Can someone die from so much heartbreak? Because I think I am slowly dying. Like my body is weakening minute by minute... that every part of me is suddenly malfunctioning. I feel so lifeless. I don’t even have asthma but I couldn’t breath easily right now. 

As I was seating here, faking a smile, joining everyone’s conversation from time to time, my thoughts are filled of regrets for being such a to Jiyong awhile ago. It took me all my power to act as cool and bubbly as possible. Because a non-bubbly Dara is not normal and people will surely notice it, especially Jiyong. 

I may seem oblivious of him but the truth is that I am very conscious of every move he makes. So when I saw him got up from his seat and went out of the VIP room, my head immediately followed him, only to see from the glass wall of the room, that he went to the entrance of the door to fetch Nana and SooJoo who have just arrived.

As I saw the girl, displeasure came over me. Why is she here? Only YG artist are supposed to be here. SooJoo could pass off as a YG artist already, plus she's not a new to the gang anymore since she's always around for she is Jiyong's girl best friend, so she is allowed to be here. But her?No offense but, I don't really see why she passed off as a model. She looks ordinary to me. ‘Nana is your friend’, my conscience reminded me. Guilt suddenly washed over. 

So who ever said that Love can turn you into a monster you’ve never imagined yourself to be, surely knows what he is talking about. I know that Nana is just a friend to him but I also know that she has this tiny crush on the guy, and she is really vocal about it. Everyone knows it, even Jiyong. But it was cleared before in one of our trip that it was just but a crush on Nana's side and that Jiyong just saw her like a younger sister. She has just have a friendly crush on him, an admiration. But I still couldn’t erase my doubts in my mind, since I was but a noona to him before too, and look what we have been doing these past couple of months. 

I find myself getting out of the room and walking towards the bar, not waiting for the three of them to reach the room. They are still standing in the entrance, still talking, oblivious of my presence. I reached the bar and chose to sit in the darkest corner, hoping they would not find me here. 

I just couldn’t face Nana right now for my mind is in total chaos and that she has become a bad character on it. I am afraid that I could say things I shouldn’t say. And so I opted to have a drink. 

Since Jiyong and I had agreed to have this set-up, I had stopped drinking. I didn’t need it anyway. He had afterall become the remedy for my troubled heart. But right now, a drink is what I needed for my ‘remedy’ has become the very reason I need to forget. 

20 minutes later and I could feel myself hype upped. “Another shot of tequila please, no no, make it two..” I laughed while ordering to Jake, the bartender. 

“Are you sure Agassi? You already consumed 10 shots of tequila already…” he said, scratching his head. “Aigoo, don’t worry I’m still not drunk. Ppali, give me that two shots and I’m out of your sight. Kekeke!” I told him, still laughing. 

After I finished that two shots of vodka, I decided to go back to the room our group is occupying. It is really always a good decision to have a drink to shoo the stress away. I went inside the room and everyone’s attention is on me. 

“Dara-yah, where have you been?” CL asked…

“We have been looking for you noona….” Seungri continued..

“Chill guys, I’m not a child anymore. HAHAHA! I was just there in the bar…” I replied, “Oh SooJoo, Nana, you’re here….I missed you two…” I said and went to them and hugged them tightly.

“Aigoo unnie, Have you've been drinking? you smell like tequila… are you drunk?” Nana asked when I let go from the hug. Yes , and you are one of the reason why - I almost replied. I mentally slap myself, reminding again that she is my friend. I guess 12 shots of tequila couldn’t make the monster go away.

“hahahaha! What’s the point of being in bar when you’ll not drink, right?” I replied.

“Whoa! Is this really you unnie? The holy Dara is becoming a bad girl…” SooJoo said and everyone in the table laughed.

