Jiyong: Dara-yah, let's meet up later after the meeting, arraso? Just the two of us. I terribly miss you.

I have been reading that message for a couple of minutes now but I don't know how to respond to it. I should be happy that he misses me. But I know that that phrase "I terribly miss you" means something else.

I could still clearly remember that night that had changed our friendship forever. It was during Bigbang's Made Concert after party. Almost all of the YG artists are there. Everyone was having fun. Continuous dancing in the dance floor, laughing and chatting in the table, the guys having their boasting time of who has better abs amongst them.. 

Everybody is just happy. It was a party afterall. But I on the other is sitting in the bar alone, drinking. I don't remember how many tequila I've consumed , or was it vodka? I'm not really sure. I'm not much of a drinker you see. All I know is I am finally understanding why a lot of people are saying that alcohol is the perfect answer to misery. For the first time in two weeks, I have felt okay. Well not really okay, but better. Like my heart is actually being steady. Not saying happy, but it feels empty. And empty is good I tell you... Since I don't feel anything now. Just numb.... Aaaah, alcohol is such a life saver... .I love you alcohol!

I was about to drink my beloved alcohol when someone grabbed it. I look at my left and I saw Jiyong holding my drink and looking at me like I'm such a pain in the . What is wrong with this boy? He is such a partypoper! Aigoo! I smiled to him and pulled his hand, guiding him to sit down beside me.

"Jiyongie, do you want to drink that? You don't have to get it from me slyly. You bad boy! There are plenty of drinks here you know?" I told him while laughing heartily. Ah, it has really been a while since I had a good laugh. Have I told you already that alcohol is my new love now?!

"Noona? You are already drunk. Are you okay?" I looked at him and he may sound worried but annoyance is written all over his face. Aisht, what is wrong with this boy.

"Jiyongie, I am so okay! Very much okay actually!" I grabbed the glass in his hand and drink it in one go. "You know Jiyong, as of today, I declare that alcohol is a man's best friend. Kekekeke!"

"Aist noona, you are seriously drunk. Cmon let me take you home" he said while trying to pull me up from my sit.

I rolled my eyes and pushed him back to sit beside me. Why can't he see that I am having fun here. I don't wanna go home. Home feels lonely. I don't wanna feel lonely. I just want to be drown here with alcohol, music and just be sorrounded of all this people. I heard him calling Youngbae and Seungri to come over. He is really serious in taking me home. Aisht! I can't go home. I don't wanna go home.

And so I beg him with my pleading eyes, "Jiyong-ah, I won't drink anymore. Just please let me stay here. "

"But noona -"

"Please Jiyong.. Just let me stay here..." I pleaded once again and I could feel that my eyes are getting watery. Aisht! I need a drink.

"Arasso.. But you can't drink anymore. And you're going home after an hour." He said while signalling Youngbae and Seungri not to come over anymore.

We sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Me looking at nothing in particular and him drinking the left over vodka in the bottle. I looked at him and the bottle he is holding. He shoke his head as if telling me that he won't allow me to drink anymore. This frustrates me. The alcohol I have consumed awhile ago has already subsided and I could feel the pain slowly creeping back in already.

"Jiyong-ah, I don't feel good." I said. He put down the bottle of vodka and stood up and check on me.

"What's wrong noona? Are you dizzy? I told you already that you are drunk"

"Not drunk enough.....I want to be numb." I replied.

"Bwo? Noona let me take you home already." He said while guiding me to get up. I couldn't disagree anymore. I feel so tired to even argue with him. I heard him telling our friends that he would take me home since I already have too much to drink. I heard Youngbae teasing me of being such a loser in the drinking department. I saw Jiyong slap him in the shoulder and told him to shut up since i'm dizzy. He bid us goodbye from the others and we went out of the bar.

The next thing I knew we were already in front of my apartment. Jiyonh was asking me where my keys are. I didn't respond. Instead, I sat on the floor. He immediately kneel down. He was about to carry me, when I stopped him.

"Jiyong-ah, it hurts...." I said.

"Noona, just wait for a bit, I will make you a hot coffee to relieve that headache of yours..." He said while scanning my bag for the keys of my apartment.

He finaly saw the keys and hurriedly opened the door. He helped me stood up and guided me inside my apartment. I took a sit on the chair in the kitchen while he looked for my heater to make some coffee.

"Jiyong?" I called him.

"Neh noona?" He answered not looking back at me as he was busy turning on the stove.

