CHAPTER SEVEN 

 

IT WAS time for Jisoo to leave. She'd remained a few extra days to support her friend, but now she must leave for England and her work. But surely, Changmin thought, she would return to Sicily soon, because she couldnt bear to be away from Bernardo. 

She knew this was no light o love. It had a depth and intensity that shed never seen in Jisoo before. Once shed surprised them in each others arms, heard the husky murmur of Bernardos voice speaking words of eternal passion and devotion, and crept quickly away. But the time had passed with no announcement, and yesterday they had both vanished. Of course, they were making plans, Changmin thought, and before Jisoo left they would announce their engagement. 

But when she went into their room she knew that something was badly wrong. Jisoo was packing her suitcase with a kind of fierce purpose, and her face was set in a way that meant she was determined not to cry. In that expression Changmin recognised her own experience. 

" Darling, what is it? " she asked, taking Jisoo by the shoulders. " Have you quarrelled with Bernardo? "

" Oh, no, we havent quarrelled, " Jisoo said bitterly. 

" Theres nothing to quarrel about. He just explained to me calmly and reasonably why hed die rather than marry me. "

" But he adores you, anyone can see that. What can be wrong if you love each other? "

" Thats what I thought, but love isnt enough. He says he loves me. He says hell never love any other woman, but its impossible. "

" But why? "
In halting words Jisoo told to her why she was planning to go away and leave the man her heart was set on, and whose heart was set on her. She explained it badly, because she was distraught from the day shed spent with her lover, trying to understand why he was determined on a parting that would break both their heartshis as well as hers, hed left her in no doubt of it. But all her love, all her logic, her arguments and frantic pleading, had made no dent on his iron-hard resolution. He might suffer for it until his last moment, but he would not marry her. 

" I cant follow that, " Changmin said at last. " To let such a thing come between you in this day and age. "

" Bernardos a Sicilian, "Jisoo said a little wildly. " He doesnt belong in this day and age. And the bottom line is that his pride means more to him than I do. So I'm leaving. And please Changmin, can we not talk about it any more, because I dont think I could stand it? "

Changmin didnt answer in words, but she drew her friend close, and they clung to each other. 

" How about coming with me? " Jisoo asked huskily. 

" I cant leave yet, not until Haneul is better. But I'll be home soon. "

" I'll keep your room for you. " She gave a wonky smile. 

" We havent either of us had much luck with Sicilian men, have we? "

Changmin would have gone with her to the airport, but Bernardo was taking her, so she backed off to give them a last few moments alone together, hoping his mind would change. Perhaps he would even bring Jisoo home with him. 

But he returned alone, with a face of flint. He met Changmin's attempts to talk with courtesy, but it was clear that hed built a wall around himself. He stayed only long enough for a word with Haneul, before driving away to his home in the mountains, and remaining there. 

" Whats the matter with him? " Changmin stormed to Yunho. It was as good as settled. 

" I:m as taken aback as you are. Only a few days ago he was set on marrying her. He told me so. But then he made this discovery, and it changed everything. "

" Talk to him, for pitys sake! "

" I have no influence with Bernardo. We had different mothers, and that matters. We have a saying in Sicily. A mans mother is his soul. If he loses her, he will never find her again. Bernardo feels that if he marries Jisoo he will lose his soul. "

" Then hes a fool, " Changmin said fiercely. 

" Were all fools about the one woman who matters. "

" How would you know? " she asked scornfully. " No woman has ever mattered that much to you. "

" True. And when I watch my brothers Im glad of it. "

" Yes, you protect yourself from being hurt, dont you? '

She sighed. " Well, youyre probably wise. I must try to learn your way. I think it has a lot to be said for it. "

" No, dont do that, " he said unexpectedly. " It would make you less than yourself, and you mustnt be. These last few days youve been stronger than any of us. "

She shrugged. " Thats because I:ve lost the power to feel. Its a great advantage. You know yourself how convenient it makes life. Were the lucky ones, Yunho. We wont suffer as Jisoo and Bernardo are doing. Other people, yes, but not us. "

He took her arm to stop her turning away.

" Whatever you do, dont become like me. "

His fingers were touching her bare skin, but she felt no reaction. How ironically now she recalled the flashes of desire for him that had tormented her before the wedding. 

All gone now. Dust and ashes. Like her heart. 

" But you're the way to be, " she said lightly. " I envy you. "

His grip tightened. " Why, because you think Ive lost the power to feel? You're wrong. "

" Sometimes I wish--"

She felt the tremor that passed through him. He released her. 

