It has been approximately 20 minutes since I have arrived outside the venue of the Cass Beer commercial shoot, yet I am still here inside my car, fidgeting in my seat like it is my first day in school. I am nervous as hell, panicking like it is my first commercial shoot. My manager was so confused when I called her last night telling him that I will go to the venue alone and that we should just meet there. When he asked my why, I made up an excuse that I just want to drive by myself and feel independent, laughing hysterically, hoping to convince him that it’s just one of my weird antics. Stupid excuse, I know. But I couldn’t just tell him that, “No I don’t want you to see me acting crazy for I was scared of meeting Jiyong again Jangmae…” So I have to make up a horrible excuse. Being a weirdo that I am, managernim didn’t asked further questions and just told me not to be late.

It was agreed upon that we should be on the location at 3PM for the makeup and to dolled up. As of the moment, it is already 2:45 PM. Fifteen minutes more and I really need to get inside the freakin’ bar. It was not my style to arrive on the set at the exact time. I would usually be there 30 minutes before the said schedule. So yeah, Kwon Jiyong could totally change my habits and I am not liking it.

A week ago, I told myself that I will be able to handle this, that I’m going to be back to my normal state wherein Kwon Jiyong is just another colleague and that I am not in love with him. Well, I didn’t. ‘Cause here I am perspiring even if the air-conditioner is on high. My knees are too weak to even take a step to get out of the car, my mind is too chaotic to even think, and my heart is beating too fast like it’s going to malfunction any time soon.

I heard my phone ring and as I saw the name of my manager on the screen, I can’t help but take a deep breath. “Yeoboseyo? I’m almost there Jangmae.” I immediately say after answering it. As I end the call, I face the mirror in front of me, checking if I look okay. But nah, I look like a walking zombie, eye bags as big as my love for him, lips as white as his skin and face as pale as his feelings for me. I sighed and got my beauty kit inside my bag and put some concealer on my eye bags, lipstick on my lips and tint on my cheeks.

I looked at myself again in the mirror and somehow, I look presentable now, just a bit of fake smile and everyone will think that I am not breaking inside. If only there is something that I could put on my heart to temporarily make it okay.

I sighed once again and check myself on the mirror for the last time “AJA! You can do this! You are Sandara Park after all! Fighting!” I tried to convince myself before getting out of the car.

“Hello everyone! Bow down now, for the great Sandara Park has arrived” I greeted upon entering the bar, acting as cheerful as possible. Everyone laughed and after recovering from my antics, gave their warmest smiles and greetings to me. I looked around the bar to find him but he was nowhere to be found.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and as I look at my side, I saw my manager looking at me, so puzzled "Hey! You are late than your usual time…” My manager said while getting the bag on my hands. I looked at her and smiled “Jangmae, it’s not 3PM yet, look I have 3 minutes more before the set time” I replied while showing her my watch. “I know that, but you are usually 30 minutes early on the said time. So you are late on my watch…” He said and before I could even answer him, He continued “Jiyong is also not around yet, he called awhile ago saying he would be a bit late.. what is happening to the both of you, huh? Anyway, you have to prepare now and have your make up done. Come here, this way.” He said while guiding me inside a room wherein the glam team is present.

So he is still not around huh? My best actress performance was put to waste then. Sigh. It’s much better this way though so I still have time to calm my heart and mentally prepare myself.., or not…

“Good afternoon everyone. Sorry for being a bit of late today.” I heard the voice I so terribly miss. Just hearing his voice and I could feel my heart rejoicing and my mind scolding it for being pathetic yet again. Sigh. I am thankful that the make up artist is currently putting eye shadow on me and so my eyes are still closed. I heard everyone greeted him, assuring him that it is okay for he was just 15 minutes late for the prep time but a worrier that he is, he kept apologizing to the staffs. As for me I pretended that I was asleep. My eyes are closed anyway, so why not right? I heard one of the stylist instructed him to sit down next to me to start his make up and as I felt his presence adjacent to me, my body froze like a freakin’ ice, my hands are trembling like an earthquake, thank goodness it is hidden under a blanket, and my stupid heart is beating too freakin’ fast like I just had a 10km run nonstop. ! Will I be able to finish this shoot without fainting? I could only hope.