“Finally.” Lisa said when Bambam finally answered her call. It was Lisa’s eighth call for the night. She has been trying to reach Bambam since his mom told her that he’s sick—which was yesterday. If you count the day before, Lisa was probably calling for the fiftieth time, or more. None of her calls are answered, not even her texts.

Bambam always thought that people sulking about heartbreaks are just being dramatic. Only now, as he lay on his bed all covered up with blanket up to his nose and hot with fever, does he realize that no one is ever overdramatic when it comes to heartbreak. He has been in his bed for the past two days. He hates being sick but for the first time in his life, he loved it since he has an excuse to shut everyone around him.

But Bambam felt like he’s been ignoring Lisa for too long. For the past three hours, he has been staring at his phone as Lisa calls, not wanting to answer it but didn’t want to reject it either. So he just stare at his phone ringing and ringing until his hand finally took the phone out of his will, thumb sliding to answer the call. He can never say no to Lisa.

“Are you okay?” Lisa worriedly asked. “Of course you’re not.”

Bambam can’t help but smile, he could see Lisa rolling her eyes as she plays with her hair over the phone. After everything, it’s still so easy for Lisa to amuse him.

“What happened?” Lisa asked.

Bambam inhaled. A lot of things happened and Lisa has no idea how much Bambam wants to tell her everything. Yugyeom and I fought. He likes you so much than more than you can imagine. And I like you too. I like you and it hurts me so much more than you can imagine. He wanted to say it all but none of it wants to escape his lips.

“Nothing.” Bambam exhaled. “I’m just tired, I guess.” It was an excuse but wasn’t entirely a lie. Bambam is tired. Tired from feeling so frustrated. Tired from running away from Yugyeom. Tired of feeling so bad for falling in love with his best friend.

“Are you sure?” Lisa asked. “Yugyeom told me you two haven’t talked too. Is everything okay?”

Bambam felt his heart tight again at the sound of Lisa’s voice saying Yugyeom’s name.

“You really like him, huh?” Bambam suddenly asked, not minding the thorns enveloping his heart with every word he utter.

“W-what?” Lisa stuttered. “That’s-that’s not even related to my question.”

“Oh, are you keeping secrets to me now? I’m hurt.” Jokes are always half meant but this time, Bambam means his joke wholeheartedly.

Lisa exhaled, truth is she can never hide anything from Bambam. “It’s so weird, Bam. You know me, I hate irrational things. I hate not thinking about stuff thoroughly before acting. But with Yugyeom...” she paused before continuing. “It’s different. I act before thinking. I do stuff I didn’t think I’ll ever do. I opened up my heart to animals again, Bambam. You know how much it hurt. But he somehow opened me up with it. I’m sorry, I know it’s crazy.”

There was silence after. Bambam can feel Lisa waiting anxiously for his answer. She’s waiting for something, like some acknowledgement of some sort from her best friend. Bambam didn’t want to answer. He didn’t want to speak his heart to her but didn’t want to lie to her either.

“It is.” Bambam finally said. “Falling in love—it makes you feel things you never thought you’re capable of feeling. It makes you feel these things to the person you never thought you’ll fall for. It makes you do things you never thought you’ll do or your normal self will never allow you to do. But that’s exactly what’s falling in love is. It’s crazy and you should never feel sorry about it.”

Bambam didn’t know where those words came from. Maybe he just made those up because he’s desperate to make Lisa feel better about her feelings. Or maybe, it is exactly how Lisa makes him feel and he just needed to tell her about it in the most subtle way he can.

“Oh, Bambam.” Lisa sounds amused. “I didn’t know you have some Shakespeare in you.”

Bambam felt his cheeks grow hotter than his fever. “Whatever. Never mind. I’m just trying to make you feel better and you’re so easy to believe my nonsense.”

Lisa chuckled and it sounds like angels singing in Bambam’s ear, suddenly, he’s feeling better.

“Thank you.” Lisa said. “But you’re the one who’s sick and I shouldn’t be bothering you. So go back to sleep now and get well, okay?”

