Posttraumatic stress disorder: a mental disorder that can develop after a person is exposed to a traumatic event or threats on a person's life. Symptoms may include disturbing thoughts, feelings, or dreams related to the events, mental or physical distress to trauma-related cues, attempts to avoid trauma-related cues and alterations in how a person thinks and feels.

 

Stupid! Idiot! Moron! I am supposed to be the smartest person in the planet yet I am the most brainless one! How could I be mischiefed by a peasant like him! A monster like him! A genius like him!

I deserved it! I let my guard down and he tricked me! He tricked me into believing, even for a split second, that I could help him!

Now here I sit with my neck bruised from the unbearable force he tried to choke me with. He is so small yet so strong. 

The worst part of this case? The fact that I felt something! Of course it can definitely be excused. When I touched his cheek I felt  shivers down my spine. This could be because of how monstrous he is, right? When he wrapped his hands around my neck I felt sparkles. But that could be caused by his fricking grip! How betrayed I felt after this whole situation, I can't explain.

The door opens. Two familiar faces appear. This time they don't seem so irritating.

"Hey Jimin. How are you feeling?" Namjoon asks.

Seokjin looks at him with disbelief "You can't just ask him how he's feeling! He almost fricking died! I knew we should have restrained that maniac better!"

"Jinie calm down a bit. Not in front of the kid" says Namjoon yelling-whispering. I can't help but think they look like a married couple.

"It's ok. Can we just not talk about him" I whisper. My throats is too soar to raise my voice.

"Yeah, sure. What do you want to talk about?" Namjoon said, sitting on the edge of the bed. He is acting like he is my father. I wish my father was like him.

"I don't know, the weather?" I ask, my vocal cords hurting from not being used these three days I am in the hospital.

"The weather is awful these days. We have been having a drought" says Seokjin, standing besides Namjoon.

"Why are you such a killjoy? For God's ache Jin!" Namjoon bursts. He hits gently Seokjin in the stomach.

"Hyungs, I really appreciate that you came but I think I need some rest" I say a bit louder than I can handle right now, making my neck ache even more.

"Yeah, sure thing" Namjoon says and gets up. He pushes Seokjin towards the door on my hospital room. "What was that?!" he whispers to Seokjin but not low enough for me not to hear. Then the air burdens with silence once again.

I am left alone with my thoughts and that terrifies me. I don't want to think about Min Yoongi anymore. I don't know how to do that so I just try to sleep. I close my eyes.

I am in my childhood home. My father has passed out in the corner from drinking to much. I, on the other hand, am solving equations, in the age of five. My father moves a bit. Then, as a dark silhouette, he gets up and comes towards me.

The image changes. I am on the floor. I don't know where. Everything is black.  The only thing I can see are two eyes. Two red eyes. The silhouette looks like my father's but it is much smaller. It has come close now.

I can see who it is. And I don't like it. "Min Yoongi, the monstrous murderer" his voice echoes in my head. I scream as he reaches me. He holds my hand and then punches me in the face. He punches me on and on. Then a blade shines in the darkness. As I am about to scream again he stabs me in the neck. The pain is unbearable. Then he does it again. He does dozens of times when finally, out of breath, he stops. He looks at me in the eyes. His eyes sparkle red, despite the fact that in reality they are brown. He touches my chin and gently brushes his thumb over it. Then he comes closer. In spite of the fact that I should have already died, my heart beats faster. And then, the shine of the blade comes closer to me, and it is too late. He stubbed me in the eye. Then he does the same to the other eye.

I don't know where it came from but a gun appears in his hand, taking the place of the blade. Even though I resist he opens my mouth and puts the gun in it. He tills it so it faces upwards and shoots. I scream, although my vocal cords have been destroyed from the dozens of stubs I received earlier.

I don't know how I can see from my stubbed eyes but I do. And unfortunately what I see is what hurts me the most. Min Yoongi is pointing his head with the gun and with a smile he says "I love you, fantasy" then the weapon fires and he falls down.

I breathe fast. That was the worst nightmare I have ever had. And the realization that comes with it is what makes me shiver.

"I love you fantasy" the words echo inside my head.

"STOP" I scream. My throat feels like it has been stubbed. I touch it and luckily it's in its place.

I know I am not going to sleep tonight.

 

******

 

A knock on the door makes me tilt my head towards the opposite direction. I hate the nurses in here. They treat me like I am a war hero. If only they knew what was in my mind.

"Jimin hyung?" a deep voice shyly says. I turn around immediately. Taehyung and Jungkook are waiting on the door with a bouquet of flowers.

I smile and sign them to come in. Jungkook awkwardly leaves the bouquet on my filled with pills nightstand.

"How are you hyung?" Taehyung asks.

"Fine" I say but my voice isn't exercised so it's high-pitched and out of tone.

"That doesn't look like fine" Jungkook says, grabbing a chair to sit.

Without their uniforms they both look good. Jungkook has pink highlighters in his hair, thing I wouldn't have noticed otherwise. Taehyung has a mole on his nose. Oh, and they are holding hands.

"Tell us your worries. You look like you have a lot in your head" Taehyung says kindly.

"I am the smartest person in the world and a psychiatrist with a dangerous client. You think I wouldn't have loads of thoughts in my head?" I ask.

"Hey! We came for a visit because we are good people. Leave the attitude on the door. I've put up enough with you!" Jungkook says, with a tone of aggressiveness decorating his voice. Taehyung puts his palm on the head of the younger and he immediately stops looking at me all threatening.

"Kookie can you wait for a minute outside?" he asks Jungkook. The younger looks at us both and then leaves, mumbling on his way uncomprehendable things.

"What was that about?" I whisper to Taehyung. He shakes his head intensely, then sits down, next to my hand on the bed.

"Nothing. It's just..." he says struggling. He weights the words before speaking again "complicated"

"So what did you want to tell me?" I ask, not want to get involved in anything like Jungkook-Taehyung drama.

He took a deep breath, symbolizing the important of his words. "What are you going to do with him? Will you continue?"

I shallow. I don't want to answer to this question. I blink and for a second that my eyes are closed, I see him. I jump up. I stand still, like he is here right now and by being motionless I will assure my safety. I forget how to breathe. I am slowly but surely suffocating. When I realize that I have no air in my lungs I inhale deeply, scared.

I am afraid of him. I mustn't. He is locked away and I am free. I am smarter, yet this moment I feel a great deal foolish.

I shouldn't feel foolish. I shouldn't feel threatened! Not by this monster! He tried to kill me! I shouldn't whine. I should go back in there and make him collapse. Make him feel threatened! Make him cry from a broken heart! Make him suffocate!

"I will be back by Monday" I say.