5 years later, on September 25, 2027, 3 hours before the wedding starts  

 

Seunghee carefully steps on the brakes as she shortly parked her car next to the sidewalk in front of Hyojung's apartment. She takes her charger from her purse to-- of course, charge her phone since she'll be expecting calls in the next few hours. 

 

Hyojung came out of the building in a light blue dress, similar to what Seunghee is wearing. They will be attending their friends' wedding and Hyojung wanted a ride. Only Seunghee was free to give her one.

 

"Hey, did you bring alcohol?" Hyojung greeted her while taking the backseat. Seunghee furrowed her eyebrows as she glanced at her friend through the rear mirror. 

 

"What? Hyojung, we're going to a wedding, we can't get drunk 'til reception." Seunghee jokes, still taking the pocket bottle of ethyl alcohol from her purse.

 

"Huh? I'm talking about alcohol! For sanitation!" Hyojung hits her shoulder playfully. As Seunghee gave Hyojung the alcohol, she saw Hyejin walking out of the apartment with two paper bags in her hands. 

 

"Hi, Hyejin!" Seunghee greets Hyejin this time. As the three of them occupied the car, Seunghee began driving. They have an hour ride to the ceremony venue, and a few more backlogs, they better be quick before rush hour strikes. 

 

"Hey Seunghee, where's your girlfriend?" Hyejin asked, Hyojung was on her phone when Seunghee glanced at the mirror again for a moment. 

 

Seunghee shrugged then looked at her phone for a second. "I don't know, she texted me this morning that she'll go to Shiah's to prepare. I think she's stopping by home before the wedding starts."

 

"Okay." Hyojung butts in. "So we'll just meet at Mihyun's then?" 

 

Seunghee only hummed. The truth is that she's very excited about this day. It's the first wedding within their circle. The last time she felt this way about an event with friends was the acquaintance party, the freshies night. The drive, the lights on the streets as Seunghee was on her way there. The only difference is who she is going there with. 

 

   Freshies night, 1st-year college, before the semestral break  

 

Some college students knew well how parties go. It's the event full of blasting music and dancing and singing along the crowd, a setting that drives the force of socializing with more than hundreds of people experiencing the same entrance of youth, beginning of responsibilities with the hint of knowing one can still stress down all the priorities by enjoying even just one night, one night only for themselves.

 

Yubin had fair experiences with parties. Their high school had a lot; Halloween parties, acquaintance parties-- just not as fancy as this one; Christmas parties; etc. This time though, their supposed introduction party or the freshies night was held late because of some university business the head failed to finish in the early months of that semester. All of Yubin's experience in parties was with Shiah. That's the one thing these parties have in common.

 

"It's your fault I couldn't sleep after the test earlier! You keep poking me." Shiah glared at her shortly before pulling her closer again as they swayed to the sweet instrumental background music from the speakers played by the event host.

 

Here Shiah is, ranting about what happened earlier that day. Well, earlier that day was their midterms examination. Just like Shiah said, Yubin kept poking the girl during their test hours.

 

"Well, you didn't answer your questionnaire right.." Yubin remembered something more. "Oh wait, no. You did not even try finishing the exams."

 

"Have your past teachers not taught you to never look at your seatmate's table?" Shiah rolled her eyes on Yubin. The duo continued to dance to the tune, they were staying in place, holding each other while talking about what happened earlier during exams.

 

Yubin laughed at Shiah's remark and the irony of it being their topic when Yubin never looked at a classmate's paper ever, except today when she saw Shiah's empty answer sheet.

 

"They did, but you're not just my seatmate." Yubin reasoned out. Shiah scoffed at her and wrapped an arm around Yubin's slightly taller shoulders when the song stopped and that's their cue to stop dancing. 

 

"What? What am I to you, huh?" Shiah asks again. The pair walked towards the spot where their classmates were at. They should be seeing Seunghee by now. Her last text to Yubin was thirty minutes ago. 

