니가있어야만여기가paradise
억지로너를가둬버린paradise오오
깨어선갈수없는슬픈paradise
영원히함께할수있는paradise오오오

This place is a paradise only if you’re here,
A paradise that has locked you in against your will
A sad paradise that you won’t go if you’re awake
A paradise that we can be together forever, oh

Sunggyu has made it a habit to sit on the edge of the floor of the empty room that faces the east and to watch the sky change outside every day. He doesn’t quite understand why he does what he does, but he knows it’s got something to do with the fact that he yearns for the sky and everything underneath it, including Nam Woohyun.

He’s stopped following Woohyun around now. When Woohyun enters, Sunggyu leaves. When Woohyun speaks, Sunggyu doesn’t hear. When Woohyun looks around searchingly for echoes of his dream, Sunggyu disappears. And when Woohyun pleads to the chillingly empty room – pleas of don’t leave me and I need you – Sunggyu doesn’t cry. He lets himself drift further and further apart from the centre of his universe, but even so, Sunggyu still could not escape Woohyun.

Even if he was in another room, even if he chose to ignore that familiar husky voice that promised dark nights, and even if he chose not to care anymore, Woohyun’s presence still tugged on the edge of Sunggyu’s heart, anchoring him to a world he did not belong to, and to a person he could not be with any longer.

So Sunggyu sits on the edge of the dark room every night watching the sky change from gorgeous hues of violet to vivid streaks of sienna and then to an inky black illuminated by a thousand glimmering lights, gathering his all his courage and all his resolve to break free from the one person he didn’t want to leave. It’s complicated like that.

It’s on a night where the skies are dusky with gray and a sickly colour of blue that Woohyun walks into the same room, unbeknownst to Sunggyu. The older man is lost in the vision of a million shining stars and so he flinches when he feels Woohyun plop down next to him.

Sunggyu didn’t dare to move, afraid of Woohyun’s presence and what it could reveal, until Woohyun started to talk, mostly to himself and mostly to the empty room.

“Where are you?” Woohyun whispered, “where have you gone, Sunggyu?”

Sunggyu tenses up and slowly turns his head to gaze at Woohyun, and he feels a feeling almost like pity for the other. He pushes it down just as quickly as it came and he turns his head back around, staring steadfastly at the stars that twinkled at him mockingly.

“I need you,” Woohyun whimpered, rocking his body back and forth, his arms wrapped around his knees.

“I need you here; I need it to be paradise again.” Woohyun begged pathetically, as the sobs begin to rack through his body.

“I need you to be with me forever. I need you so…,” Woohyun whispered softly, cold tears running down his cheeks, and as his heart shattered audibly, he slowly turned his head around to stare directly at Sunggyu and he hissed, “…I won’t let you leave me.”

And at this, Sunggyu knows that Woohyun knows and that Woohyun can see. Knows that Sunggyu wants to leave and that Sunggyu can’t stay in this sad paradise. The look in Woohyun’s eyes frightens him, not just because of the deadly possessiveness in them or because of the terrifyingly real and intense longing in them, but because of the intensity of the cold anger in them, anger directed at straight at him.

“Stay here, Sunggyu,” Woohyun snarls, his voice rising, a mad and wild look in his eyes, as he reached forward, touching but not touching Sunggyu, their arms never really brushing against one another, “I won’t let you leave me, I won’t let you leave me, I WON’T LET YOU LEAVE!”

And at those haunting and menacing words, Woohyun lunged forward, trying to reach out and grab ahold of the dream that he had been seeing for so many days and so many nights, the same dream that had been driving him crazy and to the very edge of his sanity. Shocked, Sunggyu fell backwards, just enough to leave him out of reach of the younger’s arms. This wasn’t Woohyun, he thought frantically, this couldn’t be, this desperate and mad man wasn’t the Woohyun he knew and loved.

Terrified, Sunggyu leapt out of the way, backing away from Woohyun as the younger male rose to his feet, eyes maddeningly searching for the presence of Sunggyu, and as Woohyun’s eyes locked onto him, Sunggyu looked around desperately, and knew that he had to act now.

 He had to act before Woohyun closed the lock on their cage, before Woohyun closed the door to his twisted paradise, locking them both in, locking Sunggyu in against his will. So Sunggyu turns and runs, runs towards the dull gray sky and the pale blue light, rushing past the glass door that blasts its way open for him, only to run into the confines of another cage.

It’s foggy outside, and it’s definitely not the same as what Sunggyu had watched all those nights before. There are no trees, there are no stars, and there is no moon. Only pale gray fog and cracked whitewashed walls.

Sunggyu twisted desperately around, stumbling blindly through the dense mist that hangs around him, and with a cry of despair, he realises that there is no escape. He can wander all he likes, he can run as far as he likes, but he will always end up back in Woohyun’s heart, trapped in the confines of a fantasy he can’t fulfill, and locked in a paradise he can’t escape even if he’s awake, a sad paradise where Woohyun is always with Sunggyu.

And at this revelation, Sunggyu dropped to his knees with a sob, cold heavy tears running down his pale cheeks, as he hears Woohyun’s voice echo hauntingly through the fog.

“You can’t escape from me, Sunggyu. I won’t let you. We’re here together forever. This is our paradise…”

“This isn’t a paradise,” Sunggyu cried, as he felt Woohyun’s overpowering desire overtake him, the same intense longing and craving that had locked him here in the first place, “this isn’t.”

“This is no paradise if I’m locked here against my will," he whispered, "this is a paradise where I will slowly and surely break apart."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

GO READ THIS STORY AND FREAK OUT AT HOW AWESOME AND CREEPY IT IS GUYS. THAT IS ALL.

http://infinitesanta.livejournal.com/10278.html#cutid1