Nobody ever tells you how to prepare for heartbreak. It’s only how to get better. It’s how to heal that’s discussed. Not a single person will ever talk about how to properly protect the heart from future hurt.

There are some who just say to not wear your heart on your sleeve. To not be so trusting of others. Maintain a wall fronted with every person you meet. It’s all talk on how to transform yourself into this isolated, cold-hearted .

There aren’t exactly tips provided on how to prepare for the pain.

If there was one thing that Seungwan could wish for in the world, it’d be to withhold a heartbreak detector. But, of course, no such thing existed. It wouldn't be human to prevent pain.

“You don’t look too good.”

She didn’t feel too good either.

“I’m fine.” A lie so constant that it’s become her personal catchphrase.

“Don’t bull me.”

Seungwan closed her eyes, massaging her forehead. She didn’t have the energy to deal with this. Especially not when it’s Sooyoung, who’d only pester at her more until she caved. “Just a headache.”

“I thought we were friends.”

“We are.”

“Then,” Sooyoung shut the textbook Seungwan’d been reading out of. “Talk to me.”

It wasn't something that she could so easily talk about. It already caused her so much ache to even think about it. Seungwan’s mind was exhausted.

“Sooyoung, not now. I have to study.”

“It can wait.”

“No, it can't. The exam is in two weeks.”

“Plenty of time.”

Seungwan scoffed, eyeing the girl. “By your standards.”

“Is everything okay with-”

“Sooyoung! Please?” Seungwan never begged, but when she did, it was serious.

“Okay, I’ll let it go.” Sooyoung released the textbook from her hold. “But know that it’s temporary.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Another hour of studying passed by. Seungwan was now alone because Sooyoung couldn’t handle the boredom any longer. So typical. She loved Sooyoung but the girl was a handful.

She checked her phone. A text from the person causing her headache.

I: got most of my stuff alrdy ill get the rest tmmrw

Seungwan rubbed at her tired eyes. It was safe to go home already.

~~~

Before, she used to love coming home late.

Now, she hates it entirely. She loathed coming home late.

After leaving her shoes at the foyer, Seungwan trudged through the dark apartment without turning on a single light. It was better this way. The darkness was like a curtain covering the emptiness of her home.

It’d been like this for weeks already. Lonely, dull, and dark. Her apartment. And her life.

“Gosh, so pathetic.” she murmured amongst herself.

Seungwan’s grown tired of living like this. However, she was too weak to do anything about it. So, she just tried her best to become adjusted to it. Even if any of this sadness was never her choice. It wasn't her decision to live like this.

But she’d figured that she’d just have to cope with it.

After a quick wash, Seungwan lay restless in bed. Her big, empty bed. She used to like having all this space to herself when she first moved in. Seungwan disliked all the extra space now.

It was like an annoying reminder that she was alone.

She could tell it was going to be another sleepless night by the way her mind kept wiring on the same old thing. The moon has become a companion on these nights. Seungwan glanced at the window.

It was dark and cloudy out. The moon remains unseen. Obscured by the clouds.

Seungwan sighed. Not even the moon seemed to be willing to hear her hopeless mantras tonight. It must’ve grown irritated by her.

Maybe she should look into sleeping pills.

~~~

The weekends were the worst.

While she was working at the ice cream shop across from her apartment, everybody she knew was probably out doing fun things and having the time of their lives. Seungwan was also like that during one point in life.

But adulthood and responsibility were expensive. She had to replace the fun times with working hours to pay the bills. The ice cream didn’t provide enough to live luxuriously but it gave enough to survive and pay the rent.

“Seungwan, can you go out back and sign off the delivery? I’ll handle the register.”

Her co-worker, Seojoon, was a nice guy. She’d found out a lot about him during the slow days. He studied something in engineering but every place he applied was asking for years of experience which was how he wound up selling ice cream alongside her.

“Alright.”

She walked out back, politely greeting the delivery man. Once she signed off the delivery, he quickly sped out of there. Seungwan stood between tons of boxes filled with ice cream. The vibrating in her pocket snapped her out of the trance.

I: finished getting my stuff…you free for lunch??

Seungwan was free but she wasn't ready. Instead, she texted back: my shift ends in 3 hrs ill be free then

~~~

Seungwan had wished that the three hours didn’t pass by so quickly. She needed more time to prep herself. However, it was a now or never type of moment. If she didn't pull through with this then it really was the end of herself.

She bid Seojoon goodbye, then clocked out. The only good part about this meetup was that it’d be taking place at her own home. So, if the need to run or hide arose, her bedroom would be only steps away to save her.

Plus, maybe it would provide the closure she needed to move on.

When the elevator binged at her floor, she was thinking of maybe tidying up a bit and making it look less haunted and abandoned. But those plans flew out once she laid her eyes upon the figure pacing back and forth in front of her door.

“Joohyun…”

The name slipped out involuntarily but it was loud enough to be heard.

“Oh, you’re here.”

“Yeah, I am.” Seungwan walked closer, one hand gripping her keys and the other holding onto the hem of her shirt for dear life. “Didn’t think you’d be here before me.”

“I was already around so...yeah.”

It terribly. Not being able to look each other in the eye or even hold a smile. Seungwan’s face wavered whenever Joohyun glanced her way. It’d been so long since they were so close to each other that she had no clue on how to behave.

The options swirling in her mind were: A) act cold and unbothered, B) start crying outta nowhere, or C) hold all emotions inside and pretend to be okay

Watching Joohyun set down the takeout she’d brought on the table, Seungwan went with option C. She wasn’t courageous enough to be rude nor was she desperate to the point of endless sobbing. It wasn't her choice for them to be this way so she opted for pretending as if it were mutual.

For the sake of a peaceful evening, her sanity, and aching heart she’d act as fine as she could.

~~~

“You didn’t have to serve me.”

Seungwan glanced up from her plate. “You didn’t have to buy food.”

“I asked you out, remember?”

The words collide with a memory. The real meaning of them became lost as Seungwan can only recall a younger looking Joohyun repeating the same line, but with brighter eyes and a wider grin. But it came out of present Joohyun’s mouth, the one who looked paler, thinner, more exhausted.

Not that Seungwan looked any better. The past few weeks had noticeably taken a toll on both of them. In an evilly comforting way, it made Seungwan feel somewhat better knowing that she wasn’t the only one go through it roughly.

“But I invited you to my place. So, it was my responsibility for the food.”

It hurt. To call the apartment only hers. No longer theirs, or ours.

“It was a habit.”

“Same.”

Seungwan knew it was more than just a habit for both of them. It was a routine. Their routine.

They fell silent after the mini contretemp. It was the shortest and quietest of the past altercations and confrontations. It almost felt like one of their playful banters.

“Are you finding your new place okay?” Seungwan asked, mentally smacking herself for bringi