 

They were only wearing casual clothes. Not really as fancy as those dress-up codes for proms and any other parties, but still, this is another level of the party. It is a college party after all. A college party where Yubin has Shiah's arm over her. Yubin only s her arm around Shiah's waist once she's done thinking about what Shiah is to her.

 

"You're my roommate and friend who's also my classmate now and I'm gonna look after you all the time. You can't get out of it." She basically explained with a safe answer explanation. Shiah pushed her playfully.

 

"Aish. Be thankful you're cute today." Shiah tells her before giving her a jokingly-lustful look she does whenever Yubin dresses up well for something. It's a joke between them. Yubin learned not to take everything Shiah said seriously because of these jokes.

 

Yubin isn't that much of an extrovert, nor an introvert. She is something in between, Shiah is the same as her. Shiah's loud when she's with her friends, and that's just the same for Yubin. The best and cutest fact about this personality of Shiah is that when she's with her friends,  then her eyes and ears are only for her friends.

 

So, Yubin loved being Shiah's friend.

 

Oh, right.

 

Yubin had a plan. She only remembered it when they arrived at the spot assigned for their block.

 

"Shiah, I wanna ask you something."

 

She wanted to know Shiah's perspective about dating. Now, she's asking. It's making her a little.. nervous.

 

"Hm?" Shiah took her hand and pulled her along to the nearest table. Yubin followed and waited until they were properly seated.

 

Yubin saw Shiah's eyes moving around the gymnasium and as that pair of brown orbs lay on her, she looked down at the table cloth. "What would you feel.. if.. uh.. someone tells you they like you?"

 

Shiah did not expect Yubin's question. Yubin knew by the pause Shiah made after she finished asking. "I.. I would be flattered? But uh.. I don't know, I like it better if I'm the first one to catch feelings first."

 

"Why?" Yubin asked, casually resting her palms on top of the table.

 

She's just curious about Shiah's uncommon answer. That's just not how other people would do or would want to happen. Many would think that courting a person is the most effective way of starting a relationship. For Yubin, in Shiah's case is that Shiah would be the one to be courted. So if Shiah thinks like this.. then whoever courts her won't last long then.

 

"So I'll know I won't doubt my part in the love story." Shiah answered.. and then once again, Yubin got even more confused.

 

"Really? That's how things go?" Yubin chuckled, interrogating Shiah more. Her earlier nervosity was gone because like always, Shiah is still the most comfortable person she can talk to.

 

"Ya! It's scary if you fall out of love, you know. I gotta be careful. I don't wanna hurt people. It's scary." And then.. it started to make sense to Yubin.

 

Shiah is really one of a kind.

 

"Don't worry, I'll be by your side when you get scared." Yubin assures her, finally looking back at the girl now, realizing Shiah's eyes are still on hers.

 

Again, perks of being Shiah's friend.

 

"Um.. I wanna tell you something too." Shiah says, a little louder now that the DJs started playing some loud hiphop song.

 

"Yeah? What is it?" Yubin asks softly, leaning closer to Shiah so that they wouldn't need to yell at each other.

 

Shiah's hand slowly moved on top of Yubin's at the table. "I have these.. feelings-"

 

But Shiah was cut off when Seunghee came, crashing on their table. Seunghee, with her newly cut bangs and long black straight hair, smiled at Yubin and Shiah. She must have worn some extensions. Yubin let go of Shiah's hand to check out Seunghee's look. Pretty. She really prepared well.

 

"Hi YooA, Hi YooB!" Seunghee giggled as she waved cutely.

 

"Hey, Sseung!" Shiah waved the same way. Yubin chuckled. Seunghee was and has always been the excited type of friend.

 

"I saw the snack booth over there and my cousin's the bartender! We can check it out later and get some freeeeee snacks!" Seunghee exclaimed, pointing at the food bar she was referring to. Yubin looked at it but there were too many people in line.