Bambam smiled weakly trying to hide the pain as if Lisa can see him. “Thanks, mom.”

“Whatever. Good night, Bammie.”

“Good night.”

“Thank you.” Lisa whispered before hanging up.

Bambam put his phone in his chest as he thought about Nana’s words.

Zero loses the value of all variables.

Zero loses all.

***

It was a cold night. Bambam and Yugyeom are lying down at Bambam’s bedroom floor. They were fourteen and Yugyeom ran away from home after accidentally hearing that his parents are separating. Yugyeom actually saw it coming, their arguments became too frequent. Yugyeom hated it, his dad and mom screaming at each other as if he’s not there so he always run away and Bambam’s home has always been his hideout.

“Do you think my parents will still get back together?” Yugyeom asked dryly. He has been staring at the dark ceiling for almost an hour while Bambam has his eyes closed but couldn’t sleep. A pair of earphones are connected in their ears, some music is playing to help them sleep but is obviously not helping.

Bambam shrugged lightly. “I don’t know. Do you want them to?”

Yugyeom sighed tiredly. “I don’t know, too. I just don’t want them to be angry, you know? I don’t want them to be sad. I just want them to be happy.”

Bambam opens his eyes and looks at the ceiling like Yugyeom.

“And if being away from each other is what will make them happy then so be it.” Yugyeom said, holding back his tears.

“Oh, look at Yugyeomie being mature.” Bambam said snuggling on Yugyeom’s side trying to ease the awkwardness.

“Hey, Bambam!” Yugyeom protested, his tears turning into chuckles.

“Wow, you’re too mature for your best friend’s hug now?” Bambam pressed.

Yugyeom ignored him. “What if they got divorced? Where will I live?”

“Hm.” Bambam said straightening his back again. “You can live here.”

“Really? Your mom will allow me to stay here?” Yugyeom asked.

Bambam snorted. “Of course she will. She loves you so much I think she likes you more than her own son.”

“Even if I’m from a broken family?” Yugyeom asked so suddenly.

“What?” Bambam. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“I mean, I won’t be who I am anymore.” Yugyeom can’t put into words how much it scares him. Sure it could be the best for his parents but what about him? Where will he live? Does he have to choose between his mom and dad? No, he cannot do that. He can never choose between them. Then he remembered the people’s stares, people will judge him. They will never look like him before. He’ll be the kid with the divorced parents, everyone will pity him and he’s just afraid his best friend will look at him that way too.

“What are you talking about? You’re Yugyeom and you will always be Yugyeom. You’re my best friend because you are Yugyeom. You’ll always be my best friend because you’re you.” Bambam explained. He thought he didn’t make sense but that’s just what Yugyeom needs to hear.

Yugyeom smiled, wrinkling his nose.

They were silent again for a while until they heard a fart sound.

“Hey! What the f—man!” Bambam exclaimed throwing a pillow at Yugyeom.

Yugyeom caught the pillow and threw it back at Bambam lightly then hugging him, squeezing the pillow between them.

“Ew man!” Bambam protested, trying to escape Yugyeom’s hug but he’s too tall and his slender legs are enveloping him now.

“Hey, do you hate me now for farting?” Yugyeom asked, releasing Bambam. “You hate your best friend for farting?”

Instead of answering, another loud fart echoed the dark room.

“Bambam!” Yugyeom laughed hysterically.

“No, your best friend farts with you.” Bambam answered and it was his turn to wrap his slender legs at Yugyeom.

This is the longest time in the years that they have known each other that Bambam hasn’t talked to Yugyeom. He hasn’t talked to him since their confrontation. Normally, when he gets sick, Yugyeom visits home to help Bambam’s mom take care of him and basically annoy him despite being sick. This time though, Bambam doesn’t even know if Yugyeom know he’s sick. He’s probably wondering why he’s not coming to school but Bambam’s not even sure if he’s going to school. He’s probably still annoyed that he will skip school just to not see Bambam. He thinks it’s the best though, it’s