“Are you sure you’re okay with it?” Yugyeom asked for probably the fifteenth time on their way home from the gym. Not counting the three times he repeated it when Bambam didn’t answer at first. Bambam wished he’d stop tormenting him.

They’re at the convenience store getting their bikes. Bambam couldn’t blame Yugyeom though, half of the time that he asked if it’s okay was answered in silence. The other half was either Bambam teasing Yugyeom or giving him funny looks.

Bambam rode his bike and cycled away, trying to escape the question he can’t quite answer.

 “It’s cool, bro. Don’t worry.” Bambam said, pausing then turning back at Yugyeom. “Great, actually. You’re my best friends. It’s cool.” He assured himself more than Yugyeom.

If there’s any consolation, it’s Yugyeom’s childlike grin. Bambam couldn’t help but to smile too.

“Now go home, lover boy. You’re so cheesy. Ew.” Bambam said turning back to the road, pedaling as hard as he can. He just hopes Yugyeom didn’t notice it since he’s up in the clouds anyway.

That night, Bambam went straight to bed. He skipped dinner, didn’t even say hi to Lisa when they got home from the city. He slumped himself in his bed, twisted and turned but couldn’t hit the slumber. Not when there’s a thousand things going on his mind. Not when his chest is hurting so bad he can’t explain.

He hasn’t even figured out how he feels for Lisa and now Yugyeom likes her too. What should he do? Should he tell Lisa about it? Does he really like her? Has he really fallen in love with his best friend? And if he do, what about Yugyeom? Should he give way for the two of them?

That thought sent a hurricane in his chest. He doesn’t know how Lisa feels. But he has seen it. Seen the way Lisa looks at Yugyeom. The way she laughs when Yugyeom cracks a lame joke. Her eyes glow, her smile too bright it’s almost blinding. He felt his chest tight, as if his heart is shrinking.

Bambam didn’t sleep a second that night, his hand firm on his chest the whole night, sulking in his first heartbreak.

***

Bambam looked for ways to distract himself which ended up with him distancing himself to his best friends who he thinks are having just the same—if not more—fun without him. So one Thursday afternoon after class, when the three of them are supposed to pick up Bowi from the animal shelter after weeks of regaining health, Bambam excused himself telling he can’t go with them since he has to work for his finals. He even winked at Yuygeom behind Lisa’s back as if he’s really giving the two of them alone time. He felt slap in his chest while doing so though.

It wasn’t a lie though, because Bambam is now in the school library doing his pair-work finals for Literature.

“Uhm, hello? Bambam?” Nana called, waving and snapping her fingers right in front of Bambam’s face. “Are you listening?”

Nana is his partner for his Literature finals. Mrs. Dublin took the liberty to assign the pairings and Bambam was lucky enough to be paired to the class’ top student.

“Are you even here? You’re so zoned out. You look so bothered.” Nana added as Bambam lazily turned to her. Physically, yes. Mentally, he’s spying Lisa and Yugyeom right now who’s probably enjoying their first date while he’s stuck in this boring library analyzing the love story of the two most stupid people—in his opinion—on earth who was too blinded by love that they didn’t end up together. He still thinks this is better though than being a third wheel to his best friends.

“I thought I’m the wall here.” Nana spoke again not waiting for Bambam to answer.

“Wall? What?” Bambam asked curiously, finally letting himself away from his worries.

“Yes, a wall.” Nana said as-a-matter-of-factly. “You don’t remember? Freshman year? You called me a wall.”

“What?” Bambam asked again in awe. He didn’t really forget. He actually remembers it vividly but he just couldn’t believe Nana is still bringing it up right now.

“We were partners in lab and in the evaluation you wrote ‘She doesn’t talk, like I’m paired with a wall. But we aced the activities so it’s cool.” Nana quoted it perfectly. Bambam has his mouth hanging open in awe and disbelief. “It was supposed to be confidential but Mr. Rodriguez loved it so much he decided to share it to class. Everyone started calling me wall since.”

“What?” Bambam said in disbelief. “No one calls you a wall anymore. You’re hardworking Nana, leader Nana, Miss Perfect Nana now.”

Bambam is not even lying. Nana tops the class since freshman year, a student leader, with just the right amount of extracurricular participation as the head of the photography club which she pioneered in the school. In short, she is one of the goody-good grade conscious students that already knows what they want in life the moment they got in high school.

Bambam remembers when they were lab partners. It wasn’t made up though, other than asking Bambam if he knows how to do the activities—which he always answer with a shake—Nana didn’t talk much. She’s basically a wall who’s good with science. But as Bambam tries to remember, she’s probably not so much like a wall. She’s just really quiet, often laughing at his lame jokes. Thinking back, he felt a bit guilty for calling her wall, she probably felt really bad if it’s still bothering her now.

“Whatever.” Nana said. “No harm done anyways, I’m just good remembering things.” She said shrugging. “Anyways, you look bothered.” She looked closer to Bambam. “Whoa. You look really bothered. I’m worried.”

“Why would you be worried?” Bambam said a bit agitated that she’s bugging him.

“Of course I am. We’re talking about our finals here which is too complex for me to do alone. I have grades to keep you know.” Nana said without a flinch.

Bambam sighed. “If it’s too complicated for you and how do you think it’ll be for me?”

Nana rolled her eyes. “Don’t you have anyone to talk to about whatever’s bothering? Like Yugyeom?”

Bambam groaned hearing his name. “What if he’s the problem?”

“Oh, tea.” Nana said. She put down her pen then turned to Bambam. “Wanna talk about it?”

“No. You’re nosy.” Bambam said looking away.

“Fine. If you don’t want then at least psyche yourself you’ll help me or just go sulk at home.” Nana dared.

Bambam looked away slouching in his chair. Thought a thousand times before taking a deep breath.

“Promise me you won’t tell anyone.” Bambam finally said. He didn’t know what drives him to tell Nana and why is he even, of all people, talking about his personal problems with her. All he knows is that he’s been taking it all in his own he has to rant to someone.

Nana leaned in, rested her elbow in the table to she’s facing Bambam. “Trust me. Walls are the best listeners. We listen and don’t talk about it to anyone.”

Bambam rolled his eyes and took another deep breath. “So, I have a bestfriend—“

“Yeah, Yugyeom?” Nana asked.

“No.”

“He’s not your bestfriend?”

“What? No. Can you please let me finish first?”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“I have another best friend, Lisa. Have you heard about her?” Bambam asked.

“Huh? No. Why would I know her?” Nana answered innocently.

“Nothing,” Bambam said shaking his head. He haven’t talked about Lisa to every