" No matter, " he said curtly. " I'll talk to Bernardo, but it wont do any good. "

The day after her return from hospital Haneul summoned Yunho and Changmin to her presence, like a queen granting an audience. 
Changmin was reluctant to attend. She was in a strange mood. After several nights of sleeping badly, the armour of unfeeling calm that had protected her so far was beginning to crack. Through the weak places she could glimpse the storm of misery and anger that would over-take her if she gave it a chance. 
Worse still were the moments when everything seemed bitterly funny. If she gave way to those she knew she would collapse in wild, uncontrollable laughter. But she mustnt let that happen, so she buckled the armour on more firmly than ever, and hoped for the best. 

Haneul had left her bed and was reclining in state on a sofa in her grand sitting room. She looked them both over as they appeared before her, taking up positions at some distance apart. 

" We cant leave things like this, " she announced. Its all been handled very badly. 

" Perhaps Siwon  should be here, " Yunho suggested. 

" Siwon  is the past. Its the future that concerns me.  "

" We know what that has to be, " Changmin told her. " I'll return Bella Rosaria to you ---"

" That must wait. If you give it back in the same tax year as I gave it to you, we run into all sorts of problems. 
We havent yet discussed what happened in the cathedral. "

Changmin took a sharp breath. " How can there be anything to say? Its over. "

" Over? When such an insult was offered you by my family? "

" That insult talk is old-fashioned--" she protested. 

" And Sicily is an old-fashioned place, even now. If such a thing had happened to me my father would have shot the man dead. And there wouldnt even have been a trial. "

" Well, I'm not going to start shooting, 'Changmin declared. She was trying to lighten the atmosphere, but she couldnt resist adding, Not Siwon , anyway. 

" I sympathise with your feelings, my daughter, "
Haneul said, giving Yunho a look that would have frozen the blood of a less courageous man. He met it with a grimace in which affection was mixed with hearty respect. 

It amused Changmin to realise that, however he treated anyone else, Yunho trod very carefully with his mother. 

" Siwon  and I have already met and declared a truce, "
she said. 

" And Im grateful, but that isnt the end of the matter. "

" You have been injured by my family, and you cannot be allowed to suffer. "

" Well, if Yunho uses his influence with Gossways to restore me to the training programme, I wont have suffered. "

Yunho frowned. " And thats really your idea of rec-ompense? "

" It'll put me back where I was before you entered my life, " she said firmly. " I'll be able to pretend you dont exist. In other words, the perfect solution. '

" Thank you! " he snapped. 

" Dont mention it. "

" Its not enough, " Haneul said. " There is the dishonour. "

" But I told you, Siwon s actions cant dishonour me. "

" They can dishonour his family, ' Haneul said, so fiercely that Changmin was startled. " He insulted you, and the whole family will bear the shame of it until we have made amends. "

" I wont marry him now. "

" Certainly not. But I have another son. I agree hes done little to recommend himself to you, but Yunho is to blame for this and Yunho must put it right. " Haneul spoke in her most regal manner. " Your mar"

riage should take place immediately. 
There was one moments total, thunderstruck silence. 

Changmin tried to speak but couldnt. The control she'd struggled for was slipping away, releasing the crazy laughter that had been fighting to get out. She gave a choke and turned aside swiftly with her hand over . But it was useless. A bubble was rising inside her, shooting up until it reached the outside world in peal after peal of mirth.

The whole thing was mad. It could only have been imagined in this society that followed its own rules and cared for no other. 

" I'm sorry, " she gasped at last, " but thats the funniest thing you could have said. Me? Marry Yunho? A man I cant endure the sight of? Oh, heavens! She went off into another paroxysm. "

Yunho regarded her with hard eyes. Then he began to speak in a low, outraged voice. He spoke in Sicilian and Changmin couldnt follow it, but she managed to pick out the words for crazy, unbelievable and something that she guessed meant not in a million years. 

" Thats just how I feel, too, " she told him. " Oh, dear! "

" Dont get me started again. "

" In my day a young woman knew better than to laugh at an eligible match, " Haneul said with haughty disapproval. 

" But Yunho isnt an eligible match, Changmin pointed out when shed managed to calm down a little. One, he doesnt want to marry anyone. Two, he doesnt want to marry me. Three, hell will freeze over before I marry him. "

" Its out of the question. "

" Its good sense. You came here to marry a son of this house, and thats what you must do. Then things will be right again. "

Theyd be very far from right, Changmin said desperately. " I dont know how you can have thought of such a thingthe last man in the world Id ever --"

" The feeling is mutual, " Yunho said coldly.

" Mamma, I have the greatest respect for you, but you must forget this idea. "

" Your feelings dont enter into it, Haneul told him firmly. You have injured a decent young woman, and must make reparation. "

" One phone call to Gossways will do that very nicely, thank you, " Changmin said crisply. 