 

"Niiice!" Shiah got excited at the mention of snacks too.

 

"Wait a minute," Seunghee looked at their empty table. "What were you two doing here not stuffing our table? I'll get us some drinks."

 

While Seunghee excused herself to get the drinks as she said, Yubin turned to face Shiah again. Shiah was going to tell her something.

 

"Shiah, what were you saying again?" She asks her, although Shiah looked unhinged when she brought it back again. 

 

"H-huh..? Ah.. Oh, nothing. I just feel excited about tonight." Shiah replied, hands busy fiddling on the table cloth. Yubin stared at her. 

 

"Really?"

 

"Yeah. my brother said this should be the most memorable party we'll ever have."

 

   Finals week of 3rd-year summer classes   

 

Yubin had no other options, Shiah won't respond to her texts or her calls. The girl did not even send her a message after she left. The only and last option left is to go visit Shiah's house. She was expecting to see Shiah's mother but it was the older brother, Junsun who came to open the gate and talk to her. He didn't let her in.

 

The most Yubin had seen Shiah's brother was back in high school when he was still overprotective of Shiah that he brings food to them twice a week. Yubin knew him from being Shiah's best brother to being Shiah's most hated brother-- sometimes when Shiah rants about him. Yubin understands it's just sibling bickering. She does have a lot of moments like those with her brother too.

 

"Hi YooB." Shiah's brother reached out to shake her resting hand. Yubin just shook it back for courtesy. Junsun can be very random sometimes.

 

"Sorry, just practicing handshakes. I'm gonna be going to job interviews in the next few weeks." Junsun explained. Yubin nodded and mouthed an Ah. She looked over his shoulders to see if Shiah was at the door or peeking through the windows but Junsun waved his hand in front of Yubin's face to get her attention.

 

"Can I see Shiah? Is she there?" Yubin asks, eyes now gazing on the windows of the second floor.

 

Again, Junsun waved a hand on Yubin's face to stop her from looking further. "Yep, in her room."

 

Yubin sighed and gave up. "Can you tell her that-"

 

"Sorry YooB, she said she doesn't want visitors." Junsun kept calling her YooB. It's what he does to make Yubin feel closer to him and she appreciates it. It's just that she really needs to talk to Shiah now.

 

"But-"

 

Junsun cut her off again, shaking his head, blabbering ooops oops, op op. Then said, "Let her think, okay? Your new friend just broke up with her."

 

"But I'm not with Mihyun! Just please, tell her it's Yubin. I just want to know how she's doing." Yubin heaved a deep sigh again. Junsun shushed her. 

 

"She's fine, She eats three times a day. Just.. not as talkative as before."

 

Shiah did not go to class for three days. It wasn't necessary anyway. their professors gave them the remaining days to work on their project.. which they already finished. It's a pity the class schedules seemed to have taken Shiah's side this time. Yubin wished they had something to do in class so Shiah would attend. 

 

"Hey, how's it going?" Seunghee nudged her. Yubin lifted her head up from hiding her face in her arms on the table. 

 

She shakes her head. "Her brother said she's fine, but she won't talk to me." Yubin tells her, Seunghee hummed softly beside her and held her hand, whispering, "It's gonna be okay."

 

"Don't worry too much." Yewon pats her shoulder as she sits next to Yubin, on Shiah's seat. 

 

Yubin has been pretty busy thinking about Shiah but her friends have been busy too. Yewon hangs out a lot with Jiho these days, aside from when she goes back to the dorm with Seunghee. Meanwhile, Seunghee has been very close to Hyojung's circle too. 

 

"She doesn't reply to any of us either," Yewon added. As their classmates continued to mind their own business, the three close friends sat there, talking.

 

"Well, that's a given. If she doesn't reply to YooB, she won't reply to anyone at all." Seunghee tells Yewon. Yubin agreed silently.

