CHAPTER ONE

         I don't remember how long I was doing this but, It always felt like new to me. Every night was always the same tho, I would enter the backdoor and head straight to the dressing room where I would see all of my colleagues. I don't know if that's what I should even call them, nevertheless I work with them every night. Every one was always in a hurry to fix their faces with those foundations and concealers that I could never master to use, still I had to put it on since our manager told me to do so. I scanned the room to see the familiar empty spot only to be met with a woman sitting on it. Baffled to my being, I had made my way towards her. She was leaning so closely on the mirror with her eyes looking up and her finger coming to close with it as she struggles to wear her contacts. She had a short brown bobbed hair that matched her beautiful natural brown eyes but was later covered with gray contacts. She had noticed my prescence after blinking almost a hundred times.

" Oh! you must be the owner of this spot." she said standing up, she was not that short but she was looking up to me. Her hand reached in front of me, I didn't want to be rude so I accepted her hand for a handshake. 

" I'm katarina, in the stage, but Chaeyoung is my real name. Feel free to call me either way" I nodded in response, still looking at her. 

"And you are?" 

"Sana." 

" I see, I'm sorry for sitting on your spot, manager told me you weren't coming yet so I had to use a free seat. I hope you don't mind?" her gray eyes had formed the most rounded eyes I have ever seen after the last cat I met this morning and begged me to feed him with those similar eyes, of course, I couldn't say no to that either. Well, Initially I don't mind anyone using my spot. 

"Of course, It's no big deal" I replied to her with a smile. 

"You're nice, sana" she says as she turns her back to me, she covered her bobbed hair with a stocking-like structure that is for sure used in putting up a wig I've seen heechul-nim put it on before. She flashed a small smile at me when she noticed I was eyeing her actions, she opened her small artsy bag that laid on my desk and pulled out this long black hair. She carefully placed the black hair on her head and fixed it up to make it look like it was her own hair. I was sure she had done it alot from the way she handled it so smoothly, once the hair had perfectly blended on her hair, she closed the bag where it came from and looked back at me. 

"Thank you again, Sana. I'll see you later okay?" she had gripped my hand a little before walking away from me.

I plopped down on my seat and hanged my bag on the hook that was placed beside my desk. I exhaled deeply as I stared at my own reflection.

What are you doing?

You know you can stop this whenever you like right?

You can find a better job than this.

I say to myself but I have never find myself to quit no matter how many times I had reflected on it. I sighed again and burried my face on my palms.

"Another breakdown Sana?" A familiar voice had whispered behind me.

"M-manager Heechul" I replied stuttering.

"Why are you still nervous around me?"  He chuckled a bit and placed his hands on my shoulder as he looked at the mirror. 

"You see here, a beautiful creature. A talented  human being. A y and amazing person. " I smiled from his comment

"And there's also you" he suddenly says and laughed from his joke. 

"I'm just kidding!! Of course it was you! You need to lighten up a bit, babe" He pats my head before leaving.

He's right, it's not the time to be depressed

I had chosen this job. 

I opened the brown box that sat on my desk for a long time now and picked up a sponge and bottle that says "foundation" and had sprayed a subtle amount of it on the egg shaped sponge I was holding. I patted it on my face carefully and upto my neck. (Don't forget your neck. make sure it matches your face too!) After blending it enough, I took the small container that labeled with "concealer" and used the brush it came with to conceal the dark layers that had formed under my eye. I once again used the egg shaped sponge and patted the dark layers away. I applied mascara on my eyes shortly after to enhance my eyelashes a little. I dug deep in the box looking for the rounded compact container that had a bright sparkling pink and used a puffy brush to apply them on my cheeks. Last but not the least I took out my red lipstick and slowly painted my lips with them. I rubbed my lips together as I mess my hair a little, I stood up from my sit and opened the bag and reached in the cloth I had bought earlier. 

It was a crop top with a see through long sleeve that had some flower embroided in some parts of it and a skirt that had a lace design on the bottom. It was simple get up but I felt y when I was trying it on before, so I decided to buy and wear them tonight. I grinned at myself after putting them on and felt a little confident. 

"Sana, honey." Heechul-nim called from a far, peaking at the red curtains.

"You're up" he says. I took a last glance from my mirror before heading towards him and the two ladies beside him. 

Seulgi and Sol-ji was busy chatting with each other when I came next to them, they were close to each other and would rarely invite me over to their conversation. I was never friendly with them since they give me the bad vibes. Fortunately, whenever it's about rehearsals they are both open to my suggestions and they take it very seriously.

Heechul had notice the awkward tension I was releasing so he eyed me from top to bottom and back at my face before giving me the biggest smile, a gesture he would always give us as an assurance. It helped actually, too many times.

He went back behind the curtain, moments later I could hear him announce the next performance which included seulgi, sol-ji and me. We were called the triple y 'S' for some reasons, since we were the only ones who decided not to change our names to an english one and we often do a y performance which had made an impact for a while. 

" Give it up for ... Triple y S!" once heechul had finished announcing our name, the crowd cheered and it was a signal for us to come out. The stage was pitch black but we three managed to find our own spots. My heart was beating fast and I feel like it could come out of my body any moment now. I took three deep breaths and just in time before the music has started. 

Oh, I haven't told you what my job is right ?

It's burlesque, we would perform a dance and excessively lip-synch the song we choose. 

Seulgi had turned around as soon as the music started singing, her body moved like a snake trying to hypnotize her prey with her dancing. Everyone was captivated as soon as she did her step earning a 'woo' from the audience. She was y, alright, she was known to have that eyes that could lure everyone who look right in to it. 

