CHAPTER ELEVEN 

 

AS WITH any properly conducted business arrangement the terms of their marriage were adhered to on both sides. 
Yunho had promised Changmin a place in the firm, and one day she came home from shopping to find him regarding her with a teasing look. 

" How would you like to take a trip for the firm? " he asked. " I need someone to fix up some deals in Scotland. "

" But isnt that Siwon 's territory? In fact hes in England right now ."

" He's got some unexpected problems that are going to keep him there, " Yunho broke in hastily. " If you take over Scotland it will ease the pressure on him. "

" She was ambitious for the chance. Even so, her first thought had been, I'll have to be away from him. " But Yunho seemed delighted at the thought of her going. 

Next day she was on a flight to Edinburgh. She booked into a newly opened luxury hotel on Princes Street, and spent the next few days selling Martelli produce all over the most exclusive parts of the city, including the hotel itself. Her trip was a triumphant success, but it was spoiled for her by a persistent ache of loneliness that wouldnt go away. 

On the last day she called home just to hear his voice, but he was out and wouldnt be back that day. The violence of her disappointment almost winded her. She pulled herself together and went out to work, forcing herself to concentrate, and ending up with a full order book that she was eager to show Yunho. 

But she saw him a lot sooner than she expected. 

Returning to the hotel, she was pulled up short by the sight of Yunho and the manager sitting together in the bar. Her first reaction was stunned delight. They rose to greet her, all smiles, and her husband complimented her on the deal shed done with the hotel. 

" Your wife is a true Jung Martelli, Yunho, " the manager said.

" She drives a hard bargain. "

" And not only here, " Yunho agreed. " All over town, apparently. "

So that was it. Her brief hope that hed been missing her died stillborn. He was here as a businessman, finding out the skills of his newest sales rep, all over town. 

While the manager was ordering drinks, Yunho looked at her glowering face and observed,"  I'd hoped youd be more pleased to see me. "

" I dont like being checked up on," she muttered. 

He seemed disconcerted, then pulled himself together. 
" Its not exactly that --"

" I think it is, " she said with a sigh. " I dont blame you, but lets drop it. "

No more was said. In the evening they were the managers guests for dinner, and the two men toasted her. That night in their suite she displayed her order book and received her husbands wholehearted praise. She tried to look behind his eyes, but he wouldnt let her, and when he embraced her, smiling, and said, Let me show you just how pleased with you I am, she stopped worrying about anything else but the delight to be found in his arms. 

They stayed another two days, while she finalised her deals. He made a few suggestions but otherwise didnt interfere. On the last night they celebrated over a meal which they had served in their bedroom, for the sake of convenience, as they both delicately put it. And when the time came they were glad there were only a few steps to travel. 

As they lay languorously entwined in each others arms afterwards he murmured, " You're not really annoyed that I came here, are you? "

" I thought you had important business to see to? "

" What could be more important? "

" Ah, yes, I might have been losing money hand over fist, mightn't I? "

" You forget, I first met you as a demon saleswoman, "
he reminded her lightly. 

But this sparring wasnt enough for her. Surely now, when they lay so close, she could nudge him towards, "  greater frankness? "

" But what do we really know about each other? " she asked. " In bed, a good deal. Outside, very little. "

" Nonsense. You know a lot about me. Devious, conniving, manipulativeI forget the other words you used but it sounds as though you know me very well. "

" Besides he became serious, in bed a man and a woman find their greatest truth. "

" Yes, " she said wistfully, " but not their only truth. "

" How much do you think the other truths matter? "

" Not much now, maybe. But lateras the years pass---"

" Leave the years to take care of themselves, " he said easily. 

She made a cynical sound that would have been a snort if she hadnt been a lady. That from youthe man who has to plan everything years ahead. 

He didnt say anything for a while, but at last he asked in a strange voice, " Are we talking about Siwon ? I'd rather not, but if so, then yes, I admit it. I try to plan too much. Your marriage to him would have been a mistake. "

" I knew that the day we went out on the boat, but it was too late. What could I do? Seduce my brothers fianceé? "

" Try to seduce her, she said firmly. Dont take it for granted that you'd have succeeded. "

He grunted. " What would you like to bet against my chances? "

She thought of the sensations that had almost drowned her as he rubbed oil into her back. But more than that was the moment of tender understanding between them as she held his wrist and looked at the scar. No passion then. 
Just an alarmed awareness of each other as people with thoughts and feelings. 

" Well? " he persisted. " If I'd forgotten my honour that day, would you have forgotten yours? "

" It was different. I was in love with Siwon . "

" Love is a complication, " he agreed. " Even when its an illusion. "

She longed to remind him of his own words about loveI believed in things," I dont believe in now and ask if he still meant them. " Surely their closeness must have made him feel differently? But her courage failed at the last moment. 

" I guess well never know the truth, " she said lightly. 