" I'll make it at once, " Yunho declared. " Plus I'll pay all your expenses for your trip here and --"

" Yunho, I'm warning you, if you dare offer me money you'll be very sorry. "

" I'm already sorry: sorry I ever met you, sorry my brother met you, sorry we welcomed you into our home ---"

" Then its a pity you took so much trouble to get me here, isnt it? When I got up to walk out of the restaurant in London you should have let me go. " 

",If I had, youd have gone under that car. 
If I hadnt been running away from you Id have been in no danger from the car. 
If youd been a more reasonable woman you wouldnt have been running away. 
I?  If Id been? You have a very selective memory. 
You looked me up and down like a piece of merchandise, decided that Id just about do, and awarded me your brand of approval. For which you had the nerve to expect me to be grateful. As for poor Siwon remember Siwon ? "

" The groom?he didnt know whether he was coming or going. "

" I understood that he proposed to you in the hospital. "

" Only after your majesty made your wishes known. "

" Then we were all supposed to fall into line, werent we? "

" The way everybody always has for you. The way Im supposed to today. Only you've miscalculated now, just as you did then. I wont marry you, Yunho, and you know why? Because after the way you've behaved youre not good enough. And if the angel Gabriel came down off a cloud with a signed testimonial I would still say youre not good enough. "

" Indeed! " Yunho snapped. " Then allow me to remind you that in Sicily, as, I believe, in other parts of the world, its normal for a woman to wait until shes received a proposal of marriage before rejecting it. "

" I was simply trying to save time. "

" You shouldnt have bothered. Then I wouldnt have needed to say that I would rather swim the Straits of Messina in lead weights than link my life to a woman who is nothing but trouble. "

" Then were agreed and everythingsoh, "

" Mamma, I'm sorry! "

Shocked, Changmin had just remembered Haneuls frail condition, but the old woman was watching them both, bright-eyed, with something that might almost have been enjoyment. 

" Yes, Im sorry too, " Yunho said. " We had no right to lose our tempersyour heart--"

" My heart is well, but you are both being very foolish. 
I advise you to reconsider. "

" Never. " They spoke with one voice. 

" Very well. Perhaps I raised the subject in the wrong way. "

" Mamma, theres no way you could raise this subject that would make Yunho acceptable, " Changmin pleaded. " I dont want to marry him, I want to kick his shins. "

" You're perfectly right, " Haneul said at once. " I  never saw a man who needed it more. When you're his wife you can do it every day. "

" This is my mother talking? " Yunho enquired grimly. 

" I'm not blind to your faults, my son, " Haneul retorted. 

" I've found you the perfect wife, someone who wont hurry to agree with you and say, Yes dear, no dear! In short, someone who sees right through you to the other side, and isnt impressed by what she sees. "

" Thats certainly true, " Changmin observed.

" But while Im reforming Yunhos characterand, heaven knows, he needs ithow do I benefit? "

" You get to stay here, " Haneul told her. " You become part of this family, and a Sicilian, both of which nature meant you to be. "

" Thats the most tempting thing you've said to me so far, " Changmin said. She was recovering her poise and even a touch of humour. " If you could fix the last two my having to burden myself with Yunho, I'd be delighted. "

" No pleasure comes without pain, my dear. You'll learn to put up with him. "

Changmin leaned over and kissed Haneuls cheek. 

" Sorry, Mamma. The price is too high. "

"Much too high, " Yunho agreed. " Let us forget it was ever mentioned. " He too had calmed down, although anger still lurked far back in his dark eyes. 

" In that case, go away, " Haneul said, seeming to tire of the subject. " But before you leave, Yunho, you can pour me a large brandy. "

Later that day Bernardo returned and went straight to see Haneul. He was calm but very pale, and he politely declined the chance to discuss his troubles. She knew better than to press him. 
" Never mind, " she said kindly. " Things will work out. "

" They usually do. And theres one thing to look forward to. Changmin and Yunho are going to get married. "

Midnight in the garden. Here, at least, there was the chance for Changmin to be at peace, wandering along winding paths, breathing in the scents of a hundred flowers. 

Here were the rose bushes, created from cuttings from the original garden at Bella Rosaria. She understood so much better now, a symbol of a love that had never died, despite the contentment of an arranged marriage. That was the kind of love shed wanted, the kind shed believed she had. And Haneul wanted her to settle for less. She'd thought shed come to terms with the sadness, but this was a new sadness, showing her the bleak path her life might yet take. 

She sat on the stone edge of the fountain and looked down into the water, seeing the dark shadow of her own head and the silver moon behind. She trailed her fingers, shattering the moon to a thousand fragments, and when the water grew still again, there was another head beside hers. 

