I am in bed. Late at night. Sleepless. Still processing what Joy told me earlier about her illness. Thinking of the things that led up to this got me feeling really guilty. Like how she hid in the storage room yesterday not because I had something on my lips. It was because she was in pain and wanted to hide that pain from the eyes of the hospital. I was dumb for not noticing any abnormal behaviour earlier. This intramedullary tumour that she has in her spinal chord... has been growing since last year.... 

Now that Joy is in this state, isn't it best that she stays suspended, so she doesn't have to strain herself with more work? Her words were still very vivid in my mind. So vivid that I could replay our whole conversation back in chunks: 

"...Don't tell anyone about this, I'm telling you this because I trust you."

"Why can't I tell anyone? Joy! Your family deserves to know."

"You don't need to ask so much. Just don't worry Yeri..." 

"Then answer me this, why didn't you tell me earlier? Why keep it a secret?? It doesn't make sense."

"I saw you as a stranger on the first day, so of course I had no reason to tell it to you. As time passed, I've grown closer to you and I- well I still had no reason to tell you because it'll only make you worry which isn't my desire at all. The thing is... I want to spend the rest of my days happy before I... nothing."

"Wait, the rest of your days?! What does that mean?"

"If you want to know more, come with me to my next appointment with Dr Wang next week. He'll be sure to clear up what I just said..."

I still don't understand why she doesn't want me to tell anyone about this. She has to at least let her family know. When I understood her situation a little better after our date (who knew a date could end like that T.T), she went back to her family's place leaving me devastated. I wish I were able to have her here again, in our apartment because like, how can her family correctly look after her if they don't know about it? Plus, she said they were penniless which meant poor right?! I'm not saying that her family won't be good at looking after her, it's just... I guess I've adapted to her presence after all these months that I keep thinking that she's here beside me even though she's not physically here. 

Not gonna lie, I'm furious about this whole thing. I've never seen Joy act this reckless. She has no idea how much pain this puts me through knowing this only today. As a doctor herself, she shouldn't have kept this to herself for this long. Now the possibilities of treatments for her is limited. At this point, I don't think merely taking medicine will fully heal her. 

Waiting until next week to know everything about what she was talking about? I think I won't have the patience to wait that long. It's going to be torturous I tell you. 

Sweat was forming on my forehead, and my eyes were wide opened, crickets chirping from outside. I tossed from one side to the other as the night wore on.

[Next Week]

My work at the hospital has kept me distracted from worrying about Joy too much. Whenever I came back home, I'd call Joy first thing to make sure she's ok. She must have thought that I'm annoying for doing so lol Wendy and Seulgi asked me a few times about why I was acting all quiet and weird. Every time they asked me, I had to pinch myself pretty hard to not let her huge- secret slip out and end up making dumb excuses XD

But today's finally the day. No more waiting.

I drove to the private clinic. I've done some research on the place out of curiosity. Dr Wang is the founder of the clinic as well as the head of neurosurgery there. Joy told me that he's good friends with Dr Irene. Who knew? Haha, and yes, he was the one who Joy tried calling during the surgery we did last month.

The place has earned a proud reputation from the great teamwork and the high success rate of recoveries for patients in the past years which got me hopeful that Joy will be just fine if she chooses to receive treatment there.

The clinic was bigger than I thought it would be. I walked towards the entrance and waited. Was I early...? There was no sign of Joy yet. Then my Christmas text tone went off. I pulled my phone out from my back pocket. It was from her.

"I'm inside." I raised one eyebrow and looked behind me through the glass door. A couple was coming out, so I was able to get in without having to push the doors open. She was across the room. This was my first time seeing her since last week. She looked beautiful, but I know that's not the case on the inside. 

"Yeri! You came!" She hugged me tightly, "I can't wait for him to meet you! Dr Wang is not scary at all." She laughed. I wasn't worried about that, I was more concerned abou