" Probably not. But I knew how badly I wanted you, and I kept my distance. When Siwon  took flight I was secretly glad, except that after that you hated me. I couldnt blame you, but there seemed no way of approaching you. "

" If Mamma hadnt decided to arrange a marriage between us, would you have let me go away? "

" No, he said simply. I wanted you. "

Wanted, she noted. Not loved. 

" But when we talked you became angry, " he continued. 

She was the only one you would listen to. 

" You mean you were behind it? "

" I knew what was in her mind. I could have discouraged her. I didnt. "

" But you hit the roof at the idea of marrying me. "

" Only after you roared with laughter. What did you expect me to say after that? "

She stared at him. It was on the tip of her tongue to demand, " But why didnt you just ask me to marry you? "

But she couldnt say it. It would reveal too much about her emotions, and she was safer not doing that with a man who kept his own emotions hidden. 
And that, of course, was the answer. Yunho wouldnt risk asking because it meant revealing himself. So he'd sought to negotiate a deal at arms length. 
Now she remembered something else he'd said. I would invite betrayal by expecting it. 

Not betrayal. She could never betray him. But with-drawal. A man who kept his heart hidden made it impossible for her to do anything else. 

" So Mamma was acting as your emissary? " she asked lightly. 

" After the way youd been hurt, an impersonal approach seemed wiser. "

It was all so reasonable. She wanted to scream at how reasonable it was. Or maybe she just wanted to scream that he had so little to offer. 
Haneul was her tower of strength. After the marriage she had never relinquished her role as intermediary. 

" Thats what I call it, " she observed one day as they sat together at Bella Rosaria, watching the rain. Some people would call it being an interfering mother-in-law. 

Changmin smiled and squeezed her hand. " You know better than that. "

" Before you there was no woman who could make him  stop and think, force him to forget his arrogance, and learn to trust and love again. So I acquired you because he needed you so much. But was I being selfish to you? "

" No, Mamma. Were very happy in many ways. And sometimes I can feel him wanting to reach out to me, but he always pulls back. How can I ever tell him that I love him? "

" Must it be told in words? "

" For me it must. "

" I think his feelings for you were coming alive since before your first wedding. Maria vergine, how lucky we all were that Siwon  had the good sense to abort it! "

" Siwon ? " Changmin echoed with a chuckle. " Good sense? "

" He saw what needed doing to avert disaster, and he did it. How miserable youd all be now if he hadnt! Hes still rather irresponsible. But he's developing into an excellent and sensible young man. " She added with a twinkle, " But dont tell him I said that. "

" I wont. Besides, if he became too sensible he wouldnt be Siwon . Now, Yunho is all good sense. Its his driving force. He doesnt love me because he doesnt understand love. He understands need and want and acquisition. But he knows nothing about the heart. "

" You are mistaken, her mother-in-law said firmly. He simply hasnt yet discovered that you matter to him more than anything else in the world. That will take time. "

" Perhaps years. "

Changmin said nothing, but in her heart she wondered if she could spend years waiting for what might never happen. She saw Haneul watching her, and knew that she wondered too. 

 

 

Winter was passing, the rains eased off, leaving the soil rich and black for the spring sowing. Everywhere there was a sense of life renewing. Her first spring. Her first lambing. The harvest that was gathered in this year would be truly her harvest. 

She was managing the estate well. Everyone said so, even Luigi, who really did the work of managing it. 

" You at least cant be fooled, " she chided him. 

" No fooling. You do well. You stand back and let me do my job. Thats clever. "

Her revenues were excellent. She spent as Luigi advised, otherwise practised thrift, and built up such excellent credit with the bank that she was able to assist Yunho through a minor cashflow problem. There was pleasure in that, but it was lessened by his insistence on paying her a proper rate of interest, to keep the books straight. It was an entirely reasonable explanation, and she couldnt find the words to explain her irrational sadness. 

These days she saw little of Siwon , whose job occupied him abroad almost permanently. His next visit to England coincided with Yunhos departure to spend ten days in Rome. Yunho didnt suggest that Changmin should go with him. 

She spent a couple of days at Bella Rosaria and returned to the Residenza to find that Haneul was out visiting friends, and not expected back until late. In her room she unpacked, trying to ignore the feeling of restlessness that had seized her. She chided herself for being ungrateful. She had everythingalmost everything that she could want. But it seemed that all the world was waking to new life and she alone was going nowhere. 

From her bedroom window she could see the sea, almost as far as the harbour and the Santa Maria, the boat on which shed first known danger: not the danger of nearly drowning, but the first stirrings of desire and emotion for her fiance´s brother. 

How terrible everything would have been if the wedding had gone ahead. Haneul had been right about that. 

