'Ken-ah~ can you accompany hyung to go shopping later?'

'Ah.....i can't.I'm going out with the others later to the movies.' Ken stated in a monotonous tone while keeping his gaze fixed on his phone.

'Ohh,ok.Thats fine~'

My ignorance....

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'Aishhh N hyung,I'm playing here.Leave me alone.Stop hugging me.'

'But ke-'

'Ah damn it,I lost...Gosh,you're so annoying hyung.Piss off seriously.Don't show your face to m- i..i hyung..hyung I'm so-'

'Its Alright jaehwannie...'Hakyeon states with a small smile assuring the younger that he would do as he asked and left soon afterwards.

My disrespectful attitude towards him.
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'N hyung~ are you alright?'

'.....yeah'

'I'm fine,jaehwannie~'

His last assurance.Telling me that he's fine but clearly he was not.He left us that night.....

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Why...why was i so foolish,selfish...disrespectful.

*Dear Hakyeon hyung,

Please come back to us...we missed you.You left us so soon.

We-I need you here.

I feel miserable,hurt and empty without you by my side.

I was wrong.
I didn't try to at least spend some quality time with you when you needed me.
That I scolded you just because i lost a game.
That I couldn't see that you were suffering on your own
That you had already so much on your plate yet we added more trouble for you.

The amount of me apologising isn't going to bring you back to my side.

I still cannot accept your death.
I still cannot believe that you took your own life.Why didn't you look for help was what i wanted to ask but as i ponder deeper at that thought,i realised why.

You tried hard didn't you?Yet your voice was unheard.Even when they were heard,nobody acknowledged or even bother doing something...right hyung?They,We laughed at your sufferings while you dealt with it like it was some everyday deed you had to do.

You tried to suppress your loneliness by trying to spend more time with us yet we pushed you away and eventually it got too much and thats why you left us...for good...right?

'Hyung I'm sorry.
Please come back.
You'll not be lonely anymore if you come back to me.
I regret and i ask for your forgiveness.I'll treat and care for you more.Please come back!'

Those were the words i chanted when you left.Did you hear my pleas hyung?
You did.
Didn't you?

I know i sound foolish by saying this but,why didn't you listen and come back?

Of course i should know the reason to why too.

We never listened to you and i guess you prefer up there than down here with us.

Up there,you are free of your responsibility,stress,depression,hates...and mostly us,is that right hyung?

Its so quiet without you here.So lonely but i guess its nowhere near how you felt all these years.

I miss your caring,motherly hugs and caresses.

The world suddenly looked dull and gloomy without you here.I couldn't consume any food without feeling like having to vomit it all out.

There would be no one who could replicate your kindness,really.

I guess i should stop sobbing.Hyung would be sad since you wanted me to do my best and continue being your little sunshine so I'll stop.

I'll man up for you.

I'll be strong for you,Vixx and Starlights.

I'll smile just for you.
Since that's all i could do for you now.

I love you,hyung.

Take care.

Love,
Lee Jaehwan*

'I want to see N hyung...soon.'

To be continued....Double update~♡