“O-oh, a drunk Dara is no good. Remember 8 months ago when you got drunk in this bar? Is this because of an article of Soo Hyuk and Ahreum noona dating?” Youngbae butted in…

“HAHAHA! You are funny Seungri-yah….” I replied. So Soo Hyuk and Ahreum finally got together huh? About time, I know that even if Soo Hyuk and I were together before, those two have always had this special connection between them, so I’m really happy for them. I laughed..Was Soo Hyuk the same guy I cried over with 8 months ago? And looked at me now being happy for his new relationship. I must be really crazy. 

I was smiling to myself when I felt that someone was staring at me. I looked at my right and I saw Jiyong looking at me. I can’t figure out what he is thinking, all I know is that there are a lot of emotions in his eyes but I can’t seem to pinpoint what are those. We stared at each other for quite sometime. He broke it off when Nana nudge him asking him to take a selca with him. They posed in front of her camera, Jiyong dripping his hand over Nana's shoulder, and she was leaning on him. I felt my heart breaking into tiny million pieces. It hurts. I looked away, grabbed Youngbae's hand and pulled him to the dance floor.

“Noona?? are you okay? You don’t look so good.” Youngbae asked while we were dancing. Actually, I was the only one dancing, hoping that I will forget this pain I am feeling inside, while Youngbae is just standing looking at me, confused.

“Is this about Jiyong?” He continued. I stopped dancing and faced him “Bwo? Did he say something to you?” I asked 

“ani. I mean you two look like in a cold war…why? is their something he needs to tell me?” He answered, now not only confusion written on his face is but doubts as well…, doubts that Jiyong and I are hiding something. I was about to answer him when someone pulled me and as I look up, I saw Jiyong standing beside us.

“Youngbae! you know she is already drunk, yet you still made her dance here? What if people recognize her?” he asked angrily.
“I dragged Youngbae here. He is not at fault. And I am not drunk” I shouted at him while pulling my hand from his and started walking back towards the VIP Room. I entered the room with them following me.

“Not drunk? Can’t you see yourself right now? If the press sees this, you are in a lot of trouble” he countered back, anger evident on his voice.

“Don’t act as if you ing care!!!” I shouted. Everyone in the room stopped talking and all attention are on us.

“Wow! Are you acting like a spoiled brat now because of that guy again? You’re willing to ruin your image because of a guy who doesn’t love you. And who are going to clean up your mess? We will. I will!” He shouted back. 

“Guys please stop this already….” I heard Nana said, almost in a whisper…

“Shut up Nana! You don’t know anything, so shut the ! Don’t act so sweet when you are but a snake in disguise!” I said in an insulting tone…

“Unnie? what are you saying? Are you mad at me? Have I done something wrong?” she asked, confusion written on her face.

“You have not done anything wrong Haejung, she is just being a .” Jiyong said, anger still clearly heard in his voice.

“JIYONG!!!!” I heard everyone shouted at him. I faced him,smiled, “wow, thank you for making me realized that, yes indeed I am but a …” I walked out of the room, 
tears falling in my face. It ing hurts to be called a by the person you love. It hurts that right now, I really do feel like a . It hurts that somehow I know there is truth in that, for what do you call a girl who has with someone that is not her boyfriend, a . Jiyong is right, I AM A .

I was almost near my car when someone grabbed my hand. I looked back and saw Jiyong, I pushed him away and was about to continue to walk towards my car when he pulled me back again to face him… I slapped him and we just stared for a minute or so before he grabbed my face and kissed me hard as I run my fingers through his hair. I gasped when he bit my lips and it after. I heard myself moan. He stopped kissing me, looked me in the eyes and said, “Keys…” I didn’t even bother to think of a reply and just hurriedly gave him the keys. 

Though it’s just a 20 minute ride to his apartment, it felt like eternity. I could feel my body heat up when he hold my hand and draw small circles on it. The car stopped, indicating that people are about to passed by,I was watching the people outside when Jiyong made me faced him and kissed me again, pushing his tongue in my cavern. We were so lost in our heated kiss that we didn’t realize that the traffic lights is signaling go already. A series of car horns beeping stopped us from kissing. Jiyong gave me a peck and said before he drove off again “We are almost there baby…”