For she no longer believed that making love with Siwon  would have deadened her to Yunho. It would have done the opposite. The more shed discovered about physical passion, the more she would have craved the man who could make passion absolute for her. And that would not have been Siwon . 
Instead she was married to the man she wanted, perhaps loved. 

She sighed, realising that there was always a perhaps. 
She was holding back, refusing to admit to herself that she loved a man she wasnt sure was capable of love. 
Yunho lived his life on very precise terms. What he wanted, he found a way to have. Just now he wanted her, and in bed he was as pleased with their bargain as she was herself. But that wasnt love. Shed told Haneul that he knew nothing about the heart. She still feared that was true. And while she believed it, she couldnt open her own heart to him. 

There was a knock on her door. It was Sara the maid returning some ornaments shed taken for washing. As she was laying them out the phone rang on the bedside table. 

" Hello, Changmin said, snatching it up. Siwon ? "

He sounded strange and troubled. " Changmin, are you alone? "

" No, just a moment. " She signalled to Sara to leave. 

" All right, I'm alone now. "

" I need to talk to youbut Yunho mustnt know. " His voice became urgent. " Nobody must know. "

" Siwon , what is it? "

" I want you to come to London. "

" What? "

" I need you. Please, its important. There are things I---.

please, Changmin, please "

The words poured out of him, frantic, desperate, and her refusal died on her lips. 

" All right, " she said at last. " I'll get the next plane. With luck I should be with you tonight. "

She found her passport and put a few things into an overnight bag, relieved that Haneuls absence gave her the chance to leave without answering questions. 

She found Sara and said casually," I'll be back tomorrow, or maybe the next day. " Then she got out quickly. 

She couldnt tell the truth about where she was going or why. 

Yunho wasnt due home for a week, but the following afternoon he threw the house in turmoil by arriving early, striding into the house like a man with no time to waste. 

He was smiling, picturing his wifes face at seeing him early, and hearing that hed abandoned a weeks work to return to her. Perhaps she would even relax the slight distance he still felt she kept between them. 

" Amor mia, " he called, throwing open the door to their bedroom. " Where are you? "

The room was empty. He shrugged and went quickly downstairs. She would be on the terrace, probably talking with his mother. Or perhaps she was at the estate. Why had he gone first to their bedroom? He grinned, knowing full well why. 

" Sara, where is my wife? "

The maid paused as she crossed the hall. She looked worried. 

" I dont know, signore. Signor Siwon  called yesterday, and after that she left in a great hurry. "

" Did she say where she was going? "

" No, signore. Only that she would be back today, or perhaps tomorrow. "

" Where is my mother? "

" Lying down in her room. "

He opened Haneuls door quietly, but she was sound asleep. He would have to bear his soul in patience. But the question went round and round in his head. What could Siwon  have said to make Changmin leave so quickly? 

Yunho went to his study and tried to settle to work. 
For an hour he managed more or less well. At least, he thought he was managing well. Then he put the phone down on a long conversation and realised that he couldnt remember a word of it. After that he gave up and called Siwon  in London. 

Siwon  wasnt staying at the Ritz this time but at a newly opened luxury hotel that the firm was hoping to supply. As soon as the phone was answered Yunho said, 
" Jung Siwon  Martellis room, please. "

" I'm sorry sir, but Mr Jung  Martelli checked out a few hours ago. "

Yunho sat up straight. " This morning? I understood he was there for a week. "

" So did we, sir. But after Mrs Jung Martelli arrived yesterday they decided to leave early. "

" Mrs Jung Martelli? Do you mean the young English lady? "

" Thats right. Mrs Jung Changmin Martelli. They checked out of their room this morning. "

The blow over the heart almost winded him. He didnt know how he managed to replace the phone. All the nerves seemed to have died in his hands, and his body was cold with shock. 

He ought to have seen this coming. Hed always known that Siwon  still lingered in her heart, but hed charged ahead, arranging things as he wanted, as he always did, only to see them disintegrate in his hands. 

Suddenly he couldnt breathe. It was like being caught in an avalanche with snow swirling around you from the back, the sides, the top no way of stopping itand then it froze solid about you. 

He wanted to howl and fight his way out, but he was trapped, unable to move because he didnt know which move was the right one. He only knew that he wanted to turn time back to before this nightmare started. And he couldnt. 

His wife had betrayed him with his brother. Thinking he would be away for another week, shed hurried back to England to be with Siwon . 
No, it was impossible. If it came out it would break Haneuls heart, and Changmin would never do that to her. 
Yunho tried to tell himself that she would never do it to him, but somehow the words wouldnt come. 

It was impossible because of the kind of person she was, honest, decent, incapable of deceit. But only recently shed said to him, What do you and I know of each other? In bed, everything. Outside, nothing. 

He was brought out of his reverie by the sound of a car drawing up outside. Moving like an automaton, he went out, and was in time to see the taxi door open and his brother emerge, looking dishevelled. Siwon , the dandy who would agonise over the perfect tie, was unshaven and his clothes looked rumpled. 