I'm telling you loosen up my buttons baby (Uh huh)
But you keep fronting (Uh)
Saying what you going do to me (Uh huh)
But I ain't seen nothing (Uh)   

​​​I was up next with my infamous body roll that was requested too many times. I looked in the audience but I wasn't able to see any one's eyes because of the blinding spotlight that was on me. Nonetheless, I continued my dance step gracefully. 

I'm telling you loosen up my buttons baby (Uh huh)
But you keep fronting (Uh)
Saying what you going do to me (Uh huh)
But I ain't seen nothing (Uh)

 Sol-ji was set to lip synching the main parts of the song, she had the most beautiful voice I ever heard and she can actually control it however she likes. It still makes me wonder why she choses this kind of job since she has so much to offer. Her body had become one with the beat, slowly flaunting her curves with each step she makes. 

Typical
Hardly the type I fall for
I like when the physical
Don't leave me asking for more
I'm a y mama (mama)
Who knows just how to get what I wanna (wanna)
What I want to do is spring this on you (on you)
Back up all of the things that I told you (told you)

 We followed after, doing the same routines. I was a completely different person when I come up the stage and I swear I don't know what happens but whenever I'm performing It feels like my head comes to a daze and just makes me ooze all the confidence I never knew I had. Might be the adrenaline from the audience that cheered us whenever possible,  I would sometimes be shock that the performance had come to an end when I come back to my senses and would forever be a myster to me.

Soon after like any other performances I had, It has ended before I knew it. The crowd stood up one by one applauding our performance, it brought a smile to my face everytime. Ah, this must be the reason why I can't leave. We three exited once we the applauses had quiet down. 

"Good job as always" Heechul praises us once more as soon as he entered the room. Seulgi and Sol-ji giggled from his remark.

"Of course, we're your favorites right?" Seulgi teases him. Heechul just nodded in response. 

"We're gonna go change" Sol-ji excused themselves and walked away from us. Heechul looked at me with delight, he walks towards me and I did the same. 

"You did well again, my dear" he whispers to me while he brushes my hair. I smiled from his gesture

"Did I? papa?" I replied unknowingly. "I mean, manager" my face grew bright red from the mistake I just did. Heechul was not taken aback from my words but instead gripped my shoulders and decided to hug me. 

"It's okay." he says, "I always wanted you to call me one". He had let me go and looked me in the eyes "Baby steps, okay" he whispers again. I only managed to nod, still not over from the embarrassment that had happened. 

"I'm gonna go change" I told him, giving him a small smile before walking away from him. I plumped back to my seat, It looks like I'm back to my old self again. I pulled out a baby wipes and proceeded to wipe the red lipstick on my lips.

"It suits you, why are you removing them?" I looked to my side and saw the little figure from before only now she was wearing a different outfit. 

"I'm going home" I replied.

"Already?" she gasps, "Yes, I still have classes tomorrow" I explained to her while continuing to remove the make up from my face.

"That's a bummer, I was hoping we could hang out after" 

"with me?" 

"Of course! Why not?"

"Are you sure? I mean wouldn't you want to hang out with them instead?" I hovered at the corner of the room where the woman with the pretty black hair was sitting on the highest chair while the other girls are mesmerized by her, Victoria was her name and she's popular both to her mates and clients.

"uhm, No." She replied quite easily. "She's not my type of a friend." 

"What? But she is everyone's type of a friend?" She chuckled lightly and started to squat beside me. 

"She's a different case, you on the other hand is like a closed book. I can never know what's on your mind and that's usually what kind of person I want to hang out with, unlike her?" I looked back at Victoria who had noticed that I was looking at her, I quickly remove my gaze and stood up. Oh . she saw me!

"I'm sorry chaeyoung, but I have to go." I quickly gathered my things and shoot them in my bag, I carried my bag and slid it on my shoulder. I turned my back at chaeyoung as quickly as I can. 

"YO! SANA!" Oh . 

I turned around to see Victoria with her arms crossed.

"yes?" I softly replied

"Why are you looking at me? I thought I told you before that you are not entitled to look at me?"

"I- I" I was stuttering and didn't know what to say but chaeyoung confidently went between us while looking at Victoria.

"What makes you think she was looking at you?" Victoria chuckled from disbelief that someone was standing up from her.

"listen here, small bean. You're just new here, Alright? You don't have any respect to your sunbaenim? Is that how your generation is treating us?" 

"Chae, let's just go" I tugged chaeyoung's dress and whispered in her ears but she wouldn't look at me. 

"Listen here, Victoria, yes I am new here second you're not that old from me okay? third of all you breath stinks, so keep your mouth shut grandma!" Chaeyoung's insults had earned a "wooo" from other spectators. Victoria quickly closed with her two hands, quite shock from the comments and audience she quickly turned away and made her way through the crowd. Some had started to applaud her. 

Chaeyoung turned to me with a big smile. "That's how you do it" she says to me all big and proud. Despite her height she was very confident and oozing with strength. On the other hand, my knees has been shaking since victoria called me. It's quite a long story why I am so afraid of her, let's just say we had shared the same memories before and I don't want to remember it at all. She might not remember me but, I remember her so well. 

"hey sana, are you okay?" chaeyoung waved her hands over my face trying to bring me back to my senses.

"uh- yeah. ah well, thank you. I have to go" I told her and quickly ran away from her. 

"H-hey!" was the only thing she managed to say, since I had completely made my way out to streets and on my way home.