" You shouldnt have been put through that, "Yunho said. " Mamma gets carried away sometimes. Im sorry for the things I said 
I suppose I was just as bad. Theres no point in having a go at you anyway. Its over and done with. I said you were too ready to arrange peoples lives, but now I see where you get it from. "

" Dont be angry with her. "

" Im not. I think she's sweet. But, honestly, what an absurd idea! " She gave a small choke. 

" Yes, you've made it clear that you find it funny, he said with a slight edge in his voice. 
Im sorry, Im not laughing at you. Its justeverythingall at once--"

She tried to pull herself together, but suddenly she couldnt stop. She'd thought shed exorcised the wild mood that had possessed her earlier, but now it was back, worse than ever. Sobs of laughter rose up in her, one after the other, each one bigger than the last, until they werent laughter any more, and all the tears shed been suppressing forced their way out. 

" Thats enough, " Yunho said, laying a hand on her shoulder. Then he paused because he could feel the shuddering of her body, and knew that it had changed. " You're not crying after all this time, surely? "

She tried to say, No, of course not, but the words came out huskily, and then she couldnt manage words at all. She'd controlled herself so fiercely that now she had no control left. She was mortified at Yunho seeing her like this but she couldnt do anything about it. 

" Changmin ---" he said quietly. 

" No its nothing Im all right, I just need to--'

" You just need to cry it out, " he said. " " Changmin--
Changmin, listen --" He sat beside her on the fountain and laid light hands on her shoulders and gave her a little shake. " Stop trying to be so damned strong all the time. "

" I've got to be strong, she said. Im among sharks. "

" Not really. Im the only shark, and Im not biting tonight. Just for once, lets forget that you hate me. "

" I dont know how. "

" Well, thats honest, " he said, gathering her into his arms. " Hate me, then, but lets call a truce. "

She couldnt reply. Anguish had taken hold of her completely. Shed told herself that it didnt hurt, but it did. 

All the happiness she'd dared to enjoy now her, transformed to grief and bitterness. It swamped her, engulfed her, and there was no help or comfort in the world, except, mysteriously, for her enemy, whose arms enfolded her. 

He held her tightly, murmuring words of kindness that her ears hardly heard, although her heart discerned them, and eased a little. It made no sense, but there was something about his voice that warmed her and made everything seem not quite so bad. He drew away to look at her, brushing back the hair from her face with gentle fingers. 

" I didnt think you could ever cry, " he said huskily. 

" You were so good at shutting us all out of your feelingsor maybe just me---"

Her tears still flowed, but his soft caresses against her features were making the jagged edges of the world recede and the misery soften. 

" Nothing is worth your tears, " he murmured. He laid his lips against her wet cheeks, then her eyes. " Dont cry please. "

She grew completely still, listening to his soft words and letting her body relax against him. With one hand he her hair while his lips wandered over her face. 

She thought perhaps she shouldnt do this, but the thought was far away, muffled by the warm sweetness that was taking possession of her. She knew that at any moment his lips would find , and the breath came faster in as she waited for it to happen. 

When it did his touch was so light that she had to reach up to him to be sure, slipping an arm about his neck, cupping his head with her hand. It was only a few hours since theyd quarrelled, and soon they would probably quarrel again, but now all the world was upside down, and it seemed natural to let him hold her close while his lips continued the work of consolation. 

" Yunho... "she whispered, not knowing if she were protesting or simply asking a question. 

" Hush! Why should we always be fighting? "

She didnt want to fight a man who could hold her so tenderly. She still didnt trust him, but somehow that didnt matter so much now. What did matter was the slow movement of his mouth across hers, and the sense of sweet contentment that aded her. 

was caressing him back, seeking new sensations. She wanted more of him. He was dangerous, but since coming to this country shed discovered that she responded to the thrill of danger. She put up her hand and laid it against his hair, thick and springy against her palm. 

Then his cheek. He needed a shave. That was Yunho, not smooth and appealing, but all rough edges and sharp angles. You had to take him as you found him. He couldnt be trusted, but sometimes he could be slackened his hold, but kept his arms in place, resting his lips against her hair. He was trembling as much as she. 

" You said onceI could always ask you for a brothers help, " she reminded him huskily. 

" I remember. But neither of us knew this day would come. "

Hadnt they? she thought wildly. Hadnt they? 
" Keep your word now, "she whispered. " Help me as a brother. Help me find my place back in England so that I can go home and forget I ever came to Sicily. "

' Will you forget us so easily? "

He would have held her but she disengaged herself and backed away, trying to put a safe distance between them. 

" But how far was safe? "

" Dont ask me that, Yunho. You know I cant answer. "

" Just help me go home. Thats all I want. "