He met Yunhos eyes, made a helpless gesture, indicating that he couldnt face talking now, and went into the house. 

" I need a shower, " he declared, and passed on up the stairs. 

Yunho made a gesture for Changmin to join him in his study. As she walked past him he could hear his heart hammering. His whole life hung on the next few moments, what he would ask and what she would answer. 

" What are you doing back so early? " she asked. 

" Never mind that. Where in damnation have you been? "

Riled by his tone, she retorted crisply,"  I've been to London. "

" Without telling anyone where you were going, or why. "

" There were very good reasons for that. "

" I'll bet there were. "
Something in his voice made her look at him sharply. 

" Be careful, Yunho. I'm tired and Im out of patience. If you've got something to say, say it. "

" Very well. Did you spend last night in his room? "

Changmin stared at him in amazement. " What? "

" Answer me, damn you! Did you spend last night in Siwon's room? "

Her eyes flashed with temper. " Yes, " she said. " What are you accusing me of? "

" Its plain enough, isnt it? You always clung onto your image of him, no matter what he did. You're a fool, and I was a fool to marry you. "

" Well, nobody forced you to, " she cried. " You were the one who insisted on this marriage. "

" Yes, and I'm well repaid for it. I thought you were the most wonderful woman in the world. I thought all beauty and honour lived in youthe one true and honest woman in a world of greedy deceivers. I knew you didnt love me when we married but we had time and I let myself believe but the minute my back was turned you go to himto his room, to his bed. "
Yunho ,
" Did you sleep in his bed? "

" Yes, " she yelled. 

It was only now that he knew how desperately hed longed to hear her deny it. It was undeniable, but surely she would find a way to make the terrible truth untrue. 

There was a roaring in his ears. It was like suffering the agonies of death, except that he stayed alive and died again and again. 
Yunho was a Sicilian. In this society a faithless wife could cause a blood feud that could last a century. But the only thought in his mind was to implore her to take back her words, let it be as it was before, let him believe in her again. Because if she was a deceiver then nothing in the world was worth anything. 

" Do you know what you've just said? " he asked hoarsely. " No, dont answer. " He held up an arm as if to ward her off. " Perhaps it was time you said it. Or perhaps I should have listened long ago, when you tried to tell me there was no hope for me. But Im not good at hearing what it doesnt suit me to hear, as you've often mentioned. "

" Yunho what are you saying? "

He gave a bark of mirthless laughter. " I'm saying I give in. You've won ,you and that boy whos wound himself around your heart so tightly that I cant find a way in. If you want him you can have him. I'll make it easy for you. "

" You mean you'd free me to marry Siwon ? "

" What else can I do? "

" What about Mamma? "

" She'll be all right if she sees that Im perfectly happy about it. "

" And are you perfectly happy? "

He didnt answer her in words but the truth was there in his eyes. He was dying inside. 

" You survived something like this, " he said quietly. 
" Maybe you can teach me how. "

 "But happy? "

" That isnt your concern any more. We could have been happy. Or at least I thought we could. I loved you, and I thought in time I could win your love. I hadnt reckoned on your heart being so stubborn and awkward. Why do you think I used my mother as an intermediary? Because I knew it was too soon for you to have got over him. If Id approached you myself, talking of love, it would only have driven you off further. "

" But you knew I mean there were things between us even then ---"

" Yes, desire, not love. Sometimes I felt you wanted me, but with your body, not your heart. That wasnt mine, and if only you knew how much I wanted it, to have you look at me as Id seen you look at him. I tried to keep it businesslike, not to alarm you, but that day in the temple we'll-- " He sighed. " I couldnt always stick to my good intentions. And all the time I loved you so desperately that I thought youd see and understand. But you never saw, because you never wanted to. It was all Siwon  with you. "

" We talked, once, about our day on the boat and what might have happened. You said you'd been in love with him, and I said love was a complication even when it was an illusion. If you knew how hard I prayed for you to say then that your love for him had been an illusion. I was holding my breath, willing you to say it but you didnt. "

" And I suppose I knew the truth. "

His face was as bleak as a winters day, and for the first time his eyes werent closed to her, but open, defenceless, letting her see the suffering man within. She put her hand out but he flinched away from it. She couldnt speak. Everything in her was concentrated on hearing what he would say next. 

" I should have let you go then, he said at last, and this wouldnt have needed to happen. Well, its happened. "

" I brought it on myself, and I make no complaint. "

" I dont believe its you Im hearing say all this, " she breathed. 

 "No? Well, I've been unlike myself since I knew you. "

He took a shuddering breath. " I'll make it easy for you, but go quickly. Im not sure how long I can keep this up. "

" Yunho------"

" For Gods sake go! " His face was livid. " Get out of here, and never let me see you again. "