The world wouldn’t stop revolving even if your heart is broken. The people around you are still going  to continue living even if you are dying inside. You see after a heartbreak, Life still goes on and you just have to deal with it.

So as I was sitting here listening to my friends laughter, I cannot help but envy them for they seem to be so happy even with the most petty things. I tried to listen intently on their conversation, trying to comprehend what they are laughing about, only to find out that it was all about the recent episode of Goblin wherein the two handsome leads doesn’t know how to use the phone. I sighed, I don’t find it funny at all. I sipped on my coffee when the music playing on the coffee shop changed. 

"I want you to stay, never go away from me
Stay forever
But now, now that you’re gone
All I can do is pray for you
To be here beside me again"

Stay. He should have asked me to stay. He should have not let me walked out of the door. But he just let me. Didn't even bother to stop me.

At some point I thought thay he likes me too. There were times that he made me feel like everything is real. Times when he would call me to meet up to his apartment thinking he just wants the usual. But then, there he is sitting in front of the dining table with my favorite food present. "Since you got the commercial for Penshoppd, I just thought we should celebrate it.." He would explain while giving me his boyish smile, scratching the back of his head. It made my heart flatter with so much glee. It made me think that it was becoming real.

There were also times when he would  act so protective and caring. One time he found out I was sick on one of our rehearsal. He was so furious that I still went there when I'm literally burning hot. He scolded me more than a father would scold his daughter, "Do you want to die? You know you are not feeling well yet you are overworking yourself! Aisht! You're going to be the death of me Sandara Park!" Instead of being scared or mad to his scoldings, I would find myself smiling for he was acting like a true namja to me. It was becoming real, well at least for me.

There was also the time last year, on my birthday wherein I had a photoshoot that lasted around 11pm. I was too tired to even celebrate it, plus my friends were also busy that time, as to my parents, they were out of the country for a business meeting. Maybe it was the tiredness that made me feel a bit of down that day or the fact that everyone seemed busy with their life including me to even celebrate my special day. I guess it was not that special at all. My manager even went home early for there was an emergency in their house. So I was literally alone on my birthday. I was nearing my car when I saw a tall figure leaning on it. As I adjusted my sight for it was a bit dark in the parking lot, I saw him leaning on the passenger door, a bouquet of blue roses in his right hands and a cup of my favorite latte on the other.

He looked up when he felt my presence "Happy Birthday!" He greeted with so much cheekiness. I didn't even bothered to reply and just dropped my duffel bag on the floor and hugged him. "Aigoo, are you that happy to see me?" He said.

I didn't reply still for I cannot hold my tears anymore. "Hey is the birthday girl too tired to even reply?" He laughed.

Still I didn't reply and just buried my face on his chest, that's when he realized that I was crying. "hey, are you okay? What's wrong babe? Why are you crying?" He asked and made me look at him. He put the bouquet of roses and the latte at the top of the car before he wiped my tears. "Aigoo! Weren't you informed that when it's your birthday you are not allowed to cry?" He said while holding my face with both of his hands. It warmed my heart. I smiled. He smiled back.

"I was just too tired plus I'm hungry.." He laughed. "And I thought I'll be alone on my birthday." I continued. "I'm here now" he replied and hugged me tightly. I smiled again. "Here, your favorite." He said and got the bouquet and latte and gave it to me.

"Gomawo, chincha gomawa." I told him. It was the best birthday I had ever had in my life. It was almost prefect, if only he said the words I wish to hear. Saranghae. If only I have heard those words, I would really think that what we have is real. But he didn't, so that night, I have to remind myself that he is just a thoughtful friend.

All this memories is making my heart bleed. I want to cry. I want to tell my friends what I'm going through right now. But I couldn't for they don't know my explicit affair with Jiyong. I don't want to see the disappointment in their eyes. I don't want to look weak. So even if it hurts, I need to it up.

I was cut off from my thoughts when I heard my phone rang...

"Yeoboseyo? Unnie?" I asked my manager on the other line.

"Dara-yah! I have a great news! Remember the photoshoot with Cass Beer that you agreed to do with Jiyong? It will already be shoot next week and I already have the script on my hands right now.." She explains, excitement in her voice is evident. She was still explaining the details of the endorsement and all I want to say is ! I have totally forgotten about this photoshoot. Of all the time, why now?It seems that the gods are playing tricks with me. Luck is definitely not my side. I want to tell her to cancel it but I know it is not possible anymore for I have already signed the contract, and I am proffesional so no I am not going to do that.

I'm not sure if I am already ready to see him. It has been three weeks after that night but everything seems so fresh. It still hurts like it was just yesterday.

"Dara, are you still there?"

"Deh. Deh.." I replied

"So as I was saying, the photoshoot will be next week... I'll just drop the script on Wednesday after I get it from the company.. Arasso?"

"Arasso..." I simply replied. The call ended and I think my heart will follow as well. Just the thought of seeing him again give such intense emotions within me that my heart will explode any minute now.

I really want to see him but I am scared that when I do, I will be weak again, that I will do things I shouldn't do again. Good thing I still have a week to prepare for this. Maybe within that time I'll be back to normal. Maybe within that time my feelings for him will subside. Maybe or maybe not. !