Nights were always like this ever since he left. Was fall always been this cold? Was it always been this.. lonely? She couldn't tell. Not after those years they spent together where everything was just.. Warm, and fine, and beautiful, and right. Kim Jooyoungㅡ she's a music producer for many artists under the agency, and that's including EXO, hence the fair amount of time spent with them has led to one thing to another.

And that thing is Kim Jongdae.

He's probably the best thing that has ever happened to her after her career. But after one thing led to another, it led to more another. The album's done meaning their league is done. He's off to promoting, and she's off to a new duty. The time spent decreased, and the distance grew. The sad part is, she had to watch it happen right before her eyes. So she took the higher road and asked him to meet her at the office rooftop one day.

"You're not gonna believe what happened to Baekhyun today." He rambled giggly as soon as he busted through the door. Typical Jongdae. "Being the moron he always is, he tried to sit on a freaking baby chair at a restaurant today and he actually gotㅡ okay you don't seem interested." He stopped as soon as he saw Jooyoung's wary face. "Hey is everything okay?"

"I don't know. What do you think?" She could've sworn her heart was beating so fast. Trying so hard to avoid any eye contact with Jongdae because she knew it's not going to help with the situation.

"What kind of preposterous question is that? I have no idea that's why I asked you, woman." He responded in a somewhat jovial manner, which she really hated in these particular moments because he always seemed to put everything in his jest box. She let out a heavy sigh and turned her eyes to him, and it changed the whole look on Jongdae's face. He has never seen her this distressed. Her eyes looked dejected and it made his heart jumped a little bit. And it's not in a very good way. "Okay, I'm sorry, seriously, Jooyoung. What's wrong? You can tell me."

Once again she put her gaze all over the places. It hurts too much to look at him and saying the sentence at the same time "This is not working out, is it?"

Right at the moment, Jongdae heart dropped and shattered. He knew. He knew it too well how it's been changing a lot, he and Jooyoung. But he was too scared to face the fact because he didn't want to lose her. So he pushed it away, hoping that the day where he has to face it will never come. But it was a foolish hope, and he should've known better that sooner or later he got to face it.

In the end, Jooyoung suggested that they should part ways. Surprisingly and unfortunately, Jongdae didn't even try to rectify their relationship like she hoped he would. He just... walked away.

That day when he slammed the door shut, he slammed her heart too.

-

The dinged on her microwave snapped her out of her flashback. Feeling slightly frustrated, she let out a soft sigh as she took her leftover lasagna from the microwave and set it on the table. Why can't there be a service for wiping out memories in this so-called-future present? But It was all for the best, she supposed. There's no way this could've worked out. Not when they are both busy with their jobs. But feelings are still feelings and as much as she hated to admit it, she loved him. So she tried to put it behind her and move on. At least she's trying.

She brewed a cup of coffee, she figured if her heart is going to be cold for the rest of the year at least she could make her body warmer. She sipped her drink and sat in front of her laptop, trying to distract her mind with as much work as possible.

Hours passed, (though it feels like minutes) she glanced over to the time and it's 3 AM, and holy she has to be in the studio at 8. So she quickly tidied up the table and grabbed her things. As she headed to her room, her phone rang, only to realized that she left it on the table.

"Stupid, ." She cursed at herself as she made a u-turn back to the source of the sound "I swear to God if it's from the office I will kㅡ"

Her entire body stiffened. No, it wasn't from the office.

Her heart raced more than ever. Jooyoung blinked several times, making sure that she was looking at the correct caller ID that said Kim Jongdae. She could only stare at her phone conflicted whether she should pick it up or not. On one hand she wanted to pick up and hear his voice because God she missed him so much, but on the other hand, she was beyond terrified. Why's he calling her at the very unreasonable hour when they hadn't called each other for months? Could he be... dying? Orㅡ OH MY GOD is he getting married and he's calling her to let her know that she's invited? Her mind was running through the thousands of hundreds of possibilities "Jesus, Kim Jooyoung! Get your together!"

She tried to control her breath and took one deep breath. But as she reached out to pick up the phone, the call ended. And Lord, it felt like a weight of a freaking freight train had been lifted off of her. She rested both of her hands on the table, controlling herself from having more panic attacks. Just as she about the reach her serenity, there is a loud banging on her door, "Jesus!"

She jumped a little and walked to the door after several more banging. She opened the door only to have a taller and heavier man flopped himself onto her.

