as if those were practice for this one-time race, one-time achievement. All she had to do was get home. 

 

Shiah's shirt and pants were soaking wet as she continued to run her way upstairs. Why do we live on the fourth floor? Shiah didn't need to think too much about it because, after a few more jogs, she finally reached the door to their apartment. Shiah didn't need to think too much because she knew Yubin is just on the other side of the door, all she needs to do is knock. 

 

So then, Shiah knocked. 

 

"Shiah? Why-! Where's your umbrella?" Yubin exclaimed in surprise to see her right there. Shiah couldn't describe how relieved she is to finally see Yubin's face again, she regrets not looking at her earlier during exams. She would've felt this good if she did. 

 

Yubin opened the door wider, worry was too evident in her face that Shiah couldn't help loving how much she appreciates the clarity of all of Yubin's gestures now that she knows how the girl feels. Yubin was about to grab her hand, probably to take her in and help her dry up but Shiah stopped her. 

 

"C-Can I just ask one thing?" Shiah stared right into Yubin's eyes. She wants to remember this, how Yubin looked at her. A part of her thinks it still feels unreal that Yubin-- her bestfriend, her roommate is also the same person begging her to come back home in the phone call earlier. 

 

Yubin stepped back, she looked anxious. "What..?" Shiah swallowed into nothing before stepping closer. 

 

"Do you really love me? Not as a bestfriend?" She asked, noted to make it proper and gentle. It took them seven years to realize this. Shiah can't mess this up. 

 

Yubin seemed taken aback by Shiah's question. "I-I already told you on the phone-" The girl said, eyes not leaving Shiah's but her hands were busy pointing at her phone on the couch and the other was fiddling with the hem of her shirt while trying to explain.

 

Shiah heaved a deep sigh, just please.. say yes. She just needs to hear, for all of this to make sense, for everything to feel like the reality it should be. "Do you?" She asked again.

 

"I do." Yubin nodded, Shiah noticed how her hand trembled.. it hurt her to see Yubin resisting. I just need to hear it, Yubin. 

 

"I love you," Yubin says finally.. and as Shiah finally heard the words she needed to hear. She steps closer.. and closer until she reaches Yubin. She cupped Yubin's cheeks, smiling wide as everything finally felt real, she felt it.. Shiah felt all of Yubin's feelings as the slightly taller girl leaned down to finally claim her lips. 

 

They waited so long. 

 

And as they share their first kiss, Shiah sees it.. her future with Yubin. The future where she marries her greatest love and they will have many, many chaotic, clingy, and cute mornings together. A happily ever after where she knows her first love loves her back. And she wouldn't care if Yubin fights and scolds her all the time. She could live with it. She could live the rest of her life with the love of her life.