여기있어더더부탁할께더더잘해줄께더더아직은못보내니까
난난살아야해난난버텨야해난난언젠간멈출테니까

Please stay here, I’m asking you a favor, I’ll treat you better, I can’t let you go yet
I must live, I must survive, because I will stop some day

In their last moments people always show you who they really are. And in Sunggyu’s last moments, he had shown Woohyun who he really was. He was all Woohyun’s, all his, and nothing else. Without Woohyun, Sunggyu couldn’t exist, because that’s who he was.

Sunggyu had considered all this as he stood in the corner of the staircase, illuminated by a single beam of warm (cold) light as Woohyun stepped past him. And by logic, the same applied for Woohyun. Without Sunggyu, Woohyun never really existed because part of him had been taken away all too soon and all too sadly.

And Sunggyu had thought about this as he sat against the edge of the staircase, head supported against the surrounding white wall watching Woohyun climb up. Sunggyu understood this and in this way, he didn’t truly exist either. They were like the matching pieces of a puzzle that rightfully belonged together.

Not just Nam Woohyun.

And not just Kim Sunggyu either.

Nam Woohyun and Kim Sunggyu.

∞

“Kim Sunggyu without me is like chopsticks without a spoon, needle without a thread!” Woohyun declared loudly as he wrapped his arms around the older male.

“Hyung,” Sungjong said disgusted, “you’re so greasy I wanna puke sometimes.”

But Woohyun didn’t care, because he knew this to be the truth. Yes he was greasy, but that was why Sunggyu loved him so much, and as he voiced his opinion, Sunggyu objected loudly.

Sunggyu still kissed Woohyun later though. No objections to any greasiness there.

∞

And it is exactly because they belong together that Sunggyu wishes to escape. If he can cut this invincible bond, mar the edges of the puzzle pieces, maybe, just maybe, Woohyun can escape from him. He can escape from Kim Sunggyu and become just Nam Woohyun again. No and. Just Nam Woohyun once more, exactly as he used to be before someone called Kim Sunggyu walked into his life with the word ‘and’ attached to him.

Later on, Sunggyu is watching Woohyun sleep again. Sunggyu acknowledged that it was becoming a bad habit (did people like him even possess things called habits? No, scratch that, were they even people?) and once again, he has to bury away all his desires, all his longings looks and all his desperate wishes, because he knows that they are not meant to be.

Woohyun tosses and turns in his sleep, muttering intelligible things (was that Sunggyu’s name?) and just mumbling nonsense in general. Sunggyu sighs as he watches Woohyun shift onto his side, unconsciously clutching the heavy covers closer to him. He gazes sadly over the younger male’s prone form and whispers a soft sleep well and a faraway I love you before he gets up to leave, aiming to spend the rest of the nights staring forlornly out the window at what he cannot reach.

Just as his arm leaves the bed, Woohyun heaves up with a gasp, a wild piercing look in his eyes as he stares directly at Sunggyu. It’s not just a wishful look, no longer a glancing memory; Woohyun is seeing and he is also seeing, and Sunggyu has to stifle a gasp at the intense look of longing and fierce desire in Woohyun’s soulful eyes. There is no escape, and Woohyun knows this.

“Please,” he breathes softly, almost afraid that if he said anything louder Sunggyu would vanish like leaves on an autumn wind, “stay here. Just a little longer, please, don’t go. I’m asking you a favour. I swear, I’ll treat you better, I’ll love you more, just anything.”

Sunggyu doesn’t reply, afraid of what Woohyun is saying, as the younger male collapses back into the tangled sheets, sleep overtaking him just as quickly as it had left.

“I can’t let you go yet,” Woohyun whispers, and this time there are tears in his eyes as he continues, “I need you just that little bit longer, so I can live, so that I can survive because I know I’ll stop one day.”

Sunggyu blinks, and he hesitatingly reaches out a hand towards Woohyun, but the dark-haired man is already fast asleep once more with mumbles coming from his mouth that sound suspiciously like don’t leave and stay here.

Sunggyu doesn’t move but his tears betray him as they glisten in the dark like pearls in the ocean’s dark waters, escaping from him exactly as he wishes Woohyun would escape and he silently vows to himself to break the puzzle pieces sooner. He has to, for Woohyun’s sake. He will do it. He will break the puzzle pieces, bend them, mar them and destroy them completely so that Woohyun can move on and so that Woohyun will also destroy the attachment that is keeping both of them there.

He’ll break them.