 

After a few seconds, Hyojung approached them. Their friends caught up on what happened. In the past weeks, things have progressed in the two circles with the number of interactions they had in class. That's the good news. Seunghee and Yewon have gotten closer to the other girl. The bad news is that Yubin misses Shiah so much. Shiah and Mihyun broke up. Yubin and Mihyun somehow telepathically agreed not to talk to each other for a while. 

 

"How about Mihyun?" Yubin glances at Mihyun at the back, sleeping on her desk.

 

"Don't worry about her. She's been playing games at home." Hyojung tells her as the girl took the sit across Yubin's. 

 

"Finals are coming on Friday though." Yewon changed the topic, which might be on purpose to lighten up the mood. 

 

Seunghee whined, "Ya, stop bringing that up! We'll study on Thursday."

 

Mihyun did not talk to Yubin either after their confrontation. Yubin lets her be, it would be awkward to force it anyway. All she wants right now is to know how Shiah is doing. If only, if only Shiah would send her just one message.. even just one. 

 

She did not want any of this to happen. She regrets trying to be a best friend when she talked to Mihyun. She never thought Mihyun would see it through her that easily.. when Shiah never did. She hates this. She hates that Shiah no longer wants to share her pain with. Yubin's just confused.. why won't shiah talk to her?

 

On Finals day, Yubin saw Shiah. Yubin wakes up early knowing Shiah will be in their classroom when she gets there. She was so excited that she went to the room 20 minutes earlier than scheduled. To her disappointment, Shiah was not there. Of course, it's still too early. She had high hopes to see Shiah that she forgot Shiah is always late if it weren't for her being Shiah's roommate. She looked like the same pretty doll-faced girl except that it's obvious she had been crying. 

 

Shiah came into the classroom the same time their professor did. Yubin had no chance to talk to her, evident on her face was how stressed she was in the past few days.

 

She managed to focus on the exam, hopefully, Shiah did too. Back then, Shiah used to answer their tests fast, within 15 minutes and she's done. Yubin knows how Shiah did not like to pressure herself more. After she fills out the answer sheet, she will sleep on her desk. It's funny and sad because this time, Shiah did the same thing, finished the exam in 15 minutes, funny-- but not because she wanted to sleep.. but because she wanted to leave, sad.

 

Yubin's still not done answering, she tends to take her time. She's aware that her time to see Shiah was limited but Yubin knows better, she can't finish this as fast as the others did. It is the final examination, she has to do her best. After a second or two after Shiah passed her answer sheet and left the room,

 

Mihyun followed.

 

Yubin was left out of focus, but she tried to finish the test in time.. and when she did, Shiah and Mihyun were nowhere to be found.

 

She knew she missed her chance. Yubin had no choice but to let it slide. If Mihyun followed Shiah, then they must be talking now. Best--or worst thing scenario for Yubin, the two must be getting back together now.

 

Yubin decided to go back to their apartment instead of waiting for Shiah to come back to their classroom when she knew well that the girl wouldn't.

 

Looking around their apartment.. it feels empty without Shiah. When she stepped into their living room, Yubin couldn't help but tear up when her gaze caught the string of fairy lights all over their walls and ceilings. She missed those nights shiah would giggle while they studied together. She missed those days Shiah would be everywhere in the apartment and Yubin felt complete. 

 

Yubin got so used to seeing the love of her life every day that whenever she came back to the apartment from her hometown, she wouldn't feel nervous about seeing Shiah again. Instead, she's even more excited. Shiah feels like home to her. Shiah felt like home to her. Shiah is her home. She got used to it.

 

Now, what would Yubin do if the person she considered as home left the safe space the two of them used to enjoy?

 

I just miss her so much.

 

Feeling sentimental and all as she sat on the couch, Yubin heard two knocks from the door. She immediately wiped her tears and quickly ran to open the door. It could be Shiah, please be Shiah. 

 

It was not. 

 

"Wow, this place is so depressing," Jiho said as she entered even without Yubin letting her in. Yewon followed right after. The two suddenly came here, must be to check on her.