"What theㅡ" Feeling extremely bewildered, she tried her best to hold the heavy weight, keeping them both steady. She looked over to her shoulder to found out the figure was Jongdae who smelled like sins and was unbelievably intoxicated "Jongdae? What the hell?!"

Jongdae replied in inaudible mumbles as his face was still buried in Jooyoung's shoulder.

"How did you get here? Did youㅡ " Jooyoung stopped herself because she realized that it didn't seem like she was going to get any answer. But how did he manage to walk through the security door? She didn't buzz him in. "You know what let's get inside, okay?" She said as she dragged the bigger man to the couch.

Since when did Jongdae would let himself get this drunk? For all those time she knew him, getting wasted was her character. And Jongdae would always be the one stopping her from engulfing more bottles for herself, or switching her alcohol with water, or dragging her home, or picking her up from the bathroom floor for throwing up too much. And he would be the one laughing in the morning saying how irresponsible it made her look, and listening to her make a promise on how she will never get wasted again only to watch it be neglected for the hundredth times.

"I called you." He said softly. "But you didn't pick up."

"Uh.. yeah. I was uh in the bathroom when you called." She plopped Jongdae down on the couch which then later he lied down comfortably as if he was going to sleep there. She was terrified and no idea what to do with Jongdae being in her house, lying on her couch very drunk, and he was very much real. She had no idea what to do "What are you doing here?"

There was no answer.

"Jongdae?" Still no answer. She figured he was already in his dreamland, so she went to grab a blanket from her closet and drape it on Jongdae's body. She took her time to study Jongdae's face. He still looked so kind, and a bit tired she could tell. Jooyoung remembered how Jongdae would become so clingy when he's really tired. It's his process of "regaining his vibe" as he would say, but Jooyoung would laugh it off and let him be. She found it really cute and wouldn't complain. She sighed at the thought cause she knew it would never happen again. So she stood up and walked towards her room.

"I came because I miss you." Jooyoung froze on her feet. She could feel her heart clenching as it was beating in a hundred miles an hour.

She turned around to look at Jongdae and he was still lying on her couch with his eyes closed. He could be dreaming, and she really wished it was just him talking in his sleep and he didn't mean it. But he said it once again "I miss you, Jooyoung."

Now that she heard it, she didn't want it. Not tonight, not when he's like this "Jongdae, y-you're drunk. Just get some sleep okayㅡ "

"I should've stopped you from ending it. Because I had hope that you're the one who would've stopped me from walking out of that door and tell me that you didn't mean it that day." He opened his eyes, and it broke the heart Jooyoung had tried to mend. She never seen this look in his eyes before, not even that day. He looked dejected like someone had taken his life away from him "But I guess that was stupid, right?"

"Jongdae, please. Not now, okay? You're drunk."

"I know." He sat up this time, and sounded a bit more frustrated "But this is not something that I just say, okay? You have no idea how I've been dying to tell you this. This has been the hardest moment I have to go through in my entire life. Living without you. I know that this may be so corny and I know that you despise, not just hate, but despise corny things but being without you has been the hardest thing I have to go through."

"No." She insisted. She walked to Jongdae and tried to put him back to his sleeping position "You are very drunk right now. Go to sleep."

"No, Jooyoung, listen to me!" He held himself up as Jooyoung was pushing his body down to the couch but she put even a stronger force on him "Hey, hey, listen! I should've said this to you long time ago, I love you."

She stopped. Their eyes are locked on each other and it stayed like that for a few seconds. She didn't say anything, she just froze there and Jongdae might be drunk be he knew an awkwardness when he felt one.

After the long pause that felt like an eternity, Jooyoung burst out on to a laughter which made Jongdae even more confuse because he was sure that he sounded very serious. She finally stopped laughing and rested out a soft smile on her face as she reached out to run her fingers through Jongdae's hair.

"What do I do with you, huh, Kim Jongdae?" She said as she examined Jongdae's face as if she was trying to restore his image back to her memory.

"You can't just walk out of someone's life, didn't contact her for three months, and then came banging on her door at 3 in the morning, drunk, and tell her that you love her." She slid her hand down to caress his cheek "I miss you, too. But this is not the way. Go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

Jooyoung placed a kiss on Jongdae's cheek, "Goodnight." And left to her room, leaving Jongdae empty, both in mind and heart.