"Am I not pretty?" I asked.

He looked back immediately and I could see the confusion in his eyes...before he could even answer, I asked him again "Do I have a bad personality?" tears slowly flowing in my face.

He went to my side, wiped the tears in my face and looked at me in the eyes "You are one of the most beautiful woman I have known Sandara, not just in the outside but also in the inside." He said.

"then why did he left me?" I asked again, tears flowing still.

"He doesn't see what a precious gem you are. He is not worth it Sandara"

"I love him. I love him too much it hurts.....But he doesn't love me anymore..." I said, this time letting my tears flow freely. He hugged me and my hair assuring me that everything's going to be alright.

"I want this pain to go away. I want to forget even just for tonight. I want to escape this reality." I told him still crying. I let go from his hug and looked him in the eyes, "help me Jiyong."

He answered with confusion in his eyes "how?"

I wrapped my hands around his neck and kissed him. He kissed me back but after awhile he stopped. He looked at me and told me"you are still drunk.."

"Ani. I am completely sober." I replied. We were quiet for a couple of minutes. I looked down at my hands when he suddenly lifted my chin and kissed me. It was gentle at first but as soon as I grabbed his hair, he begun to deepen the kiss. I don't know how we reached my room but I am already lying in my bed, Joo Hyuk at the top of me, kissing my neck. As he looked up and was about to kiss me again in my lips, I told him "make me forget Jiyong-ah"

The morning after, I have a severe headache. I wish it was the alcohol, but no, the cause is the man sleeping beside me. I examined his beautiful face and guilt came rushing to my whole system. What was I thinking last night. This is Jiyong, my dongsae. There may be a lot of people shipping us in the net and a lot would say that we look really good together, but in reality he is my dongsae. What have I done? What will happen to us now? His eyes slowly opened and when he saw me, a smile crept in his face. I had made a mistake this time.

"good morning... How are you -" before he finishes what he is trying to say, I cut him off.

"Jiyong, about last night, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have dragged you into my mess. Let's just forget about what happened. I guess it was the alcohol's doing. It was a mistake." I told him.

Silence enveloped the room. I couldn't look at him. I was to ashamed of myself. Suddenly, I heard a laugh coming from him.

"Aigoo noona! You just verbalized what I was thinking. You are right, this was a mistake. This happens you know. One night stand. Yeah, let's just forget about it and just pretend it didn't happened." I looked up after hearing him and I could see that he was smiling like nothing really major happened between the two of us. Sudden relief came to me.

"Again, I'm sorry...." I lift my head and saw him putting back his pants. I looked a way for a minute because it brings back memories of the night we shared.

"I told you it's okay. No worries." He said while he was buttoning his polo shirt. "I have to go now noona. Don't think about it too much" he looked at me still smiling. 
Before he finally went out of my room I told him, "Let's not be awkward with each other Jiyong-ah"

"Arraso." He simply replied while waving his hand signaling his exit.

After that incident , I tried to drown myself with alcohol every night. It was okay at first , It made me feel high, temporarily happy. But as days past, it's magic is fading away. All it could give me is a terrible headache the following day and that is not good if I have photoshoots or varieties to film. And so I decided to stop.

One night, I was in my room watching TV and I saw Jiyong's Commercial. Everything that happened that night came rushing back to me. The way his lips touch mine. The way our bodies are in sync with each other. The way he grabbed my chin to looked at him when he is reaching his . But most importantly, the way he made me forget the pain I am feeling inside.

I took my car keys in the beside table and hurriedly got out of my apartment. The drive to Jiyong's house was the fastest I had made in my entire life. For a moment I thought I was a f1 race car driver.

As I knock on his pad's door, I could feel my heart beating vigrously. I wanted to turn around, go back to my apartment and just sleep it off this crazy idea. But I was desperate enough already. As the door opened, my knees begun to tremble. I haven't had a drink and my confidence is hiding somewhere I don't know. I looked up and I saw Jiyong standing. This is now or never. Before he could even asked me why I suddenly showed up in his pad, I hurriedly let out my intention...

"Jiyong, I know this is really selfish of me. But this is the only remedy I could think of. I couldn't get that night out of my mind. That night you made me forget everything. I am not saying we should be together, because I know we don't know have that romantic feelings for each other -" before I could even finished what I was saying, Jiyong grabbed me inside his pad and without a word, kissed me.

(so how was it senpais? kekeke. leave me some love and comments)