 

"Sorry, we rushed here after realizing you're gone. We were worried," Yewon tells her, giving her a light hug before going in. Yubin closed the door behind her.

 

Suddenly, Yubin has company. Jiho was there where Yubin was sitting. Yewon was checking out the fruits on their dining table.

 

"Shiah didn't talk to you?" Jiho asked, Yubin joined her on the couch. 

 

Yubin nodded slightly. "I just know Mihyun followed her."

 

Jiho let out a meaningful hum. "They must be getting back together."

 

"Eh? Already?" Yewon came back to the living room with a tangerine in her hand. Jiho nodded.

 

"I guess, Mihyun really liked her, you know."

 

Yubin just listened. She thought, maybe it's for the better. Maybe Shiah realized she wants to get back together with Mihyun. Maybe.. even though Yubin hasn't talked to Shiah. It has a big possibility of happening. 

 

"Oh right, congrats on your 1st day as a couple," Yubin said as she brought them snacks from the kitchen. Jiho chuckles as she pulls Yewon closer to her.

 

The couple occupied the seat so Yubin had to sit down on the carpet while eating. "By the way, where's Seunghee?"

 

"With Hyojung and Mimi." Yewon picks up a piece of nachos. "She said she's tired of you being all over Shiah." Yewon picks up another one to feed Jiho.

 

"Oh." Yubin chuckles softly at the thought of Seunghee saying that. She looked away from Jiho and Yewon being lovey-dovey and checked her phone instead.

 

"Still no response, huh?" Jiho asked as she munched on the food in . Yubin only nodded and hummed a little. 

 

"I can try to contact her, act like there's something she needs to pass to me. I'm the class rep." Jiho suggested as if it was meant to help Yubin but she quickly said no.

 

"She hates liars, Jiho." Yewon backed up Yubin. Jiho scoffs.

 

"We're not even friends. I don't care if she'll hate me." Jiho says.

 

Yubin can't describe how or why.. but when Jiho mentioned the words friends and hate, she felt emotional. She closed her phone and her grip on it tightened. She lowered her head and looked down to hide the tears forming on her eyes.

 

"Yubin.. Are you okay?" Yewon asks her, letting go of Jiho to join her on the carpet. 

 

Yubin shakes her head repeatedly. It felt so bad to be away from Shiah when she knew she had something to do with the reason why Shiah left her. "No. No, I'm not. I.. I should have not kept these feelings. I should have moved on a long time ago-"

 

It hurts that she knows Shiah might be crying for days because of how careless she was with Mihyun. It hurts to know that Shiah and Mihyun might get back together and once that happens, Yubin can guarantee Mihyun would be the real one for Shiah. She just knows it.  

 

Yewon didn't say anything. But Jiho decided to speak up. "This isn't your fault, Yubin."

 

"But Mihyun broke up with Shiah because of me."  Yubin said, wiping the tears flowing on her cheeks. Yewon helped her, the younger girl used her own handkerchief to clean off the wet spots on Yubin's face.

 

It's the first time Yubin is breaking down in front of her friends other than Seunghee. Back then, she thought if she'll ever have a breakdown again.. it will be with Seunghee. But now, Yubin realized she still has Yewon, and also Jiho. 

 

Yewon shushed her from sobbing, Yubin hates that she can't stop sobbing. It was so hard to act casual in their class when she's been bearing all the distress from this.. thing.. with Shiah.

 

"That's Mihyun's problem. You did not break them up." Yewon insisted and pulled Yubin to lean on her shoulder. 

 

"You know, if you think about it, you can confess to Shiah now-" Before Jiho could even continue the already known messed-up-solution she was saying, Yewon hits her knee.

 

"What?!" Jiho pouted and pampered her knee. "I mean, Mihyun and Shiah broke up, what if they just talked for closure and not to be together again? Also, it's pretty clear that you and Shiah are not that kind of BFFs anymore because she's not talking to you. Go, confess to her."

 

Yubin chuckled softly and gave Jiho a look. "Jiho.." 

 

"Fine." Jiho took the bowl of nachos and started eating instead.

 

Yubin appreciates that these two are trying to help. There was silence after Jiho ate again. Yewon lightly pats Yubin's shoulder. It felt like Yewon had something to say so Yubin brought herself back to sitting properly and looked at the other girl. 

 

"I think- I'm with Jiho this time. Because unnie, how long can you dream of her and keep it all to yourself?"

 

God..

 

"How long can you reminisce the thoughts of her and not hold her?"

 

Sigh..

 

"How long can you love her without telling her? Because.. it doesn't make sense to me anymore. You've been doing this for years. How can you hurt yourself again and again just to continue spending every day with her?"

 

Yubin was having a hard time gathering her courage to talk to Shiah casually every day. She had a hard time not confessing when Shiah looked so beautiful from the moment she woke up in front of Yubin until nighttime when the roommates said goodnight to each other. But Yubin had gathered her thoughts about this. 

 

"It.. doesn't feel that long when I'm with her.. and it doesn't hurt too much because I.. I let go of her, every day."

 

Jiho and Yewon continued to comfort her. After her response, the two asked her if she wanted to watch a movie or anything. They played and watched an episode of a cartoon series on TV. Somehow, Yubin got through it in the next three hours. She got a little distracted because Jiho was very funny and Yewon laughed a lot with them.

 

Yubin initially turned down all the advice she received from her friends. Seunghee never had specific instructions for her about what she'd do to Shiah but Jiho and Yewon had. It's just that.. Yubin is still confused, she's undecided whether to follow her friends' advice or her own principle of being the martyr in this love story. She lasted seven years, and it's been seven years of no romantic response from Shiah. There's no way Shiah would even like her that way because after all, she's just a friend in Shiah's eyes, or that she knows of.

 

But it's too late-- too late to think about what she'd do with the possible outcomes of what Mihyun and Shiah talked about when they were together hours ago. Later that evening, she received a text from Mihyun. 

 

Mihyun Kim: I told Shiah. 

 

She told her what? God.. Yubin trembled, she can't blame Mihyun. It's her fault. Of course, Mihyun would have to be honest with Shiah. How am I gonna face Shiah now? Where would I get the guts to even talk to her now? After lying to her all those years we've lived together? 

 

Yubin held on to her chest as it started heaving. She felt like she cried enough today but it's starting again, she's breaking down anytime soon. But before she could even think of anything else, her phone rang,

 

it was Shiah. Of course, Shiah would call her now. The girl has not responded to any of her calls or texts in the past few days because there was nothing to talk about. Now, there is. Yubin needs to get this out, she has to explain. She knows she does. But when she answered the call, the first thing that she could say was,

 

"I miss you, Shiah.. when are you coming home?" It was stupid. As if Shiah would still want to come back to their apartment. 

 

Yubin did not hear a response, it was like the other line was on mute. She checked her phone to see if the call is still ongoing and it is. Should I explain now?

 

"Shiah, please talk to me. I-I want to explain about Mihyun,"

 

"I have so many things to tell you. I want you to know that I'm worried not just because I'm in love with you but because I'm also your friend.. We're bestfriends, right? Yes, I-I made a mistake. I should have moved on. I know, I'm such an idiot. It's my fault why she broke up with you. I'm really sorry.. I know that- that me telling you that I love you so much, not just as a friend, but as a person, as a partner, doesn't mean that I wanted you for myself only. I never meant to make you feel like I was possessive of you. I even had no plans on telling you how I felt. But now that you know.. it's useless now, isn't it?"

 

"I-I just want you to know that my feelings for you don't matter. If you don't want to be friends anymore.. then it's okay. I just.. want you to always take care of yourself. It's hard not to get worried about you."

 

Then the phone call ended.